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Category “love & relationships”

10 Deathbed Regrets You Can Avoid by Making Changes Now

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“While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.” ~Leonardo Da Vinci

It’s terrifying, isn’t it?

There you are—days, hours, maybe minutes remain in your life. You lie there helpless, searching for the strength to say your last goodbyes.

You look back on your life. All the things you wish you’d done differently.

As you continue to reminisce an overwhelming emotion comes rushing in, an emotion many are familiar with.

Regret.

You set the standards high for yourself. But now that it’s all said and done, more was always said than …

We All Have Bad Days and All Need a Little Kindness

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”Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.” ~Unknown

A couple weeks back I had what Alexander would call a no good, terrible, very bad day.

I’d slept poorly the night before—possibly because I had caffeine, which I usually avoid, somewhat late in the day, and possibly because I have a toddler-sized bladder that doesn’t seem to understand or care about REM cycles.

In addition to being physically exhausted, I was feeling emotionally spent. I’d been dealing with a high level of uncertainty, as my boyfriend and I were preparing to move yet again, after months of discussion …

When Helping Someone Becomes Unhealthy: Why You Can’t Always Say Yes

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“When you ask for what you need and receive what people and the world have to give, you reduce stress and gain energy.” ~Amanda Owen

It started out innocently enough. The guy I was dating (let’s call him Eric) was applying to jobs, and I, a writer, could help him with cover letters and applications. I offered to help and thought nothing of it. It seemed like a simple thing to do for someone I cared about.

A few weeks later, Eric had some car trouble and I lent him my car. He drove it around for a week and …

Forgiving Abusive Parents and Setting Ourselves Free

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of physical abuse and may be triggering to some people. 

“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” ~Marianne Williamson

Growing up in the seventies and eighties with Italian immigrant parents definitely had its challenges. In a family of four girls, I was number three. That in itself was tough enough. Never as good as the first-born and not as loved and protected as the baby. Yes, it …

Two Steps You Might Be Missing If Forgiveness Doesn’t Stop the Pain

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“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B. Smedes

When someone you care about hurts you in some way, most people tell you that to move on, you have to forgive.

They say forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. You have to understand what happened from their point of view. Life is too short to hold a grudge or be angry.

Well, what if you do all that?

You forgive. You understand that they really didn’t mean to hurt you or if they did mean to, you understand where …

We Are Enough and We Don’t Need to Be Perfect

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“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ~Maya Angelou

Every day on TV, the media tells us how we should be and how we should look.

In mainstream society we are taught to identify with our physical body and our possessions.

We are led to believe that if we look a certain way, we will be happier, loved more, and accepted by others. I used to believe this. I bought into it hook, line, and sinker.

I came across a photo of myself taken about twelve years ago, and I looked radiant. The sun lit …

Let Other People See the Awesome Person You Are

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“Sometimes I panic; what if nobody finds out who I am?” ~Billy Joel

At home, you want to go out and be social. When you’re out being social, you want to go home and be alone.

At home you feel free, joyful, and ambitious. You’re smart, funny and insightful. Out in the real world, you’re quiet, non-confrontational, and you struggle to connect with others.

That person you remember from being home alone is a thousand miles away, and you feel like a shell of yourself.

Does this sound like you? Why does this happen? Who are you really? How will …

5 Ways to Experience the Kind of Love You See in the Movies

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“Maybe it’s not about the happy ending. Maybe it’s about the story.” ~Unknown

Growing up, I often pretended my life was a movie, and created quite a few awkward situations by trying to force real life to look like a romantic comedy.

In the movies, everything was so electric.

People didn’t just care about each other; they adored each other. They didn’t just date; they had a montage of amazing memories, complete with tandem biking, skipping, hand-in-hand, in a field of flowers, and dancing in the rain.

That’s the kind of love I wanted—the intense, always exciting, never disappointing, made-for-the-big-screen …

Finding Strength and Moving On from Heartbreak

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“Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” ~Marilyn Monroe

Whether we’re processing disappointment or a tragedy, heartache can seem irrevocable, as if our entire existence has been nuked into bleak devastation.

While it can be hard to consider the possibility that these barren circumstances could be necessary, or fruitful, heartbreak can show us a great inner strength that exists in unsuspecting, subtle ways.

I was never the kind of person who was convinced that consuming, true love was real. (You know, the kind that Celine Dion sings about.) Yet, that is exactly where I found myself …

3 Behaviors That Keep Us in Unhappy Relationships

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“Don’t settle for anybody, just so you can have somebody.” ~Unknown

Here I was again, sitting in front of my computer looking at things I could involve myself in to occupy my time now that I am newly single.

Should I pay $125 for a private tennis lesson and still be terrible afterward? Could I buy a soul cycle package and not eat lunch or dinner for the next month? How many paint nights could I do over the course of the summer? Do I even have enough friends to join me?

As I sit here and think about what …

5 Tips to Help You Stop Being a People Pleaser

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“One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to like everyone, everyone doesn’t have to like us, and it’s perfectly okay.” ~Unknown

I have a confession to make: I am a recovering people pleaser.

If I had a dollar for every time I did something that I didn’t want to do because I didn’t want people to be angry or disappointed if I said no, I would be a rich woman.

I say that I am recovering because, as with any ingrained pattern, sometimes I slip back into the tendency to put other …

Let Loss Remind You to Live

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“Pain can change you, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a bad change. Take that pain and turn it into wisdom.” ~Unknown

Experiencing a death of someone, no matter how close you were to them, is a shock to the system.

One moment you’re just drinking your morning cup of Joe and then suddenly, you’ve collided with the uncertainty of existence.

Daily, we do everything we can to numb ourselves from our own fragility, but sudden death reminds us all that impermanence is still there under the surface, throbbing.

The other day, I logged onto Facebook and received …

Why You May Feel Crushed by Criticism (And What to Do About It)

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“If you keep your feathers well oiled the water of criticism will run off as from a duck’s back.” ~Ellen Swallow Richards

We all seek love, approval, and appreciation, don’t we? We sometimes obsess over what people think of us. When we receive feedback that seems less than favorable, we speculate for days about what it might mean.

Usually we attach the wrong meaning to it, and this drains our energy and might even cause us to withdraw and quit what we are doing.

Is there a way to avoid this? How can we keep our feathers well …

6 Ways to Free Yourself from Social Anxiety and Shyness

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“Don’t hide yourself. Stand up, keep your head high, and show them what you got!” ~ Joe Mari Fadrigalan

Do you struggle with social anxiety or shyness?

Is this anxiety affecting multiple areas of your life?

Are you yearning to break free from feeling isolated?

Like many people, I was shy as a kid. But I wasn’t just shy—I was painfully shy. I would avoid social situations like the plague. And I barely spoke because I stuttered.

My shyness followed me well into adulthood. I stayed away from social situations, fearing the embarrassment of stumbling in my speech. …

Choose to Forgive and Grow from Your Pain, Because You Deserve to Be Happy

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“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson

“Are you really okay?” I lost count of how many times my immediate family and friends asked me this question.

My positive, light-hearted attitude seemed to be difficult for people to comprehend, but for me it was the only option and means for survival.

I remember the …

How a Pause Can Help You Say No and Avoid Regret

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“No is a full sentence.” – Unknown

I like to help. I like to be kind. I like to join in.

Usually, these things happen as a result of saying yes. Generally it makes me feel good inside. Better about myself.

But what happens when helping, kindness, and joining in ends up being a burden with too many negative repercussions? Do we continue on the same path? Should we continue to say yes?

Throughout my life, I have had a good relationship with the word yes. Yes has led me to unexpected, beautiful, memorable experiences. Yes has brought …

How to Keep Your Spirits Up When You’re Bombarded With Negativity All Day

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“In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.” ~Tony Robbins

Do you ever have to deal with negative people?

Do you ever have days where everybody seems to want to bark at you all day long?

Under those circumstances, you struggle to keep your spirits up, don’t you?

Well, I know the feeling—all too well, unfortunately.

Years ago, I worked in a collection department for an insurance company collecting the unpaid debts …

Lashing Out is Losing Control; Calmness Is Strength and Power

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“Self-control is strength. Right thought is mastery. Calmness is power.” ~James Allen

I would like to share something personal with you. It’s the story of how I first glimpsed what true strength and power is and where they come from. I hope this story helps to further illuminate your journey through life.

I remember one day when I was in the back seat of my parents’ car. I was probably about thirteen years old. We were parked in a hotel driveway, waiting, though I can’t recall why.

After a few minutes, another car pulled up behind ours and the driver …

Help Instead of Judging; They May Be Blinded by Pain

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“We can judge others or we can love others, but we can’t do both at the same time.” ~Unknown

When I was eighteen, my father took his own life. I was just a baby, really, a mere freshman working on my Bachelors Degree at UMF.

There are times when I feel lost in the pain of missing him, stuck with this empty hole inside. Hovering in between confusion and anger, where the feelings consume me.

Losing my father in such a traumatic way has shown me just how deeply I can feel, how hard I can fall, how grief …

Stop Trying to Fit In and Start Embracing Your True Self

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“Don’t change so people will like you; be yourself and the right people will love you.” ~Unknown

I’ve always felt the pressure to fit in. There’s always been a gap between what I want to be and what I think the world thinks I should be.

I was a tomboy growing up. I climbed trees when other girls played with dolls, I played soccer in my teenage years when other girls wore dresses and went to parties, and even as an adult I preferred to watch the Saturday afternoon game rather than go shopping.

But the pressure to fit in…