Tiny Buddha

Category: happiness & fun

  • Are You Running Away from Yourself?

    Are You Running Away from Yourself?

    “No matter where you go, there you are.” ~Confucius

    I am accustomed to not moving. To move was to feel pain—the pain of seeing how worthless I believed myself to be. Sometimes I would sit in the same place for hours, sometimes not leaving the house for days.

    By isolating myself, I avoided finding evidence in the outside world that proved how I saw myself was the absolute truth.

    My worst nightmare was that others would show me (through what they said or didn’t say, or what they did or didn’t do) that they too found me as rotten as I knew myself to be.

    And so, I was often left in the privacy of my own dreaded company. My best friends were the little pills that I could rely on to knock me unconscious. I had neither the tolerance nor strength to face myself, and I often chose the easy way out.

    Sedatives, tranquilizers, hypnotics—I lived for them. They provided me respite from the constant agony of my internal voice, which asked, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I so damaged? Why do I hate myself? What have I done to deserve this?” And concluded, “I don’t want to feel again.”

    Sleeping was my only escape. And I did more and more of it. 

    Sometimes I pushed the boundary too far: Like the time when I swallowed enough hypnotics to probably kill a few buffalos. When I simply woke up a few hours later asking for coffee, I lost interest in testing myself that way again.

    But when I started realizing I was losing chunks of memory, I knew I had reached my limit. I would bump into people on the street who talked about a party I was at and I had no memory of ever being there, nor the few days surrounding the event. (more…)

  • Are You Shut Down and Disconnected?

    Are You Shut Down and Disconnected?

    “When we get too caught up in the busyness of the world, we lose connection with one another—and ourselves.” ~Jack Kornfield

    I had to work on Easter at my job in a coffee shop. I missed out on my family’s big holiday party, and I struggled with quite a bit of resentment about the whole deal. I could have gotten someone to cover for me, but because I’m one of the more experienced employees and we were short-staffed, I was told that I needed to work.

    I wasn’t too terribly happy. I came in to work and immediately launched into the craziness of Easter in a coffee shop, sliding Americanos to travelers across the counter with a stone face.

    I was amazed at how unforgiving people were. I thought that Easter would bring out the best in people, but it seemed to make some act grumpier and more disconnected. Many of them weren’t happy for the same reason that people are grumpy at Christmas: They hate spending extended time with family.

    So I slogged through the day, helping grumpy people stay awake on the road to a place where they didn’t want to go, when suddenly a single interaction changed the course of my day: A man came in, greeted us warmly while he ordered his coffee, and then apologized.

    “I’m sorry that you have to work so that schmucks like me can have their coffee.”

    This one sentence transformed my whole day. This guy had gone out of his way to connect with us, and made made me feel both happy and ashamed—happy that there was someone out there who didn’t get too caught up in his own troubles to connect; ashamed that I had fallen into that very trap myself. (more…)

  • Winners for Tiny Buddha Book Giveaways

    Winners for Tiny Buddha Book Giveaways

    As you may have noticed, this was the first week I did not publish a blog post featuring two poll questions for my next book.

    Previously, I published 10 of these posts, each with a giveaway for an autographed copy of my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

    I’m pleased to announce I’ve chosen 10 winners:

    I emailed the winners last night. If you are on this list and did not receive that email, please contact me at email(AT)tinybuddha(DOT)com.

    Although the giveaways have ended, you can still share your thoughts for my next book!

    In short, it’s going to be a book about what it means to win and lose in life—a guide for living life purposefully and joyfully, on our own terms, in a world that often promotes a one-size-fits-all version of success.

    There is no official deadline to share your thoughts (though I will likely choose the insights I’ll include in my book some time at the end of June).

    If you’d like to offer your insights, please leave them on the appropriate blog posts below. *Please note: each post contains two questions; however, each title contains only one of them.

    Thank you for being part of Tiny Buddha!

  • Relinquish Stereotypes and Just Be Yourself

    Relinquish Stereotypes and Just Be Yourself

    “Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.”  ~Walter Anderson

    Society has a series of unwritten and sometimes unspoken laws they expect both males and females to abide by without question—a perceived set of standards and assumptions which span the generations and often shape, however haphazardly, the development of our youth.

    From colors to activities; music to clothing; relationships to careers, an infinite number of stereotypes exist for the opposite sex, and society feels they are judge and jury—bullying, chastising, and poking fun at anyone who doesn’t fully support or adhere to them.

    Unfortunately, I know what that’s like.

    Growing up in an average American suburb, I began to notice that I wasn’t like other little boys. My interest in sports was non-existent.

    Athletics seems to be a unifying force amongst males and used endlessly to judge one’s “manliness” in society.

    Young, impressionable minds are often preconditioned to believe that any little boy who doesn’t like sports or the rough and tough exterior typically associated with them is a “sissy.”

    I found enjoyment and fulfillment in the world of creativity as an artist, musician, and writer. But regardless of my talents or abilities, societal stereotypes continued to plague me. Artists are typically sensitive, emotional, and passionate individuals. These are three adjectives you might not associate with manliness.

    My young, male counterparts just didn’t know what to make of me, and so I spent much of grammar school and high school dodging ridicule and abuse almost daily.

    This ongoing struggle to fit within the confines a very narrow-minded society left me insecure, anxious, and at times even depressed, at an age when I should have been filled with innocence and joy.

    My parent’s solution to the problem was just to ignore it—to simply be happy with who I was. But their advice offered little comfort to a young adolescent who just wanted to be liked by his peers, not judged.

    Now at the age of 36, the memories of my youth are often bittersweet. While there were occasions of happiness sprinkled throughout, I spent the majority of my time trying to stay under society’s radar. Consequently, I missed opportunities to form relationships with my peers. (more…)

  • I Don’t Have to Be Perfect: It’s the Leap That Counts

    I Don’t Have to Be Perfect: It’s the Leap That Counts

    “A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.” ~Proverb

    I’m a “recovering perfectionist.”

    I make perfect plans. At times, when I’m really working on my plans, I forget to live my actual life. Because I’m planning. Perfectly.

    I had my first strategic plan when I was ten.

    “Be a really, really good girl. Then, when you are sixteen, borrow the car and say that you are going to Drug Fair to buy hairspray. Instead, drive the fifteen minutes to your daddy’s house so that he’ll want you back.”

    A year later I had to revise my first strategic plan. My alcoholic father died.

    Here was the second plan:

    “Now you’re all alone.” (Which wasn’t true, by the way. It just felt that way. Anyway, back to the plan.) “Now you’re all alone. Be perfect.”

    In the first plan, I just had to be “good” to be rescued. In the second one, there was no rescue.

    I needed to be perfect.

    (Perfectionism Myth #1 Perfection will keep you safe.)

    That plan ‘worked’ for a while. I had started playing the flute the year my father died. My great grandmother told me not to cry and upset my mother. That was okay. Perfect people don’t cry.

    (Perfectionism Myth #2:  Perfection is a way to manage hard feelings.)

    Perfect people practice. (more…)

  • 3 Simple Ways to Follow Your Bliss

    3 Simple Ways to Follow Your Bliss

    “Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”  ~Joseph Campbell

    Several years ago, I learned about a month-long silent retreat designed to incorporate extended periods of meditation, three-times-daily hatha yoga sessions, and in-depth self-inquiry practices. The moment I heard about it, my heart literally jumped out of my chest and I knew I had to be there.

    Yet, while my heart was gunning for it, I could not get my head around how to find the money for the airfare, accommodations, and registration fees. All told, the total was going to be close to three thousand dollars, something I did not have.

    Undeterred, I came to the conclusion, via my heart that I did not need to get my head around anything. If I was meant to be there, then the universe would take care of the details no matter how daunting the financial cost.

    In support of my belief, I made flight and accommodation reservations, shared my intention with several of my close friends, and trusted the universe to align everything in support of my goal. Sure enough, just four weeks before the start of the retreat, I received an unexpected call from my neighbor.

    Liz was a casting agent, searching for extras to audition for the movie My Father the Hero, which was being shot on Paradise Island. She asked, “Are you available? I am having difficulty finding people and I think you would be a perfect fit.”

    I jumped at the opportunity. She cautioned me that the shoot I would be involved in was a boat scene, probably only lasting a day, maybe two. However, on the day we started filming, on driving out to the harbor, the weather took a dramatic turn.

    High winds began whipping around the boat, affecting the ability of the professional stuntman to execute water skiing tricks. Then a power boat, meant to be driven alongside ours and intended to be a highlight of the scene, crashed into the bridge, requiring it to be sent to dry dock for repair.

    Added to that, several days passed with intermittent sunshine and long periods of cloud cover and rain.

    With these events and subsequent delays, the one or two day filming time turned into a week, then two, until three and a half weeks later we finally wrapped the scene, just hours ahead of the start of the retreat.

    Picking up my paycheck I was in awe. Calculating a rapid mental note of all the outgoings necessary, I realized my earnings covered the flight and retreat costs down to the last cent. In fact there was an additional $15 left over, which I realized would cover the Bahamas Government departure tax. (more…)

  • Getting Back Your Belief in Yourself

    Getting Back Your Belief in Yourself

    “When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find ways to do it.” ~Dr. David Schwartz

    Fifteen months ago I was in a rut. A rather large rut actually. The recession was well and truly in full swing, and I was up to my eyeballs in credit card and loan debt.

    I could barely afford to live, let alone pay my mortgage, and there was the threat of losing my home hanging over my head every day.

    I had spent most of my twenties and thirties working to pay the bills and the rent as most of us do, and frankly, considering the economic climate, I was just grateful to have a job. However, every day I would wake up in a fog and go through the motions of living.

    Most of the time I felt stressed and exhausted with nothing to focus on or look forward to, and I felt as if I couldn’t do a thing about it—which made me feel worse.

    I’m used to challenges in my life, as I have cerebral palsy. My mum passed away when I was nine, my father left the UK when I was eighteen, and I have been living independently ever since.

    This is not a pity plea. When faced with difficulties, as long as there is some kind of solution or a door I can try, that keeps me motivated to keep looking for a solution.

    Fifteen months ago, I was faced with brick wall after brick wall. I wasn’t happy about it, but I couldn’t see a way out. I’m emotionally tough but my situation was making me question my whole being. I didn’t realize that I was functioning in a depressed state.

    I certainly never thought I’d be a single 37-year-old woman on the hamster-wheel of life doing the same job day in and day out, with nothing really to look forward to.

    I kept asking myself “Really? Is this it? Is this my purpose?” Something just didn’t feel right about the way I was living my life.

    I went to see a friend who specializes in reiki and yoga. She took one look at me and said, “You are at the end of your tether, aren’t you?” at which point I burst into floods of tears. It felt so good to let it all out.

    After a few moments she said, “You can change your life, and you will,” and handed me a small book. (more…)

  • Happy Is As Happy Does: Make Your Own Joy in Life

    Happy Is As Happy Does: Make Your Own Joy in Life

    “Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

    I used to get paralyzed with fear in the face of any load of work.

    Suffering from crippling depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and severely low self-esteem, I’d find so many thoughts battling me, making it hard to take action:

    • What’s the point of starting if you know you won’t finish?
    • You’re just going to waste your time putting in all that effort when you get rejected at the end.
    • Think about how much time that’s going to take! What if it’s all for naught? How stupid will you feel?!

    I know many people who don’t suffer from depression and, yet, still struggle with those same thoughts. It drives them to procrastination and anxiety, and may even keep them from achieving any of their dreams!

    I have changed a lot since those voices ruled my headspace, and have since learned this:

    The key to a happy life is taking responsibility to make it.

    I started taking action to turn my life around only after being admitted to a program for suicidal adults in 2005. It took that for me to realize that what I was doing just wasn’t working and that I could never go on living the way that I was.

    Using a blend of exercise and cognitive therapy, I pulled myself out of that black hole and started making my own life.

    I began to realize that happiness isn’t served to you; it’s earned. It’s created.

    I am now a personal trainer and wellness coach, and I come across this paralyzed mentality in many new clients. (more…)

  • Quiet Your Mind and Just Play (in 20 Ways)

    Quiet Your Mind and Just Play (in 20 Ways)

    “If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right.” ~Bob Basso

    I spend a lot of time contemplating and philosophizing about life. According to my mother, I spent the first year of my life silently observing the events around me with a serious stare and a furrowed brow.

    I’ve always leaned toward reverent acts of self-discovery and introspection. In high school I studied Buddhist texts and on Sunday mornings. At age eighteen, when my college classmates were nursing hangovers, I was shopping around for a spiritual home, which I found in the form of my Unitarian-Universalist church.

    For most of my life, I’ve lived with intention and rarely with abandon.

    And I think I’m starting to feel the weight of this.

    Contemplation has its place, but sometimes life just calls for a little spontaneity—a small dose of irreverence interspersed amongst the otherwise-trying bits of living.

    I write this tonight because I have had a few uncharacteristically playful moments over the past few weeks, and I am quite sure they have prevented me from cracking up during some significant stress. Either that or, I am cracking up and my behavior has regressed to that of a four-year-old.

    In either case, it feels good.

    And I want to share those good feelings. So to encourage you to foray into the world of play, I’ve created a list of some things that have brought me unexpected and simple joy the past few weeks (along with some things I haven’t quite worked up the nerve to do just yet).

    Have fun and en-joy!

    20 Ways to Play

    1. Blow bubbles in the bathtub.

    Sometimes they bounce off the surface of the water. And when they pop, they make this satisfying “click” sound. If the lights are off and you have candles burning, the reflection in the soapy dome that hovers on your bath water is mesmerizing.

    2. Hula hoop.

    I just learned this skill. At age thirty-two. It’s addictively fun. Jump “rope” with the hula hoop, too. Just for laughs. My good friend advised me to, “Never hula hoop naked.” But I think that if you’re after laughs, this might be a good route.

    3. Make a paper “fortune-teller.”

    Then write ridiculous fortunes on the inner flaps. Present it to friends and neighbors for a range of amused smiles and baffled glances.

    4. Teach your dog a trick.

    Another hula hoop-inspired one for me, as my dog loves to leap through the hoop with the promise of a morsel of pepperoni. And her enthusiasm is contagious.

    5. Be a “surprise fairy.”

    Leave an anonymous gift or token for someone special. It could be a trinket or a poem, a hand-me-down necklace, or a handmade card.

    6. Belt out a show tune.

    Preferably in public. I won’t even tell you what’s been in my repertoire recently, but it’s a calypso tune sung by an ocean-dwelling animated crab. Catch my drift?

    7. Use stickers.

    Liberally. Just slap ‘em on notes and letters and planners. I dig Hello Kitty, but to each her own.

    8. Write silly poems on the envelopes to your bills.

    Last month’s masterpiece to my electric company expressed my relief at the rising temperatures and the lowered energy bill, and wished the reader a sunny afternoon.

    9. Leave a song on someone’s voicemail.

    Your high school best friend will be thrilled when he leaves work to check a voicemail containing the epic musical swells of “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

    10. Play with clay.

    You don’t have to be a sculptor. Get some play clay and roll out some worms, construct a tiny dinosaur (even if it looks like a rabbit), or use a cookie cutter to make a row of stars.

    11. Run down a hill.

    Or roll. Get some speed and feel the abandon. You’re freeeeee!

    12. Draw on the walls.

    Use bathtub crayons and create something while you shower. Or get some sidewalk chalk and have fun making hopscotch courses outside. Tape paper to your wall and scrawl in broad strokes with markers. It’s liberating.

    13. Give in to an urge.

    It’s 11pm and you’re suddenly compelled to drive to the beach? Do it. It’s 10am and the sunshine outside your office window is luring you out to take a walk? Do it. Not all urges are irresponsible.

    I think when we feel drawn toward freedom or to do something spontaneously, it’s usually our soul’s plea for joy and levity. We can’t always ignore that or ask it to wait patiently for the weekend. If we do, it may stop speaking to us all together.

    14. Borrow a kid.

    If you already have one, borrow another for a change of pace. Go to the playground and chase them around. Let them push you on the merry-go-round. When the other adults shoot you a look, smile inside, content in the knowledge that you know a secret to happiness: play!

    15. Swing on the swings.

    With or without kids. Feel the breeze across your face and the drop in your stomach when you go just a little bit higher.

    16. Learn a new trick.

    I still can’t do a cartwheel. And I can’t quite dive. But every time I set out to do either, I feel a renewed zest for life. Try something new and have fun with it.

    17. Play an instrument.

    Bongos and kazoos are fun for the not-so-musically-inclined.

    18. Make a “faerie garden.”

    My mother did this with my son recently. She used an old wooden crate and some found objects, and let him create a beautiful little “garden” filled with ceramic turtles, tree branches, and an angel figurine. There’s no real reason. But why not?

    19. Throw a party.

    Go all out and make it a themed event for all of your friends. Or go small scale and celebrate your dog’s birthday with some balloons, a new toy and a feast of fresh beef and rice. You can celebrate anything, if you want to.

    20. Dance in public.

    At a karaoke bar or in the grocery store. And if you somehow just can’t bring yourself to do it…do it anyway.

    These moments of fun and play are what keep me feeling alive. I consider them to be my soul’s expression of joy. And my body’s expression of joy. And my heart’s expression of joy. But my mind is blissfully quiet during these times.

    In these moments, my mind is off the hook and all I have to do is just play.

    Photo by Brian Tomlinson

  • The Key to Beauty and Acceptance Is You

    The Key to Beauty and Acceptance Is You

    “To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    I read this quote the other day, and I have to say, nothing has shaken me to the core more.

    I was diagnosed with a rare form of muscular dystrophy at the age of two, and ever since, I’ve struggled with loving myself and with having self-confidence.

    For the most part, you wouldn’t know I have a serious physical disability aside from my visible limp, my difficulty getting up and down stairs, and my tendency to fall when I get weak. I was never able to do sports growing up like my friends and often had to enroll in special Adaptive Phys Ed classes in school.

    I always felt my disability separated me from my peers growing up, so I put up an emotional wall and convinced myself that I had to wear the latest clothes, have perfect skin, and have the perfect body in order to “blend in” with everyone around me—in order to be truly loved. Then maybe I would be considered beautiful.

    Then maybe no one would notice I was different. If I just looked like those Victoria’s Secret models, then someone would accept and love me.

    So often we look to external things to define our beauty, most commonly, our physical appearance. We think that if we just fit into the mold that society has told us is “good looking” then we’ll feel good about ourselves and will gain acceptance.

    I put a lot of value in being in a relationship too. Because of my disability, I was extremely shy for a long time and very insecure. All I wanted was a guy to come along, sweep me off my feet, and fall in love with me.

    Then I thought I would truly be like everyone else, because I would have someone (other than friends and family) there all the time telling me that I was loved and valued. (more…)

  • When We Think Other People Are Better Than Us

    When We Think Other People Are Better Than Us

    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt.

    I have a very bad habit.

    It pokes me when I stop to browse newspapers and magazines.

    It slaps me when I’m watching TV.

    It punches me hard at the gym.

    It knocks me down when I am walking down the street.

    I compare myself to other women.

    I’ve suffered from depression at points in my life, and I’ve suffered from low self-esteem pretty much always.

    It’s not an uncommon trait, comparing ourselves to others. But it seems to be a particularly bad habit for me. Perhaps because my brain is terrifically inventive; at my worst, I can find literally anything as proof that another woman is better than me.

    She’s beautiful. She’s slim. She has a successful career. She has money. She’s married. She has nice clothes. She has brown eyes. She has blue eyes. She has smaller hands. She has a red top. She can walk faster than me.

    I don’t always do it. If I’m feeling good about me, I can see a pretty woman while my boyfriend is with me and, although I do feel a slight pinch at my heartstrings, I’m able to disregard it fairly well.

    But when I’m feeling low in confidence, seeing that pretty woman rips into my heart and brings tears to my eyes.

    I look at her face, hair, body, success, and I think, “I can’t compare to her.” I torture myself with thoughts that if my boyfriend ever meets such a woman, I will be, as we say in Britain, yesterday’s news and today’s fish ’n’ chip paper!

    It’s not just when I’m with him. I used to work in the fashionable Soho region of London, and I couldn’t take more than a few steps before a young, pretty, slim, effortlessly cool lady would glide past.

    My thoughts would be, one: How does she have the money for those clothes? Two: How does she have the energy to make herself look so nice? I barely remember to brush my hair. Three: Thank goodness my boyfriend isn’t here to see her; he’d push me into that puddle over there and go running after her! And four: I look awful. (more…)

  • What We Really Need to Be Happy

    What We Really Need to Be Happy

    “The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.” ~Unknown

    Standing, getting crushed on the metro at peak hour, I look around and my heart sinks. I’m surrounded by sullen faces, their eyes focused intently on games on their iPads and smart phones.

    These are the sullen faces representing a world of people dreading going to work, dreading grinding away at a job they hate.

    The gadgets they use as distractions during their morning commute are constant reminders of why they must put themselves through this daily hell. They feel they need these things (among others), and their job allows them to have them.

    Throughout history humans have always strived to have better “things,” to have more than their neighbors or at the very least be equal to them.

    First it was outdoing the neighbor who just upgraded from horse and carriage to a car. Later it was getting a black a white TV, then the cassette player, and years later a CD player.

    But in today’s modern world where trends change as soon as they begin, where the next version of the latest gadget comes out seemingly straight away, people are driven to work longer hours to afford to be at the forefront of the trends—the latest gadget, the latest car, the latest fashion.

    But lurking behind the lives of shiny new cars, flat screen TV’s and iPhones is a void, is a huge deficit, and it’s not a budget one. (more…)

  • Be a Master of Where You Are Now

    Be a Master of Where You Are Now

    “Have respect for yourself, and patience and compassion.  With these, you can handle anything.” ~Jack Kornfield

    I hadn’t taken a yoga class in a while, and in the midst of my busy schedule I finally gave myself permission to go. Needless to say it had been a few months since I found myself in a downward dog position.

    Something was different about my participation in two classes I recently took. I wish I could say I was able to go deeper into the poses, but it was actually challenging because my flexibility is not where it used to be.

    What struck me were the many great metaphors that these two women, Michelle and Debbie, were sharing in their yoga instruction.

    I confess, I’m a metaphor junky and look for them everywhere. I can probably blame my dad for that since he spoke to me in metaphors while growing up.

    What I noticed and appreciated about my instructors was that they were both very passionate about the practice of yoga. They were cognizant in educating us about position names and consistently reminded us to breathe.

    I also loved that there were so many other rich messages to be heard, metaphorically of course, being that I was paying attention to them.

    There were some gentle reminders that could be related to many different areas of life—career, relationships, wealth and finances, material purchases, and health. As I share them with you, I‘m curious as to how you would relate to them in your own unique way. (more…)

  • Are Things Happening For You or Against You?

    Are Things Happening For You or Against You?

    “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.” ~Buddha

    Your life is much like a radio.

    If you’re in control of it, then you can actually tune in and make sense. Then you can set your dial on the talk-back radio show, listen to that, and learn some things, or you can set your dial onto music and have an enjoyable time.

    If you feel that you are not in control, or you do not realize that you are in control, then you may just hear a lot of static and annoying sounds that might even drive you crazy.

    The process of “Flick your Rich Switch Transformation” (FYRST) is about taking control of your life, taking control of all of the things that you merely think you are not actually in control of (but you are, or you can be).

    Some people don’t think that they control their mood, their lives, their blood flow, their breathing, their heart rate, their body language—and that’s why they often get some outcomes that they’re not happy about.

    Someone else can control all of those things by telling you some bad news or some exciting news; for example, “The winning lottery numbers are 4, 23, 16, 19 & 30.”

    It is the subconscious process occurring in your own head that will make your blood flow to your face or to your feet; it is your own thought process that will make your heart pump slower or faster; your own thoughts that will make your body stand straighter with excitement or slump lower with dread.

    Yes, dread. For some people, winning millions may represent an increase in responsibility, stress, and anxiety. (more…)

  • Build Yourself an Army for Happiness

    Build Yourself an Army for Happiness

    “Count your joys instead of your woes. Count your friends instead of your foes.” ~Irish Proverb

    I’ve always believed that happiness is a choice. I thought that I was the only one who could truly make me happy.

    That was before my life disintegrated before my very own eyes.

    My husband and I built a business together. For four years we poured blood, sweat, and tears into it. We lived and breathed it. Before we knew it, and a lot sooner than you would probably imagine, it had consumed us.

    I felt like it had eaten me alive. I was no longer living my own life. Every ounce of energy was absorbed by work.

    Then, very suddenly, four months ago, it all fell apart. Our business went bankrupt, and we were left with nothing. No jobs, no money, and a colossal amount of debt, fear, and sadness.

    The days, weeks, and months that followed were a dark and difficult journey–a journey that made us look back and learn from our mistakes, take responsibility for our lives, and try to find something positive to look forward to.

    Now I look back at that journey as a blessing. It’s still early days, and there can be low points in the day, but on the whole I have come to realize that every stumbling block is in fact a stepping stone.

    This experience has made me delve deeper than ever before. I’ve found strength and courage that I didn’t know existed in me. But one of the greatest things to have come out of this whole situation has been my attitude to happiness.

    When life throws something difficult at you, even the most optimistic person can struggle to find the positive. I’ve always been the one to find the silver lining, and focus on the good stuff, but somehow, this time, it wasn’t that easy.

    And so, day by day, I began to build myself a happiness army. (more…)

  • Life Is Shaping Us Through Our Dreams

    Life Is Shaping Us Through Our Dreams

    “With ‘I’ eliminated, this is Nirvana, here and now.”  ~ Buddha

    I remember when I started learning Spanish in college. I wanted to visit Spain. I had grand ideas about a romantic voyage. And yes, I had a foreign language credit to fill.

    If you know the Spanish language at all, you know that the Spanish construction for pleasure is the reverse of our English language. In English, we say, “I like that.” But, in Spanish, we say “Me gusta” which translates as, “It pleases me.”

    In other words, in English we are the actors, the subjects, who actively do the “liking.” But in Spanish, the thing is the actor and we are the recipients, the objects, of the pleasure that it provides. 

    I remember how it sent my whole world into a tailspin. I literally walked around campus saying, “Do you realize that in Spanish the thing is the actor and I am merely the recipient of the action it makes?”

    Here’s a simple example: I like the desk vs. the desk pleases me.

    I couldn’t get my head around it. It was like a Seinfeld episode, “Do you mean to tell me that the desk is the subject and I am the object?” It rocked my world.

    Now, this is not to say, of course, that everyone who speaks Spanish natively exists in Nirvana simply because their verbal construction eliminates the “I” sometimes.

    But, it does open a window for us to ask the question: What if we really did live as recipients of life instead of imagining ourselves to be the ones in charge of life?

    What if we knew that life is the actor and we are the results of life’s actions?

    Think about the times when you get most stressed. For me, it’s when I feel like it’s all up to me.  And if I don’t do it, then it’s not going to happen. That stresses me out.

    It’s the same with the thinking that it’s up to us to make our lives happy and successful and abundant. If you look carefully, it’s the very striving to make our lives happy, successful and abundant that stresses us out! How ironic is that?

    Ok, I know what you might be thinking: Shouldn’t we have goals, and shouldn’t we set steps in place for our growth and development? And, yes you’re right.

    What I’m asking is simply this: Who is the actor? (more…)

  • Sometimes We Need to Go Backward Before We Can Move Forward

    Sometimes We Need to Go Backward Before We Can Move Forward

    “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” ~Albert Einstein

    There I was in January, on the floor, physically and emotionally. From the outside, I probably looked like every one else attending yoga class off Robertson Blvd. that Sunday morning, but to me, on the inside, especially within my heart, I was in shambles.

    And then, there was a moment I had not expected.

    The waterworks came as I heard the teacher say, “Sometimes, you feel as though you are riding the bicycle backwards. You feel like you are backtracking and heading in the wrong direction, but really what’s happening is contraction and release. The universe is preparing you for something much greater and like a sling shot, it’s going to shoot you forward—you just have to move backwards for a little bit.”

    I looked over at my roommate, eyes welled up with tears of disbelief and quickly thought to myself, “I’m an independent, successful woman and I get to control what direction my bike ride is going. So listen up universe, get me off this backwards bicycle, pronto!”

    I felt a temporary sense of relief for 90 minutes or so. Then, upon my walk home, my heart was breaking again.

    Why the sorrow? I spent the majority of 2011 really clarifying what I was looking to get out of life: success, giving back, a loving relationship, traveling the world. For the most part, I was successful in these pursuits.

    I completed my 30th Birthday Build for Habitat For Humanity in honor of 9/11. I had been able to cross bi-coastal living off my bucket list and returned back to the home base of LA. I had even started to pick up a few new clients and began exploring additional revenue streams. Sounds good, right?

    What also happened is that I got used to getting everything I wanted and set out to achieve.

    I got used to things working on this magic time frame—put it out there and it will happen exactly as you planned and wanted it to happen. I can hear you thinking, “Um, ok—so what’s the problem with that?” (more…)

  • How Curiosity Can Help Us Heal from Pain and Grow

    How Curiosity Can Help Us Heal from Pain and Grow

    “Curiosity is one of the great secrets of happiness.” ~Bryant H. McGil

    I don’t think I’d be alive if it weren’t for my curiosity.

    Is that a dramatized statement? Maybe.

    For me, curiosity has brought a curious kind of “fun” and “enchantment” to an otherwise bleak, painful, and seemingly hopeless period in my life.

    Diagnosed with “burn-out” (a.k.a. adrenal fatigue) in 2009, my life quickly unraveled in front of me. I lost my job, my health, and my social life.

    From what seemed like one moment to the next (but in fact was a shift happening over numerous weeks) I lost the ability to read or concentrate on pretty much anything for longer than a short instant.

    Did I have it coming? Apparently.

    Did I see it coming? Not really, no.

    So, there I was. I could only manage one task a day. Making a simple phone call was a task.

    It was difficult to accept, and it was frightening.

    I’d always assumed that, whatever happened, I could rebuild my life. I could go and get a job somewhere else and start over, I could make things work.

    Now, it seemed I couldn’t make anything work. (more…)

  • What You Do Matters

    What You Do Matters

    “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    I used to refer to myself as a white crayon in the coloring box of life.

    Have you ever wondered what purpose a white crayon serves? There are all of these other beautiful colors to be put to good use, but the white crayon just kind of sits there and tends to get overlooked.

    That’s exactly how I felt. I felt like I was just merely existing and not serving any kind of purpose. And at the time, I sort of wasn’t.

    I wasn’t doing anything except coming up with demeaning nicknames for myself, and trying to swallow the fact that I might never be of any importance in the world. I honestly felt like I didn’t matter at all.

    I thought that in order to feel like I really mattered or that I was doing something worthy enough, I had to be doing something big—something that everyone noticed and applauded me for.

    We live in a society where the little things we do often get overlooked and it has a way of making us believe that those things don’t matter.

    They do.

    Compassion, understanding, small acts of kindness, or a willingness to simply reach out to others in any way can all make a huge difference.

    I want to share a few real life examples of little things making a big difference, including my own story in which I realized this fact.    (more…)

  • Live Every Day Like You Travel: 4 Lessons from the Road

    Live Every Day Like You Travel: 4 Lessons from the Road

    “Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” ~ Gandhi

    What if we lived the way we travel?

    It’s been my experience that we let go of many things when we travel. I’d like to propose that those things—the things we loosen our grip on while travelling—are things that don’t need to be held quite so firmly.

    1. Notice. Slow down. Reflect.

    San Miguel de Allende is one of my favorite places on earth. I’ve visited nine or ten times. If asked to describe heaven, I’d say that it was a long weekend in San Miguel.

    After a gorgeous night’s sleep in Room number eight, I’d start to see things differently. I’d become absorbed by the way the golden light fell across our bed. I’d notice the specks of dust in the light shaft, like tiny astronauts travelling between the earth and the sun.

    In the town, I’d observe the dogs walking on the shaded side of the street and follow their example. Everything in my path seemed beautiful and noteworthy: the way that rain drops hit the cobblestone streets, the crayola-colors of folk art in store windows, and the markets that smelled like cheese and chicken feet.

    We sit at a cafe, content to drink limonada, and people-watch for hours.

    We rarely do this at home because we believe there are very important things that must be accomplished, and that we can’t waste time at cafes. Vacations help us understand that we’re not quite as essential to our workplace as we thought. They’re getting by just fine without us.

    Noticing leads to slowing down which allows us to reflect. We spend time observing the shape of things. Life exhales and rolls out ahead of us. We dream. (more…)