“When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways – either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits or by using the challenge to find our inner strength.” ~Dalai Lama
There was a period in life I called “the golden era.” Not in hindsight but at the actual time.
I named it such because I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude.
Everyone I loved was alive and well. I had a good job, a home, and a loving companion. All the things everyone longs for.
Little did I know, this “golden era” would end too soon.
One day, out of the blue, Mum asked if I had noticed a change in Dad’s behavior. She described how he could no longer write his signature and would often become distant.
After some tests, we discovered that my father had a brain tumor.
That instantly spelled the end of the golden era and the beginning of a rather painful period.
Watching someone who was strong become weak and bedridden, suffer seizures, and eventually drift away eats away at you.
It’s difficult to describe the tumultuous wave of feelings that come and overwhelm you. There’s the fear of coping with loss and feeling powerless because you can’t cure the illness and avoid the inevitable.
Losing a parent can feel like losing part of yourself. If they’ve always been there, helping and supporting you, it’s hard to imagine coping without them.
Getting through such a bleak period, however, proved one thing:
We are stronger than we think.
Somewhere inside us is a resilience we never thought possible.
Use the following steps to uncover your inner strength, overcome grief, and learn to smile again.
1. Forgive yourself.
When a parent dies, guilt can become a burden because of past arguments you now regret or maybe because you think you didn’t do enough to help them.
You should realize no parent-child relationship is ever perfect. Disputes, mistakes, and shortcomings occur on both sides and are all in the past. You were still loved even if you were seldom told.
By recognizing the past as something that is finished and unchangeable, you can begin to free yourself from guilt and reflect on the good times instead. The good times are what they would want you to remember.
2. Face your feelings.
Feelings of loss or anger can grow stronger if left unchecked, especially if you’ve never known death so close.
Exploring ways to cope with these feelings myself led to meditation. Mindfulness meditation is one way to help understand the flow of these feelings.
Imagine sitting on a river bank and watching the boats sail by. Similarly, by watching your thoughts, you’ll see how your grief has influenced your emotions. This “watching” of thoughts creates an awareness of their impact on how you feel that, in turn, reduces the pendulum effect of emotions. By anticipating emotions, you begin to reduce their power.
3. Keep talking.
The sudden reality of not being able to chat to your Mum or Dad again can be hard to accept.
For a time after losing Dad, I still chatted to him. I asked what he thought of something, but of course I didn’t expect an answer. It was a way of getting the words out that were already in me to say.
Don’t hide from the fact that your parent is gone. Visit the grave, and chat to them in thoughts. Whatever makes you feel comfortable. Not only does it keep their memory alive, but it’s also a release for your feelings.
4. Look after you.
Grief can take its toll in many ways. Loss of sleep, reduced appetite, and damaged immune system are not uncommon. The remedy is to protect your health and fitness.
Like the pre-flight safety instructions to put on your oxygen mask before helping others, protect your health first to ensure you can heal and help others do the same.
You only need to take small steps. Get walking with a friend, eat natural, unprocessed food, and stay hydrated. When your body feels strong, it will lift your mood and help you cope.
5. Take time out.
During the immediate aftermath, you’ll have an overwhelming to-do list. From making funeral arrangements to addressing legal matters. All physically and mentally exhausting.
It’s vital for your physical and mental health to rest. If you take a vacation to recuperate when things have settled, you’ll be able to return refreshed to help your family over the longer term. Never feel guilty for taking time off.
6. Avoid comparisons.
During grief, we can become self-conscious of how we’re perceived by others. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, so don’t judge your reaction to loss. You don’t need to look or behave a certain way.
A colleague returned to work recently the day after their father’s funeral, which attracted comment, whereas I took several weeks off.
Don’t worry about how it looks to others or what they might think. This is your personal journey and yours alone, so never fear judgment. Do what’s right for you.
7. Be patient.
Missing a parent is natural, and if you were very close, you’ll need time to adjust.
Time heals the acuteness of pain, but you may continue to miss your parent. After five years, I still miss Dad very much. Hardly a week goes by that I don’t think of him, but it used to be hardly a day.
Don’t wish time away in the hope you can speed up the healing process. Recovery will happen at its own natural pace.
8. Support your family.
The passing of a parent can send a shockwave across the whole family. We might become withdrawn in our own grief and not realize others are sharing in the loss.
So offer your hand in support to other family members. You will avoid feeling isolated if you focus on the needs of others and help other loved ones to cope.
As a loving team, you will be able to count on each other at different times to get through the toughest periods together.
9. Enjoy precious memories.
There was a time I couldn’t think of Dad without a tear. When I returned to work, I had to make a determined effort not to swell up when colleagues offered condolences.
But I discovered that I could still enjoy my Dad’s “company” by recalling the good times we shared. The laughs, the trips, and the DIY jobs that seemed to take forever.
Don’t avoid reliving your precious moments in your mind’s eye. A time will come when you smile or laugh to yourself just as you did at the time. So let your parent live on in your thoughts, and enjoy seeing them there any time you wish.
10. Accept the new you.
As we get older, our opinions and outlook on life can change. The passing of a parent is one of those experiences that will change you. I became more tolerant because life’s trivia was put in context.
Worry about missing deadlines, being late for an event, or having a new gadget malfunction. Events that annoy us day to day pale into insignificance.
This change is not for the better or worse; it’s simply a change. Grief increases awareness that all things change, so prioritize what’s really important.
Value and enjoy every waking moment, and let the new you grab each precious day with passion.
Unlock a New Chapter
Society often writes off the death of a parent as the natural order of events, but those who’ve experienced it know how life-changing it is.
You feel hurt and loss because you have a heart but that heart is stronger than you ever imagined.
With the steps above, the same heart can grow in confidence, beat with new hope, and become healthier than ever before. You can still enjoy life, and you should.
Life is there to be cherished.
It’s what your parent would have wanted. Live your life in the knowledge they’d be happy for you.
About Alan Marsden
Alan Marsden writes authentic advice to help you grow in confidence, health, and happiness. Join Alan on the journey at sayitwiththelighton.blog.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
Personally I was relieved that man was only a parent on paper – a really vile, nasty, odious man. Children with disabilities were a disappointment for him and he was bitter. So losing a parent can be liberating too. Apart from the effect on my mum, I never gave given him any thought in many years – until I read this. To be truthfuI, I didn’t know or care, I found out months after the event and was glad.
Apart from that I try my best to have a happy, peaceful, enjoyable life. I do believe in karma, and take every day as it passes trying to find beauty in everything around me and to see the good in others.I know when my time comes I shall accept it, as it is natural and I’m lucky to be here at all. I think there’s no point in worrying about things that have yet to happen, just enjoy things as they do.
Hello Maria. Thanks for taking the time so share your views. I’m sorry the article brought back some difficult memories. Everyone’s experience will be unique.
Thanks also for sharing how you approach life. It sounds very positive.
Best wishes.
Hi Alan Sorry I didn’t mean to make things sound so bad, maybe I should miss him but, because we weren’t in contact at all – it didn’t surprise me when he passed. You don’t miss someone you never see.
As for memories I have no nice ones, so no point in remembering those, was not texting to gain sympathy – just to say life can be different for everyone. You have had a normal childhood, but, we were a “dysfunctional family” – it made me more independent and who I am today.
No apology needed Maria. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, as you say, life can be different for everyone.
Hey Alan,
Great post. You really nailed it. Regret is a natural feeling and I think we must spend some time there for us to move forward. Being in regret is acceptable – getting caught there requires us to reach out for help.
Grief, the heart feels as if it is full of pain and it pulsates right throughout our body giving us pain everywhere. It can be so intense it feels as though we will never get through it. It is only when we face it like you say, that we get to process it, feel it, look it in straight in the eye to move past it.
I have always felt really weird about death because there are times when I accept it and am so comfortable with how life changes us, even the unexpected. Then there are times when I am just as scared as I was as child facing monsters. It can really shake me. However I know the people who pass over and I feel pain for would never want that of me. Most would be near mad at me for not moving on or celebrating them.
It takes times and yes we are resilient. And I’m glad you think of your Dad all the time, because that when he is living. Every time you think of him. Thanks for a great reminder to value what is most precious – life.
Rachel.
Thanks Rachel for such a thoughtful response. I totally get what you mean when you say it feels weird sometimes. We can be logical about it and reach an understanding about loss, and other times feel scared. I swing from one view to the other too.
It was suggested to me about writing on loss in general but I preferred to make it specific (a) because it’s my direct experience and (b) I think how we deal with loss will be different depending on who has passed away and perhaps the circumstances.
I really appreciate your input.
Best wishes,
Alan
Hi Alan. Thanks for posting such an insightful article. I can so relate to the “Golden Era” that you mentioned: when everything was flowing along so beautifully. I clicked on your article because my mom is showing signs of memory loss. Somehow…you just have to be strong. Your article helped. Thanks, Art
Dear Art,
Sorry to hear about your situation but am truly glad the article helped you. I also share in your situation. My mother-in-law also has the early stages of dementia and is now in a nursing home. It’s a difficult time in life when people you love begin to become more frail.
All we can do is be strong and be there for them.
Best Wishes.
Alan
You did a good job describing this, I’d suggest an edit though to the following: Grief increases awareness that all things change, so prioritize what’s really important
Edit: Grief increases awareness that all creatures and what’s created by them will come to an END, will go and vanish. So prioritize what’s really important. Live in the now.
Thank you Alan, for helpful and sensitive advice. I lost my Dad 16 months ago (cancer) and my mom this week (Alzheimer’s), and it helps to hear others’ experiences.
Jeane,
I’m so sorry to hear about you losing both parents in a relatively short time.
Nothing in life makes such times any easier.
I’m glad though you found some help in the article which makes writing it worthwhile.
I trust you continue to make progress in coming to terms with your loss.
Sincere wishes
Alan
Thanks for replying Alex.
Although I can’t make edits at this time, I think your suggestion captures the meaning well.
Thanks for responding.
Alan
I lost my Dad a month ago and I came back to work straight after his funeral. its been two weeks now since his funeral and ever since then, I’ve been tired all the time, I fall asleep at work, I’ve lost interest in my work, and I’ve lost my appetite i.e I’m hardly hungry and I never have cravings for any food. All Im interested in now, is googling ideas for Dad’s tombstone, and thinking of what to do at his grave eg, fence and/or garden. most of my works are overdue. Thanks to your advice; I think I’ll take time off to recover.
thanks.
This is a good read, short & simple and yet you wrote this as if you were on our shoes. I just lost my Dad last week and right now I am facing the moments in life I have long feared…
For what ever reason, thank you Alan for this article.
Thank you for the article Alan. I lost my Dad to cancer 2 months ago. Now that everything is over and he has been laid to rest, I feel like I cannot move forward. I am sad & angry at the same time. After reading the article, I now know, this is all part of the process.
I just lost my dad to a massive heart attack. I cry ever time i think about him. It really hurts to know i will never see him again on this earth. Im sad and feeling dressed. Hopefully in time ill feel ok.
This article gave good tips on how to move forward. My dad died last week and it has been unbearable. He was only 64 and it was very unexpected. I feel as if I can’t move forward now that he’s gone, but I know I have to. I’m more afraid that the world will expect me to be “ok” before I actually am, not that I ever will be again.
This has just happened to me also Sharon and it’s heartbreaking it was a sudden death and we all thought we had years with him yet he was so happy with life and taken so suddenly how are you feeling now are you coping I just can’t get past il never see him again at the moment I’m hoping time heals things
Thanks for the read through some wet eyes. I’m on other side of world and got call yesterday my dad died. Now on the long plane journeys home. Can’t go more that a few minutes without crying my eyes out and scared how bad it’s gonna hurt getting home. I appreciate your words as I sit here in this airport. I’ve lost friends and family members, but nothing feels like your father
Hugs from the other side of the world. I lost my father suddenly this year. It hurts.
Take care of yourself and your loved ones.
Gianpaolo
I am sharing a video here that I have created myself as a tribute to my
father, whom I lost 3 years ago. I have created this video for the
people who have lost their fathers, I hope it will bring a deep solace
and a relief to their broken hearts. I request the website owner, if its
possible please don’t put this comment in spam. I just want to see more people see it and share their comments how
it made them feel. It will make this even more special to me.
https://youtu.be/Zs-3wc2896g
Hi Alan, yes I too had my Golden era, you have phrased it nicely, when we have it we don’t realise, we realise when it starts vanishing – that’s the saddest part for many of us. I am passing through a similar phase right now, lost my dad last week, suddenly, he just passed away in sleep, without any hint of illness or discomfort. Everyone telling me that’s a blessed way to go but I am yet to agree, sounds selfish, best for him but for me its a bolt out of blue. All advices you gave above are real and that’s why make a lot of sense to me. Life has changed permanently but not in a negative way, rather the way my dad wanted to see me, stronger, facing challenges. But there are always tears, sense of emptiness, crave to see him just once more and to say him goodbye and that he should rest in peace and I will do my best. The untold words. I wrote a goodbye letter to him, as suggested by a friend, thanked God that his departure was peaceful and dignified, still it hurts. But maybe someday these wounds will heal and scars will be like precious memories, which I will enjoy without shedding tears. Thanks for the nice piece
my father passed away last month on 22 sept, exactly after an year and a month my mother passed away. my both parents died of cancer.. iam numb and so not see any reason to live this life…
I know this is an old article but I still feel the need to respond.. I lost my mom on March 20th of this year, a short 8 months ago.. Until I read your comment, I felt as if I was going crazy.. I too have experienced the same exact after effects as you.. Extremely tired and can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, no appetite.. They take a big part of us with them when they go… I have not had a chance to take time off to recover.. I am still grieving over her.. I still feel like it is the first day that she left.. I feel myself slipping deeper into depression and mom would not have wanted that for me.. I need some away time to gather myself… I hope you have taken that time off and are feeling better…
I lost my father yesterday he meant the whole world to me but again as u said brain cancer seziure everything u said i came across it .on 1 hand it felt like he is free from the pain but now,the thaught of never seeing him again never talking laughing with him again makes me feel so sad . I really am not able to believe it that my dad is gone away.My world have broken into pieces.
I can totally relate. I’ve seen him through his painful phase of Leukemia and the memories cause nothing but excruciating pain. It’s been 9 years and now that I’m independent and working I miss him more than ever. Looking back at how things could have been different, and how those things have had a domino effect on other things only make it worse. He was my friend, my team, my cheerleader, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. Have gone through each and every thing mentioned above, thank you for this beautiful piece. I hope it reaches across and help others cope.
Can fully relate, thanks for this good and supporting thoughts. Problem is as my dad suddenly departed I am left with my mother (have no sibling) who has become very difficult to communicate with. She is totally immersed in her grief, venting it in her own ways, facebook, talking to relatives (who never really care for us) and not relating to me. She is forgetting things linked with me (like my first birthday after demise of dad, whole day I expected her to wish me, she didn’t but had hearty chats with her friends, was very shocking for me). I wish as two of us are left in the family, we could have a stronger bond, not happening. If I remind her of what she missed, she starts blaming. I never expected this from her at the toughest time of our lives. But we must think positive, hope for positive – live life. So true each experience is so different and unique and that is life
I lost my Dad after many years of helping him out. We were very close. He was a good man.
I feel very alone because my sibling did not have the same relationship with him. She does not tend to give me a lot of credit for the things I did. Now, it’s Christmas and I cannot keep up. I have many responsibilities that eat away at my time and I’m not getting much help. I just want to throw up my hands and walk away. It’s very hard. I think I’ll have to give myself a break this Christmas and slow down. Take some flowers to the cemetery and just sit a spell. There’s quite a few sick relatives this year and I would like to do something for them all.
After we grow up, we realize that every Christmas will not be the same. Some years, it’s smooth sailing, others not so much. This is a very hard Christmas. Indeed.
Hang in there, really hard I lost my dad in May, the best healer is time to cope but it is still really hard. Hope you feel better.
It’s going to be nearly 3weeks since my father has passed away and made his soulful journey to the other realm. I am using the term realm and journey because that’s what I would like to believe in so that his soul remains immortal.
My father who was only 68 was the fittest and most active member in the family..was the best grandparent to my 6year old, the best husband to my mom and an exceptional father, friend and mentor to me, his one and only daughter. We lost him within 2 weeks of a sudden Covid attack and lung damage that happened out of the blue , we were unprepared and the fact that we were not beside him in his last moments not hear his last words nor hold him one last time, makes me livid. Covid has not only taken away half my universe but has also snatched away basic human rights that allows us to grief properly or follow any last rites. I myself got tested positive and was deprived of a human hug during this crisis. I also had to parellelly console my mom who was also recovering from covid. Every other person we knew in our circle either recovered completely after being hospitalized or was home quarantined.. this is so surreal and hard to accept. It hasn’t sunk in and am really frustrated.. Why me? Why my dad with no comorbidity had to suddenly leave is so soon? I don’t have answers to any questions neither do the doctors. I have lost my sleep completely and have submerged into a darkness from which I am unable to emerge. I am disgusted with condolence messages and sympathies from people around. I just badly want to talk to my father one last time..I didn’t get a chance to see him nor exchange last few words..I cudnt even tell him how much I love him. All I made was a false promise that I would be able to bring him home to maa .. Which I obviously couldn’t keep and I will take this regret to my grave.
I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s so unfair. Covid is nasty and the fact that your family got it and was quarantined from each other must have been so difficult. Make a point of talking to his memory, write a letter to him. He knew you loved him. Can you feel his presence? Be patient with yourself.
You have your Dad, he’s in your heart always. I’m so sorry for your loss. When we’re young we’re focused on our own lives, but I’ll bet he knew you really loved him. Be patient with yourself.
Thanks for your kind words Cindy. I still haven’t felt his presence around.. believe me I am trying v hard each day. I can barely look at my mom these days and I only pray he at least makes his presence felt to her at least even if it’s for a minute.
I did not find it even remotely helpful. I am an only child. I am single. My father passed away and then four years later, my mother. She had stage 4 lung cancer that had gone undiagnosed despite her diligence in visiting her PCP. She never smoked. I took care of her for eight months, sleeping in a chair by her side. She died in my arms. Two weeks before that, my FMLA ran out and my workplace let me go. I asked for additional unpaid time to take care of my mother and they refused. My mother died two days before my birthday on Thanksgiving. I have no family. I had relocated far away from where I’d lived most of my life and my mother had recently moved to be with me. The hospital put me up in a motel for Thanksgiving because I had nowhere to go. So this advice above assumes people have families or jobs or money. I’m penniless, can’t find work, and lost the most important person in my life and am all alone in the world.
God give us strength and peace.
I lost my father Dec 31,2020.Due to Covid-19.My brothers and I are devastated.He was our rock,our guide,our heart,our life our everything.It is so hard to move forward.How do I find myself supporting and encouraging my brothers and I could not even preach it myself.I miss him so much.His touch,his voice everything about him.He fought so hard to live but he just wanted to rest.What comforts me is that he is now in Gods kingdom with his mom and sister smiling and enjoying his time to shine.We love you papa “cuates” and miss you every second.I LOVE YOU MY KING.
I’m really sorry to hear all the hardships that you are facing. I hope that you have some friends who can help you in this time. You are not alone.
I have lost my dad just yesterday,I feel so low,my life has been crushed,only my siblings give me hope,I’m the first born aged 23 ,my youngest brother is only 4 years old.
Jan the 3rd 2017, 1st day back at work after the xmas break, as i walked in my phone rang, it was my brother in law telling me my Mum had passed, i turned around and walked straight back out again, i drove to the nursing home where mum was and went in to see her and say goodbye, Mum had Vascular dimentia and i had watched her fade away over the past 3 years, she lived with dad who had parkinsons, rattling around in their little flat and had not been apart for the 50 years they had been together, nursing staff visited daily to see to their medical needs, so when mum went into the home a few weeks before xmas Dad felt lost, he had a fall just before the xmas and ended up in Hospital over Xmas and into the new year, after leaving Mum i went to the hospital and walked into Dads room, my Nephew was there and Dad was heavily drugged for the condition and the pain he was in, A nurse popped her head in and said hello politely asking if i was ok, i told her Mum had passed earlier that morning to which Dad pushed himself into a raised arch shape and back down again, i asked the Nurse ” do you think he heard me? ” she replied ” i dont think so with the level of medication he is under ” he heard me alright 3 hours later Dad went as well, BOTH ON THE SAME DAY 7 oclock and 4 oclock, i have tried counselling for their loss and waited for the proverbial time to heal, neither worked i have very little emotions, my family suffer daily because they say they lost me that day too, i run my own business and the need to be there kind of keeps me ticking, ….i would give everything i own in the world just for one more day
My mom died October 14, 2020. It is now April 18, 2021 and I cannot get it together. I miss her so much that I am in physical pain. I cannot seem to get to the point that I am ok and able to cope with this. I talked to her every day. Every single day. She was such a huge part of mine and my kids’ lives. She got sick with what we now know was lung cancer. She went in for a lung biopsy and was placed on a ventilator when they were done. She stayed on the vent a week, came off on a Saturday. The woman who woke up was so different. She decided to come to my home for hospice. They brought her on a Tuesday and she died the next day. I am absolutely devastated. I have lost over 20 pounds. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate. Nothing takes my mind off her. I’m now taking care of my grandmother who has dementia. She reminds me so much of my mom and I can’t take it. I am suffering. I am absolutely suffering and I don’t know what to do. My husband does all he can to comfort me but I just feel so empty. I can’t handle listening to songs she liked, I can’t take looking at her picture. I can’t handle coming across her old emails or texts. I am just miserable. I pray for comfort but it never comes. I pray for peace and it never comes. I’m unable to enjoy my children. I just miss her so much. I need her. She was my best friend and I just cannot do this without her. There is a hole in my life. My mother was my best friend and I feel alone.
Recently lost my dad to heart failure, it was heart breaking to know what happens to everyone happened to my dad, i feel that nature and world is so cold to relieve him from his life, a best man, strong man supporting his nuclear family and never faltered any of us, his love is always an exception id believe that world was a place worth living in, without him, i feel myself drained and feel helpless, seeing my family and me in darkness while the world moves on and on feels cold and hard but if there’s dad watching me right now, he would want me be happy and protect my family which i will do until my last breadth, i love you daddy
Yes!!
Hii !!
I too lost my dad ata very early age I was just 21 when I lost him and it was all a sudden it has on November and i am still feeling a bit Disturbed and depressed not been able to talk to anyone about this ,is this normal?
Here it is Friday night,I lost my dad last Friday,I didn’t see him much but now I know I’ll never see him again. I’m here asking for advice for some ways I can deal with this without crying all the time,this is overwhelming for me,I’m so consumed with emotions so what direction do I head in now. I miss him more this past week then when he was alive I seen him about once a month,what do I do,where can I go,I need some answers that I can’t answer for myself right now,how do I heal and deal with the loss of my dad,help me,please
I’m so sorry Asima. I know how you feel. Both of my parents were healthy, active, working…with a lot ahead of them. September 2017 my Father was diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma…lots of ups and downs. He died Feb. 2017. A month and a half later my Mom was having some strange pain she had never had in her lower back…it got so bad I was sending meal delivery. Then she fell and was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatized kidney cancer…she died September 2017. I’m their only child…I went to TX cor my Dad then back to Iowa for my Mom…my heart is broken…
Hey 🙂
I am 20 years old and it’s been three months since my father passed away.He was not only my father but my best friend.I used to tell him everything.Not having someone to share my day with is the worst thing ever.I think of him and cry everyday.Physically I am experiencing many digestive problems.People expect me to recover and I badly want to become normal but I don’t know how.This post actually helped me to some extent.Thank you.
Hi Mr Alan …I am truly indebted to you just for your insightful and real solution for those who undergoes tremendous stress after losing their parents… I lost my beloved mother in Aug 2007 and till March 27 of 2018 I was not coming to terms with her loss from march 27 it became even worse since I lost my Father PROF U MUHAMMAD IQBAL on that day.. I have been wandering like a psycho for the last 20 days then I thought of Google something to get mental relief out of this unprecedented situation.. Luckily I got your write up which came to me like a log for a drowning person in the deep sea…my Father was a great personality with immense knowledge of Bible ,Qura’n & Gita and wrote many articles after his retirement as English professor.. I regret till now just because I couldn’t fulfill his many wishes during his time since he lived for 82 years but we didn’t make use of those valuable years to make him.happy…I never thought his end will come so soon ..I was not having permanent job and my brothers as well that was haunting him so deeply that he used to vent in a very worried tone and always predict what will happen to you all once I passed away whenever I call him from Dubai to my father who was in India…I got a job now but not able to concentrate since my father’s absence is really troubling me every moment…. After reading your article I have gained some sort of strength.. Hope I will recover from this situation soon
HI, I am 24 year old and lost my father a month ago. He was suffering from cirrohisis but he was quite well…just 1 year ago I got a new job and was thinking all things will be well with time…my younger brother was taking care of father….recently he also got a job and we were very happy……he moved to new city to join…within 10 days my father admitted in hospital after went my younger brother….then I came to my hometown for look after my father…..after spending 5 days in hospital he got discharge. Doctor told us to stay 2 days more..but we say he is looking well so we will take care in home..after coming home my father was looking well then after 2days I came back for my job….and again my father admitted in hospital due to loose motion…there was noone wise person to take him hospital on time…then I again left for home but before arriving me he is gone…I lost my father for forever..he was just 52…I cant forgive myself…I am very regretting Why I discharge him from hospital too early….After getting job we thought good days will come…but everything has changed….we both brother couldn’t meet at last breathe of my father….I am responsible for my family condition….Why I discharged him….because of my mistake I lost him….He couldn’t see happy days in his life.
Thank you for an empathic article. I was 24 years old – one year ago, when I lost my father. The person I loved the most and who gave me constant love and support. The path of cancer was exactly tge same as you are describing, brain tumor took his minds too early so we couldn’t even say last words properly. I will never forgive myself I was not beside his bed in moment of death, I had my last presentation of a project at faculty and I didn’t want to miss it since I knew my father would agree. There was just my mother with him. After a year and a half I am remembering my Dad every hour or even often and still hardly hiding my tears. I haven’t really received so much support from friend around me since they are all occupied with their lifes. I miss you so much Eka!
Losing my father was my greatest fear,and it happened last month. He was supposed to recover from leukemia treatment but he had pneumonia all of a sudden, and still fighting hard even in ICU. He slowly went off when his organs were shutting down one by one, and we didn’t want him to suffer because doctors said his body was shutting down. We told him we love him, and asked him to rest. It’s difficult, so very difficult to see our most loved person to deteriorate, and letting him go. He was such a strong man. I’m still living with the guilt of letting him go, still missing of all the adventures we had, all the jokes we make, and all the future plans we made. Hope time can heal all the sadness, and to all who feels the same griefs as well.
I’m not usually one to comment on personal things but I lost my dad in January 2018 very suddenly and this article helped me a bit today (Father’s Day) so firstly thanks for that.
He was only 55 and I don’t think I’ll ever accept loosing him at that age because he had so much to live for and so much to look forward to in life.
The new reality you find yourself in can not be understood by anyone who hasn’t experienced it.
A lot of the time it feels like no one really cares whereas they just can’t understand what your going through or what it’s like to see your family totally distraught.
I moved away from my home country a few years back and now live a city with a very isolated life compared to most 29yr old men, as I have been working solidly towards my life goal of becoming a successful music producer.
A huge driving factor to what I’m doing was to become successful and make my parents proud, to be in a financial position to be able to treat and surprise them,as my parents have always been so kind and thoughtful to us all.
I was always very conscious about the time I was sacrificing among everything else, but I justified it with daydreams, imagining my parents reaction when I finally crack what I’m doing etc..
My dad has died before I have become successful which absolutely breaks my heart,I’m still sat here daily trying to work which is extremely hard because all the things I feel I was working for can’t happen now, and he never saw me become the person I wanted him to see even though I know he believed in me.
My heart goes out to everyone in these comments, every story is different but at the core it’s all the same no matter how old you are, the child inside you just wants there dad to come back and fix everyone.
I’m truely blessed to have had the wonderful father I had and extremely grateful for the time I had with him.
Sending love and light to everyone.
Danny
I just lost my father yesterday and Im really sad right now I dont know what to do and I just go here knowing that there’s also a another person that loss his father..