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Movement, Stillness, and Insight: My 3 Daily Non-Negotiables for a Busy World

By in Blog, healthy habits, mindfulness & peace

“Put yourself at the top of your to-do list every single day and the rest will fall into place.” ~Unknown

We live in a busy world. There is always something, or someone, fighting for our attention. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. It’s easy to lose the time we need for ourselves. The white space in our days is often the first thing to get squeezed out as demands on our time escalate.

To combat this pull to overwhelm, I decided to create a list of daily non-negotiables.

Having a list of non-negotiables means I get to control at least a …

How We Can Overcome Our Obstacles When We Don’t Believe It’s Possible

By in Blog, change & challenges

“If we can see past perceived limitations, then the possibilities are endless.” ~Amy Purdy

Nature inspires me. There are hidden messages consistently on display. On my daily walks, I find myself interpreting these messages in relation to my life.

One day, near the end of my walk, I was paying attention to the trees. A giant one caught my eye. Its magnificence was portrayed as morning sunlight peeked through the branches and bright green leaves.

I noticed the enormity of its trunk, and then I saw the crooked fence.

The giant tree trunk had grown so big that it pushed …

How a Simple Morning Routine Helped Me Heal from PTSD and Grief

By in Blog, change & challenges, healthy habits, mindfulness & peace

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” ~Frederick Douglass

In an eighteen-month window, I had a landslide of firsts that I would not wish on my worst enemy.

I ended my first long-term relationship with someone I deeply cared for but did not love. She had borderline personality disorder, and I was not mentally strong enough nor mature enough to be what she needed in a partner. Within five minutes of me saying our relationship was over, she slit her wrist as we sat there in bed. This was the beginning of it all.

Drug overdoses, online personal …

The One Simple Decision That Freed Me from Social Anxiety

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” ~Nelson Mandela

A few years ago, I attended what most people with social anxiety would call a nightmare event—a wedding.

Although I was surrounded by familiar faces because it was my cousin’s wedding, I was also surrounded by dozens of people I didn’t know.

It really was a tremendous weekend looking back. I got to enjoy a wonderful round of golf at a beautiful course with my family. …

How to Trust Yourself After the Trauma of Being Dismissed and Invalidated

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.” ~Steve Jobs

I was a sensitive child growing up, and I felt everything deeply. Unfortunately, my childhood home was dominated by chronic tension, fear, and anger—not an ideal environment for anyone, let alone a perceptive and empathic child.

My father was rather authoritative and controlling, and he disciplined us harshly. I was raised to obey without questioning and punished for mistakes or not falling in line.

Love was only assumed but never shared, and so I grew up feeling alone, unsupported, …

How to Be Present and Peaceful When You Can’t Stop Thinking

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” ~Eckhart Tolle

When I first started practicing Zen (or presence), I used to believe I could become completely thoughtless. Making my bed, no-thought. Washing my hands, no-thought. Walking around, no-thought. Imagine the spiritual experience!

But it wasn’t like what I thought it would be.

The reality is my mind was on full throttle all the time. No matter what I did, there would be a billion thoughts popping out from my head, preventing me from having even a moment of peace. Then I would yell at myself, …

Life is Fragile: Love Like Today Could Be Your Last

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“I would argue that nothing gives life more purpose than the realization that every moment of consciousness is a precious and fragile gift.” ~Steven Pinker

He was splayed out in the middle of the road. The paramedics had yet to arrive. That was the scene on our way to meet some friends.

Over dinner, they relayed the tragic story of their neighbor’s twenty-something son who was killed recently in a motorcycle accident.

Two others lost their lives in an instant on a nearby suburban road.

An acquaintance told me about the fatal hiking accident of a young man who was …

How to Stop Rescuing Other People to Feel Good About Yourself

By in Blog, love & relationships

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” ~Jack Kornfield

It seemed like the natural thing to do.

A middle-aged man had dropped his keys near me. I jumped up, hopped over, picked the keys up, and gave them back to him.

Not so unusual, except I had a badly twisted ankle after slipping on a walking holiday and needed to rest it while the pain and swelling went down. I struggled back to my seat, wincing.

It was a small incident but symbolic of my rescuing, codependent instinctive habits at the time. If something needed doing, I …

How I Stopped Resisting Change and Embraced the Road Ahead of Me

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she became a butterfly.” ~Unknown

Change is constant, from small changes like trying a new hobby to big changes like making a drastic career move. Even though change is all around us, it can feel scary. While change could lead you to something great, there are a lot of unknowns with something new, and that can cause anxiety.

When I was younger, I used to embrace change. For example, each school year was a new and exciting experience.

But somewhere along the way, I started to resist change.

What Does Resisting

…

What Creates Anxiety and How We Can Heal and Ease Our Pain

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Beneath every behavior there is a feeling. And beneath each feeling is a need. And when we meet that need, rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom.” ~Ashleigh Warner

Do you ever wonder what creates anxiety and why so many people are anxious?

Anxiety doesn’t just come from a thought we’re thinking, it comes from inside our body—from our internal patterning, where unresolved trauma, deep shame, and painful experiences are still “running.”

It often comes from false underlying beliefs that say, “Something’s wrong with me, I’m flawed, I’m bad, …

Afraid to Say No Because You Might Miss Out on a Big Opportunity?

By in Blog, change & challenges

“What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” ~Unknown

Are you afraid of saying no in your professional life because you think you’ll miss out on a big opportunity? I’ve learned that a quick yes can sink a lot of ships. God only knows I’ve taken on too much at times because I feared I’d miss out on something life changing.

We view opportunities as golden nuggets that are few and far between, so we snatch them up before someone else does, even if they don’t really excite us. But many …

What’s Really Important: 3 Things I Realized When I Lost My Grandmother

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“We forget what we want to remember and remember what we want to forget.” ~The Road

“Okay grandma, we’re going to run away!” I wheeled my grandma Jeanne in her wheelchair into the sunlight, through the courtyard, after we exited her nursing home. She knew though that she couldn’t leave, but she went along with the game. She knew she was stuck there. But we had fun with it, nonetheless.

I really did want to run away with her. I’d had a dream the night before that she told me, “I’m at the end of my life. You will be …

If You’ve Been Abused and You’ve Lost Your Joy and Sense of Self

By in Blog, change & challenges

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can choose not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou

I know what you’re feeling because I’ve been there. You’re sitting quietly with your pain asking yourself if the abuse really happened or if you just fabricated it in your mind like they said you did.

You’re wondering if you’re too sensitive. If you really did hurt them as much as they claim you did. There’s a small part of you that wonders if you actually deserved to be treated poorly because of what you said or …

Why Strong Chemistry Doesn’t Always Lead to a Strong Relationship

By in Blog, love & relationships

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ~C.G. Jung 

Everyone says it. They say chemistry is a must. I know I say it. But why do we say this?  What exactly is chemistry, and is it really the best indicator of a good partner?

The man I had the most chemistry with (we’ll call him Tim) treated me like an option and was never particularly concerned with my needs, desires, or feelings.

I remember the day I met him, and he opened the door and flashed …

Toxic Help: 3 Signs Your Support Is Doing More Harm Than Good

By in Blog, love & relationships

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” ~John Holmes

As someone who people often come to seeking help or advice, I recently encountered a new situation for me: one in which I chose to stop helping someone and walk away entirely because I determined it wasn’t good—for the other person or myself.

It felt like the wrong thing to do, but once I had some distance, I knew I had made the right decision. Throughout the helping, I soldiered on and helped and helped and helped until it no longer felt good, …

4 Things I Learned from Being Possessive and Controlling in a Relationship

By in Blog, love & relationships

As she stood there watching the puppet show, our eyes locked. I was instantly attracted.

After what felt like the longest fifteen minutes torn between the desire to talk to her and the fear of rejection, I mustered the courage to introduce myself.

She gave me a smile, then without saying a word, walked away.

“What just happened? How can such a beautiful lady be so rude?” I stood there in disbelief, overtaken by embarrassment, pretending nothing had happened.

Two weeks later, as if by pure serendipity, a mutual friend reconnected us. That was the beginning of a relationship I …

19 Techniques to Calm a Highly Sensitive Nervous System

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.” ~Timber Hawkeye

The sun is setting, the cold wind is gently blowing in my face. I’m sitting on a rock that’s about ten feet tall, overlooking the Peruvian city of Cuzco. I can hear dogs barking, groups of teenagers laughing, the low hum of traffic and the music blaring from cars in the distance. As it goes dark, the lights of thousands of houses begin to flicker on like fireflies.

I should be enjoying this picturesque scene, but I’m not. My …

The Abuse Behind My Happy Family Pictures (and Why We Should Talk About It)

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of physical abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“There remains what seems to be an impenetrable wall of silence around violence, and we must all play a role in breaking this silence.” ~Reese Witherspoon

The other day my brother sent me some rare old photographs of my family. In the middle of those aged images, I found a picture of a seven-year-old girl, so cute! She was wearing two perfect long braids and a smile. Oh, the smile of this lovely girl!

There was also an image of a man …

How to Stop Reacting in Anger When You’re Triggered

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“Freedom is taking control of the rudder of your life.” ~Yukito Kishiro

“What’s for dinner?” It’s a simple enough question. Yet it’s one that has made me lose my mind at my husband on more than one (or ten or twenty) occasions.

It’s not the question itself. It’s a valid question and one that needs an answer (at least by one of us).

A trigger of mine is being asked to answer a question when I’m already in the middle of something, feeling overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, or just sick of answering questions.

So then I snap and overreact.

I’ve come …

Why I Don’t Define Myself as a Victim and What I Do Instead

By in Blog, change & challenges

“The struggle of my life created empathy—I could relate to pain, being abandoned, having people not love me.” ~Oprah Winfrey

See yourself as a victim and you become one. Identify as a victim and you give your tormentor power over you, the very power to define who you are.

Statements like this have become commonly accepted wisdom today because they are undoubtedly true. If you see yourself as a victim, you will be one. You will be someone who has been defeated, someone who is at the mercy of another, and that is no way to live.

And yet, the …