Has he been pressured into telling me he doesn’t feel the same?

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 8 months ago by Brandy.

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July 30, 2019 at 3:15 am #305639

Peggy
Participant

Hi Abby,

I think you already know what is going on here. You have had a two year friendship and now it is over. It doesn’t really matter what the parents have said and whether or not he was talking about you to his family. It’s pretty normal for people to discuss college life at home. I think you have been reading too much into this. He was pleased to receive a gift (presume leaving gift) from the saxophone section which you gave to him so why wouldn’t he be genuinely pleased.

How would you have wanted him to word his reply to your letter? He doesn’t want to become involved with you, he’s left to take up his college place and he doesn’t have the same feelings for you as you have for him. I think you should take his words exactly as he’s written them, he’s let you down as gently as he could, and you shouldn’t dwell on this any more. Life’s too short to worry about things that you can’t change.

As for moving on, the best place to be is in the present. Look around you and see what you have in your life right now. Concentrate on your own education, your own hobbies, family and friendships. I’m willing to bet that a new relationship will come along when you least expect it sooner than you might imagine.

Take care.

Peggy

July 30, 2019 at 6:12 am #305645

Inky
Participant

Hi Abby,

How would you react if an eighth grader who is a rising Freshman handed you a confession letter? You’d think he was being cute and adorable, but would let him down gently, as much as you were fond of him.

And even if this guy was your age, or went out with you, there would still be The Great Turkey Dump to contend with. Everyone goes through it. That’s when Thanksgiving break rolls around and you break up with your high school sweetheart. College is a time that’s a world unto itself. Let him enjoy it without being shackled to high school.

Lastly, time is the great equalizer. When you are both out of school and in your twenties, he will look at you and be kicking himself! That happens all the time.

Best,

Inky

July 30, 2019 at 8:04 am #305655

Valora
Participant

I agree with the others, and I would just take him at his word. Side hugs are definitely friendship gestures (as opposed to romantic ones). It sounds like he thinks highly of you as a person but does not think of you in a romantic way.

I also want to add that you sound like a very intelligent person with a good head on your shoulders. He would’ve been lucky to have you!

July 30, 2019 at 11:28 am #305691

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Abby:

It doesn’t read to me that he was “pressured into telling (you) he doesn’t feel the same”. I agree with you that it may very well be your wishful thinking. I have two comments:

1. “For so long, others and myself had caught him staring at me any chance he got, even smiling at me as he did”- when a person at a distance looks in a particular direction, it looks like he is looking at you specifically, but it looks this way to the person to your right and left, in front and behind. It is similar to a person on TV looking at the camera and people watching TV: it looks to every individual person watching, as if the actor is looking directly at them.

And then, let’s say you tell a friend, all excited: I think X is looking at me! The friend, seeing you excited, wants to … sort of bond with you over the excitement and encourage it, not caring much about accuracy, but encouraging a sentiment, an excitement.

2. “his mother overheard it and turned to mine with a gleaming smile. She automatically asked if she was my mom. They had a long conversation”- this is parents socializing. Nothing to do with what is really happening in the heart and mind of their son, it is his parents finding something exciting to talk about.

I hope you feel better soon and please do post again, if you want, I would like to read more from you.

anita

July 30, 2019 at 2:11 pm #305725

Brandy
Participant

Hi Abby,

From a mom of a teenage boy who received a similar note on the evening of his high school graduation from a girl who’d been in his history class, I believe this nice young man is telling you the absolute truth and hasn’t been pressured at all, and what a gentle way he’s chosen to respond to you. Please respect his decision.

I am so impressed with you, Abby. What a beautifully written post! You have a very bright future ahead of you. What are your plans after high school?

B
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