I think the easiest way to deal with guilt and regret from mistakes is to learn the lesson from them that they can teach you. You cannot go back in time and fix the mistake, but if you learn from it, at least it served a good purpose.

You said that you would never have done it if you were sober, right? So maybe the lesson here is to not get really really drunk. Ever. Because it causes you to act in ways that are out of character for you. So you can easily prevent this kind of thing from ever happening again just by staying sober (or even only getting a buzz and that’s it, if you like drinking… but make sure you’re able to limit yourself. Some people have a hard time with that). I’ve had to learn this exact lesson myself. I didn’t kiss anyone other than a boyfriend, but I did end up with a kid with a friend from a one-night stand (COMPLETELY out of character for me). haha. So I had to learn pretty much the same lesson… don’t get super drunk. I can go out and have a drink or two and then I just switch to water or orange juice (orange juice is good because you don’t get pressure from others to drink because it just looks like you’re drinking a screwdriver). An awesome bonus is then you feel great the next day.

So anyway…. allow yourself to accept that you are human and you made a mistake that hurt someone. You acknowledge what you did was wrong and you also know a great way to prevent that mistake from happening again. That is so, sooo much better than those people who make mistakes but have no regrets or cares about who they hurt. THOSE are the people that are terrible and don’t deserve to be with good people. You are completely different. You clearly have felt terrible about it for long enough and I think it’d be okay for you to just let go of that regret and move on from it now. Just make a vow to yourself to not get so drunk ever again.

Hi. I came across this at a time when I am dealing with a VERY similar situation. I was blackout drunk and kissed someone else while I was out. I just was told by a friend that it happened. It was 9 months ago and I just was told. I am so disgusted with myself and harbor so much guilt and shame and sadness. He is the best thing in my life and I feel beyond terrible for hurting him like this. He doesn’t want to break up and we went to a counselor who said that my guilt is taking center stage and not leaving room for his feelings.

that is NOT what I want but I don’t know how to make more room for his feelings while I have so much hate for my actions.

im trying to find a counselor because I feel out of control and don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to live with this.

i just basically wanted to hear if anything good has come of this for you? Any lessons you can pass on to me? Anything you have done to forgive yourself?

id really appreciate hearing from you.
thanks

D

Dear Amelia

Dealing with the practicality. Discuss with partner whether he would prefer you to contact the 3rd party asking them not to contact you & then block his number or just block his number. This will give your partner a sense of control and help start to rebuild trust.

What is interesting is that you jumped out of the fat & into the fire.  You may want to have a long cold hard look at what is going on with your relationship to alcohol as it is obvious that it impaired your judgement and also when you are out with your girlfriends is flirting a normal part of an evening out.

You may also want to consider couples counselling to give you tools to help your relationship grow in a healthy manner.