Dear Murtaza:

Thank you for correcting the silly to dreamy.

“It just gets on my nerves when… people suffering in Iraq and other countries, from all kind of mental health problems, and they don’t get any help or sympathy”-I am very sorry that the U.S., under then President Bush, invaded Iraq for a reason that was not at all true (“weapons of mass destruction”), proceeded to conduct a war that was poorly planned, leaving Iraq with tens of thousand of deaths and injuries, destruction of infrastructure, and lots of misery, including mental health problems all the way to the present (plus, the post-war misery led to the birth of ISIS, which is turn is causing more death, more injuries, and more misery in Iraq and elsewhere).

The human cost and the magnitude of the injustice done to the Iraqi people is incomprehensible. Bush got away with it because, as George Orwell wrote in Animal Farm (substituting humans for animals): “All humans are equal, but some humans are more equal than others”.

“honestly all lives don’t matter”, you wrote.  All lives do matter, says I, even if I was the only person in the world saying so.

“Regarding your pessimism, you wrote: “my father is enough proof since it implies its genetic”- pessimism is learned; it is not genetic!

“it’s not that you didn’t try hard enough, its me, I already choose what I have to do and think, it’s too late now”- thank you for letting me know that it’s not that I didn’t try hard enough.

– You answered that my understanding is 100% accurate: your pessimism is a disease that is eating you alive, there is no hope whatsoever for you to ever live without this disease, the good times you enjoy do not make your life worth living, and the only way to stop the disease is death. You added that your desire to not change is part of the disease, and it’s too late for you to change.

Because the issue of life and death is resolved in your mind, all questions answered, what is the point of discussing topics that are already fully and permanently resolved in your mind? Unless you have a good answer for this question of mine, an answer that will satisfy me, I think that you and I should leave behind all the issues that are 100% resolved in your mind, and no longer discuss them. It will be a great relief for me to not discuss these dark issues when there is no benefit in such discussions!

anita

Dear Murtaza:

In  my yesterday post, I asked you: “this (1-4) is your worldview, which you are absolutely 100% sure that you will never, ever reconsider or change. Is my understanding in this paragraph 100% accurate?” You answered earlier today: “Yes anita, as always”.

You also wrote in your earlier post today in regard to being open to consider my thoughts and reconsider your worldview: “it’s not you really, its not that you didn’t try hard enough, its me, I already chose what I have to do and think, its too late now”.

Later today, you wrote: “I love having arguments honestly… if you right now made a good argument to why I should live, and made a very sound argument to why I’m wrong, I might need to process how on earth I got it wrong, but I think I will accept your argument“-

– there is a glaring contradiction here: if you were “absolutely 100% sure that you will not reconsider or change” your worldview, and it is too late for me to change your worldview.. then how can it be possible that you will process/ reconsider your worldview, accept my argument and change your worldview???

anita

Dear Murtaza:

I will read and reply to you in about 11 hours from now.

anita

Dear Murtaza,

you mentioned me in two of your recent posts, and considering the developments here, I feel like saying something.

I may sound arrogant, and rude sometimes, but i was never dishonest, that was a claim based on the image you bulild, pure projecting, a proof of my honesty is my replies to both peter and teak, by calling me those things, you made me re consider myself, (im i really that bad? Am i really dishonest? How?)

My impression is that you were rude and arrogant with me, but I ascribed it to a part of you, not the entirety of who you are. The rude and arrogant part is the protective part, who is there to protect you from pain. I’ve already explained it in my earlier posts. In one brief moment you showed an openness to learn more about healing (on page 8):

If you’d like to know some more, I’d be happy to answer.

yes more, without the need of therapy nor people, just me and as clear as you can be (meaning when you say accept anxiety, i want you to tell me what exactly do i say and do)

But very soon you abandoned the idea, saying you don’t have money for online therapy (and that there are no adequate therapists in Iraq – which I believe, specially since you had a bad experience with therapy in the past). When I mentioned quality online resources for free, e.g. videos of world-known expert in healing of trauma and addiction (dr. Gabor Mate), you stopped responding.

I also offered my help (which is of limited capacity, but still) here on the forum – if you were willing to share a bit more about your childhood. You never took the chance. All this told me that you’re not really interested in helping yourself get out of your present state. Basically, it means your protective part is very strong and you’re almost completely identified with it, and so the smidge of interest you’ve shown in therapy and healing was immediately squashed by it. I accepted it and indeed, silently withdrew.

What I can say however, is that I didn’t see you as manipulative or dishonest. You were the same all the time, rejecting all arguments, insisting you cannot or don’t want to change etc etc. You didn’t try to manipulate people on the forum, except that now, towards the end you said to anita that you might consider her argument if she gives you a good one. Which is not really true because there is no argument that can convince you to change your mind – to consider changing it one iota – at least for now.

The proof for that is that sometimes, when it suits you, you use science as a proof that you’re right, and in the very next breath you say you don’t trust science. That’s how you can dismiss any argument you don’t like, and fill up all potential “cracks” where you could be reached. The end result: your fortress is super strong and guarded from all sides.

So perhaps at the very end you were a little manipulative with anita, when you told her that if she presents a strong enough argument, you might consider it and even change – even though you knew there was nothing she could say to change your mind. But in general, taking the entire thread into consideration, I haven’t experienced you as manipulative or dishonest.

You did respond with nice words to anita, but I don’t think it was to manipulate her, but because she treated you kindly too. She expressed her love and appreciation for you, she said she doesn’t quite understand why she feels like she does, but she felt love for you.

You haven’t changed much throughout the course of the conversation, on page 11 you still claimed:

Here i am, no feelings, no desires, no goals, only consuming, like an animal, at least an animal doesn’t have awareness, the drugs has made me even more apathetic, more numb, i kinda like it, this is why i laugh at everything that happens to me, because its all just a big joke, all of this

But anita seems to have been hopeful that her love and affection might change you:

I don’t have any other answer that you will be open to consider: ever since you first posted last summer, your intention was never to consider my thoughts and suggestions (or anyone else’s). Never has it been your intention to be open to change your thinking (or to change other people’s thinking). Your intention with me was to get a bit of attention and affection. You manage to receive it, but my attention, affection and love really make no difference in your life, not practically, and not in any way that will make you less interested in dying.

You didn’t give her the reason to hope that you would change, but she still did hope, and then got disappointed. In my opinion, you haven’t mislead her or fool her – you were yourself all the way. Still unreachable, impenetrable, but true to your Protector. So I don’t see you as manipulative or dishonest.

Having said that, I am sorry you’re unreachable at the moment. I do sincerely hope that this will change for you, and that you will have the chance to live from your true self, which is imprisoned within the walls of that fortress.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Tee.

Hi Murtaza,

Thank you for replaying teak, i should say that i needed validation to know that im not those things, but i thought about it and validate myself

You’re welcome.

As for the rest, I don’t want to argue or discuss further – you have a cemented opinion, and that’s it. I should say though that if you really had an interest in healing, you would find a way to scramble for at least one session, since you do have your father’s pension and seem to live a fairly pleasant life. It doesn’t seem like money should be such a huge problem for you, and even if it were, you could always get a temporary job to earn enough for the next session. But you don’t want to. And that’s fine, it’s your choice.

True self exists – because I’ve experienced it. It’s our essence. It’s pure love and compassion and willingness to help, and faith and trust and lack of fear. It’s also where our unique gifts and talents are stored. That’s what I was referring to, not your wounded self.