Dear limbikanimaria:

The conversation you had with him happened less than a week ago, Sunday. He told you that “he would be happy to call (you) his girlfriend”. Five days later you found out that he was active on the dating app where you met him yesterday, and that his profile is not hidden, like yours.

If I was you, I wouldn’t be alarmed by your discovery today for the following reasons:

1. He didn’t tell you that he will hide his profile, so it is not that he lied or failed to follow his word with action.

2. The fact that he was active yesterday does not mean he pursued new leads or was continuing correspondences with other women. It may be that he has been in the habit of checking his acct for so long that he simply did again what he was in the habit of doing, maybe curious about new activity.

3. The conversation last Sunday was not specific enough. The two of you did not discuss what it means to be in a boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship, it was only mentioned.

– therefore, if I was you, I would talk with him next about what it means to have a bf/gf relationship, including the dating app status appropriate to the relationship you are having.

anita

Hey  limbikanimaria,

A different interpretation could be he logged in to try to see if you were still active? After all, that’s exactly what you have done following the half-conversation on expectations for going forwards. I’d suggest that unless you were more enthusiastic to his “no no, I’d be happy to call you my girlfriend” reply than you have written in the conversation above, then he may actually be feeling more insecure than you at this point. If you think about it, you made several comments about being ok with keeping things open, which he may well have interpreted as that being what you wanted….

As said, a follow up conversation really needed, with or without mentioning you’ve seen him on there. Assuming you do actually want to be exclusive, I’d just go with something like ” I was thinking about what you said about being your girlfriend which sounds great and so I’ve decided to delete/hide my Match.com profile whilst we see where this goes- what do you think? “. Always be as honest/open as you can, I know it’s scary in the early days but so much better than misunderstandings potentially damaging a bright new relationship.

Hope it goes well!

Am in this situation I don’t know if these apps are designed to see like someone is online when he or she deleted the app I don’t know what to believe am scared and I want te end whatever I have started with this guy I asked him two times he said he deleted but everytime I check he is still active am just confused time will tell