I have had a best friend for years, who I even lived with when 16 briefly due to family issues. We have always been close and connected. I moved states after graduation and we kept a long distance friendship. I visited her, and things went well. It has been a few more years since really seeing or hanging out, so recently we have and it went horribly.

Now in the same state, she asked what I wanted to do as we were celebrating my birthday, I said all I want is photos and something relaxing. She drove from a few hours away. When she showed up to my house, she had a low unsatisfied expression and expressed she only slept 3 hours. She didn’t smile the whole time, didn’t hug me hello. Next morning woke up late and angry that she woke up late though she does nothing to actually get up on time. I said she seemed unhappy, she yelled that it’s not my fault and I should not let her mood affect me, and that she now feels she is walking on eggshells with me and can’t express herself. I think anyone would be affected by a clearly negative upset person on their birthday, or trip in general. All in all, she seemed unhappy to do what I suggested. I suggested the gym, which we usually would have fun and do it together but instead she went to the sauna alone playing music. When I walked in she turned off the music and left.

She suggested we go back to where she lives and spend some days there. That is the first time she seemed excited aside from when I mentioned drinking. I was not happy there. She wakes up late in the afternoon, just watches TV, later on takes adderall and drinks. The blinds are down and dark, we just stay inside all day in the cold house. I like to wake up early, go to brunch or workout, enjoy outside or relaxing activities. She was usually this way before.

Next, I felt the whole time she was insecure and competing for attention. Example, I dance, and she immediately hops on the car to dance in front of guys. She invited me out to a party, a guys she kissed (who has a GF) was talking to me, she left and came back with a mysterious bloody knuckle.

She has gotten a breast augmentation but I feel she is still insecure and unhappy/unhealthy, maybe also because her boyfriend broke up with her. I felt disconnected from her the whole time, feeling she was not the old best-friend I used to have, and now just someone constantly thinking about how she looks and being negative, low in ambition, not wanting to do anything (healthy, positive) but drink and take adderall, which I wonder if that  is another reason I felt disconnected to her. I want to connect with my friends who they are, not a drug version they are not prescribed.

When I told her I wanted to go home after my health dwindled a bit (I felt she was selfish about the food in her house, though I have never been that way and ordered countless meals for us all over $50 each time, so I was not eating enough or right plus she slept through the day when healthy food places were open), she got upset and said she felt I was taking advantage of her for photos, and using her to be my photographer. I have not asked her to take a photo of me for years because I felt it made her insecure and negative. In HS, she would take a lot of my photos, but I could tell she was not happy. I also stopped expecting people to take photos of me, but she held this negative view and also because I lived with her family when I did not have one of my own (I was 16).

During the argument as she yells about how she has spent hundreds of dollars on me. The funny thing is, I have always sent her money for years from another state. Randomly, for food. For party. For her birthday I spent hundreds to send her something so she felt special and happy. I never remind my friends the amount I spend on them, and though I feel if we are being honest I have “spent” more, she has this permanent impression I am some mooched from her family. (Her sister told me I was a moocher when I lived with them).

I also did not want to stay at her house as I felt they didn’t even trust me in their house. Maybe people don’t trust others when they steal themselves as I see her poke around the house when she visits where she shouldn’t be, which I didn’t think anything of until now. Anyway, we’re supposed to be best friends so if you think i’m going to steal, I don’t think we’re best friends anymore.
I felt she has become unhealthy, negative, and views me with jealousy and nastiness. I don’t feel she is a true healthy friend anymore who wants to see her friends shine. I feel she is stuck in her head, insecurities, and bad habits. What is this? Thank you!!