- This topic has 183 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 7 months, 1 week ago by
anita.
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April 22, 2022 at 11:12 am #398671
NicholeParticipantHi Anita,
Thank you. Yes, I’d say I need help. I’ve never had a successful dating life. As a healthier woman atleast. It has always been codependency running my relationships. I get really clingy fast. But I have been working on this.
While in touch with my ex I though I wouldn’t be able to let go. I have thought about the situation many times throughout each day because I miss him but I don’t think I’ll be reaching out again. I feel the ball is in his court. If I truly ever mattered to him than knowing I’m in Florida and wanting to see him should put a fire under him, am I wrong to think that?
As far as not feeling good enough. Well I’ll start with physically. Throughout these last two years I’ve piled on an extra 50 pounds. It doesn’t make me feel good. I think in most other areas I’m confident. Like cooking, cleaning, being a good woman. But I fear dating when I don’t have a true friend circle to rely on but I do have you and some other wise people I’ve met so I have to remind myself that. But I fear someone manipulating me again or many of my unhealthy skills to come up but I guess I can’t work on them until I’m in action? I don’t feel ready to date. Like I need to more whole but how long can a girl wait?
April 22, 2022 at 11:57 am #398673
AnonymousGuestDear Nichole:
You are welcome. I wish I could be of more help than I am.
“If I truly ever mattered to him than knowing I’m in Florida and wanting to see him should put a fire under him, am I wrong to think that?” – I don’t think that you are wrong. I agree with you.
“Throughout these last two years I’ve piled on an extra 50 pounds. It doesn’t make me feel good” – slowly, patiently, one day at a time, lose the extra weight?
“I don’t feel ready to date. Like I need to be more whole but how long can a girl wait?” – start dating similarly to h0w I suggested that you lose the extra weight: slowly, patiently, one date at a time. You don’t have to do it all at once, to be fully ready before you embark on the first date.
“I fear someone manipulating me again” – I can help you with this when it becomes relevant: give me the information, (what he said and did in relation to what) and I will help you figure out if you are being dishonestly manipulated.
anita
April 24, 2022 at 2:50 pm #398749NicholeParticipantHi Anita,
You help has been so much. Honestly, I think back to the beginning of our threads and even now I still rely on your wisdom. I appreciate it. I am blessed to have people guiding me.
Yes I will have to patiently quit sugars and fried foods. It has been a battle because I rely on them for moments of happiness I guess. They give me that high. Like an addiction. I was attending a boot camp for 2 months and lost 20 bs. I felt so great and was feeling like my self. At some point I started to notice that the vibe was not as great as I thought it should be. I was celebrating my little wins and was so proud of my progress but the trainers made me feel like I was not doing enough. So I quit. I think I should have thought that one out better. I ended up gaining back what I lost and started eating out of control again. I am a bit disappointed in that. I think that is why I have been hesitating finding a routine again. But it is pretty serious that I start something. Health wise.
Thank you Anita, that makes me feel better. I can go as slow as I would like. I historically jump right into things. That has not worked out 90 percent of the time. I am working at slowing down and appreciating things for what they are. It could be fun to date. I just do not know where to look. Most websites are trashy and scary to me. But I guess I will not know until I try?
April 24, 2022 at 4:12 pm #398750AnonymousGuestDear Nichole:
Two days ago, you wrote: “I think in most other areas I’m confident. Like… being a good woman“. As I read your most recent post, I thought to myself: a good woman indeed! The way you express your appreciation, your kind words, and not just today, but over the years… your confidence in being a good woman is valid, says I!
Regarding relying on sugars and friend food for “moments of happiness… that high“, I posted to another member a suggestion that may work for you (maybe not, don’t try it if the idea of it distresses you!): check out the thread Eating my emotions of shame on the first page of topics, page 3, posts of April 20 and 22.
“I just do not know where to look. Most websites are trashy and scary to me. But I guess I will not know until I try?” – years ago I did match. com and later plenty of fish. com (free of charge at the time, maybe still), these two dating websites were excellent, I though at the time.
Thank you, Nichole, for being you!
anita
May 7, 2022 at 3:09 pm #399690NicholeParticipantHi Anita,
Thank you!! For seeing me as a good woman. I do appreciate you. I try to stay grateful. I am not always able to feel that way but most days I do.
I will soon check out the thread you mentioned.
I think tonight I will create a Christians mingle account. I am nervous but lately I have been pondering a lot and I think I deserve to experience the dating life. I never have. I haven’t experienced a lot of things I would like to do out of fear. But now I recognize I need to let go of the old to bring in the new.
May 7, 2022 at 3:39 pm #399691AnonymousGuestDear Nichole:
So good to read that you will create a Christiam Mingle account, “a faith-based online dating website and mobile app that allows users to match other faith-based Christians. This platform is specific to religion and faith, rather than traditional dating apps based on looks and personality“, I read. Over 16 million members, it says.
It is definitely time for you to “let go of the old and bring in the new”, I am excited for you!
anita
May 11, 2022 at 3:03 pm #399922AnonymousGuestDear Nichole:
I hope you signed into Christian Mingle. Maybe I can help to make it work for you (?)
anita
May 15, 2022 at 9:17 am #400274NicholeParticipantHi Anita,
I did not make a Christian Mingle yet. But I did go on a few others. I have not enjoyed my experience so far. A lot of the stereotypical dating site things I have heard. Sending me explicit photos that I did not ask for. Very vague small talk. But I am not giving up. Just got turned off by it. I do get discouraged but I will continue to work on me while I search for a partner. But I am open to any advice and help. Thanks Anita!
May 15, 2022 at 12:00 pm #400287AnonymousGuestDear Nichole:
I would think that in a Christian dating site, such as the one you mentioned, you will be less likely to receive explicit photos, and less of a chance of small/ superficial talk (being that members share a deep faith), no?
I understand that you are a Christian (?)
anita
May 15, 2022 at 11:55 pm #400300
RobertaParticipantDear Nicolle
I agree with Anita trying a website that is at least on the surface is trying to match people who purport to have an interest in say Christianity should weed out some of the more undesirable aspects of on line dating.
Can I ask did you try these other websites after Anita suggested Christian Mingle? or before?
Many years ago I did try a website which I won’t name but from the title it had a spiritual aspect to it – the questions and parameters seemed good. I put my age range as 5 years either side of my own ( I was 50). There were hundreds of photos of men in my preferred age range and I noticed that somehow I could spot a certain type of consistency where men were looking for women who were wanting petite, blonde and in their 20’s ! I soon got bored. So I wish you all the best in your search.
Regards Roberta
May 16, 2022 at 4:14 am #400303
HelcatParticipantHi Nichole!
I’m sorry to hear about your online dating troubles! Personally, I don’t like online dating. Have you considered speed dating or joining a hobby or social group?
I enjoy being friends with people so I have an understanding of their personality before considering dating them.
June 6, 2022 at 3:29 pm #401892NicholeParticipantHi Helcat!
Yea it can be frustrating. I think I have had my share of online dating already. I have not gone back on. I have not joined a hobby or social group in a while so that is definitely something I would consider. Thank you for the suggestions.
August 28, 2022 at 9:48 pm #406290NicholeParticipantHi Anita!
I’ve thought about you and getting on here. It’s been a while.
yes, I’m a Christian. And still haven’t tried the dating site. I haven’t given dating a lot of thought lately.
i do still think of my ex, but realize that is just my nostalgia. He has never reached out after getting the news I was living in Florida. He is not who I thought he was. I wish I could erase him from my mind.
My mind does this thing where it likes to create reasons why people do things, excuses. So I can keep believing a lie. But I’m working through this pattern. Not easy
how are you?
August 29, 2022 at 1:36 pm #406313AnonymousGuestDear Nichole:
Good to read from you! I am fine, considering climate change and other alarming situations in our world. The summer here has been relatively mild this year, compared to last, so I am fortunate in this regard.
“I do still think of my ex, but realize that is just my nostalgia… He is not who I thought he was. I wish I could erase him from my mind“- nostalgia, the sentimental longing for the man he is not, a longing for the man you wish that he was. It’s okay that you cannot erase your longing for love; try to erase thinking of this one man as the answer for your longing.
“My mind does this thing where it likes to create reasons why people do things, excuses. So I can keep believing a lie. But I’m working through this pattern. Not easy“- well, I am proud of you, if I may say so, proud of you for aiming at believing the truth vs a lie: “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free”, John 8: 31-32.
Any time you want to post, please do, it is a pleasure to read from you!
anita
November 5, 2022 at 8:37 am #409664AnonymousGuestHow are you, Nichole???
anita
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