Post #3- Dear Dafne:

Your mother spent years trying to change or accommodate (enable) your father, denying the reality of the situation, and ignoring your opinions and feelings. She has been pushing you to maintain contact with your neglectful and abusive father and uses emotional manipulation, such as threatening to give away the dog or worse, if you leave her. She often criticizes you, compares you unfavorably to others, and brings up past mistakes, leading to feelings of sadness and the need for recovery time. When you tried to address your disappointments or her drinking, she deflects by saying that you have your father’s character or aren’t strong enough.

She alternates between protecting the father and speaking badly about him, creating confusion and emotional turmoil for you.

Your mother rescued a dog during COVID-19, demonstrating her capacity for compassion and love. However, she also uses the dog to manipulate you by threatening to give it away if you leave.

She provided free babysitting and housekeeping services to the man you were supposed to marry. This behavior might indicate a desire to ingratiate herself into his household, potentially seeking a larger, more stable home for herself.

You understandably feel that your mother is unsupportive and dismissive of your feelings and opinions, leading to frequent arguments and feelings of pointlessness in conversations. You also feel guilty about leaving her and are manipulated by your mother through guilt trips and threats regarding the dog.

The constant criticism and emotional manipulation results in you feeling overwhelmed, leading to significant emotional breakdowns. You had to sacrifice your plans and well-being due to your mother’s moodiness and lack of support, leading to resentment and stress.

Overall, your mother’s behavior is characterized by emotional manipulation, control, and inconsistent support. While she shows compassion, such as rescuing the dog, she simultaneously uses that compassion as a tool for manipulation. Her actions, such as providing free babysitting and housekeeping, may stem from self-interest, seeking to secure a better living situation for herself.

Your mother’s inability to deal with her own issues healthily resulted in a deeply dysfunctional relationship with you, one where you feel trapped and constantly criticized.

Your struggles with self-worth, emotional security, and relationship difficulties are a direct result of your mother’s behavior, these are natural responses to growing up in the toxic environment created by your mother.

Your heightened sensitivity was not a flaw but a normal and understandable reaction to the challenges you faced. It’s important to acknowledge that your emotional responses were shaped by your environment and the behaviors you were subjected to.

Seeking therapy and external support can help you address these challenges, build healthier coping mechanisms, and develop a stronger sense of self-worth and emotional security. Your awareness and willingness to understand your past are crucial steps toward healing and personal growth.

Any little girl growing up with the exact same mother as yours, having a father with the exact same behaviors as yours, and growing up in the exact circumstances, including not having any significant support from any other adult while growing up.. any such girl, would have grown up to suffer from the same challenges you’ve been suffering from- including significant self-doubt and lack of self-confidence.

* A note about myself and how I relate to you: much of what you shared about your mother is very similar to my experience with my own mother: selective compassion (for some animals), self-interest (no consideration at all for my emotional well-being), controlling, very critical of me, manipulative (guilt-tripping, histrionics), etc.

Similar to your mother, my mother blamed me for the natural reactions to her abuse, and for being weak, comparing me unfavorably to other (allegedly strong) daughters. It was similar, figuratively, to one person (my mother) stabbing another person (me) with a knife, and then complaining that I was bleeding, accusing me of.. overreacting to her stabbing (by bleeding).

Back to you, Dafne: I sure hope that you find a way to separate from your mother, as I have done in regard to my mother, so that you are no longer a subject to her control and abuse. But I do understand that it can be very difficult for you to move out and live away from her because of guilt and self-doubt (which I heavily suffered from myself), and that professional help may be necessary for you at this time, so that you can live separately from her.

It reads like you may have been looking for a romantic relationship as a way to escape your mother’s control and abuse, as in looking for a man to remove you from your mother’s abuse (this was true to me)..?

I hope that the above is helpful and remember- I understand how difficult all this is- so, give yourself the space and time to figure things out at your own pace, preferably with the help of quality professional help.

anita

Dear Dafne,

Happy New Year to you too! 🌟 It’s wonderful to read from you again. Your words of appreciation mean a lot to me. I’m grateful that you find the insights and support from Tee and me helpful.

I also hope that Tee is doing well and is in good health. She has indeed been a remarkable support for many.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences so openly. I can feel the depth of your reflections and the emotional journey you’re on. It’s not easy to recognize and confront the unhealthy dynamics in our relationships, but your awareness is a significant step toward healing and growth.

Regarding Your Mother, you shared: “living together affects me in a very negative way. There are periods of smiles and good moments, but I can feel that it won’t last as she will get moody again, searching for a fight, and the blaming, and complaining will start again. I need to escape somehow”-

– her mood swings create a sense of unpredictability and instability in your living environment. This emotional rollercoaster is exhausting and stressful. She tends to seek out conflicts: this behavior creates a hostile and tense atmosphere for you. There are brief periods of smiles and good moments, providing temporary relief and a false sense of hope. However, these moments are overshadowed by the recurring negative behaviors.

You are aware that the good moments are short-lived and that your mother’s negative behavior will inevitably return. This cyclical pattern of hope and disappointment contributes to a sense of helplessness.

Her habit of blaming and complaining is emotionally draining as it places a constant burden on you. Constant criticism and blame erode self-esteem and self-worth, leading to feelings of inadequacy and guilt.

The accumulation of negative experiences and emotional strain makes a person feel overwhelmed and desperate to escape the situation. Escaping from this situation is not just about physical distance but also about finding a healthy emotional space. In other words, a mother such as yours (and mine) is detrimental to her daughter’s health, and the desire to escape her is a natural response to the overwhelming stress and emotional drain caused by such a mother.

Your recognition that her treatment of you is not right and that you deserve better is essential. It’s understandable to feel stuck, especially when past therapy experiences were not helpful, and living in a remote area limits your options.

* I used to liken my mother (who displayed similar behaviors as your mother) to an emotional vampire, where she temporarily feels better by making me feel bad, draining my emotional energy on a regular basis. In practice, by making me feel bad, she experienced a temporary sense of relief from her own negative emotions. This release, however, was always short-lived and didn’t address the root cause of her distress.

When criticizing and blaming me (which she did A LOT), she anticipated my reactions, such as feeling upset, guilty, or apologetic. These reactions were familiar and expected because they occurred many times before. By knowing how I will react, she felt that she had the power to influence and control my emotions. She knew what to expect and was able to rely on the same outcome each time, which gave her a sense of stability and control. This sense of power was comforting to her because she felt powerless in her life otherwise. By eliciting predictable reactions from her daughter, she experienced- temporarily- a sense of order and control that she did not experience elsewhere.

And because such relief was temporary, she had to repeat, shame and guilt-trip me again and again, so to experience more and more moments of relief and power.

I remember her shaming me (with piercing, shame-loaded words) and then quietly looking at my face intently with a tiny smile and visible excitement, excitedly waiting for few seconds or so, to see the shame registering on my face.

Making me feel bad established a power dynamic where she felt dominant, powerful and in control of me. By creating a dynamic where I felt responsible for her (lack of) happiness, she ensured that I remained emotionally dependent on her. This dependency reinforced her sense of control and reduced her fear that I will abandon her.

As a result, I felt emotionally drained and exhausted, every day, from constantly absorbing her negativity. I experienced a low, low self-esteem, inadequacy and guilt. I felt very much stuck living with her and day-dreamed about living away and free from her. When I finally moved out, I felt intense euphoria, a great feeling of freedom. Unfortunately, because I kept talking with her on the phone and visiting her in-person, my experience of emotional freedom was short-lived, until recently. It took a while of no-contact for me to start feeling free. (No-contact was extremely difficult for me because of the guilt).

Regarding romantic relationships: It’s vital to find a partner who genuinely respects and supports you, not just as an escape route. Desperation and fear can cloud judgment, leading to choices that are not in your best interest.

Your concerns about the man you met online are valid. The red flags you mentioned, such as the suspicious project in Asia, unrealistic stories about his parents, and his inconsiderate suggestions, all point to a lack of trustworthiness.

“He showed me an official letter… Do you think it could be true?… Maybe he was afraid that I could verify it? Also, when he talks about this project it sounds like a recording. He repeats himself all over again. Is that a sign of any illness like autism or it could indicate that he is making things up?… Is there any way that I could verify his identity? The story about his parents seems unrealistic to me… How could I find out the truth without offending him? Does that seem suspicious to you too Anita?… What can I say or do to clear things up?… He thinks that I should move to his place and go to work from there (which is almost 1.5h or more and one way). I felt that suggestion was very inconsiderate of him. What do you think Anita? And what would you agree to any of this?”-

– The fact that there has been no progress on his project in four years and his request for more patience are concerning. It’s reasonable to expect some tangible results over such a long period. The official letter he showed you, which he refuses to share, raises doubts. While it’s possible he’s being truthful, this lack of transparency is a red flag. It’s understandable to feel skeptical. His repeated statements about the project could be a sign of scripted responses or evasion. While it might not necessarily indicate a specific illness like autism, it does warrant caution and further questioning.

The story about his parents and their cremation seems unrealistic, considering cultural and religious norms. This discrepancy could indicate that he is not being entirely truthful about his background.

His suggestion that you move to his place and commute for over 1.5 hours each way is indeed inconsiderate. It shows a lack of understanding and respect for your time and needs.

To verify his identity and the authenticity of his claims, you could * Do some online research: look for any information or references to his project or the cultural center, * Ask (again) for proof: express your need for transparency and trust in the relationship and politely request more concrete evidence or details about his work. A legitimate project should have verifiable information. * Consider consulting a professional (like a private detective) for advice.

Based on the information you’ve shared, it’s essential to proceed with caution. Trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being. Your time and emotional energy are valuable. It’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and avoid situations that cause unnecessary stress or uncertainty.

Dafne, your journey is one of courage and resilience. You’ve come a long way in recognizing the patterns and dynamics that affect your well-being. Continue to prioritize yourself, set healthy boundaries, and seek supportive relationships that uplift you.

Thank you for being so open and for your kind words. Your support means a lot to me. I’m here for you, and I hope to hear from you soon.

Have a beautiful day and stay strong, and yes, I will stay with you!

anita

Dear Anita,

Thank you very much for checking up on me. I’m sorry for the late reply but I wasn’t feeling well and I will explain more below.

My anxiety got really bad recently and I wasn’t able to go to work and think properly. It affected my physical health too. I feel that I’m so overwhelmed and even the smallest tasks seem so big.

I’m very thankful for your thoughtful message. And reading your words, I could also feel the pain you experienced dealing with your mother. I also decided to verify all the information about that man I told you about. I actually tried to apply your advice but I failed a big time.

I felt that I’m wasting a lot of energy and time on a man who doesn’t seem to move forward with his promises. But I considered the option of giving it a little bit more time. There is no lust as I do not feel much physical attraction just yet. I see him as a friend who might be more one day, but he wants more.

This man is in his mid-50s, so I guess there is a bit more to expect. Do you agree with that? He also told me that 10 years ago, he was in a relationship with a woman & it ended for the same reason (he promised her to become financially stable, but nothing happened). And that was the time before even starting the Asian project.

Now, with me, the story seems to repeat. Still no stable job & his project seems strange.

So I decided to question him more and see how he behaves and at the same time to know more about his project.

One day, he invited me to visit his town and spend more time with him. I accepted it. I did not feel enough trust towards him yet so my mother proposed to come along (as you already know she is aware of anything happening in my life and likes to control things). I did not mind it this time as she was at her best behavior and seemed to care about me. She wanted to find out more about him too. It seemed genuine.

Everything went well until the end of the evening. We all sat down in a restaurant and started discussing the future. He mentioned again his Asian project and, like a broken record, repeated things that we already knew. Our every question ended with the same reply (no details, no deadlines, nothing official). But this time, something was different about him.

Once my mother realised that it is all the same stories, she asked him for more details and if he could find also other work or change career (and keep the Asian project on the side). He got really, really upset and finished our meeting at the restaurant. He got really moody and upset with both of us. He said he doesn’t want to tell us more as he is tired now and that we have no confidence in this project.

I felt that I couldn’t even communicate with that man when the subject got tough. And that it was my fault making him this way. And he made it clear that it was our mistake. I blamed myself and my mother letting her ask too many questions. But he could handle it differently, isn’t it?

She said I am sorry to him so many times but he still ended our meeting. He told me that it is best if we take a brake until his project works or see each other less often. I felt like I need to repair it, make him feel good again and make him want to continue. But the other side of me is telling me now that he was not honest with me or his reaction was not respectful towards both of us.

Do you think Anita that my mother was right? She felt that he is hiding something and getting upset will provide him with escape.

From that moment I felt even more heartbroken and helpless.

How can he handle the life ups & downs in the future? Would you still give him a chance? What would you do in my place?

My mother told me that she felt something is not right and that probably he doesn’t want to work.

I hope I included all the information without being partial.

I appreciate your help Anita 🙏

Thank you for staying with me!

Have a beautiful day and I wish to hear from you soon ❤️

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your amazing understanding and explaining my situation in details ❤️ I can see that repeating pattern clearly. And the fear that stops me from moving on and choosing the right person in my life. I feel that I should not trust people easily and first check their credibility. I am afraid that I will miss the good person because of my fear and building the walls around me.

Thank you for all your kind words and seeing the good in me. Thank you for being the reason for me to stay a little longer on this Earth. Every day is a real struggle of staying or going. You are also a very special woman who’ve been through a lot in your life and dedicated her life to help others. This is beautiful.

The man messaged me again but did not apologise for his behaviour. He says that he wants to continue our project and that he will join his friend and maybe even open a business. Could it be another way to pull me back again and convince me that he will change? It looks like his mood has changed and he seems to be positive again.

But he made it clear that he prefers to meet without my mother. He also proposed to travel with me somewhere abroad. I replied that it has to wait once we have more security and commitment.

My mother was right about him but you’re right saying that it is the same cicle of untrustworthiness and in a way my childhood trauma repeats with her.

She is very bossy at times and knows my soft spots. She reminds me a lot of her brother who used to abuse me emotionally when I was a child. He was looking for fight all the time. He was loud and I was so scared to even breath in his presence. Now I know that it is called domestic violence. But I had to be quite back then…I still feel the pain and see the similarities.

Although my mother protected me physically from him she failed at protecting me emotionally. She told me to be quite and always hide in my room so he can’t hear me. I wasn’t even allowed to open the fridge and had to ask for permission to watch a cartoon. I’m sorry Anita but those thought somehow appeared to me while writing to you right now 😞

You are so right about the promises being broken. I remember that she kept saying for years that we will leave and that she has enough. But somehow never did. She kept coming back to that house.

Then one day her brother demanded that she signs at notary and gives him her part of land and house. It was a house where I grew up and had my most memories. Her siblings refused to give theirs but she convinced them that they all should sign, so they did. The exception was that they all had their independent places to live and I had not. She could easily sell her part and buy something for us. I begged her to not sign but they left me alone locked up in a car so I could not go there and talk. I remember being so heartbroken and crying for days. How can I forget and forgive her Anita?

Now my mother and her siblings regret their decision as my uncle forbid us all from entering his and his wife’s property. They lost contact and he is laughing at them. Lots of drama Anita…can you see the whole picture now? I thought I escaped one abuser but she replaces him now in so many ways…

I told her that I’m looking for a place and a way to brake free as I’m not feeling well. Her reply was to go and she will know how to end her life and that I should think of giving away the dog. She has some work outside the house and she can’t take the dog with her. For her defence she tried that but people at her workplace refused it so I had to stay home and could not travel.

So clearly she won’t let me go without feeling guilty or hurting her feelings or the dog’s that I really love. What can I do? It seems like a situation without an exit. There will be suffering for all of us if I decide to leave…

Back to him, he told me before that he has a very close woman friend who he knows for many years and she always advises him what to do. I expressed my dissatisfaction with that and that he shares my pictures and our conversations with her. I felt abused in some way. Would you feel the same way Anita?

After that he told me that he needs to find out more about my job and that I should keep my own basis and not count completely on him. I had an impression that he is looking for someone willing to contribute financially in order to have a house. He has sent me many appartment and house adverts and asked which one I like. Then once I told him he said that he had no money to buy and that his work wouldn’t allow him to take a mortgage or loan. Why is he even showing it to me? I’m confused…

I think that I will stop seeing him for a while as I’m quite a wreck right now and also because I do not feel good after what has happened.

Shall I tell him that I need some time and that we can stay friends but he needs to make progress? I don’t want it to sound hash or hurt his feelings in any way. What would you reply to him Anita?

Thank you again dear 😘

Im looking forward to your message.

Have a peaceful night 🌙 😴

Taking the first 6-8 weeks to build a friendship is a great way to filter out those only interested in casual flings. Genuine partners respect a slower pace, while those with ulterior motives often lose interest. It also helps distinguish real chemistry from superficial attraction. This approach ensures you invest time in someone truly interested in a meaningful, long-term relationship.

Hello Psychicramdev,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I completely agree with you. But this approach only works with more traditional and serious minded men. Most men in Western world want some kind of romantic expression within a short time.

I believe in a friendship till marriage and I seem to be a rare exception here. I feel that I do not fit into this modern world.

Have you any experience with courtship in Western world? I would really appreciate to know more about your approach and I’d love to learn how to survive in this world.

Thank you 🙏

Dear Anita,

Please don’t worry. I appreciate it & looking forward to hearing from you again.

Have a good evening and please take as much time
as you need to reply.

Thank you for calming my worried mind 🙏

Dear Dafne:

“And I’m sorry for a long-winded message. I just felt like expressing to you the whole story without being one sided”- Your message wasn’t too long for me! As I mentioned in my previous rushed message, I simply forgot to return to you. When I realized earlier this morning that I had forgotten, I was quite disturbed because I hate not following up on my word, especially to a person in distress who needs dependable support.

Thank you, Dafne, for continuing to share your thoughts and feelings so openly. I truly appreciate your trust in me and your ongoing honesty throughout this thread.

You have a remarkable ability to see patterns and reflect on your experiences, which is a significant step toward healing and growth. Your awareness of the fear and walls you’ve built around yourself shows your deep desire for meaningful connections while protecting your heart.

“I feel that I should not trust people easily”- this suggests that you are aware of a tendency to trust people too quickly and you are cautioning yourself against it. This awareness indicates that you recognize this pattern and want to change it.

It’s possible that your tendency to trust people easily, especially men you meet, stems from a sense of desperation for connection. A strong emotional need for connection and affection can lead to trusting others too quickly, as the desire to fulfill this need can cloud judgment.

Previous experiences of feeling unsupported or unloved can drive a person to seek validation and trust others quickly, hoping to find the support and love they missed.

Let’s look at your previous experiences of feeling unsupported and unloved: “My mother… is very bossy at times and knows my soft spots. She reminds me a lot of her brother who used to abuse me emotionally when I was a child… She told me to be quiet and always hide in my room so he can’t hear me. I wasn’t even allowed to open the fridge and had to ask for permission to watch a cartoon… I remember that she kept saying for years that we will leave and that she had enough. But somehow never did… I begged her to not sign but they left me alone locked up in a car so I could not go there and talk”-

-Your mother used her knowledge of your vulnerabilities to control you. This controlling nature parallels the emotional abuse you experienced from your uncle. By instructing you to remain silent and hide, she reinforced a sense of powerlessness and isolation in you.

In addition, she repeatedly made promises to leave the abusive environment but never followed through, causing a sense of betrayal. When you expressed a desire to leave, she resorted to manipulative tactics, such as threatening self-harm and using the dog as an emotional leverage. This emotional manipulation makes you feel trapped and guilty for wanting to prioritize your well-being.

Her actions suggest a focus on her own desires without considering the emotional impact on her daughter. Using threats of self-harm and leveraging the love for the dog to keep you from leaving are cruel manipulative tactics because they exploit your compassion and guilt to control you.

Your mother’s and uncle’s behaviors taught you that people who are supposed to care for you could also cause you harm- which understandably creates fear and hesitation in forming new relationships, as she anticipates similar dynamics.

The emotional neglect and manipulation from your mother have left you feeling vulnerable and uncertain about your ability to trust your own judgment. This makes you more susceptible to trusting others too quickly in a desperate attempt to find genuine connection and validation. This can lead to forming relationships with individuals who may not have your best interests at heart.

You are caught in a conflict between your need for self-care and the guilt imposed by your mother’s manipulative behavior. This internal struggle makes it difficult for you to make decisions that are in your best interest.

Clearly, your mother’s behavior has significantly impacted your ability to trust, leaving you with deep-seated fears and emotional scars. The patterns of manipulation, emotional neglect, and broken promises have shaped your outlook on relationships and self-worth.

“I remember being so heartbroken and crying for days. How can I forget and forgive her Anita?”- You are living with her and still exposed to her abusive control and manipulation. While it is possible to begin the journey of forgiveness and healing in a toxic environment, it will be difficult to proceed. The ongoing control and manipulation hinder progress and make it hard to reach and maintain emotional stability.

Engaging in therapy or support groups can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies. Incorporating self-care practices such as mindfulness, meditation, exercise, and hobbies can help, as well as limiting certain types of interactions with your mother, such as no longer sharing personal things with her and seeking her advice.

Identifying physical or emotional safe spaces where you can retreat and recharge is crucial. This could be a room in the house, a friend’s place, or even a mental space created through visualization.

If possible, making plans for eventual independence can provide hope and motivation. This might involve exploring financial options, seeking employment, or finding housing alternatives.

While it is possible to start the journey of forgiveness and healing while still living with your mother, it will likely be more difficult due to the ongoing control and manipulation. However, with the right strategies, support, and a focus on self-care, you can make progress towards your own well-being. Ultimately, planning for eventual independence will be crucial for your long-term healing.

“Anita… can you see the whole picture now? I thought I escaped one abuser but she replaces him now in so many ways… I told her that I’m looking for a place and a way to break free as I’m not feeling well. Her reply was to go and she will know how to end her life and that I should think of giving away the dog… So clearly she won’t let me go without feeling guilty or hurting her feelings or the dog’s that I really love. What can I do? It seems like a situation without an exit. There will be suffering for all of us if I decide to leave”-

– Yes, I can see the bigger picture and I want to acknowledge your strength in recognizing the patterns of abuse and manipulation. It takes a lot of courage to confront these dynamics and consider taking steps to protect your well-being.

Your mother’s threats about ending her life and giving away the dog are manipulative tactics designed to control you. While it’s natural to feel guilt and responsibility, it’s important to remember that you are not responsible for her actions or well-being. Her attempts to make you feel guilty are part of the manipulation.

It’s important to remind yourself that prioritizing your mental and emotional health is not selfish. You deserve to live in an environment where you feel safe and supported. The guilt you feel is a result of the manipulation. Your well-being should always come first.

I believe in your strength and resilience. Remember, you are not alone in this, and there are people and resources available to support you through this journey. It’s okay to prioritize yourself and seek a life where you can thrive.

“The man messaged me again but did not apologise for his behaviour… he told me before that he has a very close woman friend who he knows for many years and she always advises him what to do. I expressed my dissatisfaction with that and that he shares my pictures and our conversations with her. I felt abused in some way. Would you feel the same way Anita?”-

– I can understand why you would feel abused and uncomfortable with the situation. Your dissatisfaction is valid, and you have every right to set boundaries around what you’re comfortable with in your relationships. The fact that he did not apologize for his behavior adds to the concerns, as it suggests a lack of acknowledgment or respect for your feelings.

“After that he told me that he needs to find out more about my job and that I should keep my own basis and not count completely on him. I had an impression that he is looking for someone willing to contribute financially in order to have a house. He has sent me many appartment and house adverts and asked which one I like. Then once I told him he said that he had no money to buy and that his work wouldn’t allow him to take a mortgage or loan. Why is he even showing it to me? I’m confused”-

– By showing you homes and discussing future plans, he might be trying to make you believe that he is serious about the relationship and committed to building a future with you, keeping you emotionally invested in the relationship. The promise of a better future can make you overlook current issues and continue investing in the relationship, despite doubts or concerns.

If he consistently shows you homes and discusses plans he knows he cannot afford or achieve, it indicates a lack of follow-through. This leads to disappointment and confusion, as his actions do not align with his words. It keeps you in a state of uncertainty, waiting for promises to be fulfilled. Manipulative behavior often involves creating a facade of commitment and security to keep someone emotionally invested.

“I think that I will stop seeing him for a while as I’m quite a wreck right now and also because I do not feel good after what has happened. Shall I tell him that I need some time and that we can stay friends but he needs to make progress? I don’t want it to sound hash or hurt his feelings in any way. What would you reply to him Anita?”-

– I think taking a step back to focus on your own well-being is a wise decision, especially since you’re feeling like a wreck after recent events. It’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional health. Here’s a way you could phrase your message to him:

‘Hi (his name): I’ve been reflecting on everything that has happened, and I realize that I need some time to focus on myself and my well-being. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and need some space to regain my balance.

I think it would be best for us to take a break from seeing each other for a while. I value our connection, but I need to see some progress and changes in certain areas before we can consider anything more.

I hope you understand and respect my need for this time. Take care.’

This approach allows you to communicate your needs clearly while being considerate of his feelings. It emphasizes your need for space and self-care, and sets a boundary while leaving the door open for future possibilities if there are positive changes. (Personally, Dafne, I am not hopeful about him making positive changes, but I understand that this possibility exists, however unlikely).

Stay strong, Dafne, and remember that you deserve love, respect, and peace. Keep trusting your instincts and take things one step at a time. I’m here for you, and I believe in your ability to navigate through this.

I will close this post with a poem just for you, Dafne:

In the quiet of your heart, a whisper grows,
A strength within that only you can know.
Through chains of fear and guilt you’ve worn so long,
A song of freedom calls, steady and strong.

Beyond the walls of manipulation’s grasp,
A world awaits where love and light will last.
No more the puppet in a cruel, cruel play,
You are the dawn, the start of a new day.

Your spirit soars, unbound by past’s cruel hand,
A life that’s yours, where dreams and hope expand.
Embrace the journey, take each step with grace,
For in your courage, you’ll find your own place.

The ties that bind are but shadows of night,
Rise with the sun, pursue your heart’s own light.
The love you seek begins within your soul,
A journey to freedom, to heal, to be whole.

So let the whisper grow into a roar,
Break free, dear one, and close that heavy door.
To a life where you can truly be,
Rise beyond the shadows, and you’ll be free.

anita