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trying to be true to myself and failing

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  • #58701
    jo
    Participant

    I am such a loser. I am 51, divorced, unemployed and overweight, to boot. How did I get to this place? I try to be true to myself, to pursue my dreams, to take care of myself and each time I try, I fail. And I really do try. I have no hope left in me. I see no future for me that doesn’t involve a dead end job and a shitty apartment and stray cats. And, no offense to cat lovers, but, I hate cats. Really, folks, what’s the point? I have no purpose, no friends nearby, no job or a place of my own and my living situation with family is deteriorating quickly. I need to get out and get a life, but I am so tired. My body hurts all the time and I am so lonely, there are days I don’t know how I will survive.

    #58703
    Mike
    Participant

    Everything takes work and when we feel hopeless and helpless it can be very hard to put in the work. You must answer a lot of questions for yourself like where do you want to be? What job do you want? What do you want out of life? Who do you want to be friends with? For people with anxiety and depression that seems crippling it can be so hard and almost seem suffocating to do anything and being around people can cause intense symptoms, but the problem is that negativity pushes people away. You attract what you put out and if you are feeling this way it is very hard on other people and the way they are made to feel. Your body hurts because you are creating a negative internal environment. Physical activity relieves stress, most people need to have some sort of important relationships, we are social creatures. You really need to surround yourself with people who care! Make goals for yourself! You need at least one person that checks in on you to make sure you are pushing yourself! A therapist, life coach, friend, or family member can help you with this. Start slow and get yourself moving, just walking in the fresh air can help, take in all of the sights and sounds of nature and make this a habit. Smile and be friendly to others, forget about your problems and stop allowing yourself to focus on the negative. Live to serve others and you’ll forget your own problems. Keep yourself busy, get a hobby, learn something new, and eventually you will forget to think about your problems. Do not just survive, but thrive!

    #58704
    Inky
    Participant

    Sounds simplistic but:

    1. Go to the doc for a check up.
    2. Ditch all sugars, grains and possibly dairy. When your body aches, try switching up your diet first. Eat meat/eggs and lots and lots of veggies. Use a blender to make smoothies or green drinks.
    3. Land a “dead end” job. Then be grateful for even having the job. Use this time at job to think about other things aside from your depression. Use connections/friends/family to get the word out that you are looking for a “real” job.
    4. Once you have some $$ saved up from crap job, get an apartment with roommates. You will feel like you are starting over, like you were 30 years ago. It’s OK!!
    5. If you’re joking about hating cats, you still have your sense of humor. So it’s not that bad. 🙂
    6. Join a spiritual center/church/club/something so you have a place to go, something to do, new faces to see.

    #58739
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks Mike and Inky. What a beautiful advice 🙂

    Hi Jo

    Thanks for your very negative post. I would like to share my perspective here to remind you as to how you got here in the hope that you will take an ACTION to flip things around. There are no failures in life but how we use the stumbling blocks to take us to higher heights is the difference between you and a successful / happy 51 year old woman.

    1. No one else has brought you to where you are today except for YOU. You alone are responsible for the state you are in today and you alone will be responsible for the state you will be in the near future. Sounds scary but lady, it is the ultimate truth. The sooner you realise the truth, easier it will be to move forward and make some small but positive changes.

    2. What is with the following terms – Loser, overweight to the boot, no hope, no future, a dead end job, shitty apartment, hate cats – how can you invite any ray of hope or love into your life with such vocabulary ? If you do not show respect for yourself and for what comes out of your mouth / hands, who else will Jo ?

    3. The point of living in this life is to understand yourself and what makes JO tick. Everyone has challenges in their life and many do “fail” despite all efforts but but but but…..most still do not give up. They stop, think, reassess their situation and ask for help and take a new route to where they need to go. Have you done the first 3 steps for each stumbling block?

    4. The first and foremost trick to turning things around for yourself is to get professional help for weight and mental health issues. Implement small steps to eat healthy, exercise and be nice to yourself and people / animals around you. World treats you very similar to how you treat yourself – READ THIS AGAIN as this needs to make sense to your mind.

    5. The pain everywhere in the body and external world is a HUGE signal of how badly you are treating yourself. Your soul is crying out for help. Who will help JO if you do not ? These issues are not going to just disappear until you take actions in the right direction. And self harm is not a way out as there are no guarantees that it will end your suffering in this life. I suggest that you work on developing some self love, respect for Jo. Practice positive self affirmations (Louise Hay, Susan Jeffers, Cheryl Davidson – google them) and perhaps read some positive articles. Inky’s 6th point is very valid. Practicing meditation is another useful tool for bringing more positivity in life.

    I will offer prayers for you and hope you will pay particular attention to your thoughts – if it is not a positive or an uplifting one, then you know the cause of your sufferings and there is work that needs to be undertaken.

    LOVE LOVE LOVE is what makes the world go around and it all starts with YOU. Can you be more loving towards JO, pls ?

    Jasmine

    #58742
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Jo,

    I’ve been in a similar situation and pulled up and out of it.

    First things first: commit to turning around your relationship with the family where you are staying. (I’m guessing they have at least one feline….)

    Then, pour a big cup of coffee and sit down with a blank note pad. Using the awesome advice from Jasmine, Inky and Mike – plus other positive inputs that you have – start thinking and writing.

    Then, start doing. My taking new action you will start moving yourself forward.

    If you are like me, after a short time you will start feeling better. Give it weeks. When I first did this years ago I lost a bunch of weight by biking and eating only good foods. In three months I felt 20 years younger.

    If you run into setbacks or complete failures, adjust and keep going.

    Big blue

    #62575
    Kline
    Participant

    Hi Jo,

    You were here about a month and a half ago. How are you currently doing?

    Best wishes in your struggle.

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