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Trusting and making her feel like i trust her

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  • January 26, 2019 at 11:57 am #277053
    Kenny
    Participant

    So. Fiancee and i have been together for about a year. When we got together. Both of us were having issues. But i didnt end it because i have had issues and didnt feel right judging some one else. She is from guatemala and i am from georgia. We both live together in georgia. She is pregnant and due in may. We were going to break up and had both seen someone else about the same time she got pregnant. I felt like it was the right thing to stay and refused to leave her. Now we have gotten through the part and are ok with the fact that we both have seen other people during that time and have made progress

    I know how not trusting does damage to relationships. I feel like i trust her as long as she is open with me and answers my question. When i ask even a simple question. She blows up on me. Gets on to me about me not trusting her and how she does not want to be with me if i do not trust her. I want to learn to communicate trust her way and stop asking these questions and not worry about things that dont matter. Ive suggested therapy but she is totally unwilling. I want to work it out. I want to accept her and her accept me.

     

    My mother has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and is psychotic without proper medication. I do not talk to my mother and resent her for decisions she has made. But i think her patterns of not trusting anyone have rubbed off on me. I want to feel trust more than anything

    Insights? Help?

    January 26, 2019 at 1:32 pm #277099
    Mark
    Participant

    Kenny,

    When you talk about wanting to trust and in order to do that she has to answer your questions.  What sort of questions are you asking?

    Is she not open on how she feels?  what she is doing or thinking?

    Mark

    January 26, 2019 at 1:41 pm #277101
    Kenny
    Participant

    Little things. Like today. At lunch.

    I said that i had left phone in car. She said that i didnt need it. And i said why? She said im not on my phone. I replied so youre nor twxting? She said no. And i said it just went off.

    And she blew up saying that i was implying she was texting another guy.

    January 26, 2019 at 1:46 pm #277103
    Mark
    Participant

    Kenny,

    I don’t understand. You told her that you left YOUR phone in the car.  She said you did not need it.  She told you that you did not need your phone.  Then from that answer, you asked if she was texting???

    I find that a hard conversation to follow.

    Were you asking her to get your phone or asking her if it was in the car?

    I find it quite a leap for you to ask her if she was texting which had nothing to do in recovering your phone or that she told you that you did not need it.

    I am confused.

    January 26, 2019 at 5:30 pm #277111
    Valora
    Participant

    If I’m reading that last one correctly… your phone was in the car but she said you didn’t need your phone because she wasn’t on her phone, then her phone dinged with a text message and you questioned her about it, right?

    It’s entirely possible, though, that she WASN’T texting but someone just randomly sent her a message. Happens to me all the time because I rarely text people first unless I have a question or something. So maybe it would help if you could start thinking of scenarios that give her the benefit of the doubt instead of asking questions about it right away?

    January 27, 2019 at 10:35 am #277201
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kenny:

    Did she say why she is “totally unwilling” to attend couple therapy with you?

    anita

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