fbpx
Menu

Toxic girlfriends divorced mom

Home→Forums→Relationships→Toxic girlfriends divorced mom

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • March 4, 2019 at 5:42 pm #283003
    Mark
    Participant

    Lukey,

    It is easy to judge someone who deals with life by complaining and withdrawing from life by drinking.  I can imagine myself not being able to tolerate someone who won’t help themselves.

    Have you and/or your gf thought of doing something different like take her out of the house for a walk, a movie, a live music event or with other people?  Even AA where there is a community of people who will listen to her and her pain?

    I invite you to be compassionate to someone who is in pain.  We frequently judge others based on our own experience of our life and how we behave.  The key to compassion is empathy.  It is to walk in someone else’s shoes.

    How should you tell your gf you don’t want to be around her mother?  How about telling her that you want to love and support her but you have a hard time and not have the patience to be around her mother.

    Mark

    March 5, 2019 at 1:11 am #283037
    JayJay
    Participant

    Hello Lukey,

    I agree with Mark above.

    It might be possible to get this person out into the world again if both you and your girlfriend work together on the task. She sounds like she has no life, which is why she is so focused on living her life through someone else, that being your girlfriend and yourself.

    I would also see if your girlfriend can get her mother to a doctor as she sounds depressed.

    If you try these things and fail, then at least you will have tried.

    It actually sounds like she is trying to put everyone around her (especially her daughter) on a guilt trip as well. The reason for that could be that because she is unhappy, everyone else has to be.

    I’d like to know what she was like before her divorce. Was she any different to how she is now? Is this something she has slipped into and spiralled downwards in a destructive kind of way until she is now sitting alone in the dark and choosing to be there?

     

     

    March 5, 2019 at 4:03 am #283047
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Lukey,

    If you’re going to go into your girlfriend’s house, then you’re going to have to engage with the mother. Once a week, no more, no less, say, “I’d love to hear all about it, walk to the mail/around the block with us/let’s have a coffee”. Then she is at least out of the house!

    If she wants to literally say, “That’s OK, I’ll just sit here alone in the dark”, LET HER. Drop the girlfriend off at the door.

    And one thing about time: To a younger person, four years is a lifetime. To an older person, four years is like a blink of an eye. To her, the divorce JUST HAPPENED. Four years to her is like only four months to you.

    Best,

    Inky

    March 5, 2019 at 11:29 am #283135
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lukey:

    I think that the best thing you can do for your girlfriend, the loving thing to do for her, is to encourage her to move out and no longer live with her mother.

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.