Dear Anita

I have started Stockton University as a sophomore studying Biochemistry/Molecular Biology and Applied Physics. The campus is really peaceful and uplifting because there are woods and a lake nearby and nature trails for students to walk on. I enjoy my Stem Cells and Society class the most because I like how the professor explains things and learning about how cells can differentiate into different types in the body and DNA structure is fascinating. I am struggling with Organic Chemistry and thinking of withdrawing from that class. However if I withdraw from the class, I will only have nine credits and be part-time and that will reduce my financial aid and possibly impact my scholarship of 1,000 per year. I am considering withdrawing from Organic Chemistry and retaking it in the Spring semester, but I also worry if that will have any academic effects and I am aware of the financial impacts. So I feel a bit conflicted about whether to withdraw from Organic Chemistry. In the class, I feel like I’m falling behind because I am struggling to grasp the materials for the lab experiments and I am afraid that I cannot keep up. I have a student mentor who helps me, but it is still a difficult class. I was thinking of moving it to the Spring semester so I will have more time to prepare for it. Looking for advice, thank you. Hope you have a good week ahead!

I think that I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with the school work because I took summer classes at Ocean County College and went straight into the fall semester with classes at a new school without much of a break. Also the gender dysphoria makes it difficult to focus sometimes on school work. I like Stockton University because there is a LGBTQ club that helps a lot. But there are times when I feel like I’m a fragmented person and although I have a sense of self, it doesn’t feel complete. I feel like I’m trying to complete a puzzle for who I want to be but I’m not sure if I have all the pieces or if the pieces are really there. I just know that I identify as a guy, like Wicca and science but it just seems like only one piece and I don’t know if that’s enough to build a structure or feel like a whole person.

Dear Anita

Thank you so much for your advice. I withdrew from Organic Chemistry and feel much less stressed. The financial aid scholarship of 1,000 was lost when I became a part-time student. I am not sure if the scholarship will be reapplied if I become fulltime again in the Spring semester. I have a feeling that the scholarship may have been moved to the Spring semester since I checked my financial aid status and it only shows the 1,000 deducted from the fall semester, but not the Spring semester. So I am thinking when I become more adjusted to Stockton University’s campus, I may resume full-time status again and I think that my scholarship will be reapplied for the Spring semester. I am taking nine credits for the fall semester and getting involved on the campus. There are some great workshops that Stockton University offers, I recently attended a workshop that explained how to cope with school work anxiety and develop good study habits and I found it very insightful. The professor running the workshop today explained that some students when they reach higher level courses start to struggle with the material and since they struggle with the content some people will decide to give up the major that they worked so hard for and the professors at the college don’t want students to give up their hopes and dreams just because they struggle with a class so they are teaching students how to approach difficult courses and deal with anxiety. I find this helpful because I have been interested in science for quite a long time and there are some science courses that I struggle with that make me doubt whether I can become a scientist. However, listening to the professor talk about strategies to improve academic performance when a student is struggling and how they do not have to let a course make them doubt themselves made me feel better about myself because I have been doubting myself and my intelligence because I struggle with physics. But being in the workshop and listening to the professor’s advice helped me realize that a struggle in a class doesn’t have to change my entire major/ hopes and dreams of being a scientist and that there are resources to help me. So I feel more positive about myself after that workshop. Also I am part of Active Minds which encourages healthy habits such as healthy eating (I struggle with disordered eating because of my gender dysphoria and I find the support groups helpful), they also have meditations/yoga sessions that students can participate in that helps relieve stress. The campus is very LGBTQ friendly and the natural woods, lake, flowers and trees help uplift my spirits when I feel stressed. The library is very quiet and peaceful and a great place to study. If a student ever gets stressed while studying in the library, they can look out at the woods and feel more relaxed. I like the atmosphere of the campus because it helps me relax and there are many resources to help me with my studies. Hope you have a good rest of the week and blessings in your life.

Dear Anita

Thank you for your encouragement that helps make my life meaningful. I am grateful to have an inspirational friend like you who gives me strength to keep working on becoming a better person each day. My career class professor is assigning students to do self-reflections on the struggles they have faced in life and how it has helped, impacted or changed their lives. I find these self-reflection discussion board questions insightful because they allow me to wonder about my flaws and work on improving myself. The students reply to other students giving each other advice about what they posted and I find it interesting to read about the challenges that other students have because it makes me feel less alone. The career class is mostly about working on building the students up so they will have meaningful careers in their life, and to get students to think whether their life’s path will truly make them happy. The career class made me reflect on what I felt was holding me back from living as who I want to be and lead me to question who I was as a person. The professor asked students to think about who they are as a person outside of outside/external factors. Because if a person tries to seek happiness in the world but isn’t happy on the inside, then they won’t find happiness. So the professor made students question whether the career path they are considering is really who they are and who they want to be. The professor asked students to think about themselves as a unique soul and see who they were on the inside and think about what would happen if they realized that their career path wasn’t their framework for happiness. The professor said to the students that if they allowed a career path to be their framework and external things to define who they are, then when that external thing or career path doesn’t work out, what will be the thing that keeps people living? Being in this class made me realize that I needed to find myself within and not from the expectations of the world. I began to question myself and who I was as a person and wondered who I really was and I found that I didn’t really have all the pieces. The professor says that people’s personalities are so entrenched in who the world wants them to be that they lose parts of themselves and only by taking time to listen to their heart can they truly see what they want on the inside. So I began to think about my career path as a genetic researcher and wonder why I was pursuing it and whether it was the only foundation that I had to live for and I started thinking about how I would feel if that career path changed. I found that I couldn’t really think about how I would feel, I believed that as the science advances I could adapt with it in my research. I began to realize that I wanted to become a genetic researcher because I wanted to study DNA structure and genes in hopes of possibly figuring out if certain genes could be changed without adverse effects on an individual. Because if genes in the DNA structure could be changed, perhaps transgender people could get the genes that regulate biological sex characteristics to be changed so their bodies will develop biologically into the gender they identify as and this may avoid years of gender dysphoria. I think that this is why genetic research appeals to me so much because I want to help the transgender community. I think that the career path of genetic researcher is an expression of my authentic self. I also know that being out in nature and practicing Wicca, learning science and working on Buddhism spiritual growth meditations and also being  a guy is part of my inner self. I am not sure if anything else fits and as I explore myself, I begin to realize that I am the person choosing who I want to be and to work on not letting labels of society limit me. I know that I am a guy, when presenting as a guy, there is a knowing feeling that I feel more whole and comfortable with myself. There are some things that society may think are masculine that don’t fit me and I think that’s okay. I just know that I am a guy even though I don’t fit into societal expectations of what a guy should be. I am still building myself up and thinking about the boxes that I tried to fit myself in. Those boxes were not right for me and I became callused and bruised trying to fit myself into something I am not. I want to improve for the better each day, but I realize that I don’t have everything understood yet and that makes me anxious sometimes. But life is a journey and I think that I am on the right path to exploring myself. Blessings to you in all your life’s goals, thank you for being the special soul you are.

Dear Anita

Thank you so much for your insightful advice and your inspiration that helps encourage me to keep hope during the difficult times. I am grateful to have a friend like you. I hope that my career path will allow me to be financially independent and also give me a chance to support the transitioning costs. I enjoy writing positive inspiration to help uplift people and I think that it would be cool if I could write some poems of inspiration for the LGBTQ community to help those who are struggling. Hope you have a good week ahead. I wrote a positivity poem

Positivity poem Rap

May blessings of abundance light the way to help you through the stresses of your days. May your heart be light and there be strength in the dark times to help you shine bright. May each day bring you new hope for your goals and encouragement to help you nourish your soul. During the difficult times and when you feel like you’ve lost your spirit and feel like you want to quit, remember that you can get through it. Take the mud of the doubts and use them as the ground to establish your roots and grow because you are worth more than your doubts will ever show, so don’t let your flaws get you down, you are a special person and you can kick those doubts out of town. Sending positive energy your way, may you have the chance to heal and become better each day

Dear Anita

Lately, I have been feeling restless because I am not sure if I am creating the life I want to live. I create a schedule of the things to help me organize myself through the day, but the progress seems a bit slow and I think that during those moments when things are slow I begin to doubt whether I am being productive in life. I feel like I have a sense of purpose, but it seems like I  am not sure of what it is completely. I feel like I am working on a puzzle and there are some missing pieces. The good thing I am doing is that I am isolating myself from negative people and seeking out support from people who help me with my stresses. I think the thing that is bothering me is whether I am good enough to do the things I set my mind to. There are other people who seem smarter than I am when I am in class doing scientific research and some times I feel like I am not as good as they are because they seem to contribute more to the discussions then I do.

Hope you have a good rest of the week!