Also SATs are this saturday and my parents have become more demanding about my education. they ragged about my grades and if i fail a test in 2 subjects they never stop ragging me. i think i had three test all on the same day: ap world history, ap english and pre-calc, i received a 68 on ap world history, 60 on ap english and 97 on my pre-calc. it was stressful trying to prepare for three tests all at once and have to focus on keeping my grades in physics honors that it just made me quite stressed. these days my friends tend to drift away and some become closer. i am glad to have three loyal friends in ap world history and also my lunch friend. sometimes when people talk behind my back, my lunch friend tells me to ignore them. i also have a friend who is a girl that i’ve known since freshman year and she and i share a lot of the same stresses about college, grades and classes. it’s good to have these four people and also to know you, anita are always here for me. thanks for being so encouraging;) when i felt like my head was spinning, my lunch buddy and the girl helped me to study for physics honors. i am glad i am learning about projectile motion now because the equations are relatively easy and there is no calculating trigonometric functions using vector diagrams. i appreciate my four friends’ ability to be laidback and also to keep things simple. the girl i’m friends with is more like me since she tries really hard and she and i have both entered a period in which we are just going to try to let things happen instead of driving ourselves crazy with worry over school grades. we still work hard, but we try to not be too hard on ourselves and laugh at ourselves when we make a mistake. it can be hard for both of us at times, but we’re both encouraging each other. she told me today that sometimes she just doesn’t care anymore and she hates the competition and how she feels like she is all alone and i realize i feel that way sometimes. i told her that i felt the same way sometimes and that we should try to help each other, she and i both felt better after that. anyway my lunch buddy was listening to both us talking (we share the same lunch) and he told both me and my friend that the important thing is to enjoy life, keep things simple (i always envy the way he takes notes in such a simple, yet easy understand manner) and not to worry about every little grade you get, just let it go if you do bad on a test, know that you can do better next time. one of my friends in ap world history is like this, he is always laidback and he says the best thing in life when you are stressed is to take a nap, workout or just hang with friends, just live your life as if you didn’t have that stress and when you are ready to face whatever cause your stress imagine yourself running through the obstacle and your feet developing wings carrying you past to the finish line (he’s a track runner, so he always comes up with these analogies), he is encouraging me to try for track as well. anita, i’m glad you also have an daily exercise routine, that’s great;) I think i need more ideas on how to work my core muscles, do you have any ideas? i usually do yoga for flexibility, but sometimes my muscles are tight from running, yet i can do a split.

Thanks anita;) I like the core exercises that you mentioned;) I agree that a moderate slow workout is better than going intense because it tones better, even though an intense workout burns more calories. I had a great dream last night that I was on a political council with some students debating community service issues. it was cool because we were talking about ways to be more active in our school and make school more interesting. also my friends were all encouraging me telling me that i was healthy and intelligent. i felt an angel’s wing lift me as my friends and i did a reiki session and i felt the white light energize and heal me and bring me more positive light. the angel also then surrounded me with pink light and told me that i had people who cared about me and i was learning to care about myself. i saw a glimpse of my soul mate and the angel told me his name was chamuel (angel of divine love) and that together he abd i would help heal the planet. i just had to believe in myself and continue to be laidback. my parents criticism has made me fall into habits like fasting and i need to find a way to improve my circulation. the angel told me to take life one step at a time and told me that whenvner i needed guidance, i would always have all the angels and the buddha.

thanks anita;) i find that in physics honors i tend to understand one chapter then don’t understand the next and then understand the following after, it’s like a pattern. i like physics honors and pre-calc a lot this year. my pre-calc teacher has taught me many ways to approach a polynomial problem and there are times when i can look at a polynomial and spot it’s standard form and graph right away just by using y-int. and end behavior and some mental foiling. the physics honors teacher is quite encouraging even though he goes fast and he isn’t as laidback. i like both physics honors and pre-calc since we solve real world problems such as calculating interest and also distance of a car, we also do experiments with probability and also physics labs. today’s lab on projectile motion (motion of objects in 2D) was fun. my group of three people (including me) had to maneuver a steel ball on an incline ramp to hit a petri dish a set distance away. i was enjoying discussing pre-calc with my lunch buddy today he is in pre-calc honors and he learned about asymptotes first (he let me look at his notes and i learned them), but now we are both learning about writing polynomials with degrees and certain number of integer zeroes and we are both enjoying our class. i am currently struggling with analyzing and inferencing events in ap world history, sometimes you have to look at a document or a source and infer who the author or the point of view is and it can be hard for some documents for document based essay that only give minor information, it’s like you have to work with the documents and arrive at a conclusion. also there is only 15 minutes to read and analyze twelve documents on the ap exam which is may 12 and 40 minutes to write the essay. for ap english, i wish the class wouldn’t get sidetracked at times and i wish the teacher would get to more of the basis of how to write a good essay rather than focus on other written works and looking for rhetorical terms. i think have four quizzes tomorrow: one in pre-calc, one in physics honors, one in ap english and one in ap world history. it is great to have my lunch buddy around because currently we are both helping each other do well in math and science. he is also encouraging me to do well and be more laidback. i think for ap world history i will have a test on friday on ch. 14 which has a comparative essay on it and also will probably have to type another comparative essay over the weekend (i hope not). i have to read 20 pages for ap english by next thurs in nickel and dimed. anyway sats are this saturday. every customer who comes to my restaurant asks me about my sats and it really annoys me, i think sat scores should be entirely confidential and also i have so much other stuff in school with my grades that i really don’t want customers asking me about sats and college. it’s like my parents and the customers are trying to rush me through life. i just want to focus on keeping my grades up and also doing some studying for the sats. my lunch buddy is great b/c he helps me review my notes and when we help each other review terms from math and english courses, i find that i memorize it better. he came up with the analogy that when i felt pressured by people like my parents, i could imagine myself as a bird flying high towards the sky and tell myself that i am strong, healthy and smart.

Also, i am learning lots about economics and i find that i enjoy economics much like my three friends, it is interesting to learn about the social classes of the world, the different rates of healthcare in world and just to understand the capitalistic nature of our world. i don’t have an economics class, but my friends and i have been researching about world geography, politics and economics. i think the thing i love the most about my life and what makes great days is the support of friends including you and also the journey of life, trying and understanding from your mistakes and just appreciating nature and living life. I think i need to practice one of the buddhist values more which is not be jealous and to desire what others have. there are times when i wish i could be like my three friends who have more time on their hands to experiment and learn things, be with their parents and learn and have time to go out into the world to explore and see the wonders of science; while i have to work and the only way to experience things is to self-teach myself using the computer. these mornings, i have been looking up to the sky and saying in my mind “buddha, let me experience the fullness of my life on this day, let my heart be filled with joy and love. let me make this day a day of gratitude and divine love for all beings including myself.” it is great because these days, i’ve been seeing flashes of white light and buddha’s calm face and hand pushing me along. whenever, i am with my friends i sense a divine presence around and feel in my heart the true gratitude of what it feels to be alive and have friends who support you. i have also seen angel feathers and wings embracing me and my friends. when i was strained during my pre-calc quiz, i saw the image of buddha and he said “clear your mind and focus, don’t be worried. take it slowly, you will do okay, give it your best shot.” i really believe that sometimes if i have a stressful day, it is mostly my attitude and also that it won’t last. i tend to have a pattern of stressful or foggy mental thinking on some days, but it is always followed by days of calm, encouragement and centering. i think this happens for a reason, i think the days when i am stressed are to help me learn to be strong and also refocus on my calm and those days of calm are to make me grateful for being alive, in a way it all balances out. i think i’m starting to see the balance in my life such as my weighted gpa last year was 97.5 and my unweighted was 95. this year, my unweighted went down 2 points and my weighted rose 1 point, so there is a balance. it seems like there are so many balances in the universe and that sometimes you have to lose something to gain another thing. today i was walking with my two ap friends and it was really cool because we all saw the angel metatron (divine purpose) radiate pinkish purple light and it was cool because the angel’s wings brushed our shoulders. the strange coincidence was that on the school announcements was the words of wisdom (we have them every day) and they said that people work better when they cooperate and share a mutual respect and love for each other instead of competing like bitter rivals.” and the angel’s message was that we were on our way to our life’s purpose and we should work together to achieve our goals. it was so cool and all three of us were smiling when we went to our third block class.

thanks, anita;) I like your insight on accepting your emotions. There is a quote that says “Accept and acknowledge the dark parts of yourself, then can you only bring light and heal the those parts within you.” I think I need to work on accepting the doubts that I have of myself and make peace with them so I can let them go and heal. Although Apocalypto is a bit of a violent film, it portrays the Aztecs and the Mayans quite well. The mayans value strength and bravery and it is quite amazing how one with nature in the rainforest they can be. in the movie, the protagonist Jaguar Paw faces many obstacles such as his family ridiculing him for not being able to have a child with his wife. he survives the aztec takeover of his territory and also manages to escape the aztec human sacrifice at tenochtitlan after the aztecs believe a solar eclipse was the sign that the gods were satisfied. he had hidden his wife and their child in a cistern and he promised them that he would come back. his love for her managed to get him through all the trials and tribulations of the aztecs. he watched his father chief get killed by aztec warrior, watched his wife get beaten by the aztecs (before he hid her in the cistern), had to walk barefoot on rocky, eroded terrain to tenochtitlan (enduring the sight of emaciated poor people on the outskirts) and when he was spared from the sacrifice. he and some other mayan men were taken to a field to play lacrosse where the captives were to run and the aztec warriors used them as target practice. although, he was wounded by an arrow to his side, he managed to kill the aztec warrior’s son and run to the corn fields. he managed to evade the aztecs by hiding in a tree and out of luck since the tree was occupied by a jaguar which chased him toward the aztecs, but upon coming upon the aztecs, the jaguar turned on the aztec warrior and the other aztec men had to kill the jaguar. the aztecs thought it was a bad omen because they respected the jaguar, but the chief warrior said to continue the chase because he wanted revenge for his son. anyway, the aztecs continued the chase and the closer they got to mayan territory, the more Jaguar Paw was at an advantage. he knew the animal traps he built and he was able to use the rainforest to his advantage. he used a huge leaf sack to capture wasp to let out on the aztecs. he hid himself in the long grasses in the rainforest and used a bamboo shooter and wooden poison darts (poison obtained through a poison dart frog) to defend against the aztecs. one aztec leader was bitten by a snake and passed. Jaguar Paw went into quicksand and when he got out, he looked like a jaguar. the aztecs were shocked by his appearance, but they continued to chase him.
Jaguar Paw gets to the lake with rapids and waterfall and he tries to cross it but it’s hard, the Aztecs see him and think it’s the end for him. however, Jaguar Paw yells to them “It’s not over!” and he swims back to the shore and tells the Aztecs and he has confidence, he tells them “This is my forest. My father, Flint Sky hunted before me and when i’m gone my sons will hunt here. I am a hunter.” The aztec chief decided that they would all jump into the water and take their chances. one aztec warrior hit his head on a stone and some others drowned. Jaguar Paw managed to swim to shore with the chief chasing him when the aztec chief shot an arrow (wooden shaft, stone head) at him, it went barely missing his left aorta, but Jaguar Paw stood up and broke the arrow out and he stood facing the aztec warrior. the aztec chief came with his stone bladed knife at him, but was speared by a net made of vines and animal bone. the other aztecs looked at their leader, but still continued to chase him. he gets to the territory where he sees his wife in a cistern and it is raining; he is worried about her drowning, but he can’t stop and help her because the aztecs are chasing him, however seeing her gives him strength and happiness. there are now three surviving aztecs chasing him. one of him and they have a fight, Jaguar Paw gets hit in the forehead with a aztec wooden club, but he he uses the blow to his advantage since he slides down the soil to a wooden club which he grips and he comes upon the aztec who is unaware and hits him on the head and Jaguar Paw manages to kill the aztec warrior. there are still two aztec warriors chasing him, but they stop when the spanish fleet comes and the two aztecs go to meet them, while Jaguar Paw and his wife, child and new baby go to the mountains. i think this movie is great because it is about persistence and using all you’ve got in life to survive. i admire Jaguar Paw how everyone had ridiculed him and also he had felt fearful of leading his father’s tribe one day to becoming a survivor and a true leader. when Jaguar Paw gets conquered by the Aztecs, the aztec chief warrior tells him his name is Almost, telling him that he only achieves his goals in life halfway, that he is weak and at first he is submissive, but when he sees the aztecs and all the horrors, he uses them as fuel for strength and also his love for his wife and promise made him want to stay alive. i feel this movie is about perseverance and trying your hardest in life, even if times get tough, to build strength and keep going. i might have gotten the events in mixed up order, but i think i summarized the movie’s themes okay. Jaguar Paw ran at least fifty miles in two days while he was injured. also while in the cistern, his wife tried to climb out by using vines tied to a log which she tried to hook onto a ledge to climb out while she was in labor, but the log ended falling. yet the strength, bravery and tenacity of the mayans as well as the aztecs (although i think they were portrayed as violent warriors and most of my class liked the mayans better) is amazing. i was at first stressed because i had sats tomorrow and read 60 pages in nickel and dimed for ap english test thursday, 24 pages for ap world history for tuesday’s ch.14 test and the physics honors test on projectile motion was moved to monday. i also had a mock ap exam in ap english which took an hour today and the first passage was hard, but the rest were easy, but the length of the exam was grueling. i also have to type up a six- paragraph essay for ap world history by monday. after watching the movie, i think about how much Jaguar Paw suffered and realize that he had so much more trauma than I did and he used it to become a more resourceful and stronger person, so I managed to think that whenever I feel stressed, I can think back to Jaguar Paw and how he lived through so much and know that I can be just as strong and get through it all. The whole time our class was watching the movie, we were all cheering for Jaguar Paw and hoping he would stay safe, there were times when we worried about him=, but when he got to his territory and started believing in himself and asking the gods of nature to give him strength, i realized that he was going to make it. i feel like i have a connection with Jaguar Paw because i enjoy nature and being strong and at times i may doubt myself, but i also have to take the doubt and use it to motivate me to go out there and try.

Thanks anita;) I like your insight on the movie and thanks for calling me Shirley Paw, that made me smile. I did a healing archangel raphael meditation last night before the test and I was quite relaxed during the test. The test had many historical and scientific passages and the math (since i had math both semester) wasn’t too hard. i had the three friends that had helped me study and improve my math skills and the meditation had helped me focus and think quickly so the test wasn’t so bad. i felt like every question was quite similar to the ones i studied with my friends before and although there were some questions i wasn’t sure of, there weren’t any surprises and i think i did relatively well. my 10th grade geometry teacher had told me that circles would be important so spending time with my friends and learning new techniques on the graphing calculator helped me. being in ap classes and having a two semester math helped me remember most of the formulas for the test. i actually had fun taking it because it had much more interesting passages than in my ap english and ap world history class. being in ap classes and honors and having to take many timed tests, i felt this test was much easier, it was more simplistic and logical and there weren’t any answers that had to be analyzed thoroughly and most were clear cut. I think there is a quote that says “If you want to succeed in things in life, look at everything with enthusiasm, your attitude even if you don’t like the event you are going through is what matters and what may get you through in life, just make the most of everything that comes your way.” i truly believe there is a reason why my three friends of math and science became closer and my special friend of english and history drifted apart. a lot of the passages on the test talked about science and also my literary friend showed me a cool technique to save time by reading questions first and skimming the passage. i truly believe that my spiritual meditations and me three friends helped me a lot. also towards the last few stretches of the test, i felt strained, but i saw the image of buddha in my mind and buddha told me “be like Jaguar Paw, keep going and relax.” so i kept going with renewed energy. i’m starting to see the interconnectedness of my choices in life with the divine and i realize that a lot of the classes i chose for the experience of life, friends and learning. i see the balance in all of my choices, my grades and realize that i always will have guidance and that things happen for a reason and that i am on a path of healing. it’s hard to describe in words what i’ve been feeling these days, but i feel like i am currently coming into contact with my higher self and my soul. a lot of my dreams have guidance and angels on how to succeed in school and my life. i feel more mental clarity and even at times of doubt (they don’t last as long as they used to) i am still able to find happiness. my psychic intuition and logical thinking have become faster and more flowering, there are times when i can feel a tingling at my crown chakra when i am thinking and processing information and i find that my intelligence is becoming sharper and clearer. also my heart chakra seems to be filled with more peace and love and i sometimes feel like i am glowing with the revelation of what it feels to be truly alive. i have been using this positive energy to send to others who need healing. i don’t think i believe in coincidences anymore because i had a dream about a bridge and that i was out in nature traveling on this bridge over a lake and it turns out that the bridge i saw was featured on bing webpage on hilton south carolina. i had a dream that i was being chased by a black bear on the bridge and i was running until i got to a break in the bridge where i had to use a tree vine to swing across. i was afraid, but the bear kept coming so i withheld my fear and made it across. after a few miles on the bridge, i had to walk on a rocky, pebbly road which wore down my shoes. i had to walk through slippery eroded soil and nearly slipped at times, next there was a mountain in my path and it snowed and rained and i thought i couldn’t go on. but i realized that i couldn’t just stop now, i’ve come this far so i climbed the mountain and over it. after a few more miles, i came face to face with the buddha who took my hand and told me “you have learned how to accept suffering through life, you have journeyed far on your own, you have faced many obstacles and challenges, now i will guide you the rest of the way.” buddha led me to land of rainbows and also beautiful evergreen trees and buddha told me that hard work always brings you far and that no matter what happens you will always find your way if you keep trying. the test is easier than the ap practice test which ask you to analyze and inference many things and the ap practice test are long and don’t give much breaks. the test took from 8-11:45, with at least 4 breaks. i’d never thought i could feel like this, so much more awakened and alive than i ever thought i could ever feel, i am going to work on making it as if it were a part of my life, as if it is a part of me and then i will use it to help others. i’ve learned that it’s not about studying harder, it’s about studying better with friends, without being so rushed that you miss the joys of life and also using your intuition and also your logical thought to help you. i never liked the rush and the criticism that my parents would put on me and i appreciate my friends laidback nature. with my parents one thing comes after another, you take the test, you learn the car, you learn the car, you create a finance account and so on and so on. it’s like they think i am so limited until i reach up to all of their expectations. but i’ve learned that it takes patience, motivation and just enjoying the process of life to succeed not to rush which brings stress.

Here is a poem I’ve written:

All or nothing

Don’t take the free ride in your own life

Keep living your dreams, giving all you’ve got towards your goals

Take your life into your own hands

Every second counts, cause there’s no second try

It’s all or nothing

So live like you’ve never lived before

Take risks, live the life of your dreams

Every step you take is a journey

Give your life everything you’ve got

Believe that every mountain can be climbed, every obstacle overcome

It’s all or nothing

So live life with no regrets

Start being the change you want to see in the world

Be the person you want to be

It’s never too late to continue to go after your dreams

And though the rocks of the mountain you climb may seem to huge or too slippery and you may slip or fall

Pick yourself up, laugh and learn from your mistakes

Life is to be lived

It is a journey that is all or nothing

So let go the past, the things you can’t change, the things that bring you sorrow

Let go of your worries for the future, how can you prepare for something you’re not even sure is here yet?

Focus on the present, the person you are now

Make it the person you want to be

Live in each moment of your life, enjoying the simple things

And when life throws you a curveball and the currents threaten to drag you under

When faced with heartbreak and despair and lost in life

Keep believing and hoping in your dreams

Because the mountain of life takes courage, self-assurance and hope to climb

Continue on your way

It”s all or nothing

And when you reach the top of the mountain, be grateful for all it took to get you there

Know that no matter what happens in life, there will always be someone to look out for you

Believe in yourself and your life with all that you’ve got

Start by creating the person you want to be now

Start living your dreams

Don’t be afraid to take risks, even if you end up falling

The important thing is that you keep going, keep believing no matter what

Don’t let others, your inadequacies or fear hold you back from climbing the mountain of life

Know you will reach the top

It’s all or nothing in life

And when your moment comes

You can truly say I lived and experienced all that I could

Thanks, Elle;)