Too Criticizing of Myself

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December 28, 2016 at 2:33 pm #123828

Janus
Participant

thanks for your comments anita:) lately i’ve been having dreams of golden threads of light wrapping around me and dispersing black mists which i think is negative energy. then the golden threads wrap me up until i am a golden bundle much like the caterpillar wraps itself up in a cocoon when it is getting ready for metamorphosis. in the golden bundle, i am changing and there is white light glowing until the golden threads all unbundle and out comes an angel. with one sweep of her wings the angel emits light that surrounds the earth and soon the angel raises her wings and is off in flight. below her the golden threads transform into lyrics of her soul voice and they resemble the poetry i write. then the angel soars up to the heavens where she meets the buddha on a cloud and the buddha says “you have wrapped yourself in the inner bully for too long. it is time to free your wings and fly.” yet, the newly born angel doesn’t know how to have the confidence yet so the buddha raises his hand and a white light swallows the angel. the angel hears the buddha’s voice saying “Without the waters of tears there would be no nourishment for flowers to grow. Without holes, there would be no place for flowers to grow. When people throw mud at you, use it to grow. Just like the lotus that grows from the mud, let the sufferings make you stronger, so you establish roots and grow to touch the sun.” The buddha lifts the angel and lets go saying “Let your wings fly and touch the sun. And when the skies get rough, keep your sights on the light. The light may be hiding slightly behind clouds, but it is always there. Be the candle that lifts people up and not the wind that blows the light out.” So the angel flies over the world and every where she unfurls her wings, light is dispersed. And the Buddha says “You see, you’ve always had the light within you. Nothing can put the flame out. So nourish the star within for you will be a light that lights up the black velvet of darkness.” With that, the Buddha floats away on his cloud while the angel flies confidently and the Buddha said “Farewell angel of the heavens let your authentic music play.”

December 28, 2016 at 6:37 pm #123836

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Shirley, Earth Angel:

You have dreams fitting an Earth Angel!

“You see, you’ve always had the light within you. Nothing can put the flame out. So nourish the star within for you will be a light that lights up the black velvet of darkness.”

Two more days to the anniversary!

anita

December 30, 2016 at 6:49 am #123995

Anonymous
Guest

December 30, 2016, Post #1

Dear Shirley, Earth Angel and Reader:

THIS IS THE ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THIS THREAD, THE LONGEST THREAD IN THE HISTORY OF TINY BUDDHA.

TITLE OF THREAD: TOO CRITICIZING OF MYSELF. STARTED 12/30/2015. THE THREAD INCLUDES 827 POSTS, 56 PAGES AND 18 RESPONDENTS.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

As Shirley suggested on 12/15, I post here:

THIS IS A TRIBUTE TO EARTH ANGEL SHIRLEY’S LIFE STORY.

THIS IS IN HONOR OF THE MANY SETBACKS SHE FACED AND THE WAY SHE OVERCAME THEM WITH HER SCIENTIFIC WIT AND POETIC PROWESS.

anita

December 30, 2016 at 6:58 am #123996

Anonymous
Guest

December 30, 2016, Post #2

Dear Shirley, Earth Angel and Reader:

As a tribute to the longest running thread in the history of tiny Buddha, on this one year anniversary of this thread, I complied quotes from Shirley’s sharing on the first day of the thread and then, ever 30th of the following month (or closest date to it):

12/30/2015 From my early years to 6th grade, I used to be carefree and would be confident, outgoing and accepting of myself. I was healthy and wasn’t easily influenced by others and had good self-esteem.

1/30/2015: i feel like my parents focus on my inadequacies more while my friends boost my confidence. about the guy i was talking about, he was the first best friend i had in seventh grade when i was bullied and isolated. he helped me feel better about myself and it is like he saved my life by bringing in the light and comfort when i was in the dark. he would always be there to comfort me, some of my friends think he may be my soul mate because we’ve known each other for 5 years.

3/1: I feel like i’m the guy in the song (‘High Above Me’ by Tal Bachman) who sometimes thinks that other people have so much more than i do, that they are perfect and that i’ll never be that way. i think that is why i’m so shy around my special friend at times because i think that i have nothing to offer, that he is just so much better than me.

3/30: i’m glad i’m still on spring break, but i also miss school b/c there are some questions i need to ask andrew in person about fishing and hunting in the wild. the pictures and tools in the book are easy-to-follow, but there are five i’m unsure about.

4/30: the great thing about pre-calc is that when we learn about calculating interest payments or the exponential growth of a stock over time, i know i will use those in life, but in ap world history i won’t need to know about the wars or the trades in ancient times in life.

5/30: sometimes i feel like i am my own worst critic. there is a lot of competition in the honors and ap classes at school and it seems as if everyone strives for perfection. i think my main goal is to find inner happiness, to know myself beyond all the negative criticisms and be my true self. i feel like tinybuddha has helped me a lot, whenever i feel inadequate or feel like i lack creative ideas, i can go on here and read all the posts and i feel myself being uplifted and my creative spark reignites. thanks a lot to everyone.

6/30: i want to be the person that is spiritually fulfilled and i don’t care about fame, being an extreme genius, or being extremely athletic. i have simply begun working on dropping the expectations of the world.

7/29: i love chemical equations and there are different ones such as catabolic reactions (decomposition), anabolic reactions (synthesis reactions) oxidation reactions, combustion reactions and displacement reaction (easiest to balance) since it was like AB+ C —> A+CB much like the associative property of addition.

8/30: volunteering at nursing homes and helping the elderly with a craft makes me realize that the simplest things in life are often the most meaningful and shouldn’t be taken for granted.

9/28: i don’t think i’ll ever have a boyfriend b/c i am very independent and i tend to have high standards when it comes to a guy. i want someone who is a scientist (since i love science) and is good at math, knows about computers and toolworking, likes nature and camping, is a buddhist wiccan, is athletic (but not too vain with it), first aid and kind and accepting, laid-back.

10/30: i envisioned a clock with its hand being pushed back and with every minute, the inner bully shrinking until it reached the 12 o’clock and the inner bully popped out (like those clocks that go “cuckoo” when the reach twelve. so when the inner bully popped out, i smashed it and bolted the door of the inner bully clock and i threw it into a black hole.

11/29: i’ve been having hopeful dreams, even when my brain is a bit strained… i also had a dream that people were throwing a party for me with cookies and tea and they were applauding at a new invention of science i had come up with.

12/28/2016: And the Buddha says “You see, you’ve always had the light within you. Nothing can put the flame out. So nourish the star within for you will be a light that lights up the black velvet of darkness.”

anita

December 30, 2016 at 7:22 am #123997

Anonymous
Guest

December 30, 2016, Post #3

Dear Shirley, Earth Angel and Reader:

As a second tribute to the longest running thread in the history of tiny Buddha, on this one year anniversary of this thread, I complied the beginnings of all of Shirley’s poems posted on this thread:

2/17/2016, No one Like You:
There is no one like you
You are always here to listen and offer support
Thank you for your kind words and wisdom
It is a blessing to have met you
Understanding and compassionate, your advice brings out rainbows on rainy days
When my ships feel lost at sea and the wind blows them in different directions, when I veer off course in life, you are the map that guides me back…

2/20, All or nothing:
Don’t take the free ride in your own life
Keep living your dreams, giving all you’ve got towards your goals
Take your life into your own hands
Every second counts, cause there’s no second try
It’s all or nothing
So live like you’ve never lived before
Take risks, live the life of your dreams…

2/23, Learning to Live Again:
I have been reborn again
Out of the ashes of my former self
I now seek to live my life authentically
Listening to my heart, not the outside world
I’m learning to live again…

2/23, It’s Not My Time:
I’m not giving up
Even though I may fall or fail a test
It’s time to get back on my feet again
I may struggle in geometry honors
I may complain and feel like a failure
But it’s not my time to quit
It’s never my time to quit
I’ll make it to the end…

2/25, Tomorrow:
Where you going to be tomorrow?
How was the person you were today?
The person you were today determines what you may face tomorrow
So be the best person you can be today
So what awaits for you tomorrow will be a gift…

2/25, Believe:
Through your darkest nights when you feel lost and alone, it take courage to keep going
But keep climbing on the steps of life
The star is at the top awaiting you
Keep your hope
And though life may not always be easy and you may fall down a stair
believe in yourself and keep climbing
The mountain can be moved through small steps
So be patient and trust yourself…

3/19, You are a Star:
The only person holding you back is yourself
Dare to take a risk, happiness is all around you.
Every step you take lights a candle in your path
Even if the wind blows out a candle, hope still lights the way
You are a star, you control your life
Let your imperfections help you find who you truly are…

3/19, Roads of Life:
Which path to take?
It seems like I’ve lost my map on the road of life
Everywhere I go I’m plagued with doubt and worries
Which color of the rainbow leads to the pot of gold?
When you feel uncertain on the roads of life, you’re not alone
Hope lights the way, you will make it through
Look within your heart, see what truly makes you happy…

3/19, Live Your Life to the Fullest:
Living my life isn’t hard at all
Appreciating the little things in life
Laughing at myself
Forgiving people for their wrongdoings
I’m learning to be compassionate
Living life to the fullest…

3/23, Awake and Alive- Life’s a Dance:
I hear a calling outside in the world
I feel in my soul
Forgetting all I’m lacking
I roll the die in my life
Taking the chances and outcomes I face
Don’t be afraid to take a risk and adventure out of what’s conventional in life
I walk a path of light and love
Nothing holds me back from dancing with the stars…

3/23, Discover Yourself- Live your dreams:
It’s never too late to broaden your horizons
Take the reins in your life
It’s time to discover yourself
It’s time for you to light up the world
Don’t just get by in life or you won’t get far
The stars are out there waiting to be reached
It’s time to discover yourself…

3/25, Divine Love- Spiritual Soul mate:
Focusing on climbing every mountain to the summit
Running to the place I love, to the place I feel alive
The world glows with light
Letting go of all I’ve held on to
Surrendering to divine to divine love and healing
i’m surrounded by Heaven’s embrace
Letting myself be free, breaking down the walls that confine my spirit…

3/26, Anita- You are the Beauty of All the Seasons:
When the world is cold and blanketed in white
I still see the wonder of a winter wonderland, there is so much joy in life even in the coldest of seasons
When the winds blow harshly and there is no sun to warm the heart
There is still the beauty of nature
When the sky is a white haze like my mind when I feel lost
I know hidden beneath is the calm blue sky of mental clarity…

3/28, Words Left Unspoken:
All the words saved in my heart
As the roses fade
But the candle still burns
If only you could see into my heart
Then you would know the words that are left unspoken
Everything I do and everything I am
Is the one that I tried being for you…

4/20, Be yourself:
You are only confined by the walls you build yourself
You are what you love, not what loves you
Think of all the things you could be
You are not held back by who you think you are, but by who you think you are not
Confidence is not “They will like me”
Confidence is “I’ll be fine if they don’t”…

4/25, Cosmic Alignment:
Discovering my soul’s true purpose
Awakening to divine love and healing
Breaking the illusions
No longer confined by the walls of limitations
Accepting myself and my talents
Forgetting all I’m lacking
I breathe the divine in
At peace with my life…

4/25, Embrace your uniqueness:
A star is born in the universe
from the disarray of nebulas and specks of energy in this galaxy
We are all made of star stuff
Like a star formed out of the chaos of cosmic energy, we have the ability to shine brighter with hope even when our life is in disarray
When we feel lost, stuck spinning in circles, uncertain which path to take
We can take this time to focus on our inner stars, our talents…

4/28, A Friend of the Rainbow:
All the colors at full brightness and beauty
Appearing after the dissipation of rain
You are beautiful and unique
Your caring and compassionate nature encourages me to strive for my best…

5/12, Physics of Life:
Remember to diverge from society and reflect your own light rather than converging with everyone else
Some mirrors produce small images, some big images and some just right
Look at yourself and your life through a flat mirror where the image of you is just right
It’s not magnified with over-confidence or diminished with low self-esteem…

5/12, Rebirth:
New eyes look upon the world
New days awash with light
Awakened with divine love and purpose
I am reborn
This is my dawn
Healing form within
Forgetting all I’m lacking
Releasing all the fear inside
Embracing myself exactly as I am…

5/12, Mirrors of the World:
Is who I think I am the person seen by the world?
Looking at the views of the world reflected back at me, am I a virtual image or is this the real me?
Am I the person I want to be or the person shaped by the values of the world?
We are all imprisoned in a castle of glass
Always seeming as if the sun glints off the windows
Afraid to show our true selves…

5/31, the short poem for my angel mural:
Open your heart, free your soul, open your doors, spread your wings and fly upon the stars.
Forget the doubts and limitations, be the person you truly are.
Follow your dream
Don’t just follow the team
Follow your inner voice
To change the world, make the choice
To change yourself, to see the star within you
To yourself be true…

6/2, Immersed in Divine:
All thoughts fade away
All that I am, all that I ever was is perfection
Making myself whole
Letting go of all the things I need to be
Letting my true self surface
Immersed in Divine
Letting go of expectations, of the world…

6/3, Beautiful as the Dawn:
The red and gold streaks the sky
After a long night of darkness
The gold crown of sun awakening
Anita, you are as beautiful as the dawn
New beginnings and hopes arise with a new day…

6/3, In the End:
The last chapter of life
Afraid to close the book
To venture into the unknown
Will I find darkness or light?
In the end it doesn’t matter who you were in life, it matters the journey you took and the lessons you learned
We all wish we could rewrite our life, turn back the pages
When we should have enjoyed every moment while we were here…

6/24, Song of Life:
Let the melodies of the divine flow within the soul
Let them carry you upon their wings through all the clamor in this world
Walk to the harmony of the beats your heart sings
Play the music of your soul
Play away the sadness and doubt
Wrap yourself in your dreams of hope…

7/20, Never Enough (mistakes you always see):
Everything I do, it is never good enough to you
You see my mistakes more than my accomplishments
Every step I take is another mistake to you
In your eyes, I never added up to my oldest sibling
You judged me for my grades
You judged me for my fears
All this judging has made me the way I am
Past betrayals and your hurtful words sink deep
The scars from old wounds open again
Each time you assail me
Can’t you see I try so hard?…

8/2, Candle in the Wind:
She is the sunlight passing through prisms casting rainbows upon the world
She is the candle of hope that flickers in the darkness
All the light at full brightness
All the wavelength of her beauty and compassion dispersed
Anita is the candle in the wind
Her light allows others to be guided when their ships are at rough seas…

8/5, Into the Divine:
All the shattered glass of youth breaks and the world comes rushing in
All these thoughts and responsibilities that must be learned
All the doubts and insecurities that lie within
Time seems to be slipping through fingers like sand…

8/5, Youthful Reflections Interconnectedness of Life:
When souls touch the heavens
How we wish we could stay among the stars forever
Dreaming as immortal Souls
Drifting in divine love
Even with our castles in the sky, we must still build the ladders up to them…

8/6, Home:
Staring out into the night
Stretching my arms out to the heavens
Erasing the negative parts of me
I’ve not always been the best person
But I have forgiven what I’ve done…

8/6, Immortality:
The dawn is breaking
A new person arises
A person filled with purpose
A person of the divine…

8/6, Embracing my Divine Self:
Erasing myself of all physical limitations
Start again and whatever pain I let go
Embracing the uncertainty and adventure of life
What if I’m not like the others?
What if i don’t want the world to direct my plays?…

8/22, Frisbee Frenzy (2012):
I hadn’t expected to shatter the window of your car.
The disk, it flew so far.
I was out practicing frisbee for the first time…

8/22, Sparkling Sapphire(2012):
I am the color of the sky.
My friend, Emerald, is down below as the grass.
A blue jay as it flies.
The vast seas, their color I own.
I give berries an azure tone…

8/22, Recipe for Love (2014):
Begin with a batch of kindness.
Sprinkle a tablespoon of trust.
Add a pinch of acceptance.
Stir in a cup of loyalty.
Mix in a cup of caring.
Chop up all insecurities.
Blend in an ounce of patience.
Makes a lifetime of happiness…

8/22, Eulogy for a Rose (a previous year):
Summer and spring have faded away.
But I still remember your bright red petals and sweet scent.
The way the rain kissed your petals.
When you danced in the wind, you seemed to sing…

10/7 A song ridiculing the inner bully:
the arms of the inner bully goes grab, grab, grab.
the arms of the inner bully goes grab,grab, grab
the arms of the inner bully try to grab me
the mind of the inner bully goes yes, yes, yes…

10/26, Soul of the Heavens:
When I was being sucked into a black hole
About to pass the event horizon, the point of no return
You came with a gravitational force 10 times stronger than the sun and pulled me away from the fierce winds of the black hole…

10/26, Rebuilding Myself:
Looking into the horizon
Bridging the connection of my soul to the heavens
Staring at the stars, being amongst them, home at last
Seeing myself clearly for the first time
Looking at the broken pieces, I let the light in…

10/26, You are my Rock:
Shipwrecked in the waters of life, the rivers threaten to wash me away
Looking to the heavens to save me
Looking for a sign of hope
As the river thrashes me to and fro
The river’s turbulent waters carry me away from home
Yet when I feel lost forever
On the other bank stands a lighthouse
You are that lighthouse, Anita…

10/27, Stronger at the Broken Pieces: A Story of Loss and Gain:
You know I was broken when I hit the ground
The glass jar shattered into pieces
No longer contained in the tight bubble of comfort
Looking at the broken pieces glistening in the sun
Sunlight reflecting off the pieces, I saw myself for the first time…

11/27, Soul Fire:
When the flame ignites
You all add fuel to the fire
As the flames climb into the clouds, all that I needed was the one thing I wasn’t sure I could find
Caught in the burning glow, I let myself become alight with flame
Burning away who I once was and stepping into who I truly am…

12/25, Soul of the Heavens:
Stars twinkling in the night
Shining like diamonds admist a black canvas
One star shines brighter than the others
One star points steadfastly north
That star is you…

12/25/16, Refueling the spirit:
When the flames climbed to the sky
Stopping me in mid-flight as I fell to the Earth
I saw my broken pieces laid out before me
Looking at the sky, it felt like I’d been lost
Yet through the ash and the smoke clouds, there was a sun hiding behind…

12/25/16, Just the Way You Are (finding the light within yourself):
I was afraid to speak my voice
So I sat quietly and forgot that I had a choice
I left my body lying along the current drifting through the sands of time
Through the darkest of my days, there must have been a light…

anita

December 30, 2016 at 3:08 pm #124028

Janus
Participant

thanks a lot anita for compiling all the works in this thread. when i start compiling a book with my poems and things, i think i will refer to this as a reference so i can easily find them. currently i’m working on setting up a schedule where i can meditate and work on healing myself. so lately i’ve been feeling a bit detached from myself, but the good thing is i know when the inner bully is there and it has become easier to deflate the inner bully when it’s there.

Mirrors of the World

Is who I think I am the person seen by the world?

Looking at the views of the world reflected back at me, am I a virtual image or is this the real me?

Am I the person I want to be or the person shaped by the values of the world?

We are all imprisoned in a castle of glass

Always seeming as if the sun glints off the windows

Afraid to show our true selves

Hidden away in the castle of glass, watching the world reflected back to us

The light of the world comes in and it bends and breaks us shaping who we are

The castles we build are so easily shattered and they only confine us in illusion keeping our souls from being truly free

As the world comes rushing in and the walls come tumbling down and the glass shatters into pieces

Yet the pieces can build a new stronger foundation

A broken heart can contain the world

You are not what the mirrors of the world determine you to be

You are only constrained by the limits you place upon yourself

Don’t let the mirrors of the world shape your values

Break free from the castles of glass and truly let the light in

Even if everything has fallen apart it’s okay

Through the darkest nights, the stars can shine

Even the broken pieces can help you become stronger

Not every path you take will lead to success

But you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take

So go for the gold

Don’t let setbacks discourage you

When one door closes another opens

If you spend time in the dark despairing you will only miss out on the opportunities life has awaiting

Life is a gift, an adventure

Live each second as if it were your last

Look at yourself and ask yourself if the person you are now is the person you want to be

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for what you do have

Instead of living a life you want to escape from, appreciate the life you have now

Break the mirrors of illusion, set your soul free

Be the person you truly want to be

December 30, 2016 at 5:27 pm #124035

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Shirley, Earth Angel:

It is still the one year anniversary.

In simple words, not poetic, no imagery, how are you feeling these days, how does “detached” feels like?

anita

December 31, 2016 at 2:06 pm #124111

Janus
Participant

it’s a funny feeling like i still hear the world’s expectations and sometimes the inner bully’s voice, but it is more faint and my heart beats louder and i find myself laughing more. it’s like i’m detached from my body, but in my soul experiencing everything through different eyes. I see myself in my soul on a higher plane and without judgment on my body. when i come upon a negative experience i’ve encountered in life and it floats into my memory, i dwell in it for a while feeling a bit sad, but appreciating what that experience has taught me before disengaging from that memory. my memories are like clouds floating on a blue sky and i am currently the sun shining light on the memories letting them just pass like the clouds in the sky. yet, i feel stronger and more at home. one memory keeps coming to me of me stretching my hands to the light and just being light. the person is a shadow with doubts and fears, but upon raising the hands to the light, that person soaks up light. ever since i’ve taken ap calculus and ap biology i find i understand the human body more from ap biology and i appreciate its intricacies and ap calc makes me realize that there are simpler ways to solve problems. i like multiple choice problems more than open-ended for ap calc b/c i find that i can pick out the answers without much work and get them correct. i use some of logic and some intuition and i get the answer right 40/50 times.

December 31, 2016 at 6:04 pm #124178
Janus
Participant
here are some things to do for new year’s:

two meditations from my reiki class

Fire and Water Meditation (This meditation will allow you to stay warm during cold and purify yourself using your breath) I will post more on how to enter a trance state and call upon your spirit guides and angels to help you activate the healing energy inside. After that we will talk about healing different aspects of the body and how to detect illness.

Here is the meditation:

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, let yourself become relaxed in your chair. Imagine your breath as a halo and surrounding your body with fire. Feel this fire warm you, take it into your physical body as you inhale and imagine it coursing through your body through your veins giving you warmth. With each exhale, imagine the fire leaving and connecting a strand with the divine to your heart chakra. You can use the affirmation: “I am protected by the divine. No longer am i cold.”

To purify yourself, possibly a part of your body (It can be a part of your body that you are criticizing about or have some trouble, pain there):

Imagine your breath as fire surrounding the area giving warmth and healing to the area. Next exhale and connect the fire to the divine again. Then imagine you are standing in a pool and there is a waterfall. Go near the waterfall and imagine the water cascading down throughout your body washing away negativity. Protect yourself from negativity by imagining your breath as a white light forming a halo protecting your aura and affirm “I am at peace. I am protected and healed from negative energies.”

(You can use two different colored beads on a string to measure the balance of your in-breath and outbreath. Spend time in the meditation for 10-15 minutes and practice it for at least 3 weeks or as long as you need to.)

2nd meditation

With your eyes closed:

Imagine a blackboard in front of you as you count down the numbers from 5-1.
5 Your thoughts are starting to lessen in intensity as your body begins to relax.
4 Your thoughts are becoming like clouds now fading and fleeting as the tension in your body begins to melt away.
3 Your body is traveling down a path of ancient stairs as your thoughts begin to melt away until your mind is like a clear blue sky on a summer day
2 Your body releases its physical heaviness as you go deeper down the stairs until you come upon a door, Open this door and allow yourself to sink into the basement of your subconscious mind
1 You are in trance now, feeling wonderfully good and eager to meet your guides and angels to awaken your inner healing

Imagine yourself standing on a beach letting the sun’s rays fill you with energy, smell the crisp salty air around you, hear the waves crashing

As you lie there on the sand, feel the sun’s energy coursing through your body’s chakras energizing you from your root to your crown

Imagine a light coming from the divine entering into your crown chakra and say “My consciousness is aligned with the divine”

Allow the light to flow to your heart chakra and say “I am spreading divine love and light. I am initiated with the power to heal.”

Imagine the light wrapping around you like a bubble, fusing with your aura and say “I am breathing in divine healing energy and radiating divine love. I am calling upon my spirit guides and angels to help me channel this Reiki energy through me now.”

Surround your aura with light and intone “Spirit guides and angels, may I ask your name?”

Listen with your subconscious mind to the insights and images you receive. As your guides and angels a question such as “What is my life’s purpose?” and “How may I heal and attain my life’s purpose?”

Listen to the images you receive. Imagine your guides and angels wrapping you with wings of divine light and healing.

Feel the energy of healing course through your body and out through your hands and send it where it may go to yourself, a loved one or the planet.

Tell your spirit guides and angels “Thank you for helping me awaken my healing abilities.”

As you being to climb the stairs back into your physical body, know that you can call upon your angels and guides at any time to assist you in healing.

Open your crown, open your heart and feel the energy coursing through your hands and send it wherever it may go

Archangel Raphael is the angel of healing and I often call upon him to heal. If you have any beings you call upon to assist you, feel free to use them to help you.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Janus.
December 31, 2016 at 7:37 pm #124184

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Shirley:

This is your thread. As long as you follow the “Guidelines for Sharing” (ex. respectful language) you can share about anything and everything you wish, any number of posts per day you choose to make and of any length you choose. This is your thread. You can also ask me or any person who replies to you here to no longer reply to you on your thread-this is also your choice.

For a whole year I read the great-great majority of EVERYTHING you posted on this thread (and elsewhere). I can no longer devote the massive amounts of time I spent reading and responding to so much of what you wrote, trying to respond to every single topic you wrote about, including book reports, science lessons, and such as the meditations above.

It is no longer working for me to read everything you post. Instead, from now on, I will read only the beginnings of every one of your posts. In that beginning, I will be looking for a question you may be asking me, or for an answer to a question I asked you. I will be looking for you describing a personal problem or challenge you may be having, and for the advice you may be asking for that problem. If I see none of these, I will not read the rest of that post.

I hope that this new year, 2017, will bring some changes to our communication, one where I will learn more about you and be able to be helpful to you. I would like you to write to me in a more direct, simple, down to earth style. I want to talk to a teenage girl, not to an angel. And so, I refer to you here and from now on as “Dear Shirley”.

anita

January 2, 2017 at 3:59 pm #124373

Janus
Participant

Today is the last day of winter break and tomorrow starts school. The first few days of winter break were fun since I was studying science which is my favorite subject. After I was done with the science terms, I started feeling restless about my gender again mostly due to the inner bully ragging on me. The restaurant I help my parents at was quite busy during the holidays, so I became a bit drained during the last few weeks of break. Currently getting ready for midterms and finals on Jan 18-20 is a bit stressful. I made honor roll last marking period, but my grades have dropped a bit this marking period and I’m hoping they will rise up, but in java computer programming, it is a bit hard to understand and the teacher goes fast.

January 3, 2017 at 10:00 am #124427

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Shirley:

In my last post to you, I wrote to you that I want to “learn more about you and be able to be helpful to you”. I also wrote that “I would like you to write to me in a more direct, simple, down to earth style”

Your writing in your last post above (your first on this new year) is indeed, “direct, simple, down to earth” – I like it.

You didn’t pose a question in your last post, nor did you ask for advice, so I am not offering any.

Hope you had a good first 2017 day in school!

anita

January 6, 2017 at 2:04 pm #124720

Janus
Participant

so my inner bully has been bothering me most of this week. but thursday night, i did some meditation and it cleared. the schedule for this week of school has been skewed due to parcc testing for freshman and sophomores. some blocks are 130 minutes while some are forty. my ap biology teacher gave us the second part of the midterm on wednesday to work on in groups using notecards and it was relatively easy. the last part of the midterm which i did today with a group also using notecards was the hardest, but i think i made it through. i got a 95 on the midterm first part that i had to complete over winter break. do you remember the guy i mentioned a while ago in a forum post that i saw in the library that looked like my special friend? well i saw him at lunch on wednesday and he was the same laid back guy and he smiled at me. i was a bit shy, but i said hi and smiled back slightly with my head tilted away. i had to go reschedule my guidance appointment for college today and i asked my u.s history ii teacher if i could during the first five minutes before class. i thought i would make before the bell, but i was 4 minutes late. along the way, there was the same guy that looked like my special friend in the same hallway talking to his friends. he was laid-back just strolling into a history class, while i was running. we looked at each other and laughed. lunch was fun today, my friends and i were having a contest trying to flip water bottles and land them upright. i got three in a row first and we were all laughing: benton, sierra and i. some of my other friends not in the contest also started helping those who were in the contest. there was one guy who went to another table and asked them to cheer me on and there was a guy at the table who was teaching me how to do it. i caught the attention of my special friend and at first i didn’t notice he was watching me until he sat at a nearby table and smiled at me and was also cheering me. we were all having fun. my special friend also told me “i haven’t seen you laugh and smile like that for many months. it really makes me brighten to see you being more laid back.” i don’t smile as often b/c i’m usually busy with school work or my inner bully just likes to annoy me, so when i am having fun it often makes others laugh as well. my special friend told me “you have an inner candle that can light the world if you want to. so shine your brightest and cast the stars on the night sky.” so in java i figured out how to create a actual pop-up window that can be opened and closed called a GUI and it converts the world “sunflower” to the latin term if you click the latin button and it displays the english form if you click english. when my inner bully is inactive, my subconscious mind is quite active and sometimes i find that my subconscious mind knows how to solve a problem even before my conscious mind realizes i’ve solved it. i’m trying to figure out how to make my subconscious mind help me solve logic problems in math and science.

January 8, 2017 at 4:50 pm #124873

Janus
Participant

so lately i’ve been working on being more confident and laughing like andrew when things get tough.

January 8, 2017 at 6:08 pm #124885

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Shirley:

Maybe I wasn’t clear enough on my 12/31 post to you, so I will state more clearly here:

I will no longer respond to a post by you unless:

1. You address the post to me, stating my name, at the beginning of your post.
2. You ask me a question in the first few lines of the post (3-5).

I can no longer spend the many hours I have spent reading so much; neither do I find it helpful to you. I need our communication to change so it work for me and for you.

You are welcome to post any way you want, this is your thread. But if you want me, anita, to respond to you, you must comply with #1 AND #2 as I stated above.

I hope you understand. Have a good week at school.

anita
Author

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