Thanks anita;) The short post above is an angel daily inspiration reading I got from askangels.com. that site has many meditations on how to be more spiritually connected to the divine and be happier and healthier in life. also i find the card readings quite insightful and accurate. the website above is the image of the card i got yesterday and i think how cool it is that it actually applies to my life. the card said to the right of me is archangel michael who is the protector of people. my dominant hand is my right hand and i love community service, nature and helping people. Based on the card, to my left is archangel gabriel who is the divine messenger, sending positive messages and communication with the divine. my left hand is recessive, sensitive and often detects energy and is often used in my wiccan rituals to draw energy from and communicate with the divine. the card also says that archangel uriel is in front, uriel is the angel whose name means “light of god”, so i am being guided toward my spiritual purpose and the way for me is clear and i know my direction. and the last thing the card said was that archangel raphael is behind me, raphael is the angel of healing and these days i have been meditating with raphael to assist me in healing. archangel raphael in the back also represents me healing parts of my past, letting go and accepting the divine purpose set forth on my path by angel uriel. angel raphael also represents the healing that i’m leaving behind on the world as i ravel toward a more spiritually fulfilled life. the meditations i’ve been doing with angel raphael also coincide with the fact that he is behind me to encourage me to go forward, in the meditation angel raphael has his hands on my back supporting me and giving me the belief on my own inner healing. it goes to show that i am surrounded by angels now and they are helping me find my spiritual path. i have also built more confidence and have become more outspoken.

In my ap history textbook, i read about Etty Hillesum who witnessed the Holocaust. She was able to hold on to hope and keep enjoying life even though she was in such a terrible place. At first Ettt was filled with despair and anger at Germany’s Anti-Semitism, but she realized it wouldn’t help her to be bitter at the world and at something she couldn’t control, so she decided to turn inward for self-reflection and change herself for the better. She said “I really see no other solution than to turn inward and to root out the rottenness there” (Strayer 1010). Etty became more reflective while listening to Bach music during a German day of fire, shooting and bombs. She wrote “I know and share the many sorrows a human being can experience, but I do not cling to them, they pass through me like, life itself, as a broad eternal stream and life continues… If you have given sorrow the space that its gentle origins demand, then you may say that life is beautiful and so rich… that it makes you want to believe in God” (Strayer 1010). She seems to be saying to accept the sorrows of life, that life goes on and that you shouldn’t hold on to sorrow but let it go expecting that life is meant to be a balance of happiness and sorrow, that is what makes life beautiful. It is not the things that happen, it’s the experience and perception, the lessons you take with you in life that matter, what matters is that you enjoy the journey of life and not be bagged down by where you are going and the sorrows. Etty fell deeply in love with a 55 year old German Jew therapist, Julius Spier. She worried that she had become overly dependent on a man since he was her mentor, lover and companion as well. When Spier passed away in September 1942, Etty was devastated, yet determined to go on. She wrote of Spier “You were the mediator between God and me.., and now you have gone and my path leads straight to God” (Strayer 1011). I feel like the friends I have in life are there for a reason and they have helped me grow spiritually and I realize after reading Etty’s biography that if I have to let them go; I will let them go and take the lessons they taught me to continue on my spiritual path as she did. Etty was deployed to Westorbork and then Auschwitz, yet she still kept being positive even singing with her family when they got off the train. She passed away November 30 at Auschwitz, but her work is preserved giving insihgt that she still had hopes and dreams for the future. While she was in the concentration camps, she wrote “Late at night… I often walk with a spring in my step along the barbed wire. And then time and again, it soars straight from my heart… the feeling that life is glorious and magnificent and that one day we should be building a whole new world. Against every new outrage and every fresh horror, we shall put up one more piece of love and goodness, drawing strength from within ourselves. We may suffer, but we must not succumb” (Strayer 1011). Etty provides so much insight on how we should live life, to continue to hope even when we have lost everything and not to give up. She seems to say that there is always something better out there if you believe and hope and she never lost her vision that the world could be better and that she could be more spiritual even when she saw all the horrors in the concentration camp. I really admire Etty’s ability to hold on to hope when everything was falling apart, to change herself for the better when the outside world was not and also her ability to choose to appreciate life no matter how bad things got. Even though, she had her freedom and pride stripped away, had lost all the things she had had, she continued to be perseverant. She didn’t allow fear and sadness to affect her, she didn’t allow the troubles in the outside world and bad people to influence who she was, but she accepted it and let it go filtering it one event at a time and held on to the one choice she still had left, the choice of attitude, the choice to hope. Do you think Etty’s response to the Nazis was a ‘triumph of the human spirit’ or an evasion of the responsibility to resit evil? I believe the former.

The angel card readings are a good way to see into your life and provide insight on spiritual matters; I have used tarot cards before in wicca, so the angel card readings are quite familiar and I find that there are many ways to interpret what the cards can tell you, yet you still have to instill action to secure your future, the cards are only guidance and a reflection on where you are now and where you may be going, it’s the choices made by you that get you there. I also love that quote, you mentioned, anita;) I like the idea of putting it out where I can always see and be inspired by it. I like to think of myself as a Buddhist wiccan because I believe in the eight-fold path and that if I follow it, I will reach nirvana. You are right to say that a Buddhist virtue is “radical acceptance” because if you accept and know your suffering, you can take steps to release and overcome it, instead of fighting against it and denying it, you can let your suffering go and feel less burdened. Also I remember writing an essay for ap english on greed vs. love and it seems to tie to buddhist principles which say that if you let go of all desires, then you let go of suffering. If you keep worrying about what you don’t have and keep trying to acquire it, you will never fully be happy in life. I feel like the buddhist eight-fold path is a good guideline to live by. The first point, right view requires you to observe things deeper to look beyond the surface before you judge what you see and to observe nature around you. I think I do that pretty well. the second value, right intention is about keeping positive thoughts, being unselfish in your quest to spiritual fulfillment. i know i want to attain spiritual fulfillment to have peace in my life and spread it to others, but sometimes i still have to meditate to control my negative thoughts. also i must learn to listen and surround myself with positive people who encourage my talents in science, health & athletics and community service. the third virtue of right speech is to not use slander against people including yourself. i never gossip and if i don’t like someone, i’ll just distance myself away from them and let the anger go, but i can still be somewhat criticizing of myself. the fourth value of right conduct is to behave and be kind toward others which i am, yet if in times of self-defense, i would defend myself, but not too radically. sixth principle, right livelihood, living without cheating others, being considerate, being healthy. i think i have this principle down. seventh principle is right effort in which you let go of wrongful things and do whats right, cultivate positive qualities of youself. i think the seventh principle i’m working on, there are still some talents i want to acquire. eight principle is right mindfulness which is taking care of your mind and body, being aware and appreciative of it, cultivating positive thoughts, being healthy. there are times when my mind wanders and feels detached from my body, but i’m working on being healthy and positive. eighth value is right concentration which is meditation for mental clarity and peace. i am currently initiating the eighth principle in my life. I often use Amitabha Buddha in my reiki rituals since he is the medicine Buddha and he has a lotus in one hand and bowl in another. After getting up in the mornings, I often recite the 5 reiki principles: Just, for today, i will not worry. just for today, i will not anger. just for today, i will be grateful. just for today, i will do my work honestly. just for today, i will be kind to every living thing.

Thanks anita;) I realized that patience and practice are always the best way to go toward a goal. I’ve never been a procrastinator and I always want to get things done quickly. If I have my mind set on a goal, I don’t let go of it despite others being negative about it or despite facing obstacles, I’ll try to work my way to the goal. Yet, I tend to sometimes try to do some many things at once and expect results quickly and it can be hard for me to be patient waiting for the results of my goal. For example, after a test, I often calculate all that I did wrong on the test and how my score would be and I am full of nervous energy awaiting my score, I keep checking and getting annoyed until when my score shows, I’m relieved. I’ve also realized that some of the athletes at my school don’t have good sportsmanship and there are times when I really want to improve my athletic performance so I can show them they’e not as good as they claim to be. Yet, i’ve realized that it only hurts myself by trying to improve myself to limits that aren’t right for me especially when I haven’t accepted the talents I have now. Because I care about my grades, I often study, research and read in my spare time. I have come up with a quote about the times when the athletes made me feel like I wasn’t good enough because I didn’t have the best coordination, strength and agility they had. The quote is “Athleticism isn’t about starting out with a heavy workout and acting as if you have the world’s greatest endurance and strength. Athleticism is tempered by humility, believing and accepting yourself in starting with small moderate workouts and building yourself up; it’s about seeing how much you can and have improved to be healthy, not how much you can do at one time. The athlete that tries to test his/her endurance by starting with a hard workout hurts himself by not giving his muscles enough time to warm up to the strain, it is important to start small and build up to moving mountains.” I would always say this to myself when some of the athletes would make fun of me. also, even though it hurts when people say mean things to you, i don’t sink to their level, i just take it and let it go and just meditate on being a better person than they are. i wish my parents would stop focusing on my inadequacies and thinking i can’t survive in the real world and start focusing on the things i can do like my hopes and dreams in living life to the fullest, science and community service.

Thanks anita;) i like your interpretation about how parents and adults sometimes rush their kids toward their goals. In Ralph Waldo Emerson’s short story “Education”, Emerson mentions that nature is always changing and going at her own pace and compares that to the student studying. Emerson encourages the teacher and the adults to encourage the child to be more observant of nature, to live life more instead of hurrying and trying to understand everything at once. I feel like our society is always hurrying and there are new technologies to distract people and people are just drifting by and hurrying, they never stop to observe nature. People are so hurriedly expecting the results to their progress that sometimes they miss out on the little details that could lead to the big picture. I have realized that the most important lesson in my life has been to let go, there have been countless times when I’ve needed to let go of something that was bad or someone that had moved away or even letting go of the past. I’ve learned you have to let go to move forward. I’ve realized that since I’m building up my math and science grades, my english and history friends have seemed to fade away and although I feel sad; I know I have to let them go. I have heading toward a career of math and science and I am surrounding myself with friends who can help me study and encourage me, those who are good at math and science. After meditating, I’ve realized that although my talents are in english and history, math and science appeal to me more. I love learning more about how the world is changing in science and i enjoy algebra a lot and actually understand geometry. I am still not the best with logical problems, critical thinking word problems and I am still building my mental power on mental calculations within my head. I wanted to be good at art because I love ceramics and making things, yet I’m not good at drawing things. Most of my friends who are good at art have faded and I’ve let them go because I realize my talents don’t really lie in art. I tried to spend some time on a mural design (I was going to do 3 lotuses with the quote: “Out of the mud, spotless the lotus grows”) so i could give back to the high school that has given so much to me before I graduate next year as a senior, but I realized I am not artistic. The lotus is a metaphor for that no matter how bad life seems, there is still hope for a happy and beautiful thing to blossom and also the idea that what appears to be ugly on the surface may be beautiful on the inside. The lotus also represents the idea that even if you feel you are stuck in the mud of life, you can still keep a positive attitude to take steps toward your goal and with hope, your goal will bloom on top of the hard work and perseverance you did. The lotus also symbolizes individuality, that your environment doesn’t define who you are (lotus is in the mud, dark part of life), yet still is able to build itself up. I am currently thinking of a way to give back to my school though before the end of senior year; I’ve had the best years of my life in high school.

Thanks, anita;) I am enjoying physics honors right now, there are some concepts about freefalling that I’m still working to grasp. I have an ap world history ch. 12 test tomorrow and have to memorize four maps (10 points), multiple choice (10 points) and ten comparison diagrams of empires [mughal, ming, europe, ottoman, safavid, iroquois, nacirema (still confused on this culture)] worth 80 points. There is so much competition between students in ap and honors classes whether it’s gpa, test scores, college choosings, class ranks, etc. I’m not sure what defines intelligence anymore, sometimes it is gpa, other times its who got the highest est score or who has the highest class rank. Everyone who takes ap and honors (30% of our school) seems to be competing and there is frequent changing of classes so people can boost themselves up. People are forming study alliances and then they break apart after one person does better and that person wants to work with another person. i don’t know who my friends are anymore before everyone is just rushing, competing and there just isn’t any time for people to even talk to each other asking if they are okay or even for people to stop and observe nature for a while. All this pressure is making me restless because I feel like i need to partake in the competition, but i try to still not get too caught up on building my intelligence that i miss out on what it feels to be alive and the true meaning of life through the beauty of nature and the little things. it is a good thing that m subconscious mind is able to think quickly and i can solve problems in algebra quite well. i’m still trying to improve on data analysis, probability and statistics and logical reasoning word problems. the good thing is that whenever i am stressed, the guy i’ve known since seventh grade is always around and looking out for me. he’s always making sure i’m okay and comforting me if i get stressed. after ap world history, i was stressed thinking of the upcoming test and he was there and he told me it would be okay, he even went over some of the history notes with me. after ap english and pre-calc before lunch, my head was spinning from pre-calc equations yet i was happy because i really like pre-calc this year. yet before i went to lunch, i saw him and he asked if i was okay because i seemed somewhat detached, i said i was fine, that i was just thinking about pre-calc which i have a test tomorrow, but i think it will be easy. i just hope i don’t get too worked up over my ap world history test that i mess up on pre-calc one. he knows i’ve been staying after school these days and a lot of my classes are hard and he seems to be worried that i’m taking too much strain. i am really focused on school because i also have SATs february 20th. i’m grateful to have him in my life because he always tells me not to be too hard on myself, to stay calm and always tells me that he believes in me. i heard him say to a friend today that he wished he could take the same classes as i did so he could help me with them and ease the strain of the competition between ap and honors students, but most of the classes are full and he isn’t sure the idea of mostly ap and honors is right for him. i overheard him so i went to tell him to not worry about it, that he has already helped me lots in life and that it’s okay if he isn’t taking mostly honors and ap. i told him that life isn’t about intelligence and competition, it’s about supporting people, making friends and enjoying the journey of life.

thanks anita for your insightful interpretation;) i agree that people tend to not listen to how they really feel in their hearts and tend to go with peer pressure. i try to listen to what i feel and also evaluate the pros and cons of going with peer pressure and going into the competition, sometimes i will let the logical pro/con side when and other times i allow the emotional side to win, but i try to balance it out. lots of students at my school would take the chance to leave a student who is falling behind instead of helping them because they don’t want to have their grade go down because they take time to help someone. it is like every person tries to do things for themselves and if they don’t understand something, they have to catch on quickly or be left behind. Also i had a lab quiz in physics honors that i forgot to mention and he only gave us five minutes (and also eight minutes before the lab) after the lab to understand the concepts and formulas and then gave us a quiz. i did well on my pre-calc test, but i think i did bad on my ap world history quiz because for the ten venn diagram comparisons (choose four to do) which were worth 80 points, I only had time to do 2 of them. i had twelve multiple choice (took me 25 minutes), choose 10 map label geography and explain significance (30 minutes), and had time for two venn diagrams (17.5 minutes) before the period was over. for the physics honors lab quiz i mixed up the formulas for free fall with the formulas with jumping time and i think i did bad on the quiz. for physics honors, labs are worth 25% of the grade and i think i did okay on the lab, but the quiz might also count as part of it or possibly separately as 15%, I’m not sure. i think that brings my grade in physics honors to a 90. everyone these days is so focused on school, grades, being the best in gpa, best college that no one waits for others who fall behind. i like the drive people have toward their goals, but i feel annoyed that they are so focused on their own goals that they lose track of helping others and working together. these days it’s hard to figure out who are my friends because everyone just seems to be independent and that can be a good thing, but it can be bad when you don’t understand something and you need people to help. these days i have learned to laugh at myself if i make a mistake and even though i still experience strain from school, i try not to let it become to cumbersome. there are times when i berate myself for doing bad on a test, but i usually rebound from that by making a list of my talents. i love my pre-calc teacher, i now know how to multiply scientific notation faster and the rules with exponents are easier to understand, although i don’t think pascal’s triangle because i’m afraid i might make a mistake with the numbers or calculations somewhere, she makes it seem pretty easy. also i really enjoy the easier shortcut to foiling she taught us. in algebra 2 honors last semester, my teacher taught us a quicker method of foiling, but my pre-calc teacher has an even better method which involves working your way up to foiling in your head. one of my friends keeps telling me to switch to pre-calc honors, i’m thinking i probably would do well in there, but i’m not so sure that it’s in my best interests now. there are times when i feel like my long time friend and i are drifting apart because i am so focused on school and keeping my grades up while he is out there making people laugh and living life. i try to be like him at times to balance out the strain of school.

Thanks anita;) I think it would be great if I retain the knowledge I learned in school so I could help my child (if and when I have one) with her homework. I find it hard to let go of my old notes, but I have thrown most of my history and english notes out because I am good at english and history without them. for math and science, i am keeping 4 binders and 4 folders, also i have a folder for financial literacy and independent living and drivers education. my parents say i have a lot of clutter because i am always getting notes in school, reading on my own, researching online so my room is mostly books and notes. i am understanding how to deal with pressure and i think i am learning what it will be like in college. the ap midterms were hard and they were like college exams, i feel like the high school environment is preparing me for college and life on my own. my ap world history teacher doesn’t care if you miss a few days in her class or if you are late, she just cares that you do well in her course and pass the tests, also she expects you to catch up on your own by researching online for assignments or asking a friend, in a way it is like college. my ap world history teacher lectures briefly and i have learned better ways to take notes and analyze texts and sometimes she goes quite fast so you have to be quick to process it. if only my parents believed in me enough that i am getting prepared for college. i feel like i have learned a lot from my teachers and from my friends this year.

I have showed them copies of my school transcripts with 97.5 gpa, honors and ap classes and also 80 + community service. They are not good english speakers so it is hard for them to read what i write so i must explain things to them. i love physics honors this semester as well, the teacher has a great sense of humor and though it can be challenging at times, there is a great work ethic atmosphere in the class and everyone is respectful to each other. my physics teacher gave us another quiz today (5 questions) on free fall and i think i did well on it as long as i used the right equation for speed and didn’t use the velocity equation. i have an ap world history test tomorrow on the format of a comparative essay and a pre-calc test on factoring. i’m happy that i got a 96 on the jumping lab that i did yesterday and a 100 on the acceleration lab i did on 1/29. my subconscious mind has been really working because i have lots of dates to remember like feb. 20 is sats at 7:45, physics honors ch. test monday, two public library books due feb. 16 and one due feb. 20, school library books one due feb. 10 and the other due feb. 10. i have really improved my algebraic thinking and can solve problems quite quickly mentally in my head because my pre-calc teacher is great at mnemonics and techniques to help your mind remember and become faster at working through problems. I think the reason why my parents think i am not as serious about school is because i also am very active after school, i am thinking of joining mock trial (law and criminal justice are intriguing to me) and also math team. i currently partake in a community service program called voices and we help with the food bank, senior citizens, breast cancer fundraisers and my favorite was sending letters and supplies to soldiers. i love decorating and writing cheery cards to cheer a senior citizen or a soldier overseas and i enjoy coming up with holiday puns such as “don’t be a grinch, be santa and celebrate the holiday with a ho, ho, ho!” i also do garden club because i love nature and we grow organic plants and sell them to raise money for the homeless and we also keep some for ourselves, i love basil, marigold and lemon balm. i am in knitting club, but i’m not great at knitting, but i help plan projects and then package them so we can send them to local shelters as donations. i love to try many things and i always find time to do things and when i have a goal in mind, nothing will sway me from that goal. i have a good balance between academics and community service and that’s what makes me happy. i enjoy doing well in school and planning for college as much as i enjoy joining clubs and being part of a larger community of people. i also enjoy working out and am building a more healthy lifestyle by limiting junk foods and eating more vegetables. the meditations i have been doing have helped me focus in school, also build my self-esteem and increase my subconscious mind which is good because i have lots of things i need to know and process in school and in life. my senior year schedule will probably consist of ap literature (poetry, drama, can’t wait! i prefer that to ap language and composition which focuses on longer works and writings, which i have now), ap biology/ chemistry/ physics (still deciding), possibly ap government (learn about politics and government, half year), definitely java and electronical engineering class, ap psychology (half year) and economics.
ap classes are full year unless specified. i had a pop quiz in ap english today and it was on the book Nickel and Dimed which talks about minimum wage and American economy and since i didn’t know there would be a quiz, i think i did terrible on it. for marking period three my grades currently are at least 95 in ap english, 91.1 in physics honors and 87.5 in ap world history. i am struggling with understanding how to analyze documents and their significance in different time periods (must remember some time periods and connect them to other historical events) in ap world history and also we have lots of maps to memorize. i did really well on my pre-calc test yesterday, 106 and that’s probably why my class is annoyed at me today and my grade is 104.8.