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Too Criticizing of Myself

Homeā†’Forumsā†’Emotional Masteryā†’Too Criticizing of Myself

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  • #112862
    Janus
    Participant

    school usually starts after labor day so possibly sept. 6 or seven. speaking of college, some of the websites for applications are hard to navigate b/c they don’t have much organization. i like this site b/c it’s easy to navigate, but some college websites, it’s hard to figure out how much tuition fees, application fees it is for some colleges and it’s like hunting down several sites and the information is still vague. i am waiting to consult with my guidance counselor to help me with the process. ocean county college is 2 years and then rutgers university is 4 years for masters (if i can transfer my credits which i think i can b/c i had a friend do it). i am interested in going for the cancer research program at rutgers and taking a course in biology at occ. i will probably continue for a phD at rutgers or maybe go to stockton university. occ is a liberal arts college and it doesn’t seem to generate much respect from people, but it’s a good way to get the introductory courses out of the way and the money isn’t too expensive around 14,0000 per semester. some of the customers at the restaurant are pushing me to go for a less complicated career instead of science, but i like science and i will go for it. i think people look down on me b/c i work at a restaurant and they think i’m not smart.

    #112863
    Janus
    Participant

    i find it is so much easier to let things run their natural course rather than beating yourself up for a fault that your inner bully makes it seem is there. i remember when i couldn’t do a pull-up and wanted to for junior year and it was an of-on practice where my inner bully would tell me that i was lazy and i wouldn’t ever be able to be strong. well i visualized myself doing a pull-up every day, ignoring the inner bully that was holding me back and i would spend ten minutes at the bar flexing. i also bench pressed to help my triceps and also did push-ups. i also tightened my abs, b/c i read that you tighten your abs, pull your shoulders back and use your triceps to bring you up and your biceps to steady yourself. it took a few tries and i forgot about my goal for a while, but when talking to one of my friends who knew how to do a pull-up, i was inspired again and i vowed to work on it. at first, my inner bully would be annoying and i would fail, but slowly i learned not to beat myself up and slowly relish the idea of becoming stronger and visualizing the goal. i began to trust myself and the process and push the inner bully back and now i have decent workout that makes me feel confident. so the main lesson i learned from this thing is to push away your doubts, go for your inner strength and confidence and trust that you will succeed and not to beat yourself up when things aren’t perfect, but take the mistakes and work on becoming better.

    #112864
    Janus
    Participant

    Also i like this quote “What you fear often comes to you to haunt you and if it doesn’t it limits you from being your true successful self.”

    #112875
    Janus
    Participant

    i love science in all forms and also enjoy reading about the brain, science never ceases to impress me and if i don’t understand a topic, i let it go for some time and research it again and it comes to me and it amazes me and makes me exhilarated. i feel like i have so much knowledge and it is bursting in my mind. :

    there is a period of rem (rapid eye movement) sleep when your brainwaves are going at gamma phase (highest electric activity) and your eyelids are moving really quickly. rem sleep is the deepest sleep state. most people in rem don’t realize that there body is still moving, but Electroencephalography (EEG) can measure brainwaves by electrodes being attached to the forehead of people. some people who are somnambulists often have stressed minds, but their body is tired, so their mind is still awake and still controls some of the body’s functions although the body doesn’t realize it on a conscious level. from the science of sleep psychology and brainwaves. an axon carries nerve impulses to other cells, while a dendrite is an extension of the nerve cells in which nerve signals are received at synapses (junction where an axon and dendrite). also scientists are researching a way to make people who have been sexually assaulted heal through their dreams and brain functions. scientists have found out that sleep sex is a disorder in people who have been sexually assaulted, since the brain’s subconscious often surfaces in sleep mode what the conscious mind sometimes can’t remember. so they may be able to use the idea of sleep sex (in which the possible victims experience that they are having sex in their sleep, but don’t really know it in their conscious mind) to discover victims of sexaul assault and help them heal. from neuropsychology.

    #112884
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Shirley, Earth Angel:

    I hope your guidance counselor helps you have the clear and specific information you need, so you know exactly what the tuition is in every school and what credits are transferable, so that you can get your master in four years after the two years in community college (if I understood correctly). After you get the info from your counselor, double check with the school, make sure you have the correct information.

    I like the way you defied the inner bully by performing physical exercises that are difficult, pull ups for one (very difficult for me!)

    If you continue to defy and defeat the inner bully, you will be defeating your biggest enemy, the bully inside. I am doing it myself. It takes a lot of patience on my part but it is doable and you are doing it, have been doing it for a while and so you have practice. You are getting better at it and will continue to improve at defeating that inner bully.

    Brain activity during sleep and waking time is very interesting. Synapses, axons, dendrites, EEG- all the things you will know so much more about as you continue your education- how exciting!

    anita

    #112908
    Janus
    Participant

    i just received my next year schedule and also school starts on september 6. i have an 80 for ap biology now, but i’m sure it will improve. my inner bully upon seeing my schedule started being annoying and saying, “you are such an ignorant person. how could you have gotten only an 80 in science. i bet you won’t do well in any of your classes.”
    so my schedule is as follows (block-scheduling so the first class is my first block, 3A means I have lunch before 3rd block):

    AP Calculus (Full year)
    Java Computer Programming (with my former geometry honors teacher, whom i like)
    AP Biology (3A) (Full Year)
    Business and Web Development

    Second semester:

    AP Calc
    Self-Defense
    AP Biology
    English IV-H (with my favorite teacher)

    #112910
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Shirley, Earth Angel:

    17 days to the beginning of school then, 9/6. How exciting! Your schedule looks wonderful. These would be my favorite classes from most to least: AP Biology, English, Self Defense, AP Calculus, Java Computer Programming, business and web development.

    Calculus would be very tough for me. And since I know hardly anything at all about computer programming and usage, the latter two would be extremely difficult for me.

    Your annoying inner bully is definitely annoying- tiresome. Wish it could just be banished from (our) brains- you are definitely in the process of doing so, gently, patiently (the only way, I believe)!

    anita

    #112912
    Janus
    Participant

    java isn’t too bad, it’s about computer coding and it is a lot like genetic codes. you put an input into a software that can be used for coding and you can input different codes and sequences to create various tasks on your computer like making your own solar system (on codeacademy.com) much like molecular biologists study dna sequences. i like computers, calculators and radios (still learning). i’m taking business and web development to boost my management and leadership skills and a personal website is often like a good resume. my math unweighted average is a 90.75. logical word problems and critical thinking annoy me and my math skills are proficient, but not engineer status which is why sometimes my parents complain about me b/c my brother is great at math. my family seems to like the people who are engineers and craftsmen. to them biology (environmental and molecular) and astronomy (including the physics of the universe) seem hard to grasp and also they think i have my head in the clouds when i talk about philosophy or the beauty of the universe. some of the people who make fun of me are athletes. so i have my parents telling me that i know no life skills esp. those to do with home repairs and mechanical things and some athletes who tell me that i’m not athletic enough b/c i’m a girl. i enjoy science the most b/c i love nature and the universe and science allows me to question and explore the world. i love astronomy, biology, chemistry and physics (when it’s not mechanical). it amazes me that testosterone molecule and estrogen molecule both share CH3 and OH in the same places. The difference is that testosterone has an another CH3 and at the end of the molecules shape there is a double bonded oxygen, while estrogen lacks the extra CH3 and has a OH at the end. Learning more about biological things of humans, i think males and females have more in common than i thought. females are more prone to heart attacks, but survive them better b/c estrogen has specific molecule that helps them. females are also more prone to depression, but with males over forty, both have serotonin levels decrease so they may have depression as well. women live 5-10 years longer than men. also bullet proof vests and fire escapes were invented by women. it was also a woman who discovered chromosomes and agnes meyer driscoll (strawberry brand named after her) was a codebreaker and forensics scientist. there is a possibility that the double X chromosomes in women help them as they age. when cells age, they have a choice in genes either on one X chromosomes or the other. if you have a population of cells aging, the genes in one X chromosomes are active while the other may be due to chance whether or not the genes are active with slight variations. we all have the same genes, however it is the specific coding within our genes that makes us who we are. also one of the questions that i was pondering alone at night was this “Since some people experience the sensation that they’ve been somewhere before and that’s called deja vu, maybe there is a possibility for a past life. What about the traits (includes phenotypes or physical traits and genotypes) that people have that don’t seem to be genetically inherited, maybe they came from a past life. Such as when people who meet for the first time click right away, is it possible that they met each other in a recent time? And if there is a possibility of a past life, there may be evidence of reincarnation. Since wouldn’t the person have to have been reincarnated again as a different person with the same soul to have come upon this person again? Does this mean that there is a soul? Scientists say that when you die there is .6% of your body weight that goes, is it spiritual matter? Could the pituitary gland at the brain be the seat of the soul? Also in biology they say that all matter contains carbon, phosphorus, nitrogen, water which are cycled and since humans are matter, do our nutrients get cycled in the universe? Also energy enters an ecosystem as light and exits as heat and energy flows through a ecosystem. for every energy transformation, it increases the entropy (disorder of the universe since heat can’t be used for work). if we are energy, then maybe we are only transformed from one thing to another? It has been said we share 99% of the genes of banana and plants can regenerate themselves, then is there a possibility of reincarnation? Reading about ecological succession and how species can survive after a disturbance. primary succession is when there is no soil present an lichens (spores transported by wind, water) can grow and later give rise to plants and life. secondary succession occurs when there is soil present and plants start growing and takes a shorter time than primary. lichens are good at extracting materials such as nickel, lead from soils and facilitating the way for other species to grow. anyway, it is said by biologist that when our bodies become dust, they become part of the soil and relating to secondary succession, there may be a plant species that uses the soil to grow. when the plant is eaten by the animals, then the animal has the nutrients of us and when a man eats an animal, then we are man again. this makes me think there is a possibility for reincarnation.”

    #112913
    Janus
    Participant

    anyway looking back at some of the posts that i wrote on other sites, this seems to describe me. i am very passionate about my goals and have an immense willpower to see them through no matter what it takes and i don’t let strong emotions get in the way, but when i do, i use them to help me advance forward. i like to workout, but most of it’s moderate lifting and dancing. about the ducking and covering part, sometimes when i trust someone i trust them immensely and when i get mad at someone i get pretty irritated, so i have intense emotions that sometimes other people don’t like.

    I am reserved, intellectual, introspective. Rarely does she do anything requiring a lot of energy or display of emotion — but when she does, anyone within a few planes would do well to duck and cover.

    #112914
    Janus
    Participant

    sometimes i write short poems to images that i find online:

    Imagination Oh, the wonders of imagination! Dream worlds fill me with elation. Weaving through the days, Watching time slip through our hands like sand and escape away. Thinking yourself out is so amazing. You can have it any way you like. My mind is swarming with creative thoughts. There’s so much to think about. Perhaps I’m creating a basis for a later career. In my mind, I know where I’d be. Imagination is wonderful indeed! It gives you a 99.9% guaranteed! It’ll make you move mountains! If you can dream, then you can believe. And if you can believe, you can ACHIEVE! Use your imagination to guide your knowledge and conscience. Even your goals and deepest fears can be overcome. The obstacles you face will be of no difficulty. The more you imagine positively, the more you can manifest your destiny. Create pictures in your mind. Let nothing hold you back. Shine like a star today. Oh, the wonders of imagination! 7:05

    Astral Illumination from understanding the earth. Now I know I wasn’t a mistake from birth. What’s really out there? I can’t tell until I explore, hoping the winds are fair. Searching for the right path, When I come out of the darkness, I’ll be full of laughs. I have ventured into the astral world. All time has stopped when I might the Lord. He held my hand and told me it was alright. I was scared to be so high in flight. I love the astral planes so much. They are awesome and such. 7:00

    Awareness It is like the most beautiful fountain of life there is. To know myself and understand others. Some days I feel more aware than others. I’m on top of the world during those times. Maybe I will achieve spiritual awareness! Tuesday, May 07, 2013 7:08

    #112915
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Shirley, Earth Angel:

    Your last post, that is a preparation for an essay, the college entrance essay you are preparing?

    As far as the first post: reincarnation and past lives- I know one thing: who we are in this life, our brain neuropathways which determine a lot of our behaviors as individuals, these pathways are formed mostly during our forming years, as children. If you, Shirley, were given by mistake to another set of parents after birth- you would be a very different person, behavior wise, than you are now. And so, our individual personalities which correspond to individual neuropathways (connections between neurons in the brain formed during out childhoods)- these die with our bodies. These pathways are not something we are born with. They are learned, inquired and so they die with us.

    Who we are/ what we are independent of your upbringing, what we are born as- before our personalities/ pathways are formed- that may be living on, as energy of some sort, changing forms, energies not yet known by science.

    What do you think?

    anita

    #112916
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Shirley, Earth Angel and Poet:

    Double posting: the last post I wrote to you was following my reading of the post you wrote before last. These last poems, you wrote in 2013? Or the very last one?

    Beautiful and inspiring: indeed imagination has no limits. Like you wrote: it can make you move mountains!

    Maybe I should imagine more…

    anita

    #113029
    Janus
    Participant

    about the college essay, i have been drafting it a few sentences at a time, just letting the natural flow of words flow out of my heart like i do with my poetry. i have decided to do the essay called “How the Blog Changed my Life” and i have added a few details on paper. the few sentences that i have posted are on page 37 on August 19, 2016 at 9:53 am. i have senior year and also 2 years at a community college that doesn’t require an essay, but rutgers does and looking up the essay topics, they are pretty straightforward. i think my essay would fall under “What is the hardest part of being a teenager now? Whatā€™s the best part? What advice would you give a younger sibling or friend (assuming they would listen to you)?”
    or “Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.” or

    ā€¢ Describe a time you made a meaningful contribution to others in which the greater good was your focus. Discuss the challenges and rewards of making your contribution.

    i agree that the brain develops and learns from childhood experiences and having a different lifestyle would change one’s personality, maybe that will also be part of my essay. that who i am not only has been shaped by the words i write here, but also by my parents. i’m finding that i have a lot of good ideas for the essay especially since it talks about finding my self-identity. i believe that when we die, we become reborn as a new person b/c we leave behind our physical selves and the things that we’ve learned. although, there has been evidence that young children have a higher creative ability than adults since it is easier to start art as a child, than an adult since the child is more imaginative. also in my ap biology book, it says that a one week child may have a hind brain, fore brain and back brain. at 3 months, the child develops a cerebellum (allowing some crawling) and the brain slowly develops and different parts such as right hemisphere and left hemisphere develop in one year. children 10 and younger have neuroplasticity with their brains (Ben Carson discovered this) b/c the removal of one hemisphere (possibly due to seizure) is okay for the child since their other side takes over the functions of the missing half and they have the same cognitive ability. humans are truly complex and amazing creatures. it takes around 500 bee stings to kill a child, but 1500 to kill an adult. even though, adults have stronger immunity, children have better plasticity of their muscles and cells.

    i wrote the short poems in 2013 when i was in seventh grade b/c there were times when i felt sad and lonely, but the times when i felt happy, i wrote the poems so when i was sad, i would read them and be inspired. i think this is a cool coincidence i woke up at 4:03 this morning and i turned on the radio and this song was playing called “If you Only Knew” by Shinedown. anyway the lyrics were “‘Cause it’s 4:03 and i can’t sleep without you next to me, I toss and turn like the sea.” i thought it was pretty cool, anyway at 4:03 pm, while i was writing a poem i heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the poem i was writing called ’embracing the light’ which is about embracing myself for who i truly am and letting the divine into my life. the song is called “Chasing Cars” by Snowy Patrol. and the part of the lyrics were “all that i am, all that i ever was is here is your perfect eyes. your all i can see. i don’t know where, confused about how as well. know that these things will never change for us at all.” i like this part of the lyrics b/c it’s about embracing life for its beauty even if you feel insecure b/c life is too short and also being confused or worried doesn’t make a situation better so you should just accept it as it is. also at 4:03 the full moon was quite bright in its light and at 6:20, i watched the moon become a small disc in the sky and disappear with the dawn breaking. i went out for a run at 6:20 this morning and when it was 6:26, the sun rose and the brilliant light shone upon the trees and the wind blowing, it was great. drinking in the sun’s rays as it began to illuminate the sky just as i was making my way home and when i was home, the sun had fully risen. i have a goal of being a molecular biologist at princeton university.

    #113031
    Janus
    Participant

    i had a great language arts teacher in seventh grade and she would let me stay inside for recess b/c i didn’t have friends so i would read books and write poetry in her class. i never thought of myself as a poet even when my highschool freshman teacher published some of my poems in the newspaper. my fifth grade teacher whom had a writing club would tell me that i would make a great author some day, but i never really took the idea. i have always been naturally good at writing. i used to like history, but ever since sixth grade i found my passion for science which has still continued. i wonder if i’m a better writer now or i was better then. my inner bully tells me that i was better then, but seventh grade was the time when my inner bully was the worst.

    here is a funny poem (also i’m great at frisbee, but i never shattered someone’s car window, only dented their door):

    May 29, 2012
    Language Arts Tongue and Cheek Poem

    Frisbee Frenzy

    I hadnā€™t expected to shatter the window of your car.
    The disk, it flew so far.
    I was out practicing frisbee for the first time.
    My arm must have been strong, for when it came into contact with you window; your face was more sour than a lime.
    I could not help feeling excited as you gave a chase.
    I picked up the frisbee in a haste.
    You never did catch me.
    However, Iā€™m sorry; I was too joyous to actually pay a fee.

    May 21, 2012
    Language Arts Color Poem

    ā€œSparkling Sapphireā€ (my special friend’s eyes are sapphire and his favorite color is emerald)

    I am the color of the sky.
    My friend, Emerald, is down below as the grass.
    A blue jay as it flies.
    The vast seas, their color I own.
    I give berries an azure tone.
    Too much of me can dampen your spirits.
    Every newbornsā€™ eyes share my color.
    Tranquility and pleasant dreams radiate from me.

    Shirley Liu
    English I-H/Recipe Poem
    5/13/14

    Recipe for Love (freshman year when i realized i loved my special friend, first poem in a poetry book, i also drew pictures by hand for the book and the book was called “A Garden of Verses with a flower garden and green cover with a purple backing)

    Begin with a batch of kindness.
    Sprinkle a tablespoon of trust.
    Add a pinch of acceptance.
    Stir in a cup of loyalty.
    Mix in a cup of caring.
    Chop up all insecurities.
    Blend in an ounce of patience.
    Makes a lifetime of happiness.

    Eulogy for a Rose (hardest poem to write, but while i was planting flowers, i noticed the roses wilting and i was thinking of my special friend and how much he meant to me)

    Summer and spring have faded away.
    But I still remember your bright red petals and sweet scent.
    The way the rain kissed your petals.
    When you danced in the wind, you seemed to sing
    Oh! How you would open your petals to butterflies and bees.
    Blooming for all the world to see
    Drinking in the fertilizer I gave you.
    You were always optimistic, bending toward the sun.
    Now your colors have faded
    But your spirit lingers forever more
    Your beauty remains in my memory.
    You were the reminder of all that was beautiful, of hopes and dreams.
    May you rest in eternal peace.

    Alternate Ending of Speak:
    Fresh Start
    After relieving myself of the burden I held for so long, I canā€™t help, but feel lighter. The teachers gave Andy a suspension for two months. The whole school knows about it and everywhere I go people ask me if Iā€™m okay. I know that I can never forget what happened, but I can let go of the pain. Start over from scratch. Grow new roots, build a stronger foundation. Oh, speaking of new roots, my linoleum tree that I was carving in art received an ā€œAā€. On the last day of school, I finally finished my carving of a tree growing up to reach the sun and a blackened lower branch. That branch wonā€™t affect the treeā€™s growth because itā€™ll fall off and fade with time like me memories of that August night. When I showed it to Mr. Freeman, my art teacher, he looked at me and told me that if I needed to talk anytime, he was there. Then, he began to tell me about how much my tree seemed to represent my rebirth from the pain. I burst into tears and my story started spilling out. Mr. Freeman was very sympathetic. Rachel came up to me today and told me how sorry she was for not realizing. She and I are friends again. Rachel asked me to hang out over the summer, but I told her I had summer school. Iā€™m really disappointed at not being able to hang out with Rachel, but I have to bring up my grades from freshman year. Ever since, that drinking party, I had gotten terrible grades. However, this summer, I aim to work hard so I can move on to sophomore year.
    Plot Overview:
    Exposition: Melinda Sordino is fifteen years old and attends Merryweather High School. Her friends avoid her because they are angry she called the police at the August drinking party. She has started high school as an outcast. Melinda cannot speak of what happened to her at the party, so she becomes mute. Everyone who was at the party harasses her, but she cannot speak up for herself. Her only friend, Heather leaves her for popularity with the Marthas.
    Rising Action: Melinda constantly thinks about Andy Evans. He follows her around like a dark shadow. Every time he comes close, Melinda runs away like a scared rabbit. Melinda is haunted by memories of the August party and being raped by him. Her grades start sinking to Cā€™s and Dā€™s. Her only A is in art, where she forms a friendship with Ivy.
    Climax: Melinda hears Andy is going out with her ex-friend, Rachel Bruin. She warns Rachel with a note and later in study hall tells Rachel about Andy. However, Rachel does not believe her. Rachel ditches Andy at prom when he tries to sexually touch her.
    Falling Action: Andy finds Melinda in the closet in the art room after school and tries to rape her again. He tells her that she ruined things for him because of either her hurt feelings or jealously that he was going out with Rachel. Melinda has the courage to scream and alerts the lacrosse team. She also grabs a piece of glass that shattered from the mirror that was behind her turkey-bone sculpture. She holds it to Andyā€™s neck and presses hard enough to draw a drop of blood. She then unlocks the door.
    Resolution: On the last day of school, Melinda finishes her linoleum tree and receives an A from Mr. Freeman. She then tells Mr. Freeman about what she had been through. As she talks through her tears, her voice starts growing stronger and all that was blocking it melted. The students at school ask her if she is okay.
    Choice of Novel:
    Speak was chosen because I had read other books by Laurie Halse Anderson and enjoyed them. Also, I can relate to Melinda about being afraid to speak up. I hide my emotions and do not like to talk about myself often. After the drinking party, Melinda had to face the hatred of the other students who blamed her for getting them in trouble. Melinda did the right thing by calling the police, but was harassed because of it. Starting high school, Melinda was excluded by her friends and people often talked behind her back. She did not fit in and was continually haunted by memories of the party and Andy Evans. In middle school, I was an outcast much like Melinda and every time I did the right thing, people would spread rumors about me.
    Book Review: Speak was an awe-inspiring novel. It would be an excellent read for all high school students. It teaches students to speak up for themselves in times of adversity. Melinda does not speak up for herself when the people who were at the August party were harassing her. The novel teaches about courage and depression. Melinda battled depression and loneliness because all her friends excluded her after she called the cops at the party. Melinda admires David Petrakis, a student in her biology and history class because he is eloquent with his words and never gets bullied for being intelligent. Melinda makes friends with Ivy in Mr. Freemanā€™s art class. Melinda still cares about her ex-friend from the August party (at Rachelā€™s house), Rachel because she goes out of her way to warn her about Andy. Melinda warns Rachel during study hall that Andy Evans would use her. Unfortunately, Rachel does not believe her. This is the first time Melinda spoke to a person that went to the party. Before, she had been too scared to speak about her being raped to others. In the novel, Melinda keeps saying in her mind ā€œWhy do they keep telling me to speak? What if I have nothing to say? What if I donā€™t want to incriminate myself? Self incrimination.ā€ (Anderson 157). Melindaā€™s parents notice her behavior when they see her terrible grades and keep asking her to speak. Melinda is afraid that if she speaks out, people may hate her more. Also, Andy has a big reputation with girls and she is afraid of him. When Ivy says that Andy Evans is trouble, Melinda seems to want to talk. She starts a conversation on the bathroom wall that says ā€œGuys to stay away from: Andy Evansā€ (Anderson 185). Later when Ivy takes her back to the bathroom, she sees all the negative comments other girls wrote about him. This shows that it takes one person to speak up to give others courage. At the beginning of the story, Melinda hides in the art room closet in darkness, afraid to face reality, wanting to wash away the pain the memory gives her. On the last day of school, Melinda hands in her finished linoleum tree to Mr. Freeman, her art teacher. Her tree is growing up toward the sunlight to signify her rebirth and a new beginning. The bottom blackened branch symbolizes how she will never forget that night, but she will not let it send her into darkness. Speak is a tale of rebirth, letting go of pain and finding the courage to speak up.
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    Bildungsroman- Coming of Age:
    From the beginning of Speak, Melinda is an outcast and harassed by people who went to the August drinking party. Melinda meets Heather, who is new to Merryweather High School, and the two become friends. Heather keeps talking about getting involved in her school and being popular, while Melinda continues to hide in darkness. Melinda is still trying to rid herself of the memory of the party where a senior guy raped her. Heather becomes so involved with the Marthas, a community service organization, that she ditches Melinda for popularity. Melinda is shattered because she now has no friends. As the weeks go by, Melinda becomes more withdrawn and reluctant to speak. Her grades curve downward exponentially. Furthermore, Andy lurks like a dark shadow and appears whenever he wants to. Melinda is too afraid to face him after what happened at the party. Staying behind to work on her linoleum tree for art, Melinda sees Ivy give her a shy smile. Ivy had asked Mr. Freeman, their art teacher, if she could stay behind to work on her clown project also. This is the beginning of her friendship with Ivy. When Andy and Rachel go out, Melinda warns Rachel, but Rachel does not believe her. Melinda tells Heather she will not help her with prom decorations. At prom, Rachel ditches Andy after he tries to sexually touch her. Melinda is able to scream and fight back when Andy tries to rape her again after school in the art room closet. The lacrosse team comes running and the next day, the whole school knows about it. On the last day of school, Melinda finishes he linoleum tree and receives an A. In her tree, she depicts rebirth and re-growth up toward the sunlight. She tells her story to Mr. Freeman and as she talks through her tears; her voice melts all the blocks of ice in her throat. Speak is a tale of a girl who tries to find the courage to speak out and finally does. Melinda learns that she cannot let the pain of what happened overcome her, but she will never forget the event. She also learns that it is better to speak and let your voice be heard than suffer in silence.

    #113032
    Janus
    Participant

    what do you think of the name of cytele? looking back at freshman year, i’m surprised at the names i used for the characters and i also have a great sense of humor and imagery in my writing. i used her as one of my characters. forensics project:

    i’m putting all my good essays on this site b/c it will be easier to navigate them and access them when i need them, hope you don’t mind.

    Special Agent
    By Shirley

    In the fictional novel, Jigsaw Jones Mysteries Volume One, by James Preller; a detective, Mila Yeh, is a cryptographer (person who works with codes). Mila sends messages to Theodore Jones (Jigsaw) in code. She is the brain that helps Jigsaw solve his cases. The codes she writes and deciphers often helps them both solve a case. Those labeled Jigsaw are the codes Mila has to decipher from her friend. Here are the codes they write to each other:
    The Case of Hermie the Missing Hamster/ Milaā€™s code <20-8-9-19*9-19*1*6-1-11-5*3-12-21-5.>
    Substitution Code>
    1. Write out the alphabet.
    2. Write the numbers one to twenty-six under each letter.
    3. They work in pairs.
    4. Each number in the code stands for a letter.
    5. This is a fake clue. {Solved Code]

    The Case of the Spooky Sleepover / Jigsawā€™s code< ME ETMEA TTHETRE EHOU SEAAFTERSC HOOL.>
    Space Code-
    1. Find the real words.
    2. Separate them with a /.
    3. ME ET/ ME/ A T/ THE/ TRE E/ HOU SE/ AFTER/ SC HOOL.
    The Case of the Stolen Baseball Cards/ Jigsawā€™s code
    Alternate Letter Code>
    1. Cross out every other letter.
    2. MQEWERTY MUEP ASTA TFHJEL OMFBFCIZCTEI ALFKTHEDRR SXCVHZOKOPL.
    3. The red letters are the letters that are crossed out.
    4. MEET ME AT THE OFFICE AFTER SCHOOL.
    The Case of the Mummy Mystery/Milaā€™s code< blue the witch candy purple mummy and tall man green is like door monster red going brown to trick treat orange get black you! Color Code- 1. The only that matter are the ones that come after the color words. 2. Circle the color words. 3. Underline the words that are next in line. 4. blue the witch candy purple mummy and tall man green is like door monster red going brown to trick treat orange get black you! Eyewitness Challenge Shirley: The perpetrator was a female. Le: A box of safety matches was taken. Parents: The suspect had curly, brown hair and appeared to be 37 years old. Mom: She was wearing white-rimmed sunglasses (on her head), a blue sweatshirt, and Nike shoes. Common Tells in Poker ā€œI have a good hand.ā€ 1. Acting Uninterested in a Hand While Still in It: player is acting as if not excited about his/her cards, but is. 2. Shaking Hands: if you notice a playerā€™s hands shaking as she/he places a bet, she/he possibly has a really, really good hand. 3. Glancing at Chips After Looking at Hole Cards: when a player looks down and sees a strong hole, she/he may glance over at his/her chips to see how much she can bet. ā€œI have a drawing hand.ā€ 1. Checking Hole Cards After a Flop: watch for the player to recheck his/her cards, theyā€™re checking whether that black Ace was a spade or a club. 2. Taking a Long Time Before Calling a Bet: if a player seems to be doing some mental calculations, he/she is most likely figuring if the pot odds are in his/her favor. My common tells in poker: 1. Taking a long time before calling a bet. 2. Checking hole cards after a flop. Newfound knowledge can help me make them less obvious. I could possibly pull off false tells. Forensic- Science Drama The Case of Johnson Murder Characters: Setting: Saturday afternoon in Detective Alex Mr. Johnsonā€™s house on Green Police Haven St. Thomas Johnson (Mr. Johnsonā€™s son) Dale Gregory (suspect) Dan Teller (found guilty) Scene 1 Act 1 Police: What did you say happened in 234 Green Haven St. at 4 yesterday, Alex? Alex: On Friday at 4:30, I heard a scream from Mr. Johnsonā€™s house. I checked the next morning and saw in the living room Richard Johnson lying dead with a knife in his heart. Police: Did you get a good look at the suspect? Alex (shaking his head): It was too dark to see anything, but he/she might have left fingerprints. Police: Very well, letā€™s have a look. Alex leads them into the living room Police: I donā€™t see any fingerprints. Alex nods, then notices holes in the backyard. Alex (to the police): Look! The suspect must have been walking on stilts. Police: Thatā€™s a mighty clever suspect/s. A sudden clang followed by footsteps makes them jump .A figure appears in the doorway, he looks at Alex and the police in puzzlement. Thomas Johnson: Who are you? What are you doing here? Police and Alex: Weā€™re Detective Alex and police. Who are you? Thomas Johnson (states his name): Iā€™m Richardā€™s son. Alex and the police exchange looks of excitement. Police (to Thomas): Did you see the suspect that killed your father? Thomas: I got a glimpse of him under the full moon. Alex and police (breathless with excitement): What did you see? Thomas: Not much. He was 5ā€™ā€™ 7ā€™ and wore a blue cape with black rubber boots. Alex: Wow! That is the best clue to solving this mystery. Police: Weā€™re very sorry about your father, Thomas; perhaps you could help with burial. Alex and Thomas: Not now, weā€™ve a mystery to solve. Police: Iā€™ve got a computer for research. Iā€™ll type in the given information and see the results. Five minutes laterā€¦ Police: Iā€™ve got it! (He shows Alex and Thomas the data) Alex (reviewing the information): Looks like Dale Gregoryā€™s our best suspect. They go to Daleā€™s house. Dale denies everything and the lie detectors prove he is not lying. Dale: I had nothing to do with Richard Johnson; I am great friends with him. However, I know the suspect had brown hair and green eyes. I believe it to be the work of Dan Teller. Police: Where does he live? Dale: 454 Red Nut Dr. Police and Alex: Thanks. Alex (to police and Thomas): This case is tiresome. Police and Thomas: Yeah, it is. Letā€™s hope the next is guilty. They arrive at Dan Tellerā€™s house. Police interrogate Dan Teller. He is found guilty. Alex, the police, and Thomas: Whew! Mystery solved. English I Honors/Original Myth April 7, 2014 Memory: Princess Destroyed by Pride On Herringsworn, an island in the mid-atlantic, there resided King Whit and his nymph wife, Reason. They had a beautiful daughter with auburn hair and green eyes called Memory. Memory was excellent at remembering and analyzing information. King Whit and Queen Reason were very vain about their daughter. King Whit and his nymph wife, Reason wanted Memory to have the best husband. King Whit consulted an oracle who told him, ā€œYouā€™re daughter will live a long and joyous life as long as she doesnā€™t know pride.ā€ King Whit did not think this was a bad fate and told his wife. When Memory reached sixteen, a contest was set in place to determine who her suitor would be. Hundreds flocked to Herringsworn like migrating birds to win the favor of the beautiful princess. The king told his daughter that she could choose whatever test she desired. Memory chose an IQ test. The test involved mostly memorization and analyzing data. The suitors were no match for the princess and lost their lives. All around the world, many men tried and failed to claim Memory for their wife. King Whit and his wife were despondent, but Memory, in her heart was glad. She did not want to marry any of the suitors; she dreamed of a day when women could make their choices when and who to marry. Then, one day Memory arrogantly declared ā€œI am smarter than even the wisdom goddess, Athena. Athena became fiercely angry and called her friend, Allison, Goddess of Revenge to punish Memory. Allison killed Memoryā€™s parents, but even though she was grief-stricken, Memory refused to recant her words. Seething, Athena turned Memory into a computer that stores information and can analyze data, but does not boast. The data storage in a computer called random access memory is derived from her name. It is often said that when the computer freezes, it is Memory trying to free herself from her computer transformation. She has never succeeded and mankind still uses Memory to store data. Shirley Liu June 18, 2014 English II Honors Summer Reading The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury Closed Reading Journal- Major idea/Conflict Quotes: o March 2000- ā€œDonā€™t leave me here on this terrible world, Iā€™ve got to get away; thereā€™s going to be an atom war! Donā€™t leave me on Earth!ā€ (Bradbury 32) Significance- Bradbury is foreshadowing the destruction of Earth by nuclear weapons. The taxpayer wants to board the fourth expedition to Mars, but the crew will not let him. They tell him that the other three flights had failed and he does not want to go. The taxpayer does not want to be left behind and keeps imploring. Those who could went to Mars and those who could not perished on Earth. o February 2002- ā€œAnd from the rockets ran men with hammers in their hands to beat the strange world into a shape that was familiar to the eye.ā€ (Bradbury 78) Significance- The men did not like the crystal pillars which were formed with both religion and science and they destroyed the Martiansā€™ artwork. The Earth men had long relied on science to explain the laws of the universe and could not comprehend religion and science coexisting. When rational, scientific views were introduced, and proven, the Earth men ceased to have faith in idolatry. The Earth men forgot about the old names and figures, but gave the names to the places on Mars based from the ones on Earth. o November 2005- ā€œAcross town there was a rocket port. You could still smell the hard, scorched smell where the last rocket blasted off when it went back to Earth.ā€ (Bradbury 146) Significance- The men wanted to go back to Earth to see their families and partake in the war. The men had all been trying to get away from Earth because of the atomic war. They had begun to worry about their families. After receiving a radio message from Earth, telling them to come home, the people left for Earth. The only people left behind were Walter Gripp and Genevieve Selsor whom Walter left after a few minutes of meeting because of her messy hair, sticky, chocolate covered hands and immature behavior toward him. Central Characters: o ā€œIt was just the idea of them watching us make fools of ourselves. The Martians dead or not. Doesnā€™t an old thing always know when a new thing arrives? ā€œ(Bradbury 54) Significance- Spender believes that the spirits of the Martians are still there. He does not like the crew getting rowdy drunk and acting like fools. In his conversation with the Captain Wilder, Spender tells him that he became angry and killed six of the men from the fourth expedition. Spender could not kill the captain because the captain seemed so much like himself in another view. Both the captain and Spender wanted to protect Mars from being overrun by science much like Earth had been. o August 2002- ā€œWho wants to see the future, who ever does? A man can face the past, but to think- the pillars crumbled, you say? But there they are. I see them.ā€ (Bradbury 86) Significance- Muhe Ca, a Martian is telling Tomas Gomez (Earth man) that the Martian cities are alive and that the pillars are upright. The Martian thinks Tomas is talking about the future or the past and tells Tomas that he could face the past with the pillars crumbled. Tomas keeps saying that the Martians are from the past, that they are not alive after the chicken pox epidemic, but Muhe Ca keeps denying it. Muhe Ca sees the city in perfection and the Martians are going to have a feast. o November 2005- ā€œPrepare your place of food. One hundred thousand miles of territory is all yours. Tonight is indeed a great night. Thereā€™s more, half of Mars is also yours.ā€ (Bradbury 141) Significance- The Martians were very forgiving and accepting people. They let Sam Parkhill, the Earth man claim all their territory. Even though, Sam did not like the Martians and killed some of them, the Martian leader issued that all the land should be his. Parkhill is the literary foil of Spender because unlike Spender who wants to preserve the beauty of Mars, Parkhill uses his shotgun to shatter all the crystal pillars of the Martian cities. Parkhill also sets up a hotdog stand and anticipates customers, but none come because they are busy with the war on Earth. Character Comparison: Sam Parkhill is similar to Hitler. Hitler was a dictator of Nazi Germany from 1933-1945. As Hitler did not like the Jews, Parkhill was prejudiced against the Martians. In Kristallnacht (Night of Broken Glass), on November 9-10 of 1938, the Nazis set fire to Jewish synagogues and the Gestapo brought Jews to their headquarters to be sent to concentration camps. Parkhill destroyed the Martian crystal cities by using them as target practice for his shooting. Parkhill wanted to take over Mars and did not want the Martians in his way. Similarly, Hitler wanted a fascist Germany with a perfect Aryan race and those who stood in his way were killed. Political opponents such as the Soviet communists and Jews were thrown into concentration camps such as Auschwitz. Opinion of novel: The Martian Chronicles was an entertaining and engaging novel. Ray Bradbury illustrated the Earth men conquering Mars after Earth was destroyed. The book explains how nuclear technology went too far, leading to the destruction of Earth by an atomic bomb. The most enjoyed chapter was ā€œApril 2000: The Third Expedition.ā€ On the third expedition led by Captain John Black, the crew landed on Mars and saw their hometown Green Bluff, Illinois during 1926. The crew thinks they have gone back in time because they see their dead relatives alive. Captain Black is suspicious and thinks it is the Martians disguising themselves as their relatives. He believes that the Martians used their telepathic powers to create the scene from the thoughts in the menā€™s minds. Captain Black believes the Martians are planning to kill them. He tries to escape to warn the others during the night, but his long-deceased brother, Edward awakens and kills him. This chapter explains that you should not always believe everything you see. The Earth men were fooled into thinking that they were on Mars with their dead relatives, and they were elated to see them; but they were really Martians in disguise. At the end of the novel, the Earth men go back to Earth to be with their families and take part in the war. Only a few people were left behind on Mars including Tomas Gomez and his family, Genevieve Selsor, and Walter Gripp. All in all, this was an amazing novel. Bomb Race to Build-and Steal- the Worldā€™s Most Dangerous Weapon By Steve Sheinkin Character Comparison: Klaus Fuchs is like Harriet in the novel Harriet the Spy. Klaus is a German physicist who was recruited by the British to help assemble the atomic bomb. Like Harriet, Klaus was a quiet outcast who was a spy. Klaus provided the Soviet Union with information about the Manhattan Project, the project to build an atomic bomb. Most of the Americans liked Klaus; they believed he had left the communist life behind in Germany. When the Americans found out about the Soviet atomic bomb; they found telegrams sent from America by Soviet agents. The Soviets were not worried, but the Americans deciphered their code. It was discovered that the 1994 telegram had a top-secret paper written by Klaus Fuchs. Similar to when Marion got her hands on Harrietā€™s private notebook and spills the secrets to the whole school, Harriet gets in trouble; the British intelligence was notified by FBI intelligence, Robert Lamphere about Klaus spying. When the Americans find out, they gave Klaus imprisonment for fourteen years. Opinion of novel: Bomb by Steve Sheinkin was an interesting novel of atomic physics. The German physicist, Otto Hahn used uranium (chemical symbol: U) atoms and they watched what happened when they were placed near radioactive isotope, U-235: element that has an unstable nucleus and neutrons flying around in its outer shell. The result was shocking, the U-235 nucleus split called nuclear fission. When American scientists realized that nuclear fission would release a tremendous amount of energy and when placed in a chain reaction; it would create an atomic bomb. The Americans quickly began recruiting scientists to build an atomic bomb before the Germans- their enemy in World War II. There was a lot of suspense in the novel. When Robert Oppenheimer (leader of the Manhattan Project- secret project in Manhattan, NYC to build atomic bomb) realized, uranium 235 was hard to manufacture quickly and the Americans wanted more than one bomb, they decided to bombard uranium atoms with two isotopes of hydrogen creating plutonium. The race to build the bomb became intense when the United States discovered that Germany had a uranium supply and heavy water- water consisting of a proton and neutron to cause a chain reaction. The British, allies of the Americans sent Knut Haukelid (Norwegian) to destroy the heavy water plant in Vemork, Norway. Steve Sheinkin was very descriptive when he said the bomb created a ball of fire that went from orange to purple to black and spread like a mushroom cloud over the Trinity site in Los Alamos, NM where the first plutonium bomb was tested. Cosmic Alignment Discovering my soulā€™s true purpose Awakening to divine love and healing Breaking the illusions No longer confined by the walls of limitations Accepting myself and my talents Forgetting all Iā€™m lacking I breathe the divine in At peace with my life Iā€™m running and quite sure where to go The world illuminated in a new light Detached from material wants and pressures I am free I am alive My inner self becoming more vibrant, taking the path of spiritual fulfillment Iā€™m going home Iā€™m going to the place I belong Iā€™m one with the divine, at peace, filled with love and light. Life is a miracle Living isnā€™t hard at all It doesnā€™t matter who youā€™re not, it matters who you are and how you use it So donā€™t bring yourself down if others seem better than you You have your talents as well I know what I believe inside Iā€™m awake and Iā€™m alive Wherever I go, whatever I experience Iā€™ll be okay Filled with divine light and love, life is effortless Life is beautiful Live every moment to the fullest If you are angry, there are other people out there who have it worse than you or the person who made you angry is out there dancing So release your worry, doubt and anger; it only wastes your energy in life and takes away the precious seconds when you could be happy Live as if you were too die this moment Be happy with who you are, embrace life cause you canā€™t rewind a moment in this life Be one with the divine, be one with yourself Experience life as a miracle, donā€™t live with regrets, they only hold you back Free your soul, free your heart and soar, align yourself to the path of your true purpose. Haikus Late for Class Bells ring for first class Students hurry in the hall Late to class again Summer Scorching heat from sun ā€œSchoolā€™s out!ā€ The children shout. Popsicles dripping. Sunset Sky of bright colors The sunā€™s red shadow sets To rise another day Iā€™d Live for the Moment (freshman poetry book) If I had my life to live over, Iā€™d believe in myself more I would not let myself get depressed I would be more expressive of myself and stop letting other people take advantage of me I would stop letting other people put me down Oh Iā€™ve had my moments and, If I had to do it over, Iā€™d have more of them. In fact, Iā€™d try to go after my dreams despite obstacles Just moments, one after another, instead of caring what others think of me If I had to do it over again, I would go dance like no oneā€™s watching If I had to live my life over, I would love like Iā€™ve never been hurt I would worry less Iā€™d be less hard on myself. Radioactive questions and Explosive answers were titles to a project.

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