Dear Shirley:

I was curious about the Vatican city being the smallest country so I googled “verdad” and indeed it is true.

You ran before sunrise? At the beginning of daylight before the sun rises? This is a magical time and the only time to run on a hot day. I like your dream and your visualizations, burning the stick/ inner bully. Great to have a bully free day.

It occurred to me as I read your post where you wrote that you like to be alone, it occurred to me that it could very well be that when you are with people, your inner bully projects itself into the people around. In other words, the inner bully tells you: this person is thinking that you (Shirley) are this or that.

My inner bully used to do that a lot. It not only put me down, it told me other people are thinking negatively about me, criticizing me, so I preferred to be alone. Is that the case with you too, I wonder.

anita

Dear Shirley:

ADP, the molecule, adds a P and becomes the power carrying ATP, ready to download the energy where it is needed, to so many metabolic processes that require energy- and all require energy, even the exothermic need an initial boost of energy, an initiating energy. How can this be related to human behavior… oh, I see it: even behaviors that will bring us big returns-on-investment, require an investment, doing something we don’t feel like doing. Like being mindful, paying attention requires energy but pays off great dividends.

The molecules and their reactions within a cell- the easy one is respiration: glucose+ oxygen-> water, CO2, energy. I am getting a warm feeling remembering these things from long ago, I wish I studied more.

Your Buddha and angels meditation sounds lovely, and you’ve been practicing it for a while, refining it, maybe.

It is hot here, 80s maybe, but going to take a walk, 3.5 miles.

anita

Hi beautiful my gosh you are so amazing and I wish you could see and truly feel good as the beautiful person that you ARE! You were given life, which is a great gift in itself. This is your life and you deserve to be happy and living and enjoying it. You become your own worst enemy by being hard criticizing yourself. So it’s definitely needed that you begin on the process to bettering your life and seeing your worth. Have some people to support or guide you, and fake it till you make it. Pull on a smile and the situation seems more manageable. Have hope that you will feel better and these troubles will go away because honey THEY WILL. you will survive heck YOU ARE A SURVIVOR. you deserve to feel happy and not give a crap about what anyone thinks of you. Think of the feeling you want so bad, to love you, have your best life, be in love with life and that it’s your real life dream. It is possible trust me. It really all starts with you
YOU HAVE THE POWER! First have the thought. I want to get better. I will get better. That is the first step. 2nd Write down what you wanna overcome. Don’t ask how you will, just know you will. Worrying about how you will will create stress. You must have faith. Focus on doing anything that gives you happiness, from yummy food, a hobby, TV shows, a nice nap, a good cry it all out (let’s out bad emotions and is so healthy for the body,), laugh at funny buddies all the beautiful lil miracles in daily everyday life. There is beauty in everyday. For some long you have conditioned yourself into feeling empty and not worthy. But honey you are. If you feel scared to do something say, in your head. HOLD UP WAIT A MINUT THIS IS MY LIFE. I do what I want when I want.i should. Feel empowered on what you desevre. Happiness. And that you don’t desevre to suffer of make yourself suffer. You need to fight with all your heart and also have friends or fam or a god or anything to help you. ANS you will reach that happiness I promise. The thing is, happiness is created inside by you. You can have it anytime anywhere, from about to have a nap, eating yummy stuff, getting up in the morning saying thank you, write down a grateful journal, think of how blessed you are and what is going right in the world. If you choose to have a frown and let others influence you, it’s not living. You need to break free from the shackles you set on yourself and realize how worthy you are of everything. Of life. You desevre the world. So you can SO DO this. To start living the life you had when you were little. Do anything that makes you happy. Write down your progress. Talk to people. Have hope. Distract yourself, smile, talk it all out, seek help etc anything . and also you are not failing. Sometimes you need to repeat mistakes for it to FIBALLY set in and click in that you do desevre happiness and that things will change. Don’t invest in things that don’t make you happy and make u u comfortable. Keep saying kind things to yourseld and stuff you love about you and life. Focus on the good and I assure you with repetition you will feel good about your beautiful self again. Anyone who has hurt you made you stronger and is a lesson and u deserve better ppl and they will come. You are worthy of love and there’s someone out there for you and I promise you will lok back on this and smile and laugh . trust the journey of your beautiful life. This is temporary. You always had the power to be happy confident and fearlessly<3 go get em girl. Just stay motivated write down your dreams don’t give up and realize that you never fail. You keep getting back up and you live and you learn. None of your efforts were wasted. Ots all meant to be. You are so loved sweetie <3 you desevre to SMILE God bless you<3 you are never alone. We love you. You are worth it. Thank you for existing and it will all be okay I promise

Dear Shirley:

I ran out of time and all my ATP molecules used. I am going to the city to recharge my ADP molecules and will be back in 8 hours or so. Would love to read your last three posts and respond then.

anita

Dear Shirley:

I am glad you are making progress and are celebrating your victories. No victory is too small.

When you tell your inner bully “see I am capable of things”-

your bully is not going to be impressed and change his behavior. This is why I termed it Bully- because people who are bullies do not back down, are not impressed by the ones bullied doing well. The motivation of the bully is to harm.

The concept of the Inner Critic is not one I invented. It is the Freudian “superego”- an old term. The superego is something we all have, it is our “conscience”- necessary for the social animals that we are, so that we can live in groups. It is not a bad psychic entity.

The Inner Bully (my term) is the Inner Critic, the Superego when it is abusive!

So, develop over time your relationship with your Inner Bully- I have. I no longer argue with it (it will not change its mind!). I no longer believe what it says (it lies, repeats untruth with no concern of the lack of truth, again, it will not listen to anything different- it does not listen). When I notice it starting to give me its commentary I distract myself, take my attention away from what it says while it is in mid sentence!

Glycolysis- I remember many classes on it, many hours of studying. Now I forgot. Maybe I should google it… wait, I will…Good information on Wikipedia- wonder if you’d like to read it yourself. So a couple of things, paraphrasing (this is how I always studied, using my own words after reading): it is about the breaking of glucose and the release of ATP as a result. It is oxygen independent, does not require oxygen. It is done in aerobic and anaerobic conditions. It includes ten steps (now I remember why it was so time consuming to me and I still remember getting confused and lost in all the details!). The work or discovery of glycolysis started with the work of Pasteur who investigated why wine somewhat did not develop right, tasted bad instead of turning into alcohol. That was in the 1850s. Hmmm… can you imagine, glycolysis was discovered because people liked drinking wine- an advantage then… of consuming alcohol.

Ahhh… Science, how refreshing!

anita