thanks, sometimes the inner bully really makes me mad and irritated, every time it sneaks up on me and tells me “i’m not good enough. i will never make it out in this world. you’re not smart enough.” i imagine it like it is an irritating bug that i smash with a shoe. no matter how hard it tries, it won’t control who i am anymore, it can only make me irritated at myself and then i will try to find a way to end it. sometimes when i’m making major progress in science and someone criticizes me in another field or in science, the inner bully seeks that as fuel and it starts nagging at me saying “see you’re not good enough. you can never be good enough. stop daydreaming and experimenting with science, you should do something more productive.” anyway, i looked up molecular biologist and genetic engineering and i like molecular biology and may go for a doctorate so i can study cancer and stem cells. genetic engineering may be a bit hard, but molecular biology will pave the way and andrew may be able to help me develop my technical skills. also andrew like me when it comes to science can go on researching for hours and it can be in astronomy, biology, physics, chemistry, mechanical etc and we just get more and more interested. also molecular biologists often help biotechnicians who are the ones who do the mechanical things like prostheses because they let them know about the cells that are there beforehand. we are both like the valence electrons in an atom, we will react and keep learning until we are stable and have found something that really interests us, then we’ll rest and explore. it is hard to break up chemical bonds much like it is hard to stop me when i have my focus on a goal and i won’t let the inner bully try to break my bonds by producing more H+ ions (negative thoughts) and creating more acid in my life, i’ll generate more OH- and be more basic or I could be neutral like water;) here are the two websites:

http://study.com/articles/Molecular_Biologist_Job_Description_Duties_and_Requirements.html
http://study.com/articles/Become_a_Genetic_Engineer_Education_and_Career_Roadmap.html

I think my main goal is to live as my soul, to live as if in heaven on earth, to soar beyond the physical limitations and to taste the oneness of the universe. to me death is not the end, but a new beginning. i feel as if i have been reborn into a better person each time i let myself surrender in life and then i get up to try again. Death cannot take the oneness called love and the unity i have begun to develop with the universe. to me, i will live my life to the fullest and enjoy every moment and be reborn much better.

Sometimes it’s easier to deal with things in a more physical form than combatting ethereal thoughts. I read an article about a psychologist who helps people deal with body images. She especially deals with those who have anorexia. She tells the patients to visualize a person as “Mrs. Anna Rexia” and then she asks them, “Who is that person?” and they reply “Mrs. Anna Rexia.” Then she says “What’s your name?” and the patients respond with their name. Next, she tells them to bring “Mrs. Anna Rexia” back to focus again and imagine all the things you hate about yourself and all the negative thoughts to flow into that person. She then tells her patients to say “I am ‘their name.’ I let go of all of my negative thoughts, they are not part of me. They are part of someone else and they don’t control me.” Then the patients are told to let go of the negative person called “Mrs. Anna Rexia” by imagining a cord being cut by a strong scissors and then the negative being dissolving into the soil while the cord is being connected to the heavens and flooding the person with light and healing. I like the psychologist technique of disassociating with the negative part of you and I think it would work for “Mr. Inner Bully.” It’s a funny coincidence, but I was also peeling cucumbers yesterday as well and my inner bully was raging a war about how I wasn’t a good person because I forgot to wash cutting board after slicing some meats. however, i managed to wash the cucumbers thoroughly while working on ignoring the inner bully, but it still kept on finding little things to complain about me throughout the day. I think my inner bully also takes after my parent’s criticisms especially when it finds much to criticize about the smallest things. I think andrew gets his confidence from being competitive, he has an intense passion for science and i think he worries that i might get ahead of him in science since i also love science just as much. it would be great if andrew could be more laid-back like dave is and still have confidence. dave radiates confidence and assertive compassion just by being himself while andrew enjoys learning new things and experimenting. dave is like the noble gases in group eighteen who have eight valence electrons in their shell and is happy, while andrew and I are always a nonpolar covalent bond pulling the electrons of knowledge closer to us and traveling across the periodic table, sometimes andrew will be fluorine (the most electron negative) and sometimes i will be. we both share similar characteristics in a group going down, but as we race along the periods we start to diverge. Also I was reading about buffers and they are often acid-base pairs that help modify too high or too low pH scales in biological fluids such as blood. A buffer accepts hydrogen ions when they are in excess and donates them when they are depleted. Think of the buffer as the regulator of the inner bully who tries to mess up your system by creating a pH less than seven to be acidic or a pH greater than seven to be basic and it tries to unbalance you. Blood’s regular pH is 7.4 and it is pretty much basic. Say your thoughts are neutral and at 7 on the pH scale, the inner bully tries to unbalance you and you must regulate it so it doesn’t turn to acidic or basic (bleach is pretty basic) much like the buffer keeps the blood at 7.3-7.4. on the lighter side, here are some funny science jokes:

Prankster: Somebody check the well, it’s filled with dihydrogen monoxide!
People panic. Is there a chemist?
Chemist: Here I am! It’s okay; it’s only H2O, two atoms of hydrogen (di meaning two) and one atom of oxygen.
Chemist: Give everyone some H2O to calm them down: A caring, 2 Hugs and an Open mind.
People: But isn’t H2O just pure water; how can we give someone H2O through hugs and an open mind?
Chemist : Pure water has 545 million cells and we are all made up of cells that contain 70-95% water. Also when we laugh or smile to comfort others, we release endorphins that boost our mood.
People: Let’s provide everyone with H2O!

This is during the nomenclature (naming of acids) and it is a funny story. Sulfate (SO4^-2) would become sulphuric acid or H2So4. Ate becomes ic such as if you ate something disgusting. Sulfite (SO3^-2) becomes sulphurous acid such as the person (or sulphur in this case) is being rite-ous (righteous). Sulfide (most nonmetal anions end in ide) become hydrosulphuric acid.
Sulphur is a nonmetal and nonmetals often have negative charges as they gain electrons. Sulfite has one less oxygen then sulfate because sulfate “ate one more oxygen than sulfite (who apparently didn’t fite/fight hard enough for a meal). Sulfite and Sulfate are part of the polyatomic ions (many atoms covalently bonded together with a charge). here is the funny story:

Jimmy ate a clam and said “Ick!”
Jimmy’s parents were rite-ous (righteous) people and wanted to make him feel better.
So they took him on some coaster rides, but they made him hydro-ic (more sick).
Poor Jimmy!

I like that idea of giving the inner bully back to the originator. i have been working on generating positive energy and fire has become my element. every time a negative thing comes near me, my energy bubble flares up like fire and it dissolves the negative energy. i agree that although it would be great for a no-bully policy, i don’t think that would happen because through pain, we realize the true value of joy. the world must have a balance of both dark and light. i also have been working with the air element to keep me cool and also to help me feel lightweight and happy. i find that i have become quite good at visualization and when i have a goal in mind, i can work my way to making it a reality. i also enjoy studying psychology and i think i have begun to tap into the inner higher self that i have, the soul that gives me confidence. i have began to think maybe it would be good to enjoy learning science and let andrew have the competitive nature while i combine science and nature and be laidback like dave. dave has an inner confidence in his abilities and that helps him shine even without having to show his knowledge. andrew and i weren’t always competitive, in fact we had lots of fun talking about science and playing lacrosse. but after i got a 98 in pre-calc and he only received a 91 and my ap english grade on global warming was better than his, he started getting competitive. also when my ap english teacher put andrew (negative about minimum wage) and me on opposite teams when i had to debate on positive effects of minimum wage, we were quite competitive.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Janus.

Thanks anita for saying that i’m great at visualization and for giving me the idea of using air to help keep me happy and at peace. Thank you for supporting me and listening, you are a great friend;) I am currently reading Think Big by Ben Carson and it is about working hard, believing in yourself and acquiring knowledge. Carson started out failing all his subjects, but at his mom’s insistent prodding, he was able to read two books a week and build his knowledge. He talks about the importance of books and how much you can learn from them. One of his quotes learned from his mother was “It doesn’t matter if they are smarter than you if you try your best. If you work hard, you can do it better than they can because you know the true value of what it means to work for rewards.” in the book Carson talks about his insecurities about not having enough knowledge and admiring those who were self-confident and wanting to be like them. He talks about how valuable all knowledge is and how we all have the potential of learning more things and striving for our best. Through knowledge found from books, nature and religion/spirituality we can help ourselves build the experiences we need in life. Also Carson’s mother had advice that i really like “They (the critics) can take away all your material things and criticize you all they want about your clothes, appearance etc., but the one thing they cannot take away from you is your will and your curiosity to attain knowledge. It doesn’t matter who you are if you have something to contribute to the world with your knowledge.” I like your interpretation of the song “When I’m
Gone” especially for the lyrics ‘Right me when I’m wrong’ and i agree that sometimes people can be quick to right others when they are wrong, but not themselves and also like you said sometimes we have to decide for ourselves what’s right and what’s wrong and not let others tell us. I also like your interpretation to the lyrics “Everything in me wants to be the one you wanted me to me” when you said that ‘everything i was from the beginning has nothing to do with you’, i agree since people often try to change us so we fit into their mold, but we can’t always be perfect, it is better to be who we truly were at the beginning and ignore the pressure of those who try to change who we are. Also I believe love is eternal and lasts beyond death and the memories are still there, however we should spend our time enjoying the little things in life. i love to just wake up and hear the birds sing and run through the neighborhood feeling the wind and waving at the trees. there is more to life than materialism and outer perfection when we realize our spirit.