i love the feeling i get after i run around the neighborhood. at first their are thoughts in my head and after a few minutes into my run, there is a mental stillness as i just let myself be free, as i sprint and turn my face up to let the golden halo of the sun warm my face feeling how great it is to feel truly alive, to be as if i were in my soul and spirit. i want to be the person that is spiritually fulfilled and i don’t care about fame, being an extreme genius, or being extremely athletic. i have simply begun working on dropping the expectations of the world. i have a poem that i have written about the uncertainties and beauties of youth and the elderly, it is called Youth Reflections. i will post it soon, it is more of a self-reflection on my feelings and i try to express the doubts and insecurities i face while trying to maintain in spiritual balance. i also did a buddha meditation and asked the buddha about my limitations, it was very insightful and it helped bring more insight on why i am more of a spiritual love person than a physical love person. i think it is b/c i have been criticized and have criticized myself so much that there is a part of me that will become too attached to love when i find it b/c i feel as if i only have divine love with others and not the unconditional love and trust. yet the buddha told me that divine love is the purest form of love and that i was becoming an awakened being, that i was able to spread love soul to soul. i’ll post more on the meditation, but this meditation helped me a lot.

this news makes be even more eager to become a biologist;) some people say biologists don’t do as much as physicists, but i disagree. science has come so far and it amazes me. i think vitamins are pretty cool, they are one of the things i like about modern medicine. though modern medicine sometimes uses too much medicine when they should be listening to the person’s spirit. sometimes there are underlying causes for strokes and cancers such as stress and inadequacy. doctors shouldn’t just put pills for everything without listening to the life factors that might have brought on the results.

https://www.bostonglobe.com/business/2015/02/03/anti-aging-supplement-from-prominent-local-scientists/FvHsy28Hd9fILmrR4OZArO/story.html

it has rained a lot this summer and i like the cool temperature and often times there are breathtaking rainbows and beautiful twilight skies. i agree with what you said about age, sometimes i feel like our society has become so concerned in beauty, athleticism and wealth that those who can’t make it or are elderly are cast out like their not much. i like helping people and enjoy helping the elderly with crafts to brighten themselves up. i feel like the elderly and the youth have stories to tell us if people listen, also people shouldn’t just put on false facades just to please others, they should be happy with themselves no matter what age they are. no matter how young or old we have something special to contribute to society. i am working on being less critical of myself and it is working, i have been meditating on myself being healed and entering into the void of the divine and i feel much better about myself. there is one thing i am working on which is forgiveness, my mom is the more criticizing parent and i don’t want to be like her. she lets herself be controlled by stress and often doesn’t work out and keep healthy at times even though i ask her to. she is always complaining about how people wrong her and how her life isn’t what she wants when she could work on changing her attitude and help build a healthy workout and stress reducing routine. i think i am criticizing of myself, but have become more accepting of myself and realize that i am special and not at all like her. i don’t think i want to ever be like her or look like her. i will be healthy, happy, accepting and loving and most of all i won’t let my stress get in the way. most of the time when i’m stressed, i write about my feelings, work out or spend time in nature and just let the anger go. i went running with my special friend 7/3/16 and when i asked him if i was a good person. he hugged me and said that i was a good person and always good enough. when i told him that i was afraid of becoming like my mom he said you are not like her, you have beautiful dreams and you are loving and compassionate. you are more free-spirited than she is. i will help you heal yourself and realize your true worth. you are a beautiful soul and there is no one that i could share so much spiritual love with. when i was still doubtful he told me that i shouldn’t be so criticizing of myself, i was perfect and he said i reminded him of jillian michaels (she is a very outspoken body builder). he also said that he believed in me and if there was one person who was a divine being, it would be me and that i wasn’t like my mom since i was more beautiful and compassionate. he told me that it didn’t matter whatever happened he would keep the spiritual love between us and when we were both around each other we would help each other appreciate the divine within ourselves. he made me cry with his words as he held me and i realized things would be okay and that i was more special than i thought i was.

What I’ve learned from Face the Fire by Nora Roberts (a book on witches and an ancient curse brought by evil)

Courage and trust, justice with mercy and love without boundaries, without being binding will help conquer the dark.

The first witch, Air must develop courage and trust in her abilities so she can overcome her fear of her abusive husband. The second, Earth must deal with her emotional conflicts about using her power to avenge her sister’s (Air) death. The third witch, Fire took a silkie’s pelt and his ir from him and took him for her lover. However, the silkie found his pelt and the sea called to him and he forgot their love. The third witch, Fire hurled herself off the cliffs into the sea to join him. The failures of the three sisters lead to a curse upon their descendants.

Nell Channing (Air) was able to face her fears and use her powers righteously and Ripley Todd (Earth) battled her emotional conflict for dark power and succeeded. Mia Devlin (Fire) joined with Sam Logan (Water) who had left her broken to heal and chose life and also love without boundaries. Sam promised that he would never leave her again and asked her for a second chance.

Mia realized when she was a young girl, she had been blinded by love for Sam, she wanted to be with him forever and create a future with him. Mia wanted someone whom she could love that would love her back because she was lonely when here parents were indifferent to her. However, Sam wasn’t ready, he was too afraid to commit to her after seeing how his parents were in marriage and how his dad tried to make things Sam wanted tough to get. When Sam left her, Mia was broken, yet she rebuilt her life. She was able to be strong unlike her ancestor Fire. When Sam comes back and asks her for forgiveness and that he now knows how to really love her and isn’t influenced by his parents, Mia doesn’t want to risk her heart, afraid she won’t survive if he leaves again. However, she had to open her heart and realize that she had held on too tightly and it had estranged Sam. In the end, after Sam helps her save Lulu (her guardian entrusted by Mia’s grandmother), doesn’t force her to share magic with him (but she does because she realizes he is holding back because he respects her) and when he takes care of her in the garden and they talk about their life. Sam tells her that he thought his leaving was justified because of the legend (above) and also that he felt tied down that Mia was so certain of her future while he couldn’t see where he was going. However, Sam made a productive business in a hotel and came back after eleven years and told Mia now that he feels certain he has stable ground (has dreams, goals and answers) and is able to tell her that he loves her. Mia learns how to not be too attached to love and be able to let him go if need be and also to forgive the past.
Sam learns from Mrs. Farley (assistant at the hotel) that the world would be stronger if people were capable of handling life on their own. But being capable doesn’t mean being unwilling to depend on someone and work with someone which makes the romance in marriage. Mrs. Farley also says not to expect things to be handed to you on a silver platter. Also, shaking an apple tree trying to get the apple won’t help. It’s important that you learn to climb the tree and no matter how many times you fall, you have to get back up and try again because if the apple is worth it, you have to try to get it.

So the main moral of the story is to believe in yourself, have courage to face your fears, don’t be lazy and keep trying to reach your goals even if you fall. Also, don’t get too overly attached to love and forgive the past pains and open yourself to trust. Also, be merciful in your judgments and make them in true justice which is merciful. Also, that it is important to take risks even if you are afraid, to push aside your fear and go for your dreams because the prize is always worth the fight. So to conquer fear and darkness requires courage and trust, unconditional love and also justice with mercy.

Also i thought it was cool that Mia Devlin had red hair and smoky gray eyes like fire, nell channing had blonde hair and blue eyes like the sky (air is often represented by the color yellow in wiccan) and rippley todd had brown hair and green eyes like the earth.
in the first there were three sisters heaven, earth and air. heaven didn’t want earth to revenge her sister, but she did anyway.

Thanks a lot anita;) i like the summer b/c the heat from the sun’s rays makes me feel truly alive with energy. i love wearing shorts as i race through the neighborhoods feeling the sun and leaving fear behind. there is still that criticism that i have about myself that tells me that i should strive for more, that i will be perfect and not like the people who are criticizing, but cultivate compassion instead. i hate that voice within me that seems to seek complete perfection of my soul when it seems to bring me down, but at times i relish it because it gives me power and strength knowing that I have ambitions to make myself a better person. The thing I dislike about summer is when I’m out being free and happy, there is always someone who tries to bring me down. There is always a guy who will flirt with me and only look at the surface of what I am and not who I am on the inside. There will be someone who tells me I’m much too pretty to be outside playing sports when I should be cooking or something like that. I don’t care about beauty or athleticism b/c that fades over time, I only want a smart mind and to be happy with myself which will last over time when I celebrate what I have accomplished in life. Rather than being pretty or athletic, I want to use my scientific knowledge to help make the world better through cancer research. I still have to develop more self-confidence and at times I feel like I am too much of a perfectionist. I want to make myself better, more perfect than the people who are criticizing and not even look like them. I think I am a bit afraid to trust others b/c I’m afraid they will see me like that of my mom. I don’t want to even look like her since she doesn’t work out and keep herself healthy like I do and she lets stress get in her way. I think I am the girl who hides herself in her books, out in nature b/c I’m unsure of what I think of myself and distrusting of what the world thinks about me. I am learning how to stand up more confident, but I’m still the ambitious, reserved and serious girl that wants people to know her more as the intelligent and determined person. In that way I’m like the song “Miss Independent” by Kelly Clarkson. I am self-sufficient and I think I guard my heart much like the lyrics “Little Miss Independent. Little Miss Self-sufficient. Little Miss Unafraid. Little miss on her own. Keeping her heart protected she’ll never ever feel rejected.” I feel as if I am more concerned about living a life in which I enrich myself with knowledge and work on attaining power and a self-confidence in myself. Sometimes when I can tell that a guy likes me for the true me, I still hold back. In the song “Miss guarded heart. Little Miss play-it Smart.” I am too busy working on my school work, pulling ahead learning all I can in life that when physical love comes my way I walk away. It’s like I distrust the world b/c of the criticism it used to inflict upon me. In the song “Little Miss Independence walked away, no time for love that came her way. She looked into the mirror and thought today, What happened to Miss no longer afraid?” I think it will take time for me to appreciate myself and convince myself I am already perfect instead of constantly thinking of the ways I can change so I won’t be like the critics. But I wonder if my aim for perfection is caging my own freedom and turning me bitter.