i don’t really care what college i go to as long as it has biology (esp. molecular and cell biology), chemistry, physics and environmental science and also a good health and wellness program (sports, weight room and possibly a mindfulness program). basically i’, looking for a pro-science and pro-health college. zack made waffles during ap world history today and kordell and i played egyptian ratscrew again. we didn’t have cooking spray, butter or syrup so the waffles ended up a little lopsided, but it was still fun watching them being made. steve (not my lunch buddy) says he will bring his waffle maker tomorrow and his waffles will rival zack’s. dakota in my physics honors class was quite entertaining today, he helped me understand the physics lesson on circuits today. shawn was also quite entertaining in my physics class and he helped me with pre-calc and also sebastian helped me with my ap english personality letter. i have also built quite good stamina in track workouts and i enjoy running with my lunch buddy steve who does sprints. steve has a great sense of humor and explains pre-calc quite well. andrew still seems mad at me b/c i’m learning about electricity in physics honors and he won’t be able to take physics until next year. my special friend also seems mad at me b/c i was busy with college things that i forgot about having a run with him after school. i think i am most interested in alternative health and i want to find ways to help others without too much medication and too much technology. georgian court university has a holistic health program for undergraduates which is quite cool in lakewood, nj.

steve’s waffle’s turned out quite great, they looked like snowflakes once we put powdered sugar on them;) hope you enjoyed your pancakes too;) i still wish i didn’t have doubts about my appearance still, but i hate it when people look at me in school b/c i think they are criticizing me.

that’s so cool, you are a talented cook anita:) i have a tub of yogurt at my house, but i never would have thought of yogurt, bananas and cinnamon on a pancake, i think i will try it;) dakota is quite an entertaining person, he is really enjoying the electricity lesson in physics honors. there are still some concepts that seem hazy for me such as solving for the components in complex circuits and also finding potential energy in an electrical circuits but dakota and dave have been helping me. shawn and sebastian are also quite fun to be around, they have been helping me with some parts of pre-calc. shawn was teaching me about soccer yesterday and sebastian today was pretending he was an ice-skater in physics honors. i think i worry about my weight and i have been experiencing what seems to be like ‘gender disillusionment’ in which i worry about not being a good enough athlete since i’m a girl. my parents are quite patriarchal and it can be hard when i share the value that men and women are equal and should respect each other. there are times when i wonder if my guy friends think less of me b/c i’m a girl and i begin to think i’m not as a good of athlete. dakota is quite fun to work out with b/c he is very encouraging and is quite helpful making sense of the workouts and planning a good workout. i feel like even with my friends i still hold myself back b/c i’m afraid that they won’t like me such as there are times when i will pretend to understand the class topic just not to look like a fool, but usually i consult with the teacher after class. my physics honors teacher is great at explaining things in a concise matter that makes you think on your own, but also provides you with more insight and a way to solve the problem and others like it. i think i have learned a lot about problem solving for my physics honors teacher. i wish i could be more like my pre-calc teacher who is outspoken, laid-back and truly enjoys teaching.

Thanks a lot, eris;) it was great insight to say that little events such as a test or what degree don’t make up the whole aspect of who you are and that life is a journey to be enjoyed;) gcses and a-levels sound quite strenuous and seem quite equivalent to the ap tests i have to take for college credit and sats. i think i worry too much about the little things such as what people think of me and it gets in the way, so at times my test grades aren’t the best either. i think it is fun to travel and experience the world, it opens your eyes to new experiences and new cultures of people which could help you with your job, I hope you had fun on your travels;) congratulations to your best friend on getting a job in communications and marketing in the medical field. I hope she is well, I am also thinking of being a medical researcher as well. thanks for calling me thoughtful and resilient and other positive words, they helped me realize my worth more. sometimes the paths you take are not the ones others think you can attain, there have been people like my parents who say science is a hard topic to go into, but i am often passionate about my interests and try to take on different paths.

on sat. i went out for a run with one of my neighbors and it was quite fun, but it made me tired for the rest of the day and sunday. we ran cross country for 13 miles and it was fun seeing the scenery, the trees and the breeze on my face. thanks for all your posts everyone;) feel free to give your inputs, they all really help;) anita (and anyone else), i think i have doubts about myself b/c of negative criticism from others and there are times when i feel that i am overweight even though i am 5′ 5” and 113 lbs. there are some athletes at my school that they think they are so great and they make fun of others who aren’t as good as them and they have such patriarchal views that it makes me annoyed. they often tell others that they can’t do this or that b/c they are better. i don’t think the distress is just from college applications. andrew is mad at me b/c i’m becoming better at science than he is, my special friend is mad at me b/c he feels like he is losing me in the midst of academics. dave is still quite supportive and great and so is dakota. also my ap english teacher is making us do a five minute poetry video on a poet that we chose and i’m doing robert frost’s poems “Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening” and Acquainted with the Night.” I have to add sounds, images and other visuals to bring the poem and the poet to life. So far i am having trouble thinking of a way to combine these to poems into one presentation. i’m thinking of analyzing the meanings first then finding a central theme that both fit in and use that to combine them, but I will need an indicator to let people know that they are separate poems. I wonder what song track i should use to combine them and also how to create an video. i have a ap world history test on braveheart tomorrow and i am doing a in-class project on a tour of europe (visiting scotland, england, wales and ireland). i also have a pre-calc test on graphs of functions, how to tell if the function is even or odd and the like. i also have a physics honors test on electricity and circuits (lots of memorization) on wed. and thursday (test split up).

Eris, i think my parents think i might not be suited for going into science b/c of my test scores, but my gpa unweighted is 95 and weighted is 97.5. i still have trouble solving logical problems at times, but science isn’t too bad. often you use what you know to solve problems and most of the problems aren’t like the word problems in math where sometimes you have to work backwards or use what you are given, most of the time science is taking what you know and what you’ve learned and applying it in various ways to solve the problem. i think science is more straightforward and combines both logical thought and creative thinking. also science allows you to experiment with things and find new avenues to a problem.

Gary, i appreciate your post, it was very insightful;) I was often bullied when I was 14 b/c i didn’t share the same views as my classmates. i would spend time in nature and meditate and some people thought i was a hermit b/c i was quite reclusive at times. i can relate to your paper on “Man” (i think it quite insightful and expressive) when i wrote an essay for health class on the negative psychological effects people adopt from the world. the essay title was called “Life is Beautiful” and it talked about how the main goal of everyone should be to find what they truly want in life and how sometimes society tries to shape who they are and it also talked about depression and negative criticism. my teacher thought my essay was quite controversial and she sent me to a counselor who didn’t really understand me at all. i think she wanted me to adopt the views of society more, but it just made me more reclusive. nowadays, i am quite outgoing, but there are still some values that i keep that contrast with society.

Cartomancy is quite fun and i am working on clairvoyance, there are times when i get dreams of what may come two days later or just a feeling or image comes into my head when i’m awake. a lot of people find wicca frightening b/c they are misled by the salem witch trials and the news on the media. my ap world history teacher is quite biased against wicca b/c her version of wicca is that of the druids and Celtics performing human sacrifices and inducing trance states with hallucinogens. however, modern wiccans don’t do that and also meditation is more popular. i think people are so bombarded with the old views and the media views of wicca that they don’t see wicca as it really is. most of the history of wicca has been mostly negative and people tend to look to the past and what they see portrayed often. i’m quite open-minded to all religions and i believe that it doesn’t matter what religion you are, it matters your actions. wicca has appealed to me b/c i love working in harmony with nature and i appreciate the fact that the god and goddess created us. it gives me a sense of divinity, a sense of oneness with the universe that in turn helps me realize my worth, instead of a being that is distant, having the being within as part of ourselves is quite a spiritual experience. also the presence of both a god and goddess represents cosmic balance between both genders and i believe in the equality of both men and women. i agree that a person can be psychic and believe in a higher power; i feel that all humans have a natural instinct that is often a “fight or flight response in a tough situation or when we just have a gut feeling when things are right, but that doesn’t make us wiccan. these experiences are quite natural within ourselves. often on the sabbats i often go out and i enjoy the weather or i meditate and do a purification and healing and i say thanks to the goddess and god for the creation of this world and for helping me through life. on regular days, there are times when i will be walking and i will turn my face to sun and enjoy the warmth on my face and imagine the god filling me with light or imagine the moon helping light up my path in life.

I astral project unintentionally at times and i can sense auras, but i can’t see the colors. often times when i try to astral project, my mind is quite eager for the experience and i can’t focus or i end up feeling so relaxed i fall asleep. on the times i’ve been out of my body, i’ve often only experienced it for fifteen minutes before landing with a ‘crash’ back. on one of the sabbat days, i did happen to visit greece and rome though.

i am still working on reiki, but somehow it’s like there is a encasing around me these days and my mind and everything seems to filter in through a glass lens and it all seems surreal and things seem to filter out and also come back in other ways. i wonder if this is just a coping mechanism for the pressure faced from school.

i like the idea of focusing on your inner wisdom. i often use meditation tapes when i’m going into trance states. there is a meditation tape on meeting with my higher self and i ask myself questions about my life’s purpose and how to get there. i like the idea of letting go of your ego and finding the voice within. i am thinking of being a reiki master, do you have any resources? you have done well in your life;)

Beautiful poem;) i like this line “Feeling the pulse of the stars through the veins.” it reminds me of the times i feel truly alive and connected to the universe and it is also a symbol of hope. i am working on using reiki to heal my circulation and this line speaks to me. while reading the poem, i could visualize myself awakening to the source and having the source fill and heal me. this line also reminds me of what i’ve been feeling these days, i seem to feel slightly detached from all strong emotions and all strong thoughts that come often go without affecting me much, it’s like i’m looking through a glass at my life “Emptying body and soul of thoughts and emotions.”