i love science so much and it also appeals to dave and andrew as well. we all love physics and biology a lot;) i find i can think quicker and problem solve easier b/c of andrew and dave. dave is great at mneumonics, while andrew explains things quite well.

check out this really cool thing:

Scientists Discover That Water Has Memory. This Video BLOWS My Mind!

thanks, anita;) i have started to understand the unit circle much better and also trigonometric functions of the circle, but i’m still unsure about reference angels that are greater than 360 degrees, but i’m not too worried b/c andrew is really god at expaling things and i’m sure he’ll help. we both enjoy learning about circles and pre-calc. i realize the colors of the unit circle, although they helped me focus in class when the teacher was going over it, when i’m studying, the colors overlap and blur together and i’m not sure which angle or coordinate is which. but andrew was great yesterday, he went online and printed out a blank unit circle and he quizzed me on it, i did well with the coordinates, but not too well with the angles in radians and degrees (i only made it 1/4 of circle). he was quite helpful and was explaining how to get the measures of the angles. i think after more practice, i will memorize the circle;)

usually if an angle is bigger than 360 degrees say it is 400 degrees, if you are finding the reference angle, you have to subtract 360-400 to get -40 which is an angle that is coterminal and shares a side with the 400 degree angle on the x-axis (if the circle is on a coordinate plane) and you plot the -40 degree angle. If the angle is negative you go clockwise and if it is positive you go counter-clockwise. Since the angle is bigger than 360, it over-encompasses a circle and it is hard to represent, so we subtract 360 from the angle to make it represented as a reference angle, instead of using 400 degrees which is in another dimension, we can find how many times the circle goes around to get 400 by subtracting 360 from it. It is different for radian angles though. I hope I didn’t confuse you;) pre-calc is lots of fun and color-coding and labeling a unit circle is enjoyable.

Dave and Andrew both helped me today in ap english with the unit circle and i think i understand it better now. also dave helped me with physics honors as well. i’m on spring break starting tomorrow to april 3. my pre-calc teacher says there will be a quiz on 6.3 on april 5 (tuesday), i have ch.19 test in ap world history april 6 and an ap english quiz april 7 (thursday) on Into the Wild and also transcendentalism and a physics test on conservation of momentum on april 7 (thursday). so i am going to have a busy spring break, studying and reading chapters. andrew has gotten back to being tense around me because i’m doing better in pre-calc than he is and dave is helping me. dave is a great guy, he is very compassionate, entertaining and explains things in great detail and he is very helpful. he’s the type of person that gets along with everyone. also my yoga teacher has so many cool templates such as chameleons (blending in with nature or surroundings, being at peace with your surroundings), fairies (flying away from stress), buddhas (spiritual awakenings, being at peace with yourself) to color to relieve stress.

sebastian is great person who throws javelin on my track team, he is very encouraging when our team works out in the weight room and he is good at explaining the workouts. we also have two new guys who are very entertaining, i was practicing with them since this is my first year throwing. the two new guys were very encouraging and i managed to throw the shotput (8 lbs for girls) to six inches on my third try not the farthest, but it’s progress). before i couldn’t even throw the shot put far enough, it would just land an inch from my foot and their was no projectile motion, but i have more force now. you have to put a lot of weight in your back leg so when you throw, the back leg is like a launch for your hips to open and have the motion throw far in your arms. my team mates were great as well and helped me lots. mildred, erin, matt, james and the two new guys were all helping me. today, during lunch break, i visited my yoga teacher and i think i might switch my schedule a little next year to take a class with her, my friend, javi (sophomore year cooking class) is in her fiber arts class. javi is quite an entertaining guy and he and i share an interest in the medical field, we both enjoy working out and helping people. he is competitive, but in a fun way.

here is the workout i did for track:

20 minutes of sprints (100 m)

front squats (10,10,8,6) cross arms hold bar and lift it as you squat

leg upleg-step using box (10,8,6)

bench press (10, 8,8,6)

incline pushups (3X10)

curls (3X10)

i feel like my wrist is developing more muscle, but it is also sore as well, but i had lots of fun. shawn and dakota, both friends in my pre-calc class have been teaching me shortcuts on how to solve pre-calc equations since they feel the teacher makes it long-drawn and it is pretty cool. they both are in my physics honors class as well and they have a great sense of humor. dakota has a witty, sarcastic sense of humor much like andrew and dakota can be competitive at times, but not as fiercely competitive as andrew. dakota was teaching me how to rock climb using the stair banister and the wall today and it was quite entertaining. he said we probably used 4000 horsepower (it’s just a fun way to experiment with physics, i don’t think we exerted that much power, but if you have more mass and speed, your power is more).

after yesterday, my special friend didn’t feel so left out, but today when i went to my yoga teacher for 25 minutes during my lunch break, my lunch buddy (steve) felt left out so i decided to make him laugh by showing him cool techniques on the graphing calculator and talking about track. i felt bad b/c when my special friend asked me to hang out with him after school today, i couldn’t b/c i had track practice, but i had lots of fun with my lunch buddy (steve) and my team mates at practice.
anyway, i wished him a happy spring break. i get the feeling that the more i do well in math and science and go for track, the more my special friend likes me. he has gotten over the fact that he is better at english and history b/c he really cares about me and just wants me to be happy doing what i love. i’ve seen him around other girls and he doesn’t seem to really connect with them as much as he does with me. sometimes he walks alone to think and i do the same and we meet each other and we smile at each other. i think he still wishes he was my boyfriend, but it’s hard with our busy schedules and me having so many friends helping me with school. i feel like i share a special connection to a lot of my friends especially dave and andrew (when he’s not being tense from competition). it’s great having them around to help me with school. sometimes my special friend gets jealous b/c i spend lots of time with them, but he doesn’t have to worry because even though i love all my friends, he remains my special friend, the one guy i love the most.

here is a paragraph i wrote about dave:

Everyone has friends that have helped them throughout tough times in life. Friends also connect to each other with platonic love. True friends see beyond your mistakes and also help you improve your skills. There is no friend like David Murphy; he and I have been friends since ninth grade. Whenever I get stressed and complain, Dave is always encouraging and often helps me with schoolwork. Dave is very modest and easy to talk to and we share a spiritual connection that ties us as friends; we both care about each other. Dave’s humor, easy-going nature, intelligence and compassion make him a great person to be around; we have platonic love as friends because we both chose each other as friends and both help each other develop and grow. Dave is like the song “All I Want” by Toad the Wet Sprocket, in the song it states “Nothing’s so cold, as closing the heart when all we need is to free the soul, but we wouldn’t be that brave I know.” Dave’s considerate nature makes him trustworthy and his confidence helps me feel better about myself and makes me feel more open to meeting people instead of closing myself off. There are no words to describe the platonic love I feel for Dave. Without, him I would not have developed the confidence I have and have felt my soul feel much freer instead of holding back in making friends; he taught me many valuable lessons on trust and acceptance of myself. Also in the song, it states “All I want is to feel this way, to be this close, to feel the same.” I always want to keep the memories of friendship and also am grateful to the way Dave encourages me and makes me laugh when I am sad. Without Dave, I would not be the same person I am today; I am glad that he is my friend and we share platonic love where we both help each other grow and develop.

here is a paragraph i wrote about my special friend:

Everyone is a snowflake, beautiful and unique; no one has the same experiences in their lives. We are all shaped and become stronger based on our life experiences. Yet, there are always people who come into your life who make such a difference and you are never the same again. Caring, compassionate and understanding are three words to describe the guy who came into my life in seventh grade when I felt like I had hit rock bottom and had no friends; he helped me build back the foundation that I thought I had lost. There is no one like my special friend, who is always energetic and reminds me to embrace the positivity of life. Before him, I never knew what I was capable of. Yet, the moment he came into my life, doors opened and I saw light

my special friend and I have been friends since seventh grade throughout high school. In seventh grade, I had low self-esteem and was often bullied. We met in gym class when we were playing soccer, he picked me for his team and it was such a relief to have someone notice me since most people avoided me. When people laughed at his pick, he would defend me and when I felt depressed, he would say things like “I have faith in what you can do, don’t give up.” Throughout the years into high school, he would role play being a bully and teach me ways to be more assertive. If there were times when I cried or felt like I could not go on, he would hug me and say that he was there for me.

i had a dream last night about my special friend. we were running through the woods, alone together and i was in the canopy of the tree enjoying the cool air while he was enjoying the sun. he seemed to notice that i enjoyed the cool, dark, silent places more than the bright places which seemed to make me tense. yet, when i ran i felt free like i was leaving all that i was behind and that nothing was impossible. we stopped for a while under the base of a redwood tree and he asked me why i was so tense about being in the light, why i seemed to have many walls built up. he told me that he really wanted to get to know me, the person i truly was, not what the world saw me as. he wanted me to also always be in the sun and to live life like he did without holding back. i told him i was afraid that the world would judge me and that i had lots of flaws and i didn’t feel good enough for him. he told me that he thought, i could be myself when i was out in nature and i said that i felt freer in nature, but there was a part of me that i was still trying to find. he said the sweetest thing ever, he said “let me be the part that makes you whole. i’ll stay with you until you find your true self.” we ran until we came to a river and we had lots of fun watching the fish swim the river. we sat down again and he asked me again why i had so many walls around myself. i told him that i was hiding the flaws i had from the world and that all the sadness i had endured had made me build walls to protect myself. my special friend told me that although walls protect us, they keep us in fear and also prevent us from being our true selves in the world. he told me that he didn’t care about the flaws i had, he didn’t care about what the negative criticism the world said about me, he wanted to know me for who i truly was without the walls that hide me. he told me that he would that i was perfect the way i was, that i was good enough and that i didn’t need to hide my flaws because they made me more special since they were the flaws could be experiences in my life to make me a better person. he said “if you keep yourself confined in those walls, you will never find true peace within yourself. you are hiding yourself out of the fear of the world judging you. that is no way to live.” then he hugged me and said the sweetest thing ever “i know that you have walls built up and so does everyone else. i’m here to help you break those walls that hide you and help you experience divine love. i don’t care about your flaws because everyone has them. if you keep living behind those walls, you let your flaws and fears define who you are.” in the dream, i watched him break down my walls like they were sand and saw the river wash away the layers that i had piled on to myself. i was afraid that he would judge me harshly as well, but he kept breaking down the walls until it was just me, myself and i left. then he pushed me into the sun and i was shaking, afraid that my flaws were being exposed to the world. but, he wouldn’t let me go back, he told me to be strong and i realized that i had to build courage so i turned my face to the sun and let its rays soak into me. after fifteen minutes, i felt much better and i realized that i didn’t feel as burdened as i was before. then i looked back at my special friend watching me and i felt shaky again, i thought “what does he think of me? i have so many flaws, i’m not good enough for him.” as if he had read my thoughts, he scooped me up into his arms and said “your flaws are what makes you beautiful. what would the meaning of life be if everyone was perfect? you are a divine being capable of divine love, don’t let the walls hold you back. spread your wings and break through those walls, let your soul feel the light of the sun and what it truly feels to be alive.” i felt so safe just having his arms around me then and even though, i was still shaky, i felt my heart feel lighter and open to divine love. we continued on our path and traveled across a bridge. on the other side of the bridge we met the buddha. the buddha told us that we were spiritual partners and that we had a purpose to help each other heal and experience divine love and spread it to others. we continued on our way until we came to a dark cave, the cave had slippery tunnels and long winding corridors and i felt helplessly lost. through the darkest part of the cave, i slid on a rock and i fell and i didn’t know if i could go on. i thought my special friend would think i was weak, but he just picked me up and continued on his way. he would say encouraging things and we made it through the cave. we came to a mountain where there were criticizing people, but we hiked up the mountain together. when i slid and fell while climbing a canyon, he was able to get a rope to pull me back up. after all these obstacles we came across a clearing in which we sat under a tree and we laughed with each other about the obstacles we faced together. when i told him that that i didn’t feel like i had contributed much to the journey, he laughed and said “you’ve taught me what divine love feels like. you taught me about the meaning of life and that it’s okay to have flaws, it’s okay to fall at times. the important thing is that you pick yourself up and keep going. you made me a better, more compassionate person and that’s what matters.” after sitting a few moments in the clearing feeling the wind on our faces, we saw a light and a pair of wings and we saw archangel metatron (angel of life, guarder of divine wisdom and tree of life also the bodhi tree which buddha meditated under) surround us with purple light and we both felt the most beautiful divine healing within us, within our hearts and we felt so much divine love that no words can truly describe. angel metatron wrapped us both in his wings and all our doubts and worries washed away. we sat under the tree knowing that we both had found our spiritual purpose and that we both were surrounded by divine love. i felt a divine peace and love in my heart for my spiritual soul mate as we held each other and remembered the obstacles we had faced in life. i realized that death isn’t the end, that after death comes new beginnings and a learning to connect to divine love and healing. it was the most beautiful, serene feeling ever in the dream as all my fears and worries and anger vanished and all i felt was love and connection. the smile that my special friend and i gave each other was one of the most peaceful and relaxed ones i know. people go through life never feeling the true blessing of their divine being and never truly live, i realize i want to help spread divine love to help people live their life to the fullest.

The past should make us better, not bitter. we should take the good of the past and use it to better ourselves in the present and prepare for the future. i have been getting templates of the negatives parts of my past and i have been coloring them in dark colors, putting my pain on the paper and letting it go. i then take the paper and burn it and then bury the ashes while saying “this is no longer a part of who i am. i am reborn as i let it go. it doesn’t affect me anymore.” i take the good parts of my past and color them in bright colors and imagine them being part of my life, becoming who i am in the present. i imagine drawing the images into my body merging with them until i am them and say “i am healed, i am perfect, i am healthy, i am whole.” then i tack the good images on my vision board where i can look at them every night before i go to sleep and say “this is me. i’m becoming the person i want to be.” in the morning, i greet the sun as the start of a new day and say “buddha and angels, help me live this day in divine love and healing. help me on the path toward my goals. may this day bring me all i need to get closer to my goals and achieve them. let me be who i truly am.”

the dream inspired me to write a poem about my special friend. i am grateful for all the things he has done for me. while i was in the middle of the poem, writing it, i started to cry and even writing this post makes me feel emotional. there is no one like my special friend and no words can describe the divine love i have for him. he’s the reason i know what it really feels to be truly alive and to truly experience spiritual love. he’s the one that helped me break down the walls, i built around myself and he still continues to break the walls, making me more confident and reveal myself more. he always tells me “i want to know you you truly are. i’ll continue to break these walls until your soul is free and your heart truly open. i want you to know that i don’t care about what the world says, i don’t care about your flaws because i love you.” he is the sweetest guy ever and this poem is about the lessons he taught me and the person he made me become and also the lessons the that i developed because of him to share with the world. i usually write my poems by hand before typing them so i can truly get a feel or the words and while i am writing, it is like i’m putting myself out there on paper. i have been able to write poems almost daily now. i think my next poem might be called “Break the Illusion- See the Stars”. it will be about living life to the fullest, breaking free of what holds you back ad what you’re not and going for the stars, going toward heaven. i think i might be an environmental spiritual poet;)

here the poem:

Divine Love- Spiritual Soul mate

Focusing on climbing every mountain to the summit

Running to the place I love, to the place I feel alive

The world glows with light

Letting go of all I’ve held on to

Surrendering to divine to divine love and healing

i’m surrounded by Heaven’s embrace

Letting myself be free, breaking down the walls that confine my spirit

You’re my spiritual soul mate

Helping me to open myself to divine love and healing

It’s like I’ve bee awakened

Every day is a new experience

Learning to release the past and bring myself to divine light

I’m surrounded by your embrace

I’m surrounded by divine love

Before you i had so many walls built up

Now I watch them slowly tumble down

I’m no longer in the chains of sorrow

I am flying up to the sky

my soul is immersed in divine light and healing

You’ve restored my faith in myself

Before you i was always afraid to open myself up to love

Being with you makes me feel spiritually alive

Even if the world seems harsh and I have doubts, you are always there to lend a hand

Even if I feel like I can’t rise and life seems unclear in its purpose

you are always there to hold my hand and help me through

In my darkest moments, you remain a light to help me find my way

When my strength gets weak and I feel like falling into the abyss, you are the rock I lean on

You are the rope that wraps me in divine love and keeps me safe

Because of you, I am learning how to be confident in life

You’re the reason I truly know what love feels like

You’re the reason I see the beauty of life

Because of you, i can spread more divine light to the world

You were right when you said you would help me be my true self in this world

You told me not to hide the great person I was

From the moment you came into my life, you showed me what’s right

You believed in me and helped build me up, picking up the pieces and putting them back together

You told me that a person sometimes has to break to find who they truly are

When people were criticizing me, you told them that you didn’t care what they said; they didn’t know who I truly was

You told me that you wanted to know the true me

That I didn’t need to build walls to hide myself

You didn’t care about the person I was on the outside, the person I was to the world

I watched my walls come slowly down

At first I was afraid to let you in, so I built more walls

You never gave up, keeping breaking down the walls

You said “I want to know the divine being you truly are. I want you to be free.”

You broke down all of my walls until I was left open, and you saw the flaws I had

I was afraid you would judge me harshly

I tried to hide and avoid the fact that I had nothing left but myself

But you hugged me and pulled me into the light, saying “Even with your flaws, you are and always will be good enough for me. Your flaws make you stronger and make me love you more since they are what makes you who you truly are in life. You are a divine being.”

You told me that people who build walls around themselves couldn’t have happiness come in

That people who build walls confine themselves in a prison of fear, never accepting their true selves

You told me that it didn’t matter what negative things the world told me

I was a divine being and would always have divine love

Because of you, I am now helping others break down their walls and experience divine love

Even though we build walls to protect ourselves from negative things, these walls hold us back from truly experiencing life

What would be the meaning of the joys of life if we didn’t feel pain and struggle?

It is through divine love, to surrender ourselves to the beauty, the true meaning of what it feels like to be alive that helps us find ourselves

Turn your negative experiences into hopes or let them go

Use them to become stronger, to be more connected to divine love

Don’t seclude yourself in walls of fear for security.

What is life if you live in fear?

What is life if you let negative things define who you are?

It is time to develop our wings and fly

It is time to break those illusions of those walls that keep our souls in chains

It is time to set your heart free and experience divine love

only you can make the choice.

What holds you back is only your own doubts and insecurities

Break the illusions

You are not your fears, doubts and worries

You are not what the criticism of what others say or what the world shapes you to be

You are a spiritual being capable of divine love and healing