Thanks anita;) You are the most encouraging and uplifting person ever;) you are a great friend who is always there;) sometimes when i feel stressed, i explore science and neuroscience, biology and chemistry since i have a passion for them. also my two ap english friends are great at helping with school subjects, yet there are times when they team up against me. however, i always have my lunch buddy who encourages me to do well in school and helps me. today, i was a bit stressed after physics honors when the A team girl told me that i would never pass physics honors and never be healthy. i went home to drop off my school stuff and decided to take slow jog (yog) around the neighborhood (3 miles) to clear my head and look at nature. A half mile into my yog, i spotted my special friend walking home from sports practice (he plays hockey) and we smiled at each other. he continued on his way, but at a slower pace so i could catch up with him. he saw from my expression that i was stressed and he asked me what was wrong, when i told him that there were times when i wasn’t sure i was going to do well this semester or get into the college i wanted to or ever be truly healthy. i told him that i was out to clear my mind since i had so many doubts about myself. he was a great listener and told me that i was smart, that i was good enough and that i would make it through in whatever i did because there is no one like me with that much energy and spirit in life. he told me that sometimes he feels insecure about himself compared to others, faces criticism from others like i do and there are times when he doubts that he is good enough for anyone or that anyone cares about him as well. yet, seeing me around gives him hope that there is someone looking out for him as seeing him also gives me hope that someone is here for me. i am working on improving my grades in physics honors which is 79.3 and i wish i could understand the material more easily, but the teacher doesn’t explain things in much detail and it can be hard to connect ideas at times to their concepts. i am working on improving my circulation (red, cracked hands during the winter), acne and eyesight. i am thinking of using reiki, buddha and the angels to help me. i think my immune system and metabolism has gotten stronger so i’ve had some success. i need to get back to meditation because it helps me have more mental clarity and these days my mind seems to be in a haze and i have doubts about healing. i think it is an attribute from school work, the pressure of my parents, competition at school and my conflicting emotions about my special friend. i know that i love him, but there are times when i wonder if it is not just spiritual, but also physical love as well. we both tend to deny the fact that we might also share a physical bond because we think that out social circles don’t connect. he and i both feel that we’re both too high above each other like the song “high Above me” i think we need to work out our insecurities.

thanks anita;) Good job on the fast walk 5.5 miles in 1.5 hours;) I tend to walk fast in school so i tend to have to dodge people as i go. i’m nervous about the minimum wage debate for ap english tomorrow. i am going against my ap english friend who is great with science , he is really smart and confident and i am nervous. what do you think about this 2 minute rebuttal on supporting minimum wage? I’m on the side that says you can live on minimum wage and he’s on the side that says you can’t. we both are great at science and we might incorporate some scientific facts in our arguments. he claims he is better at me in using science to argue because he is very educated in mechanical and electrical physics, chemistry and biology. i am too, but sometimes he does make me feel inadequate in my knowledge because there are some subjects he would know more about. we tend to think similarly and agree on some points of science and economics, but on topics where we diverge, he is very eloquent and a great debater and quite persuasive on why his side is right over mine. we were practicing our debates after school today and there were times when he talked about human nature and politics so eloquently that i was at loss for words at times. i said that john locke had said it was man’s right to live together and help each other succeed. but he argued for survival of the fittest in social darwinism and how minimum wage workers wouldn’t make it. we went back and forth. He is great at reading people and so am i so sometimes we look for cues as to what the other may say, but since we know each one of us is doing that, we tend to hide any cues to avoid advantages to the other side’s argument. anyway, about my special friend there are times when i deny that i love him because i’m afraid to love and be betrayed.

Here it is:

“Work is supposed to save you from being an outcast” as stated by Pete, a manager in Barbara Ehrenreich’s Nickel and Dimed. In our capitalistic society, working hard can get you far in life. According to Adam Smith’s Wealth of Nations, if you work hard no matter how rich or poor you are, you can earn enough money for a steady life and thrive in the economy. In 2014, 77.2 million workers age 16 and older were paid by the hour, many of them earning the minimum wage of 7.25 an hour. An individual can survive and live off of minimum wage if they work hard, seek out low rent homes and use food stamps. A person working at a full time minimum wage job can earn $11,695 which is 65% above the poverty line. Although, minimum wage might not be pleasant to live on, by budgeting your income and expenses and picking out what you really need and what you want can help you save money. Basic necessities such as food can be provided by low costs from soup kitchens. In Barbara’s case she set herself up for failure by buying a $40 pair of pants and an expensive belt that she didn’t really need when she could have saved her money by getting cheaper clothes at a discounted price. In contrast, Adam Shepard left college with only $25, living in a homeless shelter and in ten months, he was able to have a car and buy an apartment. Even though, Barbara states that rent should only be 30% of your income to be affordable rent, there are 77.2 million workers who just seem to get by enough to survive who can still have lives and families if they work hard and have the right attitude. There for it is possible to live on minimum wage.

Thanks anita;) I agree that it is hard to live on minimum wage, but not impossible to survive. do you think it would be a good idea if i used Bon Jovi’s song “Living on a Prayer” as a reference to two people living on minimum wage? The song talks about Tommy working at train tracks and Gina working at a restaurant and says it’s tough, but they’ve got each other to provided hope to each other. Living on minimum wage is manageable if you have hope and if you have children who can work, you can get welfare for them and also make more money that way.

The debate is about minimum wage earners and I had it second block and i think my ap english friend and his team did much better, they had more charts and graphs and also they engaged the audience much more. our team did well with the information, but i don’t like being in front of people much even though my voice and posture are normal, i was stressed at the ap world history dbq (document based question on how the enlightenment disrupted the western world and some of the documents from rene descartes were hard to analyze because they talked about the reality of the world around you and the abstract vs. the concrete and it was confusing) practice that my teacher brought upon us and since i was stressed on the dbq that i had to did first block, i don’t think my mind was really on the ap english debate. i think it was just the nervousness of going about my ap english friend who is great at science and also the dbq that really made my mind seemed sidetracked during the debate and it was as if i wasn’t very passionate about my side. a lot of my team members had been stressed over the tests they took in other classes and also the fact that we were debating against our friends on a side we didn’t agree with (i got the side where you can live on minimum wage). also physics seems to getting harder and the teacher seems to be explaining things even faster and my mind is whirling trying to keep up with everything. we are learning about objects being pulled at an angle on a flat surface, objects on an incline and objects being pulled at an angle on the incline. there are times when the force of gravity is equal to the cosine of the angle in the y component of the weight and there are times when you use the force pulling you downwards instead of using the force of gravity, you have to use the applied force sine of the angle to find the normal force that acts on the object. There are just so many steps for those different problems that i get confused which one is which and when to do one or the other and it doesn’t help that the teacher doesn’t explain everything thoroughly. i hope i make it through this semester with an 80 or higher in physics honors. my ap english friend who is great at science has started to use his scientific knowledge against me and we debate quite a lot about biology, chemistry and physics. my other ap english friend who is great at literature is quite helpful and encouraging and tells me that i can do well. there is a new competitive team called the “Imitation” A team. they have the best grades and are really smart in math and science and when other people like me fall behind because my mind can’t work as fast as theirs, they just give them some advice that doesn’t really do much (but it’s still nicer than the A team that puts people down if they aren’t smart). The “Imitation” A team has a great sense of humor and can be fun to be around, but they can be annoying when they compete against you and also when they don’t help you much when you fall behind. However, I like them better than the A team since some of the people are nice and they don’t put down people even though they can still put a strain on you because you see them striving so far and also having lots of confidence and you think “i wish i could be like them. but i think i never will have the strong intellect and confidence they have. i feel like i’m just an above average person, but their geniuses.” that’s how the “Imitation” A team makes me feel about myself at times, it makes me think i am very inadequate and that i won’t be able to get where they are. this is my first year of discovering that i like math and science and i am working my way, but all this pressure and constant cliques people form for competition are quite straining. i wish i could be like my lunch buddy since he is very laidback and he doesn’t care about the cliques and competition, he is just happy with himself. he is a a great person who explains things quite well and is very encouraging. The A team hasn’t really been bothering me much because now they are busy watching out for the “Imitation” A team because they don’t want them to be smarter and this constant competition is annoying. today, after lunch my head was spinning from newton’s laws of temperature that my lunch buddy was explaining (i understood the pre-calc part with the logarithms and how to solve for k, but the physics part didn’t make much sense). anyway, my special friend saw us discussing schoolwork together and he seemed jealous of the fact that my lunch buddy was smarter than he was, it made him feel inadequate. so he sought me out after lunch and asked if i still cared about him because lately it seems like i hang out with the ‘smart’ people. i told him that i was trying to do well in school and that i felt inadequate at times since most of the people i hang out seem to have things i wish i had and that i still cared about him, that i loved him for the fact that he is always there no matter how dramatic i get over school, no matter how distant i sometimes can be from him (busy with school), no matter how many times i think i regret the person i’ve become, he is always there to tell me that no matter what i’ll always make it through and also that it doesn’t matter what others are doing or how others are, that i don’t need to keep changing myself to be better because i’m already perfect and good enough the way i am now. today, when i met him going to my ap english class, he wished me luck on the track meeting after school. anyway, the track meeting was fun, there were a lot of team mates i knew and i met new people as well, our track team has grown since i’ve been gone for 1.5 years, but i’m back on the team and i am glad to see my friends and make new ones. so after the track meeting, i took a bus home and my special friend was there (he lives nearby) and he asked how the track meeting went and i told him it was fine. then he asked me how my day was and i told him “it was okay.” he is really good at reading me and he knew that today wasn’t really a good day and he asked me if i was okay, he told me he was here to listen. i said “you really don’t want to know how today went and how i may end up failing physics honors and how i feel like such a failure.” today’s day with the “Imitation” A team, debates, dbq and physics honors was just annoying. he said it was okay, that he was here for me and that i could tell him anything. so i told him pretty much what i wrote a few sentences above and he listened and i felt better after telling him. i love the way that even when i fake a smile, he knows that i’m not fine and is always there to help and listen. his empathy is great and many of my other friends can’t read me as well as he can, it also helps that he’s known me since seventh grade. anyway, he listened and gave me a hug and he told me that it was okay, that he would help me in school and that i had more drive and determination than anyone else he knew and that he wouldn’t let me fail, he would support and encourage me to go far. he also said that life’s a journey and that it’s meant to be enjoyed and it doesn’t matter if you slip, fall or fail in your pursuits, the important thing is to keep going after the dreams you care about and experience the adventure of life. live life and continue to keep chasing instead of waiting and sitting around watching life pass you by and not achieving your dreams. he said if you let failure define who you are, if you let it knock you down in life, if you let fear get in the way, you will never truly experience the beauty of life. life isn’t easy and there are many obstacles, but keeping your eye on the dreams and taking steps toward it will be much better than living a life with regrets, a life unlived that you didn’t even try. i don’t know how long he held me for, but it didn’t matter, just having him hold me was enough to make me feel better and make me feel stronger about myself. anyway, he decided to race me since he knew i did track and it was fun, we were both laughing after running 1 mile and we both purposefully tied. anyway, my hair had fallen loose while we had been running, but it didn’t matter, it was the sheer freedom of running of pushing yourself forward that made me smile and also being with him was great. anyway, we stopped at a tree with the sun shining lightly on us and he told me “i’m glad to see you’re more like your old self, happy and carefree.” even though it snowed a little today, by the afternoon the sun was out and it mostly melted and the weather was moderately warm. my hair was a bit messy blowing in the breeze and my sweatshirt was disheveled from running, but i was happier than i had been moments ago. anyway, my special friend whipped out his cellphone and said “let’s capture this special moment that we shared. i want to remember being with you.” it was so sweet what he said, but i was afraid that my hair and sweatshirt were messy, so i told him to wait before he took the picture. anyway, while i was trying to fix my hair, the wind blew again so i just left my hair down blowing freely, when he showed me the picture i winced at the way my hair was flying around and it seemed messy, but he said that i looked beautiful and the loose hair in the wind made me seem like a free spirit which made me laugh. anyway, i mentioned that i had conflicting emotions about my special friend, when i first met him, i tried to deny that i loved him because i didn’t think i was good enough and i was afraid of being betrayed. i had been bullied and also criticized on my religion in wicca, criticized in my physical appearance especially in the winter with my red cracked hands and also in the summer with my acne. before sixth grade, i had always been carefree and enjoying life, but after being bullied in sixth grade (it wasn’t too bad, still had friends) into seventh grade (friends mostly moved away or avoided me because of wicca), so i made this promise to myself that i would never fall in love, that i would be self-sufficient and do well in school.however, it was hard to be a loner at times, it was hard having no one to go to when you needed some help from stress, but i tried it. i had a crush on a guy in sixth grade and he ended up betraying me and ridiculing me for not being good at volleyball (which i still hate). in seventh grade being told that i was worthless and no one would like me by another guy since i believes in wicca (he called me a freak), had acne (he told me it looked like they were frog warts) and also the cold hands during the winter he said “what are you, a snowman?” he was quite abusive verbally, but i tried to be friends with him since i felt lonely. in the second semester of seventh grade, i met my special friend and he would always tease me, but not unkindly, he was the first person who took notice that i was a real person and didn’t avoid me or criticize me too harshly. he could be quite entertaining at times and he would teach me to play soccer. we were just acquaintances then, but he made me become a good soccer player and also he picked me for his team when everyone else rejected me. i made friends in his friendship circle and i didn’t feel so lonely anymore. anyway, i got pretty good at soccer that we started to become friends and he would defend me when other people laughed at me. there were times when i was bullied and he would encourage me to keep going and defend me, there was one time when he was sick of all the bullying that i faced and he said “why don’t you learn to defend yourself?” i wasn’t sure how to and my self-esteem was low, but my special friend would role play the bully and slowly i learned to stand up for myself. toward the end of the semester, my grades were pretty good (i wasn’t as stressed in school) and i had enjoyed playing soccer and i found that i was in love with him. i tried to deny it, i didn’t want to be betrayed again and like the song “High Above Me” i thought he had everything and i didn’t really have much to offer. so i started helping him with school work, making him laugh at times, but i was quite shy around him. he would often catch me sneaking glances at him during class and he would wonder why i was staring at him. i think he started to know i liked him when every time he came by, i would jump and smile at him and also when his friends argued against him, i would always defend him and always make sure i won. he was quite surprised to know that i liked him because a lot of girls didn’t like him for his competitive nature in sports and his acting skills. also he thought it was just a crush of mine and he teased me for it, he didn’t think i could really love a guy like him. but he was nice about it, he told me that he liked me as well because i was smart, but he wasn’t sure if he could ever love me like in a relationship because he doesn’t really know what real love is, most of the girls make fun of him and his parents sometimes complain that he needs to do better in math and science. i was okay with that and i didn’t really care, i just wanted to be close friends with him and have fun. there were times when we fought with each other and we would curse at each other, but we forgave each other. i think we were both afraid to let each other know that we liked each other, me because i had been betrayed so many times, him because he had never felt anything like this before and he wasn’t sure if it would last (the last girl he liked was cruel to him and often had things done her way so he had no control or say, after that he hasn’t really had relationships with any girl but he still has some friends, but he is afraid to let himself go and fall in love again). i mentioned that we also share a physical connection because there are times when he talks about intimacy and mentions the intimacy that he never really enjoyed with the other girl because she was quite controlling and they weren’t on equal terms. another girl he liked only cared about sex and he didn’t think a relationship was just about that, but i think she influenced him a lot before he left her because in most of his relationships, he’s always been more on the spiritual side than the physical side, but after being with her and her controlling nature, he thinks about the physical side of relationships as well. when he was in that relationship with her, he would always come to me and say “i think she is changing me into a person, i don’t want to become.” it took him a while to leave her because she was quite controlling and also often played with his emotions, it wasn’t real love. i think we are both afraid of losing control, being used and betrayed that we hold back at times. yet, in eighth grade when he would role play the bully again, one girl thought he was actually bullying me so i made a friend and that built my self-esteem up. she still remains one of my closest friends today and along her came others and i didn’t feel so alone. there were times when i felt sad and she or my special friend would tell me it was okay, that they would stand by me. it was really in eighth grade when i realized that i was truly in love with my special friend both spiritually and physically. he made me feel like a stronger better person, he made my heart beat faster and also my mind seem clearer, he made me feel spiritually alive and healed. i was really shy around him though, it took my gal friend in eighth grade to push me forward by telling me to believe in myself to get me to have the courage to go talk to him at times, also he was shy around me at times. yet, we always ended finding each other no matter how big the crowd or our different schedules, we seemed to know each others’ aura. i’m still quite shy around him and he still isn’t god at strong emotions because he’s never known what true love really feels like so at times it feels like we are distant from each other. but we always see each other and end up meeting. there are times when i’ll go to the library to study and he would be there on the computers. i don’t think it is a coincidence that our paths always cross a lot, sometimes intentionally others unintentionally. i think there is a spiritual connection between us because on the days when i feel sad, he always shows up, sometimes unexpectedly to ask if everything is okay. sometimes he gets jealous if i am studying with another guy such as when i’m with my lunch buddy or my two ap english friends. there are times when we both are busy and we don’t see each other for a week, but somehow next week our paths will cross and we will be glad to see each other. some of the people who know both of us well and laugh at us because they think we are in a physical relationship and it won’t last, that it isn’t love, but infatuation. i think there was a time in ninth grade when we both were infatuated with each other, we were jealous of each other and seemed to not be able to let each other go, he was quite possessive of me. he didn’t want to be betrayed or lose someone he cared about like the other two relationships that didn’t work out. however, i think over time we have learned to trust each other more and be more relaxed around each other and it has become a strong spiritual love for both of us. when people see us together, they laugh and say it’s not going to last, there just a typical boyfriend/girlfriend couple and it’s just physical intimacy. i bet it will be over when they have sex. we’re both really annoyed when people say this about us because we’ve been through so much together that it seems like we are more spiritual partners and we help each other develop and grow rather than a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. i think we met each other for a reason and if we have to let each other go we will without any bitter feelings and unlike the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship which requires you spend lots of time together and have intimacy, we have more of a spiritual connection and we let each other have freedoms (knowing that we can just encourage each other and give each other support), we tend to share a platonic love and we don’t have to spend a lot of time together. we can each lead our own lives and as long as we’re both happy, we don’t really care about anything else. also the spiritual love that we share helps us really appreciate the beauty of life and if we do end up together as soul mates that is great, but if we don’t we will both keep the memories and continue to spread the love we shared to others and help them heal. many people at my school and also my parents think a relationship has to be physical to be a relationship and that it is mostly just infatuation that doesn’t last or the person is just playing with you. but a relationship doesn’t have to be purely physical, it can be spiritual as well. sometimes when my special friend and i laugh together and hug each other, lots of people think we are in a physical relationship. they are quite criticizing and say “how long will you two last?” ,”what do they see in each other?”, “you shouldn’t be with him/her because you two are in different social circles.” (we get this a lot since he is an actor/athlete and i am a scientist, but we both enjoy science and working out ) or they laugh and say “how long until you two will just end it after you two have sex?” (this question annoys both of us and sometimes makes both of us curse and feel uncomfortable). i think we do share a physical love for each other as well, but after so many betrayed relationships especially the one he had with a girl who was quite controlling, we both seem guarded and afraid of losing control. in the song “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls it states “you’re the closest to heaven and i don’t want the world to see me cause i don’t think that they’s understand.” i think when we are together, i see so many possibilities and feel truly alive both spiritually and physically and sometimes other students don’t understand our partnership. Also in rachel platten’s “Stand by You” it states “And the heart sometimes it’s unclear why it’s beating. And love, if your wings are broken, please take my so yours can open too. show me all the scars you have. Even if we’re breaking down, we can find a way to break through. Even if we can’t find heaven, I’ll walk through hell with you. Even if you can’t rise, I’ll cry with you on hands and knees, cause I’m going to stand by you. I knew you’re hurting so am I and love you’re not not alone.” This song is about always standing by someone know matter how hard life gets for them or you and helping them chase after their dreams even if they feel they are broken down and still accepting them for all the faults they have, telling them that you’ll be there for them and believe in them even if they don’t believe in themselves, going through the pain they feel, just to be with them. i feel like every lyric in this song reminds me of what i would do for my friends, what i would do for my special friend and what he has done for me. I feel like my special friend and i help each other and if we feel sad or sometimes when we feel like failures in life, we’ll both take each others’ pain and help each other work through it and toward our dreams. I still think that my special friend and i are still trying to figure out our emotions for each other and sometimes we still deny it because we’ve both never felt a love like this before and we are afraid of what other people say of us that we are in different circles, that we aren’t good enough for each other and also of being betrayed. We both have conflicting emotions about each other and tend to hold back at times, yet we still make each other laugh and cheer each other up. sometimes i wish we could both tell each other what we really felt about each other and assure each other that we truly love each other.

thanks, anita;) it is great to have a friend like you, sometimes writing things out helps me see things better and feel less stressed and you are a great listener;) I feel like my ap english friend that is great at science has become quite competitive against me. he is better at physics and mechanics than i am and it makes me feel inadequate at times. i have decided to do some meditation to help. I also enjoy working out and am going to work on healing my hands, acne and eyesight. it can be hard to focus on reiki at times, but i’m working on it. ever since i have been doing yoga, calisthenics and track, i have gained more flexibility, agility and strength so that has improved. i find it is easier for me to heal my right side than it is my left with reiki because i use my right hand more often and have a connection to it more. i am working on trying to heal both sides of the circulation in my hands and also my feet. since my brother is in college and doesn’t help out, my parents need help at the restaurant because when my dad does deliveries, i have to help my mom in the kitchen. my special friend is quite encouraging and is glad that i am health conscious and am working out. there are times when he lets me borrow his phone for meditation music so i can concentrate. he tells me he is afraid that i am losing myself and who i truly am by dwelving into the competition and it’s putting a strain on me. my physics honors teacher doesn’t explain things in detail and i tend to have to process so many things at once. my parents say the reason why i am struggling in the class is because my mind wanders onto something else like sports or to my special friend, but it doesn’t. when the teacher is teaching, i try to listen and take notes and process everything and when the teacher is done teaching he gives us a worksheet and after three days, we have a quiz and after five days we have a test. i think the strain i have on me is that my ap english friend who is great at science is feeling insecure now that i’m catching up to his knowledge and since he likes science as much as i do, he is competing against me so i feel strained and obligated to try hard in physics honors. i think we are tied in math, so now we are competing in science. also, ap exams are may 11 and may 12 so i am studying for ap english and ap world history. my parents want me to learn how to drive and get my permit. also, i feel bad for my special friend because whenever i feel strained, he worries about me, he doesn’t like the idea that i have so much going on right now and he feels like my math and science interest is pulling me away from who i truly am. there are times when i feel like i am falling behind in physics honors and i feel strained because i’m worried i will do bad and i won’t be able to get into a good college. also my ap english friend who likes science and i have some of the same colleges in mind and i think i am better at philosophy and psychology than he is, but we are somewhat tied in biology and chemistry. since i care about my special friend, it worries me when he is worried about me. he often tells me that he wishes that we could spend more time together, that sometimes i spend too much time doing school work. i agree that i want to spend more time with him, but we both are quite shy around each other at times, although no matter how busy our schedules we still care about each other.

Thanks anita;) i think i have a pre-calc and physics honors test on tuesday, so i am working on studying for it. on tuesday, i am also going to get my permit to drive. i also have to help my parents study for the restaurant safety test so they can recertify themselves. the good thing is, there are so things that i’m starting to understand in physics honors, but i still need some more practice. for pre-calc, i enjoy learning about logarithms and the teacher is great, she tries to make learning fun for her students and really enjoys her job. she patiently explains things to students and will often sit with them until they understand the topics unlike my physics honors teacher who only briefly takes 10 minutes to explain something. track is fun because i have a lot of friends there and it is great to be carefree and run at times and also i can’t wait to try out for throwing shot put and discus. my special friend said that i was athletic and strong and he is glad that i do track and field because it keeps me in shape and also when i run, i seem more of a free spirit and calmer. i find that whenever my special friend and i do sports together, we aren’t as guarded around each other and we are more laid back since we both are laughing and playing sports, sometimes we will tease each other on school. my special friend said that he doesn’t mind me being a buddhist wiccan and that he’s glad that i am working on reiki healing and he believes that i can make it happen, that i can heal my circulation, acne and eyesight. he doesn’t think wicca is evil or supernatural and he knows that it is just meditation, union with nature and radiating positive energy toward your goal. he’s the first guy whose been quite accepting of my religion because a lot of people tend to think i am a freak when i mention it because wicca often has the common misconception of magic and sorcery such as harry potter. however, my special friend did some research on wicca and he thought it was pretty cool that wiccans would use the natural energy of the universe to fill themselves with positive energy (much like a person soaking up the sun’s rays on a summer day) and directing that energy toward their goal and bringing it closer. yet, you still have to work for the goal, you can’t just send energy and think it will happen. the energy is just to assist you and bring you into a more positive state and make the path easier and the goal easier to attain, it takes time and effort to actually have results. anyway, wicca and buddhism tend to go quite well together because they both value compassion for human beings, nature, healing from suffering and have a concept in life after death like nirvana or reincarnation. there are times when i feel strained and i feel like my head is spinning and also i feel sad and broken and when i pretend i’m fine, he is always there and says “don’t deny that you’re fine when you really aren’t. it’s okay to feel broken and sad at times because i’m here for you.” he is very supportive and he tells me “i don’t care what other people say about you and i don’t care about the criticism your parents put on you. i’m here for you if you ever need comfort or someone to talk to.” i tend to hide fears, sadness and tears from my parents because they tend to think that to show fear, sadness and tears makes you a weak person. whenever, i am upset my parents tell me to get over it and stop being so childish, but when i’m upset around my special friend and try to hide it (sometimes when i try to hide my sadness from my parents i succeed), he always sees through it and he says “i know you’re upset, tell me what’s wrong, so i can take away the pain or make you feel better.” he listens and gives advice and support and also one time in eighth grade when i was quite sad and stressed from school and started crying, he followed me out into the hall and took me somewhere where we both could be alone and he held me while i cried telling me it was okay and that he was here for me. he waited until i was calmer and asked me what was wrong and he listened. when the teacher came down and said he could go back to class and i could be left alone for a while, he told the teacher that he wanted to make sure i was okay and he wanted to stay. anyway, the teacher let us both stay together for the remainder of the day, since i also said that i wanted him to stay as well and at the end of the day i was back to my normal self.

I love love science, it is so amazing:) Check this out, event is tomorrow: http://www.inquisitr.com/2863584/a-solar-eclipse-coming-march-8-9-dont-miss-this-years-best-supermoon-drive-by/

It’s a solar eclipse, new moon and supermoon all in one:D I love getting space news from ask-angels.com or just from beyondscience.com and other sites.

My paranormal society club teacher who is also a physics regular teacher helped me after school today and over this past weekend i watched youtube videos and asked for buddha and angelic guidance and my mind is much clearer and i’m starting to make sense of the force diagrams, also she explained it quite well and also the analogies she made to real life such as pulling a sled and also using colored diagrams helped me to see it visually. The pre-calc test was moved to thursday because my teacher is adding more sections to the test. i also have a word of the day test for ap english on friday from words september-march (my subconscious knows most of the words when i see their definitions).

i was a little stressed after ap english because we took a mock ap exam and the passages took me a while and i still had four more questions to go, but the last passage was hard and i didn’t think i did well on the last four questions, though i tried. i find it easier to read the questions first, then look for them in the passage and underline important information. my ap english friend who is great at literature saw that i was stressed and he asked if i was okay. he told me that it was okay and that i would pass physics honors because i was smart and that he also struggled with some of the concepts so it’s not just me. he cheered me up quite a lot with his smile and his humor and his encouragement that i would do okay and that he would help me and that i should just let my stress go. at first i was a bit tired from studying physics and helping my parents over this weekend and walking into pre-calc after ap english i was a little more happier after talking with him. he is really easygoing and laidback and i’m glad that he accepts me even though i may not be the genius people like the A team. he says i don’t need to be the A team, the important thing is that i believe in myself and that i try hard and not be too stressed.

i asked my friend francine to stay after school with me so i could have some company, i found that after spending 1 hour five minutes (!:35-2:40) on physics after school, my head was filled with physics so that it was a relief to run a mile for track at 2:50 (took me some time to prepare and get down to track), i completed it in 20 minutes and i felt better and my head was clearer. the throwers is where i joined today were great and we were like a team, we would encourage each other, make jokes and laugh and work out together. the workouts for throwing required a lot of upper body strength and it was hard, but the coaches taught us how to do it right and the teammates helped. i had to do 36 squats with weights in different sets, 34 bench presses, 30 incline push-ups, sit-ups (60) and leg lifts (30), 30 bicep curls. i found the squats with weights the hardest because you had to balance on your heels. we also bounced an 8 lb medicine ball for 15 minutes, 30 push-ups where you put your hands in the strings attached to the wall and you push yourself down (i hope you know what i mean) . the team mates for the throwers are very encouraging. also the people who do hurdles and jumps often cheer the throwers and they are great as well (i’m not so sure i would do well at hurdling). i have a lot of friends who are sprinters and i used to do distance so i still have friends there. i think i might try for cross country which is a combination of sprints and distance since running has become quite fun and the workouts i’ve been doing have helped me build balance, agility and endurance. also it has helped me with my confidence, a lot of the girls on the track team are great and encouraging when i felt self-conscious because i was new to throwing, they were great and i felt like i fit in quite well with them and also they made my confidence rise a little. my lunch buddy is doing sprints and i think it will be fun. i am going to have to rotate from throwing to sprints to distance this year, but i’m excited because my track mates are great and there have been some new members whom i know from my classes. there was a girl that was teaching me how to do the squats who told me that i was athletic and i didn’t need to be so self-conscious of my weight because i was perfect the way i was.