Dear SadSoul:

“They behave in spiteful and mean ways when they’re not coping“- there is a saying: “Some people try to be tall  by cutting off the heads of others”, is this saying true to this person?

“Is their behaviour intentional or spontaneous?“- a good question, could be both.

“I only have to look at my mother …. The victim deserves it and there is nothing wrong with her behaviour… it was entirely the other person’s fault. Even though it was glaringly not anything the other person did“- we have the same mother.

“I am going to try with all my might to make this person feel accepted and loved though…. I hope they can blossom with being treated with love and care and respect“- this person who is a “very selfish and.. controlling… extraordinarily mean to someone who loves them deeply” adult, very unlikely that you can inspire him or her to blossom!

“How are you today?“- smoky lungs, scratchy throat, bloated belly.

anita

Adding: my mother stopped hitting me not because of the two decades through which I tried to win her over emotionally, but because on that one single incident, at 20+, when I physically pushed against her with my body, my hands holding hers, pushing her back. Some people are affected not by kindness, grace, empathy and such, but by perceived strength. So, don’t show that person Weakness, show Strength.

anita

chinwag: a chat.

old duck: (1) an affectionate term, (2) someone with odd or whimsical habits

shonky: dishonest, unreliable

Dear SadSoul:

Thank you and you are welcome. Congrats for doing your sport yesterday! My left shoulder is hurting and I’ve been overeating these days.

“I will be respectful to them but not bent over“- good. Weakness and submission in nature (such as a dog going belly up) is aimed at preventing more aggression by the aggressor. But the one going belly up doesn’t achieve more than that. Since you have a bigger objective, better indeed not bend over.

Nice having a chinwag with a non-shonky person (you) this Fri morning.

old-duck anita

Dear SadSoul:

Today, by accident, on my walk, I sprayed my face, full blast, with bear spray, my eyes burnt, and I thought I was dying, my face burnt, I well, my god, I spayed my face, and it was bad, I survived it. Screamed for a long time

anita

Dear SadSoul:

First, before I lose momentum: I AM DONE WITH BEING DUMB!!!

Today, June 29, 2024 is the first day of Done with being Dumb Project (DDP)

Let me explain yesterday’s dumbness (the answer to your question: “I’m wondering how it came about that you tested bear spray out on yourself?“)

Well, I have two dark colored bear spray cans, one with a white safety cap and the other without one. The way you use it is by pressing your thumb on the thing. If you press it by accident, the safety cap prevents an accident, and nothing happens. Many times I took the unsafe can with me and about two times, I pressed it by accident, but the sprayed material was low enough, near the ground, or far enough or I ran in the other direction and my eyes got just a bit irritated. I was a bit scared but the irritation was minimal.

Now, a thing I do on my walks (2 routes, about 5 km each) is I take shopping plastic bags with me and collect trash, something I am proud of doing because I keep more than 10 km free from visible trash.

The two (could have been 3) times I pressed it by accident before yesterday, happened when I picked up half filled or empty plastic bottles of water or soda. When I did, thinking about reducing the volume of the trash, I remove the cap from the plastic bottles, emptied the bottles, and smashed them. As I applied force to the bottle with one hand, the other hand somehow, automatically applied force to the can of bear spray.

Yesterday was the 3rd or 4th time the exact thing happened, but this time, I sprayed more of it, and high above ground, and the plume of dark, scary material enveloped me.

(I knew the resident of the house where this happens right outside the private property, so I ran screaming, calling his name, and I was smart enough to untangle the water hose and get water running to my face and eyes, screaming the whole time).

Now, the dumbness: I never stopped to think about what the safety cap is about. it’s part of my lifetime ADD: not paying Attention to details. I didn’t learn from past experience (the 2-3 times it happened before), and it occurred to me last night or this morning, FOR THE FIRST TIME, that I have no business opening bottles people throw away (especially the bottles that are difficult to open), for how do I know what’s in them: the contents could be poisonous or explode in my face, so there is the not considering possible consequences for my little actions, sort of operating automatically, without thinking.

DDP, Day 1.

I went back to bed after posting to you last. there was a tiny bit of burning in my face/ eyes, but mostly burning in areas of my arms and legs (I wore shorts and my legs and arms were exposed to the spray).

“Oh girl. I had never heard of bear spray till meeting you and now I’m terrified of it“- I can’t even look at it.

“I’m sorry I laughed… just made me feel happy and laughy“- I liked your reaction because it complimented me, that I could be positive about it.

“Well there I go again, accidentally deleting a huge reply,.. In other news, I am so technically challenged..“- project DTD (Done with being Technically Dumb)?

“I hope you don’t wake up with secondary problems from it“- not right now. I imagine that the developers of bear spray developed it to not cause secondary/ permanent problems to the customers using the spray because even when used correctly, some of it will get on the person, especially when there’s a bit of wind.

From yesterday: “I’m sad and my heart is breaking today. Too much happened in last week and it overwhelmed me… My partner saw a goat and got a fright and jumped. Wtf? I’m starting to hurt but luckily I landed softly“- a big part of my DDP is to no longer rely on luck and instead: prevent preventable problems (like bear spray and thrown-away bottle contents exploding in my face!), to pay attention to details that matter, to not overreact emotionally (feeling overwhelmed) and to not overreact behaviorally (like your partner who jumped).

done-with-being-dumb anita