I got my bold fonts all wrong in this 😂

… lavender, it’s supposed to heal sore muscles, heated in the microwave and rubbed into the painful muscle.

You have so many interesting things in America.

“he was a legend in his own mind and didn’t want competition (you looking young)..

I dunno. But he must certainly thought he was a living legend.

in the context of centuries or millennial-old humanity-blindness, what is one person’s blindness.. is it somewhat expected?

Sometimes terrible things happen though

I am asking god to deliver the spider from MY BED to (someplace else) right now!

Feckkkkk 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 you crack me up.

lovely indeed. It’s still light outside, birds singing, and my insect bites itching (I just transported myself to the sun room where the windows are open because the battery on the computer was running low).

Picturing your sun room, the sunlight, the birds yelling their final words to each other for the day: yeah Charlie, see you on the morning. Did you hear me? I’ll yell that a bit louder! What the heck did you say Margery? Can’t hear you over the children! I would like a sun room. I would like a little old nana cottage with a verandah 🌻

you gave him A Now. You gave him a special now,

He went to live in a old folks home in the end. The last time I visited he thought I was his niece. He kept telling me he was getting married to the loveliest girl, who he thought was one of the nurses, and worrying that things weren’t well enough planned. My poor lovely old duck was annoyed by it because it hurt her so much. But he was really just living his memories of marrying my lovely old duck. I told her this and it changed how she felt. She was so torn up watching her beautiful husband’s mind disintegrate. So hard to have perspective when your best friend is slipping away but still there in body.

So quiet now, except for the birds. 

Birds! The sign of life. Even in the city there’s pigeons, and seagulls, and sparrows, all making the loudest noise!

I don’t know what you are referring to here, as in “what happened”

I’m just wishing I’d known and things went very differently.

it was fun spending the last of the daylight yesterday with you!

Life is different when I have to stop! I smelt the roses with you – well, listened to the birds and watched the light disappear. How lucky we are to be able to share moments even though we’re planets apart.

I figured I will place paper or plastic on that part of the stage so that scrubbing the poop off is not necessary.

You are so clever! Is never have thought of a solution so amazing yet so simple! I’m afraid you’d find my lack of common sense a bit daunting to witness 😂

The rain is falling down in Spain. Well, it’s falling down here. I’m not overjoyed this year. Notice I said year? It’s rained for almost four years. After eight of drought. You’d think the world would have learnt moderation by now 😂

I have my own birds yackadoodling away. They love the rain. Weirdos. My furry people are horrified and all trying to sit on me. When all else fails cold weather brings out their unconstitutional love 😂

Bluidy. And just like that the wonderful news I received the other day has turned into a complicated hurtful mess. I knew it wouldn’t be smooth sailing but I hoped. I know my cryptic description is hard to understand and I’m sorry I’m not giving details.

I’ve felt hurt and then cranky and back to hurt. I will have to embrace the person who is creating the sadness in the good news, I will have to show them they’re loved and cared for, accepted and supported. Even though they’re being very selfish and a few other things to boot. I wouldn’t, except this is more than just wonderful news. I have no choice but to try with all my heart to develop a strong bond with this person so things can go forward the best for all of us involved.

But I’m hurting. I’m cranky that people have to be so selfish and controlling. I’m trying to understand that this can be a trauma response, not an intentioned meanness, only I’ve seen this person be extraordinarily mean to someone who loves them deeply, because this person was having a hard time. Their hard time had nothing to do with the person they took their stress out on. It wasn’t acceptable regardless of how hard life was for them. I can’t help but feel that this person will always be mean and lash out like a child, when they’re ‘triggered’. I don’t like that term much but I guess it explains it so I’ll use it.

So I’m just going to wallow in my sadness and try to work out how I’m going to do a good job of not returning this person’s selfishness in the same way this person hands out garbage actions when they’re having a hard time. I have to work out how to get my heart on a place of acceptance and caring. There’s no other way this will end up nicely and even then it might not. I wouldn’t go to such lengths except there’s no choice, it’s not a situation I can give up on and walk away.

Why can’t life just stop with the garbage?

Thank you. I hope if this person feels accepted and loved it might change them. They had a traumatic childhood. Their way of living is very different to mine. They behave in spiteful and mean ways when they’re not coping. I can’t help but wonder if what’s just happened, while not a reaction to a stressful situation, might be how their walls look. Do they cut people out at times when most people come together? Is this a defence mechanism and is it possible to build trust so they don’t cut key people out of very important things.

If I can’t work this out, build a solid relationship with them, I am going to lose a couple of very important people to me. So far they’ve been very closed off and treated my loved one very poorly. I’m really struggling to see if this is even possible. Is their behaviour intentional or spontaneous?

Broken people break people. I know that’s not true of all, but being a survivor of abuse doesn’t automatically make someone good or make them want to understand their trauma, heal, and be able to be their best person.

I only have to look at my mother to see that. She is so certain and righteous about the evil things she says and does. The victim deserves it and there is nothing wrong with her behaviour. She never looks at her behaviour and feels remorse. I only ever once tried to have a conversation with her about a hurtful thing she’d said, but she screamed at me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her, and it was entirely the other person’s fault. Even though it was glaringly not anything the other person did, and even if they had, her reaction was unbelievably horrible.

I am going to try with all my might to make this person feel accepted and loved though. And pray. And I hope they’re not so messed up that they’re another version of my mother. I hope they can blossom with being treated with love and care and respect.

I’m so upset though. So sad. What should be something that brings us together even stronger than ever, well, she’s made it very clear it’s not going to be like that.

How are you today?