Thanks Valora!

Yes, my impression is that he is being honest. I agree, we both really enjoy the others company – that’s why we dated in the first place. But he struggled with the more intimate closeness that comes with a relationship. Despite that, he keeps seeking me out, which tells me he’d also like to have it on some level.

But I find it hard being with him, having all the same closeness as before but without being able to hold his hand or kiss him. Although I don’t want to speak for him, I don’t think I am alone in this. In fact there was a moment recently where he seemed to reach for my hand across the table (because it did feel like old times) and then stopped himself. This is what I find myself doing and it’s emotionally difficult. That’s why I’m beginning to explore the idea that it may be better to not be in touch at all at this juncture in our lives. He seems afraid and craving being single, but the great thing for him is that I’m still giving him a lot of the companionship we had before.

Actually we’re both at a crossroads in our lives. He’s travelling at the moment and I’m applying for jobs in different places. He says he wants us to stay close to each other , but if it’s only ever as friends I’m not sure. On the other hand, if I ride it out and eventually start dating others, I could see myself keeping him as a valued friend. I’m afraid to make the wrong decision by cutting him off, but having in my life isn’t always easy.

Even though rationally I recognise his reasons for not committing further is all about him – my self-esteem is suffering from the fact he doesn’t seem to want more than friendship despite the fact we were more before.

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Kat.

Hello everyone. I wanted to come back and post an update.

In the end, I decided being friends with him at this time isn’t for me. I didn’t start dating him to be his friend, y’know?

So I told him how I felt, that I want us to give the romantic connection a chance, and asked if he shared my feelings or if he does indeed just want to be platonic friends. His answer? He said he shares my feelings exactly and that he wants to develop the relationship and see where it takes us. I am really pleased he wants to build the connection with me, because I think it would have been such a waste if not.

I feel much calmer and better about things and I’m looking forward to seeing what happens, day by day. I’m also very grateful for the advice each of you have given me when I needed it.