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should I let him go?

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  • January 27, 2018 at 7:14 pm #189345
    Mae
    Participant

    I met R my first day at my job, he was the lead/ assistant manager at my job. When I first met him there was an immediate attraction between us, maybe karmic Idk. It had been already established that he was quitting and leaving for Delaware in the next two weeks to be closer to his daughter ( he’s 30 btw and I’m 22), so I didn’t think too seriously into it. As the days went by I got really attached to him and eventually, he told me he liked me and asked me if I liked him too. I said no… but I did it because I didn’t want things to be weird at work and he caught me off guard, and he did this 2 days before his last day at work. That same day I asked him what types of girls he found pretty and he said ” you”. That made things even more awkward because I don’t take compliments very well and I was working with a customer. I felt bad that day, and I honestly did like him so I tried texting him that night with the intention to get him to come over and sleep with me… but as I started the conversation I decided against it because I didn’t want to have sex with him, and then never see him again after that so I told him that I “should leave him alone” and that I knew where I was taking the conversation and I didn’t want to lead it there. The next day he was so rude and disrespectful to me, complaining about how I did my job, obviously flirting with the other female coworkers, and ignoring my existence.  He said I was was a liar because I told him I was going to sleep in the text and didn’t ( I only said that because I didn’t want to follow through on my primal instincts) and he was just distant the whole day. I don’t get it… I don’t know what I did wrong. His last day was yesterday and I want to contact him again and actually go through with it because I do still like him but I don’t know if that is a good Idea… I tried to make him jealous and told him I was going out with a guy last night and he was asking about his name and what I was going to wear… but I told him it was none of his business. and That wat our last conversation before he left. What should I do?

    • This topic was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Mae.
    January 27, 2018 at 8:40 pm #189357
    Mark
    Participant

    Mae,

    So his behavior was one of rudeness after you telling him that you are going to leave him alone?

    Is this someone you want to have any sort of relationship with?

    Plus all you know about him is that you felt sexual chemistry with him, nothing else … except he is not too mature.

    Reflect on those things and make your decision accordingly without having someone to tell you what to do.

    This is maturation.

    Mark

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Mark.
    January 28, 2018 at 5:39 am #189399
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mae:

    You wrote that you felt awkward when he asked you if you liked him (and you told him that you didn’t, even though you did), and you felt awkward when he answered you that he thought you were pretty. You felt bad for those transactions, for telling him that you didn’t like him, so you intended that same night to invite him to come to your home and have sex with you.

    I am wondering why you didn’t try a less drastic way to … make up for having told him that you didn’t like him, such as texting him and telling him that you did like him.

    Why not fix the situation the simple way, telling him you liked him; why sex?

    anita

    January 28, 2018 at 6:47 am #189407
    Mae
    Participant

    hi Anita,

    I usually just jump to sex when I think I’m attracted to someone… or I like them I have a hard time communicating feelings without sex it’s a character flaw I’m working on. Possibly because I feel that is the only thing I have to offer and the one thing I think will make them stay…. even though that is not the truth and means as much as you put into it at the end of the day. I honestly should have been honest about how I felt. But on reflection, the relationship would have been very inappropriate with the age gap, and his immaturity as well as my own. Also, he was obviously just trying to hit and leave, because nothing truly serious would have come from.

    Mae

    January 28, 2018 at 7:42 am #189417
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mae:

    I agree with “should have been honest about how I felt”- if you were honest about liking him too, maybe you wouldn’t have felt bad afterward, and wouldn’t be motivated to make up for it by offering him sex. I think it will help you to be honest about your feelings and communicate honestly about your feelings to others.

    Of course, better not continue to communicate honestly with anyone who is disrespectful toward you. Better simply not communicate with anyone disrespecting you. (If a person like that is a co worker, then make the interaction minimal and strictly work related).

    Regarding “communicating feelings without sex”- I don’t think it is a “character flaw”. Maybe it is a matter of lack of practice. You will get better at it as you practice. As a matter of fact, you can practice right here, communicating your feelings on this very thread.

    Would you like to share about your feelings when you were… made to believe, perhaps, that your feelings don’t matter, or that no one is paying attention to how you feel?

    anita

     

     

    January 28, 2018 at 9:00 am #189449
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Mae,

    Thank your lucky stars you didn’t sleep with him, this guy sounds entitled and rude!

    In the future, I wouldn’t lie, I would just say “I don’t like mixing work and my personal life together, maybe one day after you leave we could go out.”

    And never jump immediately to sex, that’s a potentially dangerous way to live.

    Best,

    Inky

    January 28, 2018 at 10:02 am #189471
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Mae,

    I would let him go. It seems you have sent him too many mixed signals and he is agitated and confused. He said he liked you..hoping you would say you liked him back..and he probably wanted to ask you on a date before he left town. Then your intention it seems was to sleep with him. Then when he said you were pretty, instead of just saying “thank you..maybe we can chat later (since there was a customer)..you ignored his compliment hurting his feelings.

    Now he is probably feeling very frustrated thinking all hope is lost when he gets a very confusing text out of the blue, when you ignored him before. Not considering his feelings. Of course, he is going to be rude. If I were the man, I would not be happy either. I think your text should have been “I’m sorry, about my awkwardness at work, I really am attracted to you, is there any way we can talk on the phone? If you like this man, and respect him..why would you just want to sleep with him. Just take this as a learning experience, and try to improve communication skills. I’m sorry things didn’t work out. x

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