Dear Anita,

I hope the weather conditions, and air quality is clearing up.  When we can not feel comfortable in our body/environment – it is hard for us to feel mentally at peace. Thus, I hope soon enough you can resume your walks in peace and comfort.

yes if I: “believed it was a bam thing, an event, and a simple, easy and fearless experience”

I would be quite delusional and far removed from the reality of what the true healing entails.  It is so much more than “dealing with my parents” It is so much more than fighting.

It is truly an adventure that requires conscious clarity

conscious clarity = uncovering truths about the world that were hidden for me, uncovering delusions and deep rooted opinions, seeing the world for what it is – with a clearer lens now.

conscious clarity = taking that clarity and allowing myself permission to listen to my own intuition, and form my own views and opinions.  it is allowing my inner spirit to grow and flourish

Dear Anita,

Thank you for enjoying my definition.

I want to share my morning with you. I had a patient, pregnant about to deliver. That was hysterical. I mean beyond the norm of anxiety and pain. Truly intolerable. Demanding everyone do things only her way (the nurses and doctors) screaming and crying in hysteria every other second when we attempt to do routine things such as draw bloos for her. Mind you all of this is to HELP her deliver HER baby safely. All protocol for a delivery.  – every mother goes through it.

It took so so much out of me. I had only been at work 3 hours and I feel as though it is the end of a long week. This is what these people do to us. They are emotional vampires.

This patient was not unlike my mother. Hysterical, unable to grasp reality, incapable of listening or reasoning. Difficult difficult all around.

And I saw her differently. I saw her in a light that I didn’t see before. Before I would have been annoyed yes and exasperated. Today I saw the truth. She is unfit to be a mother with her lack of coping mechanisms. The way she spoke to us and dealt with her anxiety was truly pathologic. She required so many of us to come in and out and reason with her. So much time. So many resources. So much energy. All in vain. She continued her behavior and escalated despite.

Whether it was conscious on her end or not is no longer my focus or concern.

It is women like these that pass down their unhealed wounds and inability to cope. It is generations of torture  that will propagate.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Cali Chica.

It’s hard to explain as I see patients everyday and her way of acting was beyond the scope of what we have all seen. Rude nasty combative to the docs and a whole other level. To the level of becoming unsafe and a hazard to herself.

I of course see where you’re coming from. It is hard to explain unless you are there.

Anyway how are you fairing with the smoke today? The part of the country you live in seems beautiful.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Cali Chica.

Yes. Very true. I know we all act this way at times. Fear and frustration turns to anger soneasily. It reminds me of what we spoke about – how often anger is often the easiest accessible emotion. It’s as though we have to dig much deeper for emotions such as shame, guilt, insecurity.

Dear Anita,

my sister is back home with my parents for about a month. Our relationship has gotten very good and even closer and less triggering. She has done a good job about not inflicting her frustration of my parents onto me.

Today when I texted her she said she wanted to share something. I said okay. I feel strong and able to hear whatever it may be.

So as a background you know my parents have not attempted to come to my home, or use her to contact me since that very beginning. Of course as I know this was temporary as they will swing the pendulum to stalking and harassment soon enough.

My sister told me that my mother is constantly pushing her to reach out to me. My grandfather (fathers dad) passed away earlier this week. She is using that as a reason.

So bckgroind on that is that my fathers parents did not have a relationship with us In the last 5 years. They were not nice people and essentially my parents decided to not continue to talk to them. They live in India. Point of the story is that we were not close. And in fact they may have been even more toxic than my own parents. When I heard the news I knew my dad may have some conflict on how to deal with it. He is likely confused angry guilty etc. That is his problem. Just like in the future if my mother dies, I’ll deal with the conflicted feelings I may have. It won’t be my daughters duty to be my therapist.

Anyway when I heard the news I had a feeling it would lead them to harass my sister to contact me. Often it is things like these that make parents seek more “supply” and security and so they harass and torture for more control.

Like clockwork. The best part of the story- my mother says to my sister – I want to talk to her (me) to make sure her husband is not treating her bad and putting negative pressure on her.

how sweet isn’t she—considering her last comment to me was I should have been an abortion!

• This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Cali Chica.