Dear Anita,

Ground breaking and turning point

I do feel I made it around “the bend”

I was looking around the bend for a bit now, trying to get a glimpse, a quick glance at least.

But I was weighed down on the other side, weighed down by many things:

• showing up for people, even when inconvenient for myself, even when I am feeling inward and “cozy” snapping out of it
  • I mention this feeling of “cozy” because this is how I felt Friday – the night I outlined in detail.  Feelings of “safe, warm, and cozy.  It would have been so easy to quickly disrupt that “cozy sphere” I can visualize it as a comfy cloud enveloping me.
    • I could have easily broken out of the cloud and “attended to” oh S how is she doing. Oh X how did that go. Oh this person’s birthday is soon did I wish them.  Anything and everything.  ALL unnecessary.
    • All entirely self motivated, and un-needed in the real world
    • All based on guilt/patterns
• feeling controlled by this idea that there has to be more:
  • more progress
  • doing more
  • accomplishing more
  • balancing more
• rushing and frenzied
  • rushing to the finish line
    • not knowing what the “finish line” is – changing the definition of it daily
    • frenzy being the baseline, and not believing it could ever change

Dear Anita,

I love the sight you are painting, especially love the mountains in the distance – oh how I love this scenic view you have.

I am now the squirrel above ground level.  And even if I go down to the ground to pick up something, like an acorn, thinking I need it – I can remind myself that the above ground exists.  Its not so far up, it is accessible – and it is a safe space.

Dear Anita,

Practically live differently. Transform life.

Dear Anita,

Understanding that a very different experience really is possible for us.

I believe, after what I experienced last week, and our conversations on Friday – and the resultant weekend.  That to understand and believe that a very different experience really is possible – is the way around the bend.  Cutting out contact with toxic people, making personal changes are all very important.  But for the next step to commence, to see around the bend and then move around the bend – we must understand and believe this.

 us…again on ground level, we can remember that we already experienced the above ground experience, the new pathways formed and trust that we can go there again, above ground, every time.

You pointed out a key point.  That new pathways DID form in order to go above ground.  Sure there will be a lot of re-activation of old pathways, and time back on ground level.  But new pathways exist, they will not go anywhere.  They cannot be undone.

Learning can not be undone.  Progress can not be entirely undone.

Taking a few steps forward and back is real and normal.  But true learning and progress is never lost.

you..build trust in the process so you keep at it, persevere and keep going.

Trust.  Trust will come from experiencing something new, enjoying the experience, and then know it exists in your repertoire.  Trust will allow us to look deep within ourselves and know that with the building of new pathways – we have all the tools.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by Cali Chica.

Do it at the very moment where you find yourself, this is crucial to the process and will speed it up.

Stop, pause, and step forward.  Every time.  There is nothing holding me back.

Dear Anita,

Yes I see your point, you can only learn this exact important lesson, when in that exact situation.

that moment is everything, the awareness of what is happening, and ability to pause and change direction.

Dear Anita,

Intentionally relaxing into the frenzy is very uncomfortable to do, not rewarding in-the-moment, because you want it over with and you space out automatically, not wanting to be present for the unpleasant experience.

I am experiencing this as we speak.  I can not explain further it this exact second. But will report back in an hour or so.

I know it is great work I am doing because it is like running that extra mile when you’re used to only 3, that extra weight in the gym.  True work and pushing your limits.

I will report back.