Dear Yohanes:

Tell me more, will you? What were you angry about and when you shouted at her, what were the words you shouted at her?

anita

Dear Yohanes:

“My partner got sick and shout at me for no reason”- you are referring to your work partner, not your girlfriend, I understand.

You were very distressed over the work issue, went to your girlfriend looking for comfort but instead of comfort she accused you of wrongdoing for having pictures of your ex girlfriend on your phone from two years before, pictures you forgot to delete.

You then got angry at your girlfriend, got drunk and messaged her that you hate her.

Question: those pictures on your phone, was that the first time your girlfriend mentioned them or did she ask you before to delete them and you didn’t? Also, how did she manage to see those pictures: did she look into your phone without your knowledge?

anita

Dear Yohanes:

No, I don’t have whatssap and I don’t communicate with members outside these Forums.

I understand that she told you that she loves you very much but I don’t know if that means that you are the guilty one in the relationship and she is the innocent one. I don’t know if part of that love of hers, she keeps blaming you for supposed wrongs. If she does, that behavior is not loving.

If you want to elaborate on her behavior toward you here on your thread, to look into whether it is loving, or not, and to whether you are the only one needing to change in this relationship (“I can change”), please do.

anita

Dear Yohanes:

I think it is a good thing that I make you think. I understand you regret things you said and did, but likely you are not the only one in this relationship who said and did the wrong things. There is hope or you because you can learn from this relationship and make better choices in the future.

You can choose a girlfriend better, see to it that the two of you have the same goal in the relationship and that the two of you are able to be loving toward each other, not  only in words, but in behavior.

Maybe you should  seek counseling/ psychotherapy so to process what happened and see hope for your future.

anita

Dear Yohanes:

It is way better that you indeed give up all hope for a relationship with her, that you don’t attempt any contact with her.

Learn best you can what you need to learn, so that the next relationship will work out for you and for your future girlfriend. Whatever it is that you have done (“I’m really sorry about the things that have done”), if those were the wrong things to do, do not repeat those in your next relationship.

If you want to list those things you were referring to (“things that have done”), please do and we can look at one thing at a time and determine if it was wrong.

anita

Dear Yohanes:

I hope you have what it takes to stay away from her, to not approach her anywhere, at the bus stop, at her work place, nowhere at all. I hope you can and that you will be able to convince the police of your intent to not attempt to contact her. I suppose there will be a record now with the police, and if you try to contact her again, you may end up in jail.

Number one priority is then that you stop contacting her.

You didn’t mention a behavior that explains to me the extent of her expressed fear of you, maybe it was the things you said to her when you were drunk, things you don’t remember saying. Which brings me to second priority behavior on your part- stop getting drunk, stop drinking so much that you forget what you say or do. If it takes no longer drinking at all, stop drinking altogether.

I hope you focus on recovering your mind, your heart and your life from the devastations you recently experienced at work and in your relationship with now your ex- girlfriend.

Do post again anytime you’d like. I want to read what happens with the police looking for you.

anita