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Reflecting on Apology

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Vinod Mehandru 4 years, 3 months ago.

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  • #102119

    Sunny Coons
    Participant

    I guess I’m more of a mess than I thought. April’s love challenges go right to the heart of my deepest conflicts, and I am feeling like maybe I’m biting off more than I can chew. Maybe I’m not capable (yet) of spreading joy and love, because I am not ready for today’s challenge.

    Identify something hurtful I’ve done for which I haven’t forgiven myself, and then APOLOGIZE to the person I hurt to both ease their pain and pave the way for self-forgiveness? Ouch. What if I’m not ready to apologize? What if I want THEM to apologize to ME first?

    I hurt my in-laws a couple of years ago by disassociating with them entirely. Many ‘misunderstandings’ had happened over the years, so that when the final ‘misunderstanding’ occurred, I overreacted. I acted out of anger. They’d stopped my my house unannounced one day while my husband was out running errands. By the time he got home, I’d had my fill of the in-laws entirely. I called the mother-in-law out for every perceived slight that had happened over the years, regurgitating hurt feelings, and basically telling her that the next time she wanted to come visit, she should call ahead first and make sure her son was there to visit with. She called me a b**** and hasn’t been back since.

    I owe her an apology for my outburst, but I’ve been hard on myself not because of how I treated them. It’s more because the disassociation has hurt my husband, my sons. I’m OK with not being part of that unhealthy relationship with my in-laws, but it really bothers my husband that I’m not welcome at his folks’ house and they aren’t welcome at ours when I’m home. Did I intend to hurt the in-laws? As much as I’d like to say no, the reality is that yes, yes I did. But, I did not fully understand how it would hurt my husband and make things with the family so uncomfortable.

    How do I apologize – and be sincere about it – when I still harbor so much anger and resentment? How do I get past the need for a reciprocal apology? I want to apologize to help alleviate the negative feelings between the households, but I still don’t want anything to do with them.

    #102170

    Vinod Mehandru
    Participant

    What you face is quite common – so don’t worry about it too much. The bright part is that you feel bad about it and want to amend by rendering an apology. This is the beginning. But check in your own heart why do you feel the way you do about your mother in-law? Are these genuine reasons? Are they bigger than your want to make your husband and sons happy? Check what you can do about this way of feeling about them. Unless you FORGIVE them for what you feel they did to you – the apology would be half-truth and not sincere. If you feel you can forgive her – go ahead and apologize – but have determination to not feel the way you feel. Find ways to remain calm and positive. Think of the future when all of you would be great happy family together.
    Talk to your husband and sons. Tell them how you have felt in the past and that you want to change. Seek their suggestions. Your husband would be great support in mediating between you and his mother. Make a determination that you are going to set it right and make your family a HAPPY FAMILY by amending the way your beliefs. Accepting imperfections of others makes life easy to live and stress free too!

    #200287

    Gloria
    Participant

    The taughts in me are really confusing right now with the mental rate im going through right now. I and my boyfriends mom had a fight because i saw their house in a messy situation. That sounds so weird i know but thats the truth and she was mad with me till she had to tell me im no one, im seperating her son from her and all sort of things it hurts but i still said sorry to them not knowing whats my fault. It’s her birthday tomorrow and im confused if i should text her or no because she blocked me from all social medias right before i speaked to her but after few days she unblocked me but I’ve not hear it from her.

    A part of me is saying text her be humble it’s going to be a mess of ur future if ur gonna step back but another part of me is just not calmed about the incident and expecting for her to start the conversation. Even if i asked sorry and refused to hate them but the sour feeling is still there. Im scared she might get aggressive or annoyed by my text i don’t wanna ruin her special day ofc but what if im gonna ruin it by not texting?

    Im so confused right now i tried asking my boyfriend and he said text if u want or dont text if u dont feel right i can tell her u wished. Can someone just choose between text or dont for me?

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