It sounds like you two are on exact opposite ends of the parenting spectrum and maybe you both need to meet in the middle.
Screaming at a kid is not good, but I can tell you that I spanked both of my kids when they were little and, if you do it when they are very young, you don’t need to do it when they get older because they don’t like it, don’t want it to happen again, and they learn how to properly behave so that they don’t get spanked anymore. I completely and totally disagree with the idea that spanking does any kind of permanent emotional damage to kids (I’m talking spanking, not beating though. There should be no marks or bruises left). I know some people are very against it, but that’s my opinion on it. I was spanked when I was younger, and my kids got spanked when they were toddlers. They are now 7 and 13 and I cannot even tell you the last time I had to spank them, and they are both very well-behaved, loving, well-adjusted kids and now all I pretty much have to do when they’re misbehaving is give them the “mom look.” If you are uncomfortable with spanking, though, that’s okay, but you’ll need to find some other form of punishment to use when she misbehaves that she absolutely hates in order to deter her from misbehaving again.
On that note, it’s quite possible that you are being a bit TOO lenient on her, with just letting her scream and carry on, especially if it’s happening in public places, because it’s very important to set boundaries. Lots of times, kids will test their parents to see what they can get away with when what they really need is structure. Parents DO need to have some control over their children or those children will walk all over them (and everyone else) when they get older. My daughter also spoke very, very clearly and definitely like a 5-year-old when she was 3, so I know exactly what you mean when it comes to that. It’s likely you have a very smart girl on your hands and potentially a little firecracker, which makes it all the more important that you make sure you are able to have a firm hand with her (speak calmly but firmly when she is misbehaving and follow through with what you say, hold her to your punishments. Don’t let her “cute” you out of following through with them. haha)
On the opposite end of the spectrum seems to be your husband, who is reacting in a completely different way than you are. Screaming at kids definitely doesn’t get you anywhere, but what does help is a calm, firm voice. They have to know you mean what you say, that they need to obey what you’re telling them to do, but screaming and yelling only makes them afraid.
If I were you, I would maybe start with picking up some parenting books. You may not agree with everything that’s said in them and that’s okay. You don’t have to take all of the advice given, but it would be a good place to start. Even reading blogs written by people who are child psychologists or have some form of training (i.e., not just random blogs written by moms), might help direct you two toward a parenting style that will fit you both, but it sounds like you both need to adjust a little bit and meet more in the middle… with both being calm AND firm in your parenting.
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