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Negative Expectations

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  • June 11, 2019 at 1:19 pm #298559
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear LinLin:

    “I cannot figure out why I keep assuming this because anytime a thought arises, by the time I get the facts, I am usually wrong”-

    – you keep getting these thoughts because these thoughts are recorded in your brain, held strong by emotion. So it is thoughts and emotions recorded in your brain, based on what happened in the past, before you met your current boyfriend. These thoughts and emotions get activated anytime something triggers them, examples of such triggers are when you noticed he isn’t smiling at you or that he didn’t answer your text quickly.

    It is natural, this is how the brain works: old thoughts and emotions get activated in the present time.

    “Any advice?”- one is what you are already doing, “get the facts” of the present time, and get those facts before you react to the activation. If the facts don’t match the old recording, and your anxiety or anger is not valid, then calm down and choose a reaction that is appropriate to the situation now, if a reaction is needed at all.

    Ways to weaken the strong emotions that holds those recordings tight in place are different relaxation techniques/ anxiety management, work  in quality individual psychotherapy and/or some effective expressions of your emotions created in those past experiences, art, poetry and such.

    anita

     

    June 11, 2019 at 3:24 pm #298569
    Valora
    Participant

    I agree with Anita. Your mind is just responding in fear from past events. In addition to the advice Anita gave you, try doing a Google search for “cognitive distortions” and reading about those. There is a list of different ways our minds sort of trick us and cause us to think negatively when there is no need such as overgeneralizing, catastrophizing, and “mind reading.” You can read through the list and see which things you identify with and then there are techniques you can use to combat those thoughts and turn them back around when they pop up. The more you’re able to catch them and turn them around, over time they will lessen and when they do pop up, you’ll be able to recognize and fix them quickly.

    It’s definitely a good thing that you seem to realize these thoughts you’re having aren’t really rational or based on anything that is truly happening, so that’s a good start for being able to recognize them and turn them back around.

    June 12, 2019 at 7:52 am #298647
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi LinLin,

    Time is the great equalizer. As the years pass, the actions and voices of the multitude of exes will become ancient history. Their ridiculous statements and failures will be buried under all the loving words and actions of people who adore you. Finally, you will accept the best friends and lovers that surround you and will never even be able to remember the past and everyone will feel sorry for the guys who ultimately missed out on so much.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Inky.
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