I am looking for advice on why my mind might be reacting a certain way.

I have had a lot of bad, toxic exes in my life. Men who never cared for me the same way I cared for them, men who used me for my empathy and giving nature, men who lied to me, stole from me, emotionally and verbally abused me, and so on. On top of these bad experiences (or because of it), I hold a lot of anxiety when it comes to new relationships now.

For instance, the man I am with now is wonderful. He has an endless list of great qualities, which was why I chose him. We have been together just over 4 months now but I have known him over 6 years as he was a mutual friend.

We mainly communicate through text or in person. Text seems to be easier, as we both don’t really like talking on the phone because we both talk so much we just end up unintentionally interrupting each other so it can be hard to communicate via telephone and our phone providers we are both with do not provide the best service, so a lot of calls end up dropping anyways. So texting is usually fine with us as we talk every day, most of the day. We also see each other a lot (about 3 times a week considering our work schedules).

As great as things have been going (and believe me, they really have been generally going wonderfully and we haven’t had a big fight just minor issues that we have talked through), my mind keeps telling me things like,

“he will forget to do that/he will realize he doesn’t need you/he is ignoring your texts/he is upset with you and not telling you/he is planning to leave you/he doesn’t care about you as much as you care for him”.

Anytime I don’t get a text back within a reasonable amount of time or he seems “short” on text or isn’t smiling as often as he usually is in person, I assume it has something to do with me. He told me he is not really an emotional person as he never grew up that way and because I am the opposite and am very verbally affectionate, sometimes I have to guess by his actions how he feels and that can get confusing and cause me to over think things. Sometimes I feel I am looking for problems because things are generally going so well. I always assume he will mess up or end things with me or piss me off and make me storm off. But I cannot figure out why I keep assuming this because anytime a thought arises, by the time I get the facts, I am usually wrong.

He told me if he ever had any issues with me or our relationship, that he would be open and let me know. And he has not brought anything up as of yet. I do not ever think he is lying to me or cheating or would be physically abusive. Those things have not crossed my mind. I worry more about how he feels about me because he is not as verbal as I am or I worry if I am doing enough to make him happy, as he has not had a girlfriend in over 8 years before me. He seems happy when we are together, he shares his day with me, he is physically affectionate, he’s introduced me to his friends and all his family and includes me in all his future plans. He even brought up taking a vacation with me at the end of the year. All great things.

So then why do I keep assuming he will mess up? Every day I carry this fear and have a Plan B set up for how to move on with my life in case things crumble. Is this just anxiety? I know my worth. I know I am a great girlfriend and generally a great person. I know that even if he did decide I am not enough, I would not want him in my life anyways at that point.

But I care for him I think more than any other man so the fear has been increasing the more attached I get.

Any advice?