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June 27, 2019 at 7:40 am #301037
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Yes I am distrustful in general with men. Last night I just relaxed with the kids and didn’t really talk to him much, just wanted to see if the feeling would go away and it did. Some of my anxiety I think is this guy is actually on my level. He is good looking, has a good job, a good personality, a good head on his shoulders etc. K rides the hot mess express bus and M was just a jerk.
So really there is no reason to have anxiety with this, just relax.
Lindsey
June 27, 2019 at 8:01 am #301043
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Another thing better about this guy is that he doesn’t work in the company where you, your ex, M and K all work !
When you feel distrustful or any other unpleasant emotion, look for the evidence for lack of trust or danger. If you don’t find any, talk sense to yourself, say something like: this man did not lie to me that I can tell, he definitely didn’t make a promise to me and then broke his word, wasn’t late for a call or a meeting without a valid reason, and so forth, then relax into that sensible self talk.
anita
June 30, 2019 at 5:27 am #301431lindseyParticipantAnita,
Its been a relaxing weekend so far. Went to a cookout with work friends yesterday and taking the kids to the pool today. My anxiety in general has not been too bad. No panic attacks in a long time.
The guy from college that reached out is going through some midlife crisis I don’t know. But yeah he’s a big no. Still lives with his ex wife. What a mess.
Anyway. I feel very frustrated with myself about K. All friends have said forget him, so have you but for some reason I haven’t. he said the other day that he’s a horrible person. And I sent him a text yesterday asking why he thinks that of himself and why he’s been dodging hanging out with me. He has not responded and I regret sending the text. I feel very very foolish.
Lindsey
June 30, 2019 at 5:44 am #301437AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I didn’t know the guy from college is living with his ex wife, that makes a difference…
In what context did K tell you that he is a horrible person?
anita
June 30, 2019 at 5:57 am #301439lindseyParticipantAnita,
yeah I didn’t either lol. He just told me and I was like what in the world. I think he’s feeling stuck and lonely. She’s a compulsive shopper I guess and they have 2 boys.
So the other evening I was talking to K. about the guy from college and we were making jokes about it and he just said “I’m an awful person seriously.” And he didn’t respond when I asked him why he thought that. So this past Friday we were talking and he was asking about my weekend plans and I said we should hang out and he made a joke but never said anything else about it. He did the same thing this past Monday. He’s said a few negative things about himself before but nothing like that.
Lindsey
June 30, 2019 at 6:25 am #301445AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Maybe he is a horrible person, and it depresses him that he is a horrible person. Maybe it has to do with his daughter that he doesn’t see, maybe it is something else altogether. When a person thinks he/ she is horrible, it may be true and it may be not true. I wish he opened up to you. I don’t think you were foolish when you texted him yesterday asking him why he thinks this way about himself, that was a wise thing to do, to ask him.
If he answered you, it would have been wise of him because you would have listened to him and maybe give him some useful input. The fact that he didn’t answer you does not make you foolish !
anita
June 30, 2019 at 6:46 am #301451lindseyParticipantAnita,
Yes I hear what you are saying but I also asked him why he is dodging hanging out with me. So when he didn’t answer I was like ok well.
But it sounds like he is very sick. So I should try not to take anything he says to heart.
Lindsey
June 30, 2019 at 7:03 am #301461AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Asking him why he is dodging hanging out with you is also a wise thing to do, on your part. Of course, it is. The fact that he didn’t answer, that gives you an answer: he doesn’t want to think about why he is dodging you, or he doesn’t want to tell you, but the answer is that he doesn’t feel like it, or doesn’t want to.
Too bad “he is very sick”. You don’t need someone who is very sick emotionally as a friend or a boyfriend. A competent psychotherapist may be qualified to deal with “very sick”, not you.
anita
July 1, 2019 at 10:35 am #301617lindseyParticipantAnita,
I’ve been feeling a bit down because I never heard from K. after sending that text Saturday. But I reread our recent texts and I feel a bit better. Nothing to report, just another Monday. Working on July 4th for extra cash. Hope all is well.
Lindsey
July 1, 2019 at 11:29 am #301627AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Well, K is otherwise engaged, in other words, he is not available for a friendship or a relationship with you or with any other woman. So you are working July 4th for extra cash, you get something for working on a holiday. But in the context of K, working more.. or investing more, is not going to give you extra anything, no reward, no benefit for more of your time and effort.
He is not a good investment, better no longer invest in him.
Fourth of July in a few days, will you attend fire works?
anita
July 1, 2019 at 12:41 pm #301651lindseyParticipantAnita,
I know. But he called in sick today. I just worry about him.
I’m not a huge fan of the fireworks but going to take the kids after work on the 4th . It always causes anxiety. The noise and the crowd. But this year my old neighborhood is having party so it will be less chaotic. Will you watch them?
Lindsey
July 1, 2019 at 1:13 pm #301653AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
No, I won’t watch them… past my bedtime. I won’t add lol to it, because it really is the reason.
He called sick.. well, you could express concern to him but I don’t think it will help him, if you do. Nothing you can do to help him. Focus on yourself and your kids- best you can do.
anita
July 8, 2019 at 6:29 am #302377lindseyParticipantAnita,
Last week was ok. I worked on 4th of July and then went to a block party for the kids in their old neighborhood. I find it hard to be around couples sometimes and also feel that my old neighbors are definitely talking about me behind my back because of me leaving my ex. My counselor says I should ignore this which I know is true but I can’t help it. I get down sometimes because I feel like a lot of the life choices I have made have pretty much ruined my life or to be less dramatic they have definitely caused some major set backs.
I also know that I have some major issues with men and relationships and I’m so sick of doing the wrong thing and picking the wrong person. It gets really old. K had been out all week sick and on Thursday he messaged me saying he was scared because his nose would not stop bleeding and he wasn’t sure what to do. It honestly felt good to be needed in the moment. I told him to go to urgent care and not to worry because my son gets nose bleeds all the time. I guess he was having some major sinus problems. Just sucks because he didn’t message me saying thanks or anything later.
My daughter and I had a girls weekend Saturday and watched a movie and got her nails painted. It was fun and relaxing and I like having one on one’s with them.
My ex and I are starting to talk about filing by the end of the year for divorce. I’ll keep you posted on that.
Lindsey
July 8, 2019 at 7:02 am #302383AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Best investment of your time is spending quality time with your children, giving them the attention they need from the person most important in their lives, their mother.
K is somewhat troubled, isn’t he. Not available for the relationship that you need and wish you had. One day, some other man, one you didn’t meet yet. Maybe after you are officially divorced, something to look forward to, being divorced.
Regarding the neighbors who may talk about you behind your back- they talk about a lot of people behind their backs, so let’s say they talk about you negatively, say what they say, then they move to someone else because they need more material for an exciting conversation, business as usual.
anita
July 12, 2019 at 8:54 am #303019lindseyParticipantHello Anita,
Hope all is well and glad it is Friday. It’s been kind of an interesting week. Currently my anxiety is really low and I really can’t explain why I just try to enjoy it while it lasts because it cycles up and down. There really is no trigger my psychiatrist believes it is part of my bipolar spectrum.
K came over Tuesday night and we watched a show on Netflix called Stranger Things which is really, really good. I don’t really now how to explain it but by the end of watching 2 episodes, a pillow was on my lap with his head resting and he was asleep with his hand on my leg and my hand on his shoulder. I’m really not trying to think too much about it or examine it. I have not idea what it means. I feel like you are thinking Lindsey bad idea. I just don’t know what to do when I like someone. Even though he is a big mess I like him. I’m not texting him or anything, just sitting back and seeing what he does.
Weekend with the kids probably at the pool really hot outside.
Lindsey
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