My bf is INTP and I am INFJ

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This topic has 9 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by sadgirl.

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October 29, 2019 at 8:02 pm #320475

sadgirl
Participant

I don’t know if this means anything but we clash so much but we also are so much alike. I know he loves me and i love him and i know he wants to be happily ever after just as much as I do but I am constantly hurt by him. He never wants to talk about anything when he hurts my feelings so insensitive over an over again. He always ignores me when i am crying or telling him i want to know why he said something that hurt me and he accuses me of “holding him hostage” or “harassing” just because I display sadness and ask him why he said something or by letting him know how it made me feel he gets so angry and yells at me and says i am ungrateful for all the things he does for me. He does a lot of nice things for me but i feel ike a lot he doesn’t listen to me or read my messages when I am really hurt or he doesn’t seem to care at all about my feelings. How can I get him to care about my feelings more ?I can’t help but feel like i have no self-esteem every time i accept his apology after he ignores me for hours while he goes to the gym or for a run or just whatever. I am not even allowed to text him when he is at work because he will get so mad at me. I don’t intend for him to read the messages RIGHT then I meant for them for later but he gets mad at me everytime. It makes me so mad because I feel like i just want to tell him to fuck off because all I wanted from him was to hear him say he didn’t mean it or that he loves me or to just hug me and say he is sorry that is all i want because i woudl do it for him. and I feel so much pain in my heart because i want him to understand me so badly but he keeps percieving me the wrong way 🙁

October 30, 2019 at 6:57 am #320517

Valora
Participant

What kind of things does he do and say that hurt you and that you feel are insensitive?

By your description, it doesn’t sound so much like part of his personality profile, but more like he’s just being a closed off jerk who has some growing up to do. It’s also possible that you may be being TOO needy with your feelings, so he may be feeling overwhelmed and closes off. It’s hard to tell with just your description so would you be willing to provide some examples?

I agree with him about not texting at work though. It’s quite possible he has a job where that could get him into trouble or he cannot respond anyway so that would be one more way he would have to ignore you.

Also, I’m an INFJ, too 🙂 I am very careful about who I choose to date because I also tend to need words of affirmation and I love a lot of care, so I make sure the guys I date tend to naturally do those things. It makes things a lot easier because it isn’t really something you can pull out of a man who is not sensitive.

October 30, 2019 at 7:24 am #320525

Anonymous
Guest

Dear sadgirl:

“I am constantly hurt by him… he hurts my feelings over and over again”- maybe this means that he is rude and abusive to you over and over again most of the time. But maybe it means you see hurt where there is none. For example, let’s say he says to you: I remember when I was a child my parents took me to the park..”, and you feel hurt, exclaiming: how could you say that?? You know I fell running at the park a month ago and it still hurts and now you bring up the park to remind me that I fell?

Crazy example? Perhaps, but the principle in it is my point: he didn’t intend to hurt you and there was nothing wrong with him sharing about the park.

“I am crying or telling him I want to know why he said something that hurt me and he accuses me of ‘holding him hostage’ or ‘harassing’ (him)”- maybe he is a cruel man but maybe you perceive hurt when there is none, or you magnify his imperfect wording to mean way more than what he meant and then you cry and cry and cry and interrogate him about what he said, and why he said it and so on, like a suspect would be interrogated by a (weeping) police.

Maybe, I don’t know.

“I feel ..a lot he doesn’t listen to me or read my messages”- again, he may be a very bad person and boyfriend. But maybe, you say too much, and the same thing again and again, texting him too much- in this case it is impossible for anyone to not lose their patience.

“How can I get him to care about my feelings more?”- in the first case, him being cruel and abusive- you can’t get him to care about your feelings. In the second case- well, you tell me which case it is (or a combination of both, an example or two will help!) and I will reply further.

anita

November 17, 2019 at 10:52 am #323297

sadgirl
Participant

Our most recent argument started out as me seeing a quote he posted on his Instagram about our realities possibly being a hallucination and i sent him a private message stating that does this mean that you think I am not real? I asked the question playfully and never meant for it to be so serious and he called me first thing when he woke up and saw the message confronting me by saying “why would you ask me such a thing ” and I said well because your core beliefs effect me in some way and he said “its not directed towards you” My reply was “I know it wasn’t directed towards me it indirectly effects me I was just wondering what your personal beliefs were in regards to it” and he then says “you just want to argue and accuses me of needing “ALL THESE ANSWERS” And usually I just say ok drop it, but this time I was like “DONT ACCUSE ME OF THAT, YOU ARE WRONG, he would reply”i dont want to argue you woke up mad or whatever and i just kinda kept reinstating what i said “YOU KEEP ACCUSING ME OF THINGS THAT ARE NOT EVEN TRUE’ then he eventually made me feel like i was disrupting his peace of mind and said I am too intense for him its too early and of course i was really happy to hear the phone ring knowing it was him not even expecting this to become a huge fight. I ddint really become that hurt until he said “LEAVE ME ALONE LET ME HAVE A RELAXING WEEKEND” and i am always very affectionate and loving with him, when we argue its pretty intense no abuse phsically though, we both disagree really bad sometimes it hurts me deeply

well here is the entire conversation :

ME: you always tell me to leave you alone

if you say that i will

you are so mean

him : you are mean!!!!!!!!!!!

ME:

ok

i wont bother you anymore

sorry i was just confused

and i wanted to knwo what you meant and you make me sound so horrible

i hate my life i want to die

just dont call me ever again

i am going to make sure you dont have to worry about me anymore(I meant just by not answering his calls not suicidal i only say i want to die when i am REALLY HURT

he says: you love to argue

me: i am hurt

him: you’re always hurt

me: ok then dont be with me

him: you’re hurt over nothing

me: you said to leave you alone on the phone!

him: something that has nothing to do with you!

me: its not the quote its what you said on the phone!

him: because i just woke up and you just wanna argue

me:

IT DOESNT MAKE IT LESS HURTFUL

AND I DONT WANT TO ARGUE

IT JUST TURNED INTO THAT

T DOESNT MAKE IT LESS HURTFUL

AND I DONT WANT TO ARGUE

IT JUST TURNED INTO THAT

because you say things that are not even TRUE you cannot even handle answering me

him: I’m not gonna argue with you and i dont like the way you’re talking to me!

me: you just get so mad at me

him: i am mad

me:

all i did was say “that made me sad”

because i thought you were trying to imply that you think your whole life is a hallucination

him: i can hardly say anything with you getting bent out of shape (at this point i fel like i would never make sense to him and it was hardly true bc he makes me so happy when we are getting along but when he doesnt see my point he is very hateful)

me:

THATS NOT TRUE YOU JUST DONT LISTEN

you dont listen or understand

you dont answer me or help me understand nicely

you just basically make me feel stupid

and that is your way of settling it

him: YOU ARE THE ONE THAT DOESNT UNDERSTAND!!!

ME:

and then get mad when i defend myself

I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEANT NOW

IM HURT ABOUT THE WAY YOU HANDLE IT

AND HOW YOU TELL ME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE

him: you are argumentative

me:

I DONT EGET HOW IT DID or why YOU say LEAVE ME ALONE

its you say hurful things

you dont know how to answer a question nicely if you think its stupid that im asking

if you dont get why i am confused you answer me like im dumb

and thats why we argue

him: because you were attacking me!

me:

ATTACKING??????

I JUST SAID “THIS MAKES ME SAD” AND ASKED IF YOU THINK I AM NOT REAL TOO

HIM: yes!

me: it was a question

him:
omg jade

me:

not an attack

I WAS EXPRESSING MY FUCKING CONFUSING TO YOU

I was letting you know that i dont get it and that it makes me sad

him:

You are stressing me the fuck out right now!!!

me: all you do is get frustrated, all i do is stress you out. LEAVE ME THEN

HIM: Just let me have a relaxing day off

me:

that means minus me

you make that so obvious

i will leave you alone

sorry i am too much for you

him

Right when I wake up you wanna fucking argue!!!

The quote has nothing to do with you!!!!

You make my blood pressure go up

Wtf now I feel like shit cuz my blood pressure is up

This is not healthy

me:

then go be with someone you love

go be with someone you like then

him: You made me sick the way you came at me ( im confused as hell and hurt because i dont know what he means and i feel like he is gaslighting me? like im the one that was hurt by how he came off and reacted to my question it was simply just a private message on instagram in regards to a quote saying : “im not real?: this makes me sad” and then he confronted me very rudely

ME:

I feel like you came at me in a negative way

I feel physically ill too

I feel physically sick

I wasnt even trying to argue with you

you took it too seriously and when you just pop off on me

i cannot handle it

you took it too seriously and you make me feel dumb

him:

That’s not right the way you do that to me. You don’t listen at all and always draw your own conclusions (once again he is referring to the quote, totally over his head its not about the quote anymore its about how he is talking to me right now and it is getting worse and im hurting worse now)

me:

and i did what you said to do

and you still get mad

THAT IS NOT TRUE

I WASNT EVEN MAD ABOUT THE QUOTE

I WAS HURT WITH YOUR FIGHTING LANGUAGE

him: I’m not gonna argue with you (im thinking oh really you seem to be throwing out hurtful remarks getting me all worked up

me:

YOU use the most hurtful language

you say “leave me alone”

THAT IS WHY I AM CRYING

AND YOU SAY “YOU JUST WANT ALL THESE ANSWERS”

i just asked one question

him: you dont listen to me

me: I JUST SAID THE SAME SENTENCE NOT TO ACCUSE ME OF THINGS IM NOTN DOING

him: im done but you keep going! ( when he says you keep going when he is clearly also going it hurts bad, like thanks for invalidating my feelings a tenth time)

me:

i was not even mad

i was getting more and more hurt

by the way you just have no patience

you just get aggressive

him: dont send me 5 messags at once !

me:

and it hurts me and we are arguing because you say things like ‘YOu jst want aall these answers and you just want to argue

him: I Just fucking woke up!

me;

BUT YOU STILL GET MAD

I DIDNT DEMAND ANTYHIGN FO YOU

I WASNT EVEN REALLY UPSET ABOUT IT ANYWAY

I HONESTLY WOULDNT HAVE MENTIONED IT AGAIN

I AM MORE HURT BECAUSE YOU SAY LEAVE ME ALONE AND TELL ME I LIKE ARGUING

I AM MORE HURT BU THE HTINGS YOU SAY ABOUT ME

I LOST INTERESTED IN THE QUOTE HOURS AGO

YOU CALLED ME

AND I JUST SAID 2 THINGS?

him: i had to say that because you never listen

me:

ON INSTAGRAM????

I WAS LISTENING

YOU WERE TALKING

YOU ACT LIKE IM THE ONLY ONE FUELING THE FIRE

him: I said I didnt want to argue you keep going though! (he just gets to say that after he clearly hurt me pretty bad

me:

YOU ARE CONSISTENTLY SAYING REALLY HURTFUL THINGS PUTTING ME IN DEFENSE MODE

YEAH YOU MADE ME FEEL DEFENSIVE

him: Here you go again

me:

YOU MADE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF

WHEN I JUST ASKED YOU A QUESTION

WOW

OK

you say things like that

and wonder why i cry

and why i get upset

im going

YOU INVALIDATE ME

HIM: You continue to try to argue (HE IS JUST A JERK

me: you make me feel unimportant you are hurting me!!

him: I’m done back and forth my morning is ruined

me: My whole day is ruined i’ll probably be sad all day and you dont even care you will just go on your day and forget about me while i’ll be hurt

him: I’m in a horrible mood. Thank you

me (by now im just in shock at how hurtful he can be and why is he being so cold

you dont care about me

you are so mean to me

i want to die

what else do i do to make you misterable

just go then

leave me

block me

him: You need therapy

me:

just BLOCK ME

YOU DO

go away

you are hurtingm me

you kepe hurting me more

you love to do that

him: you dont respect boundaries

me: i said to go

him: You are so foreceful and pushy

me:

i am in the middle of talking to you ,its not like you arent talkging to me

Him: you dont respect me or my health

me:

you are asking questiond AND SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT ME

i dont?

really h\

You removed a message

just leave me

i bet you can find someone better

im a piece of shit to you

i cant stop crying

why are you saying these things to me when i just said something made me sad

when you called i wasnt even mad

i fell back asleep

yes i kinda was curious what it meant but i didnt feel lmad

or upset

it was the things you said in the phone call the hurt me

and made me feel like shit

just go be with someone else

i wont bug you anymore

him: you need to recognize when i need space and dont want to talk anymore (WTF HE KEEPS SAYING THINGS I AM CLEARLY JUST RESPONDING TO HIM OUT OF HURT)

ME:

YOU WERE SAYING THINGS

YOU DONT LET ME DFEND MYSELF

everything you said to me was so hurtful

and you just expecet me to take it

just to like agree with you

How can i feel loving towards you

when you say things like that

him:

You provoke me then act surprised when I get mad!

me:

I DIDNT PROVOKE YOU

I JUST DID EXACCTLY WHAT YOU SAID

I HAD A CONCERN AND I ASKED YOU PRIVATELY

I wasnt even mad when you called

you just confronted me like it was an arguemtn

you dont see what you did

elliot you never KNOW how i feel

hyou think you do and you’re so wrong

you think you know everything

you think i just try to argue

you dont think that maybe something in the phone call you saaid was really uncalled for and not even the same mood i was in?

you brought a different mood to the conversation than what i was going for elliot

you misunderstood my tone or something from instagram and then immediately waere like “why do you send mssageges like that” griping

like making me feel worng right off the bat

you cant just ask me what i was confused about nicely

it has to be like you getting frustrated everytime

and then i cry because you cant talk about anything without saying im not giving you space

you have no idea how it was meant to be heard

him:

November 17, 2019 at 11:13 am #323299

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sadgirl:

Welcome back to your thread. I hope you can edit your recent post and resubmit it in a readable format.

anita

November 17, 2019 at 1:22 pm #323307

sadgirl
Participant

me: you always tell me to leave you alone
if you say that i will
you are so mean
You’re mean!!!!!!!!!
ok
i wont bother you anymore
sorry i was just confused
and i wanted to knwo what you meant and you make me sound so horrible
i hate my life
just dont call me ever again
i am going to make sure you dont have to worry about me anymore
You love to argue
no i am hurt
I’m not doing it
you dont get it
you fucking hurt my feelings
so fucking bad
You’re always hurt
ok
then dont be with me
You get hurt over nothing
ok dont be with me then
Something that has nothing to do with you
you said to leave you alone
thats why i am hurt
Because ai just woke up and you wanna argue
IT DOESNT MAKE IT LESS HURTFUL
AND I DONT WANT TO ARGUE
IT JUST TURNED INTO THAT
because you say things that are not even tture you cannot even handle answering me
I’m not gonna argue with you and I don’t like the way you are talking to me!
you get so mad at me
I am mad
all i did was say “that made me sad”
because i thought you were trying to imply that you think your whole life is a hallucination
I can hardly say one thing with you getti g all vent out of shspe
THATS NOT TRUE YOU JUST DONT LISTEN
you dont listen or understand
you dont answer me or help me understand nicely
you just basically make me feel stupid
and that is your way of settlingit
YOU ARE THE ONE TGAT DOESNT UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!
and then get mad when i defend myself
I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEANT NOW
IM HURT ABOUT THE WAY YOU HANDLE IT
AND HOW YOU TELL ME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE
Then let it go!
AND IMPLY THAT I WANT TO ARGUE
I DONT WANT TO ARGUE
I AM HURT THAT IT TURNED INTO ONE
You are argumentative
I DONT EGET HOW IT DID or why YOU say LEAVE ME ALONE
its you say hurful things
you dont know how to answer a question nicely if you think its stupid that im asking
if you dont get why i am confused you answer me like im dumb
and thats why we argue
Because you were attacking me!
ATTACKING??????
I JUST SAID “THIS MAKES ME SAD’
YYOU THINK IM NOT REAL???
yes!
it was a question
Omg Jade
not an attack
I WAS EXPRESSING MY FUCKING CONFUSING TO YOU
I was letting you know that i dont get it and hat it makes me sad
you couldnt just explain it to me
You are stressing me the fuck out right now!!!
all you do is get ffrustate
ALL I DO IS STRESS YOIU OUT
LEAVE ME THEN
Just let me have a relaxing day off
that means minus me
you make that so obvious
i will leave you alone
sorry i am too much for you
Right when I wake up you wanna fucking argue!!!
The quote has nothing to do with you!!!!
You make my blood pressure go up
Wtf now I feel like shit cuz my blood pressure is up
This is not healthy
then go be with someone you love
go be with someone who you like
You made me feel sick from the way you came at me
I feel physically sick
I feel like you came at me in a negative way
so do i
im crying and the nurse had to come in
I wasnt even trying to argue with you
you took it too seriously and when you just pop off on me
i canot handle it
it really hurts me
you talk to me like im dumb
That’s not right the way you do that to me. You don’t listen at all and always draw your own conclusions.
and i did whaty ou said to do
and you still get mad
THAT IS NOT TRUE
I WASNT EVEN MAD ABOUT THE QUOTE
I WWAS HURT WITH YOUR FIGHTING LANGUAGE
I’m not gonna continue to argue with you
YOU use the most hurful language
you say “leave me alone”
THAT IS WHY I AM CRYING
AND YOU SAY “YOU JUST WANT ALL THESE ANSWERS”
i just asked one question
Because multiple times I said I didn’t want to argue but everytime you continue.
and said it made eme sad
I JUST SAID THE SAME SENTENCE
You don’t listen to me
NOT TO ACCUSE ME
I SAID DONT ACCUSE ME OF THAT
OVER AND OVER
YOU KEPT ACCUSING ME OF THE WRONG THING
I WILL TEL LYOU WHAT I WAS DOING
I say I’m done but you keep going!
i was not even mad
i was getting more and more hurt
by the way you just have no patience
you just get aggressive
Do not send more than 5 messages at a time!
and it hurts me and we are arguing because you say things like ‘YOu jst want aall these answers and you just want to argue
I just fucking woke up!
i was not trying to but we started arguing when you said that
I JUST MADE ONE COMMENT ABOUT A PHOTO AND I DID WHAT YOU SAID WHEN I HAVE A QUESTION TO MESSAGE YOU PRIVATELY
You are too demanding!
BUT YOU STILL GET MAD
I DIDNT DEMAND ANTYHIGN FO YOU
I WASNT EVEN REALLY UPSET ABOUT IT ANYWAY
I HONESTLY WOULDNT HAVE MENTIONED IT AGAIN
I AM MORE HURT BECAUSE YOU SAY LEAVE ME ALONE AND TELL ME I LIKE ARGUING
I AM MORE HURT BU THE HTINGS YOU SAY ABOUT ME
I LOST INTERESTED IN THE QUOTE HOURS AGO
YOU CALLED ME
AND I JUST SAID 2 THINGS?
I had to say that because you never listen
ON INSTAGRAM????
I WAS LISTENING
YOU WERE TALKING
YOU ACT LIKE IM THE ONLY ONE FUELING THE FIRE
I said I didn’t want to argue!!!!!!
You keep in goi g though!
YOU ARE CONSITENTLY SAYING REALLY HURTFUL THINGS PUTTING ME IN DEFENSE MODE
YEAH YOU MADEME FEEL DEFENSIVE
Here you go again
YOU MADE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF
WHEN I JUST ASKED YOU A
WO
WOW
OK
you say things like that
and wonder why i cry
and why i get upset
im going
YOU INVALIDATE ME
You continue to try to argue
YOU MAKE ME FEEL UNIMPORTANT
you are hurting me
I’m done going back and forth
Morning is ruined
MY WHOLE DAY IS
i’ll be crying all day
you dont care
I’m in a horrible .Ood thank you
you dont care about me
you are so mean to me
i want to die
what else do i do to make you misterable
just go then
leave me
block me
You need to be in therapy
just BLOCK ME
YOU DO
go away
you are hurtingm me
you kepe hurting me more
you love to do that
You don’t respect boundaries
i said to go
You are so forceful and pushy
i am in the middle of talking to you ,its not like you arent talkging to me
You don’t respect me or my health
you are asking questiond AND SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT ME
i dont?
really
h\
You removed a message
just leave me
i bet you can find someone better
im a piece of shit to you
i cant stop crying
why are you saying these things to me when i just said something made me sad
when you called i wasnt even mad
i fell back asleep
yes i kinda was curious what it meant but i didnt feel lmad
or upset
it was the things you said in the phone call the hurt me
and made me feel like shit
just go be with someone else
i wont bug you anuympre
You need to recognize when I need space and do not want to talk anymore
YOU WERE SAYING THINGS
YOU DONT LET ME DFEND MYSELF
everything you said to me was so hurtful
and you just expecet me to take it
just to like agree with you
How can i feel loving towards you
when you say things like that
You provoke me then act surprised when I get mad!
I DIDNT PROVOKE YOU
I JUST DID EXACCTLY WHAT YOU SAID
I HAD A CONCERN AND I ASKED YOU PRIVATELY
I wasnt even mad when you called
you just confronted me like it was an arguemtn
you dont see what you did
elliot you never KNOW how i feel
hyou think you do and you’re so wrong
you think you know everything
you think i just try to argue
you dont think that maybe something in the phone call you saaid was really uncalled for and not even the same mood i was in?
you brought a different mood to the conversation than what i was going for elliot
you misunderstood my tone or something from instagram and then immediately waere like “why do you send mssageges like that” griping
like making me feel worng right off the bat
you cant just ask me what i was confused about nicely
it has to be like you getting frustrated everytime
and then i cry because you cant talk about anything without saying im not giving you space
you have no idea how it was meant to be heard
I’m not spending my entire day off messaging back and forth with you. You make me feel like I can’t breathe sometimes.
you are so hurtful…
okay
i wont bother you sorry I make you so mad and miserable. sounds like you need to be without me
You don’t no when to stop.
instead of spending your whole day why not end it now and be kind
but no
you just want ot make me feel worse
everytime yo usay “yo dont know when to stop I LET OUT A CRY
AND I CANT STOP
I’LL STOP
BYE
10:58 AM
you keep throwing out negative things about me and then i say something in return because i am HURT
and you fucking accuse me of not giving you space
you say “you keep going on
You removed a message
You removed a message
You removed a message
you dont see how you were the one who kept saying something hurful KNOWING I WAS CLEARLY HURT ALREADY
and you like just wanted to say somethign without me responding to it
that is fucked up
you keep saying im hurt over nothing (invalidating my feelings again) and you dont even get why im hurt STILL
you think im going on about the quote but i am just responding to your words!
and your words are hurtful like “Leave me alone” “you need therapy”
I have been crying since you called me and when you called me i was happy to talk to you i thought we were going to get along this was not what i was expcting you are grumpy all the time and i cannot say anything to you, remember you got mad not me
i got HURT
I GOT HURT by you telling me to lesave you alone and then you just kept sending me mean one liners and i would respond to your messsages, i was not just talking to myself YOU WERE TALKING TO ME

November 17, 2019 at 1:25 pm #323309

sadgirl
Participant

OMG IT DIDNT SAVE IT RIGHT AGAIN,. ok so basically i messaged him on instagram about a quote that implied he thought reality was fake like all a hallucination and i just sent him a private message saying “so im not real to you? and that makes me sad” and he called me on the hpone when he woke up to tell me what he meant but was pissy and accused me of wanting ALL THESE ANSWERS when in fact i was already over the quote and happy to hear from him he just handled it rudely and i was hurt so i defended myself and by “going on and on “” he is refrring to me saying over and over “DO NOT ACCUSE ME OF SOMETHING FALSE”
well the convo is there but to make it easy to read, i am the first one and he is the one liners.

November 17, 2019 at 1:28 pm #323311

sadgirl
Participant

he said i needed therapy and to leavse him alone 🙁

November 17, 2019 at 1:32 pm #323313

sadgirl
Participant

We have a lot of history going on five years together. he once lied to me and was on craigslist and other sex websites for two years talking and sending nudes back and forth to men and women. he said hes not bi and he has spiritually came a long way and want to be better so i notice his progress and any love he gives me makes me forget the bad. the bad hurts really bad though.

he is closed off and i react pretty intensely. we are both recovering addicts, when he lied i eventually relapsed after we both had 3 years together sober and i helped him get sober. i am confident in his sobrietty and my own but that lying ‘deception thing really sent me downward and i was sick for a year using heroin and i got endocarditis and we ended up reuniiting after a year of me using and he kicked me out and i just hibernated a year and got really sick. we reunited at the hospital where i am now and have been for 9 weeks on IV anitbiotics. we have a tender sweet love but he can be a bit womanizing and his mom even mentioned it to him. she use to tell me to let her know if he was mean to me and last night he told me he doesnt want to be like his father because him and his mom talked about it lasat night and she mentioned he can treat women like his father did.. his mom thinks that i turned his son into a man he used from age 10 to 34

November 17, 2019 at 1:41 pm #323315

Anonymous
Guest

Dear sadgirl:

I am looking forward to read your recent posts and reply when I am back to the computer tomorrow morning, which is in about 16 hours from now.

anita

November 17, 2019 at 3:45 pm #323331

sadgirl
Participant

Thank you so much for your response, I am going through so much emotinal distress over our arguements. I posted a full arguement of ours for you to read and please any input that could help me is appreciated. Thank you again, it the lastone you have to scroll down past the two i messed up ones and then there is one where i bolded what i said. thank you

November 18, 2019 at 10:15 am #323447

Jay
Participant

I am a VERY INTP guy, and my last relationship was with an INFJ woman. I know you are not going to want to hear this, but you need to move on from your boyfriend. It will save you a lot of wasted time and pain in the long run. What you need, he cannot give. That will not change.

Sort of related…while googling INTP, I stumbled upon a website for “incels” or involuntary celibates. It is full of very hopeless, bitter, angry INTP types (and some others) that think they have it all figured out and have given up on ever finding a woman. Most of them are too far gone, I think, but my point is that there are a lot of guys out there who are unable to figure out the man/woman thing, and you might consider reaching out to them, if you are attracted to INTPs.

However, you should not expect displays of feelings and touchy-feely stuff from INTPs. Even trying to be clever and test their feelings is a mistake. The best strategy, imo, is to be content doing your own thing, and let them join or suggest things if they are interested. Anything done to “get a rise” out of an INTP, to test their emotional commitment, will feel like nails on a chalkboard to them, and make them want to get away. No matter how subtle you are trying to be, it’s obvious and annoying to them. It’s a very unfair, one-sided situation. INTP don’t readily demonstrate “love”, but the more you try to get them to show it, the less they want to feel it. Their idea of showing love is “I’m still with you, aren’t I?”. Take it or leave it.

Work on loving yourself. Hope this helps!
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