Perhaps the title of this post is misleading, but i feel that i may not be married to the right person. I have been married for 3 years, and i know relationships go through ebbs and flows, but i feel like this moment in time is making me wonder if this really is a forever thing.

A couple of months ago we decided to go to counseling because our relationship had become very mundane, no affection, no intimacy/sex, etc. Right before we decided to go to counseling, my college sweetheart randomly messaged me to check in, and our conversation got much deeper. A little background about that relationship: we were together throughout most of college and we’re planning to get married, etc. We broke up shortly before graduation, for pretty much nothing, and never got back together because he began a new relationship shortly afterwards and married her. It took me many years to get over him and I’ve always called him the love of my life. Eventually I got over the breakup and moved on, we keep in touch periodically for birthdays or just to say a quick hi.

Anyway, on this occasion a few months ago, he began reminiscing a lot, about a lot of small detailed memories that i almost didn’t remember myself. I wasn’t really sure why he was getting into it all, but he eventually came out and told me that he still loved me and never stopped. It all came as a shock because although I felt that it was true from years ago (over 10 years), i was surprised that he actually admitted it to me. So he told me he said it for peace of mind, ok great. A few days after, i still couldn’t wrap my head around it, and ended up writing my feelings down because i knew it wasn’t something that I could share with anyone else. All of these old feelings came back that i didn’t know were there, and i realized that he was the person i still want to be with. We are both married with a child, and i even found myself brainstorming if and how we could blend our families. Shortly after writing everything down, i felt silly because he never said he wanted to be with me, plus I’m married. I went about my life, whatever.

The other day we ended up having another text convo where he got even deeper and stated that he wants to be with me but does not want to leave his wife for fear of losing his son. He doesn’t want to go through visitation and wants to continue to see his son grow up. I completely understand this, and don’t want him to go through that either. I want my child to have a stable parental relationship as well, because that’s what I’ve had.  However, i also don’t want us to live our lives knowing that we secretly want to be with each other but can’t. I have never considered divorce and i love my husband, but the love i have for my ex i have never felt before. We fit each other so well, and were right. I am torn Because i know that i can’t force him to do anything, but i feel like all of these feelings are still around for a reason and something has got to give at some point. FYI we don’t live near each other at all, and i haven’t seen him in years.

im pretty sure there’s nothing i can do about it, but i needed to get it out. Has anybody gone through this or have any advice?