You are obviously in turmoil over this relationship. Since you have asked the question here is an honest response meant solely for your benefit and future.

l do not see a peaceful future for you with this guy for the following reasons:

Despite him saying he has just ‘let his marriage breakup go,’ he is still carrying hurt and unresolved issues from it.  He wants to live just to please himself and will no longer be faithful to anyone.        Ask yourself: is this what you want in a relationship you commit to?       I don’t think he is ready or wants to commit to anyone, which includes you. He is still licking his wounds.  He is all over the place relationship wise.

There is chemistry between you. That’s sufficient to build a fling on but won’t sustain a long term relationship. While chemistry is great, it’s something that happens with many people. (Often the cause of affairs in marriage where someone’s integrity is lacking, they want to ‘please themselves’). I’ve been married for 35 years and have met wonderful men with whom the chemistry was electrifying. The men in question usually wanted to pursue it. I didn’t because I am not here just to please myself. I am committed to my relationship as is my husband. That trust is so powerful.  I am not saying this as a bragging statement. I’ve also had a marriage where my husband wasn’t faithful. Needless to say it crashed, burned and tore me up.  Which one of those do you want. A man you can’t trust? It will eat at you and that chemistry until you are just left with a whole lot of why why why?

He is not giving you anything to build a future on. He will be happy to have an intimate relationship with you but don’t mistake it for commitment.

I think you already know the answer to your question. There is only heartbreak ahead. You are already chaotic in your feelings for him. Trying to hold back because you don’t trust the relationship. If he had the depth of feeling for you that you want he would be able to commit to you, (for now). I’m sorry if that seems harsh. I just don’t think he can or will give you what you deserve. Don’t settle for less.

look after yourself, life is too short to live on someone else’s terms.

❤️

Hi GaneshaMF,

Two thoughts:

1. You and all the other girls he encounters ARE on the buffet table of his life. The man is still technically married.

2. Him saying  that he wouldn’t be faithful if he marries again because he was a good husband and look where it got him… That is a HUGE, screaming, waving red flag with warning sirens blaring with it.

Stop with the “friendship”, stop with the hope, just… Stop!

Don’t hang your hat with this guy,

Inky

Dear Ganesha11:

You are welcome. In both your posts you read like a reasonable person, intelligent emotionally, not only intellectually. You did very well being assertive with this man (first post). My feeling is that it will be his loss to not pursue a committed, lovers relationship with you. He said the chemistry with you is great and reading your posts, it will benefit him a whole lot to be partners with a reasonable, intelligent,, honest and assertive woman.

Relationships aren’t perfect, of course and it does happen that they get better, even very good, unexpectedly. But I wouldn’t just hope for such a change, and you don’t seem to be willing to do that either. Waiting and hoping passively is a bad idea. If he was able and willing to be exclusive with you, then maybe there would be a good reason to… actively wait, that is, continue the honest communication, but not without exclusivity on his part.

You wrote: “He is a ‘let it go’ kind of guy which claims life’s unfortunate or negative circumstances have no ill effect on him whatsoever”- I wonder if you no longer being available to him, neither as a friend nor as a friend-and-lover, will have any ill effect on him.

* Dear Inky: you are welcome, a tasty hot dog reads delightful to me. I join you with wishing every person reading this a Happy Fourth of July.

anita

Dear Ganesha11:

Interesting, I escaped into the forest as well, a river, not a lake though and very little sunshine.

“I no longer wish to deposit the good in me into a bottomless pit”- what an original way to put it, original and wise. And better find someone who is “true and on the same page as (you)”.

A pleasure reading from you, hope you post again, anytime.

anita