Dear Ash:

Having read your previous thread, reads to me that you are on the right track! You made good decisions last year.

Notice what you mother said: “I’ve been waiting for her to  give me a grand baby before I’m too old to play with it“-reads like she wants a  toy, a breathing-and-living toy to play with. She then goes to Facebook “and constantly show me couples that I  know and  their children”- like a child pointing to toys in a store and telling you: give  me a toy, like this one… and that one!

As daughters, what our mothers think and want from us, is very important  to us, but if we look at  our mothers as the people that they are, not the gods they meant to us when we were very young, we can see them for who they are. She wants  a toy to  play with.

From having read of your sensibility, your logical choices of this year, I  bet you think of marriage and children more seriously than a way  to give your mother something  to play with.

anita

Ash,

Just because you love your mother it doesn’t mean you have to keep taking that crap from her.

Of course she has selfish reasons for wanting you to have children, but she also maybe wants to worry less about you – to feel like you are “settled.”  Still, that’s no reason to keep nagging at you about getting married and having kids.

You have a right to tell her to stop it.  Make consequences, like blocking her, hanging up on her, if you want to do that.  It’s the kind of thing I did with my mom years ago to stop her criticizing and nagging, and it worked and now we have a good relationship.  But I do realize that it won’t work for everyone.  It took several tries with me (complete breaks from my mom for a while), and eventually she wanted to change.  Now our relationship has been really, really good – for many years.  I know it doesn’t always go that way, though.

I just think you have the right to be treated better, so if you can find any way to achieve that, it would really be best for your mental health.

Mimi

Hi Ash,

Might I suggest the “NO” button. It is found in Staples. I’m sure you can get it online.

Whenever your mother mentions “marriage”, “grandbabies”, etc. in reference to you, press “NO!”

I did this with my mother whenever she said “diet”, “weight”, etc.  It was highly effective!!

Also, tell her you will UnFriend her the next time she posts “hints” on your Wall. Also Hide her.

Good Luck!

Inky

P.S. Happy New Year, Anita!

Mark and Inky,

You made very good points on how to execute the push-back.  Excellent!

Mimi