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Long Term Exhile

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  • May 22, 2019 at 8:25 am #295119
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Olivia,

    If you met a guy who didn’t do well in college, had no plan, was kind of lazy, doesn’t want to go out and resents it when he is… Would you honestly say, “YES! This is The One!! Let’s get married!!!” Probably not.

    You have simply outgrown the relationship… and him. I say it’s high time to move on.

    No guilt. You have my “permission” to leave, for what it’s worth.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Inky.
    May 22, 2019 at 8:30 am #295125
    Mark
    Participant

    Olivia,

    In our teens and especially in our 20s we grow tremendously.  We mature.  We find new interests.  We discard others.  Hopefully our self awareness grows.  We discover new things, people, cultures.  We uncover passions.

    It is the typical “We’ve grown apart” talk.  You want to find out things on your own without having someone holding you back even if he is not doing that explicitly.

    Others here can better tell you the “How” to break up with him.  Good for you for being clear on the “Why.”

    I have been blindsided by my past relationships on breakups.  You can feel terrible about not giving him signs but this also is typical in breakups.  The person who breaks up usually has been thinking about it for a while before breaking up.

    I got over my breakups.  I looked to learn from those relationships.  I am now in a fantastic relationship.

    You are doing your boyfriend a favor by breaking up with him, the sooner, the better.  It can be hard and even painful for you and him but in the long run, it is better.

    Be directly honest.  Be compassionate.  Be brief.  Do not be sucked into discussing or arguing on why you two should stay together. I find it hard when my soon-to-be-ex partner dances around the reasons, not being direct or honest when they broke up with him. In fact, with my last relationship, she was so indirect, I did not know that she was breaking up with me.

    Mark

     

    May 22, 2019 at 11:41 am #295185
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Olivia:

    If I understand correctly, you have already decided that you want to end this relationship. The problem you are asking for help here, is how to tell him it is over, what to say to him, when etc., because he has no clue that you are about to end it with him (“I feel terrible if I just tell him it’s  over without ever giving him any signs”), and you are having a difficulty telling your friends and family as well, that it is over.

    Did I understand correctly?

    anita

    May 22, 2019 at 11:43 am #295187
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * didn’t reflect under Topics

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