There´s really no reason I am writing this. I just want to confess to someone about what´s happening in my life lately.
For last year I was and maybe still I am in the most beautiful relationship I ever had. There were troubles but we overcame them together. I always felt depressed or like I am not enough, unhappy with boringness in my life. Never made girlfriends and friends easily, but somehow found a way to them. Like by a miracle.

For last 3 years I was in this group of friends. I found my girlfriend there and became best friends for 2 years until we became couple exactly year ago on this day. Last week we had very bad arguments about very stupid thing, which even though is stupid for me, for her is it not. She didnt like me talking to a certain girl, even if she is our common friend. I was talking to her and told my GF, because I didnt wanted to lie. It was only for a while. Short 10 minute conversation, but because of this she will probaly break up with me and now went with her ex to some caffé or what. Which really broke my heart because today is our anniversary and she is with her ex somewhere.

When comes to that group, I stopped liking them while ago, beacuse some of them always saying mean things about each other including me. Only thing that holds me with them is my GF. But if we will break up I want to leave this group, I dont want to part of them any more. I dont feel good around them. Also her ex is part of them and if something happens I dont want to see them together. But he had to see us together and he managed to do it and I feel weak that I wouldnt be able to.

Also I am in new school where I am studying mechanical engineering at uni. But its hard and I feel like I am failing, I dont have any friends there, every weak I am alone, sit alone, eat alone. I have great roommate but I see him only on evening. Only reason I was managing it was because I couldnt wait to see my girlfriend. But my relationship is in a bad state, where she told me she doesnt want to be with me anymore. Didnt break up, just told me this and went somewhere with her ex.

I never experienced any tragedy expect losing grandpas and grandmas. Any of my friends didnt die, never was homeless, my home is not broken, I am happy for that. But I just feel very bad right now.

I am in school and city where I feel depressed, overwhelmed, alone. And if my relationship will end I will remain completely alone in a strange place I am not used to, Its a big city and I am from very small one. I hate the place, people are cold and feels like always busy, school is hard, I dont have time for my hobbies and myself. Now its possible that I will lose the last friends I have, even if I dont like them.

I know that I am in some front of challenge. Some unexplored territory of becoming adult and taking responsibility for my life. And I feel so scared and dont feel like a man at all.
I dont know how to make new friends, if I will manage to finish uni at all. What will happen next. Plus if my relationship will end I will lose my fake sense of being ok. That old feelings of not being attractive, or able to find someone. Or just the hard things I forgot for a while because of having that sense of security.

Everything just feels so hard right now.