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Is it him or me?

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  • #193473
    Mayra
    Participant

    Hello, I’m here because I’ve recently been having some problems with my fiance.  Since I first starting dating him he had a drinking problem I said something in the beginning and he went from drinking the half gallon to smaller bottle not sure what size exactly but still drinking a bottle a day.  It got to the point to where I couldn’t stand him being so drunk every day.  It started to make me feel very sad and unhappy. I took him to rehab but It wasent his decision he told me he was doing it for me.  After being home for a couple weeks he was doing great no drinking, hanging out with me sober it was really nice but recently I started noticing something was off I started to feel like I was taking care of him and that made me feel really unsatisfied with my relationship and to comfortable to the point I was getting bored. He dosent work right now he plows snow but it hasent snowed much.  He lives off unemployment and i work full time 5 days a week so that really bothers me. These few days I’ve been making assumtions that he has been drinking because his breath smell like booze but he said he wasent but the other night he came home from doing some side job and he was clearly drunk I called him out on it but he said he wasent i told him I wasent stupid and he gave in I got up and gave him the ring back and told him we wasent ready to be in a serious relationship that he needs to figure his life out before he is ready to commit.  I’ve also lost my self in this whole thing I’ve been so busy trying to take care of him I forot about my self I don’ know if I should be more patient with him.  I’ve giving him  everything I have.  I’m a mess.

    • This topic was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Mayra.
    • This topic was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Mayra.
    #193505
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Mayra,

    To answer your question: It’s him.

    You cannot, must not, and shouldn’t marry an alcoholic. To make matters worse, he lies to your face about it. This is called “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining”.  He’s peeing on your leg and telling you that it’s raining.

    I’m sorry your engagement fell through, but dumping him may just be the hurt he needs to clean up his life.

    Best,

    Inky

    #193513
    JRM
    Participant

    Mayra,

    I would like to applaud you on your decision to call off this relationship.  I don’t think that your fiance is ready to stop drinking.  Have a great day.

    jrm

    #193529
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Myra:

    You wrote that you are a mess. I understand that you feel like a mess, having been engaged to him you hoped to have a good life with him. Instead, life with him has not been good. You did the right thing calling off the engagement, if that is what you did. The situation with him is definitely not promising of a good marriage to come. Not a good foundation on which to build a loving relationship, a marriage, a family.

    I hope you post again.

    anita

    #193537
    Mark
    Participant

    Myra,

    I recommend Al-anon to help you understand why you want to be with an alcoholic and what it is like dealing with one.

    Mark

    #193557
    Mayra
    Participant

    Thanks everyone for the replies.  Right now I’m taking some time for my self.  I haven’t fully moved out yet.   I’m waiting to get back from a trip then I will talk to him about my decision and make it clear so we can both move on.  I hope the conversation will be a good one.

    #193595
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mayra:

    You are welcome. I hope the conversation is a good one, honest and productive. Hope you post again.

    anita

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