Women are judged by their looks on a daily basis. It’s disgusting. Hot women are used for sex. Fat women are shamed for being ugly. I’m tired of it. I have had a lot of issues with body image, and I feel like the cause of it is the simple fact that women are judged by their looks. “Is she pretty?” people ask when someone tells a story about a girl. The girls who have the highest following on social media are the beautiful ones. Nobody follows the really smart girl on Instagram for her intellectual captions. Women use plastic surgery, makeup, clothes, diets, exercise plans, etc to look beautiful. There is a reason why anorexia is so prevalent among young girls than young boys (even though boys do suffer from this). Women spend so much money on beauty because that’s what people JUDGE them on. I think many women’s biggest fear is being told “oh, sorry you’re not good enough. You’re not BEAUTIFUL enough.”

I was meeting with a therapist that I go see every once in a while. I used to see him weekly for help with getting out of my abusive relationship. I met with him, this time, to go over my body image issues and the trauma I had gone through because I would be judged by my peers for the guys I would date. I explained to him that I am not as beautiful as I want to be. I want to look like the Instagram models. I want to look like Emily Ratajkowski or Adriana Lima. My legs are not as long as theirs, my abs are not as defined as theirs, my butt is not as big as theirs, my face is not as scientifically proportionate as theirs. This has caused me a lot of emotional distress. I hate myself for it.

He was trying to dig deeper into my way of thinking. He asked me, “where do you think Meghan Markle lies on the scale of beauty?” I couldn’t really answer this question because I didn’t know. I said, “I don’t know, maybe slightly above average?” He then asked, “where do you think you lie compared to Meghan Markle?” I didn’t know either. He then said, “well I think Meghan Markle is ugly. I believe Kate makes a much better princess” and I felt a panic. First, I believe Meghan Markle is somewhat good looking, but this man doesn’t agree. He thinks she is ugly… well that kinda raises the bar for ugly people? Second, he straight up said Kate makes a better princess because she is not as ugly. He never mentioned anything about Meghan or Kate’s personalities. Just looks.

I think this is just an example of the story of my life. I have severe issues regarding body image. I seek help. Help doesn’t help because everyone is a victim of commodifying women. It seems as though women will always be judged on their looks. Is there a world that exists outside of this way of thinking? Is there a world where women are not judged by their looks? Please help me find it because my biggest wish is to end my suffering.