Dear Frey:

“how to confront him without letting him know that I snooped?”

My answer, say to him something like this: I love you very much and have been happy for a long time. But then you smoke weed and I don’t want a boyfriend who smokes weed. Even worse, I found out lately that you are moving toward selling it. I really don’t want a boyfriend who smokes weed or one who smokes and sells weed. This is breaking my heart because I don’t want to break up with you but then I may have to. I don’t know what to do.

Then listen to what he says: if he goes straight to: I didn’t smoke/buy weed and I never considered selling weed, where did you get this idea?

Well, you know the answer, but don’t answer him, don’t tell him you snooped. Tell him: I do not want to tell you how I found out. I am protecting my source of information. I don’t know what to do, I love you so much and yet, I can’t have a boyfriend who smokes weed, and then on top of it, one who intends on selling it.

Then listen to what he says. If he persists: what is your source of information? Repeat: I am protecting my source of information. I don’t know what to do. My heart is breaking.

If he persists, like a broken record, repeat yourself as well, like a broken record. Don’t answer him, don’t let him know that the source of information that you are protecting is you. If you tell him it is you… you will no  longer protect your source.

If he does not attend in his responses to you to your heart breaking, to you not knowing what to do, hurting because the boyfriend you love does these things, then you have your answer: his focus is weed, not you and your feelings.

anita