🙂

I feel comfortable giving and giving to my SO, rather than receiving. I feel “awkward” when i receive love/things and sometimes i feel pressure to “perform” or “give back” something that i can’t. How would u describe me fearing closeness? I mean on which point?
Chaos keeps me from being bored haha

Idk if that translates to fear? I didnt feel conscious fear, just a sense that now i “have to” response in a way to match that or that i am “responsible” for her in a way. Could this be it?

So. what could be fun (careless, spontaneous, whatever happens – happens) becomes unpleasant?

It sounds to me like you (Confused) took on the emotional ROLE of a parent in regard to her, like she’s your child for whom you- as a parent of some sort- are responsible for.

While in reality, the two of you are about the same age..???

I am going to retire for the night 🌙 soon. Be back Mon morning 🌄.

But for now, think of it, Confused: You are NOT responsible for her feelings, the two of you are adults, equally adults. She is responsible for her feelings, same as you are responsible for yours.

Her feelings are not your responsibility.

🤍🌙🤍 Anita

“What is the word”?

My answer: it’s little boys 👦s and girls 👧s looking for certainty, for assurance, for safety, for calm.

Looking for that- as children, teenagers, in our 20s and 30s- And on and on, until..

Until we surrender to the uncertainty of it all to how little control we truly have, to.. how much we humbly (humbly) need each other.

🤍 👧 👦 🤍 Anita

Good morning, Confused:

The Serenity Prayer comes to mind: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

The purpose of this prayer is to eliminate the resistance to what we wish was different but that which we cannot change, and in so doing, to lower our anxiety and direct our energy to what we CAN change.

Because there’s so much in life that is uncertain and so much that cannot be guaranteed, we have to endure a certain amount of anxiety. Expecting someone else to calm that anxiety for us on a regular or ongoing basis (more than a moment here, a moment there) is putting too much pressure on the other person.

And pressuring yourself to calm another person’s anxiety (more often than a moment here, a moment there) is putting too much pressure on yourself.

What do you think about what I just wrote?

You wrote yesterday: “I make a lot of excuses for my parents and for most people and their behaviours, I know that. I always see their side of the story and be quick to validate them, often leading to neglecting my own feelings and side.”-

This may be your way to calm other people’s anxiety: to focus on their feelings and to quickly validate them while neglecting your own feelings. Is it?

You also wrote yesterday: “Chaos feels so natural to me and I often thrive in chaotic work environments, I noticed that in most of my relationships, when things flow easy and calm for too long, I instigate some ‘drama’ to keep the spark alive. Not anything serious though.”-

I wonder how you’ve instigated drama in your relationships, examples?

🤍 Anita