I have no idea how to heal my heart

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by Inky.

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November 6, 2019 at 1:36 pm #321809
kali
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It’s been 3 weeks and I do not feel an ounce better than when he told me he was done. I’m 25 and I was so in love I thought this man was my husband, my life partner. He gave me no reason as to why he wanted this to be over other than he didn’t want to hurt me anymore and he “could” be afraid of commitment. He can’t give me his all right now or be emotional available. I feel so naive that he loved me too. I constantly cry at work (secretly), I read, listen to podcasts anything to help me get over this heartbreak but nothing is helping. I live alone in a new city and it’s getting colder and darker out. I live in a studio apartment in a basement so I can’t even stress-clean. I don’t know what to do to heal myself – I have never felt so heartbroken in my whole life and all I want to do is lay down and cry for hours every night but I have a dog that I need to try and make happy.

Everything reminds me of him. Everything hurts and makes me question myself. I just want answers. I want to sleep until the winter’s over. I just want to love and be loved in return for once.

I feel very depressed. I have no idea what to do. How can someone pretend they love you for so long and one argument leads them to walk away forever? I couldn’t look at him if he would be out there playing the field, I think that’s a huge issue within myself – I can’t get over the fact that someone I love has been with others in the past or future. We haven’t spoken since he said “I’m sorry” and I walked away. I want to reach out so bad.
- This topic was modified 5 years ago by kali.
- This topic was modified 5 years ago by kali.
November 6, 2019 at 2:11 pm #321821

Anonymous
Guest

Dear K:

You wrote about this man: “I was so in love I thought this man was my husband, my life partner”. I want you to feel better, and I think it may make you feel better to re-read your May 25, 2018 thread. There you wrote about another man you referred to as T: “I truly felt he was the one for me and I would spend the rest of my life loving him”-

– you got over T, didn’t you? See, you can get over this man too.

I like reading members’ previous threads because there is a lot to learn looking back to writings done before, and comparing to present writings. You can do the same, re-read your past threads and take notes, make it a study project. When you learn more about yourself, understand better what motivates you, what you value, what stands in your way and so on, you feel better because you understand better.

Try it and see how it works for you, will you?

anita

November 6, 2019 at 8:00 pm #321867

Valora
Participant

Hi K,

I think what may be happening here is you’re trying to rush your healing. You just want to feel better now, right? But healing from heart break takes time, it’s really a grieving process, and sometimes it feels better to just accept that and let yourself feel how you feel without worrying about feeling any other way, at least for a while. Depending on how long your relationship was, 3 weeks is a pretty short amount of time, and I think it’s totally normal to still be feeling the way you do after that long. But if you take this time now to grieve the loss of your relationship and the hopes that you had for it and don’t rush yourself when it comes to feeling better, even if it takes months, you then allow yourself to FULLY get over it and will be able to move on then and feel completely better. Just be patient with yourself. It’s okay to grieve.

Also, I’ve learned that this happens a lot, people being blindsided when their relationships end, feeling so in love and not knowing how someone can just walk away. The issue is usually with the person who did the walking away. Sometimes there is something missing in themselves that they’re trying to find externally rather than looking within and healing whatever in them needs to be healed. Sometimes they need to play the field more before they’ll be ready to settle down. Sometimes they really are afraid of commitment and will jump from relationship to relationship until they finally decide to overcome their fears, if ever. There are a lot of reasons why people do this kind of thing, and, from what I’ve seen, it usually doesn’t have anything to do with the other person, so try to be kind to yourself when it comes to that, too. Dating is hard and a lot of people are walking around with wounds that they never took the time to heal (like when people jump from relationship to relationship instead of going through the grieving process), which just leads to them self-sabotaging future relationships. It ends up being a cycle until they finally decide to break it, and you likely just got caught up in someone else’s cycle of pain like so many of us have.

November 6, 2019 at 9:09 pm #321875

Amy
Participant

Hi K,

I hope you are feeling better today. Look the point is if you are so committed to a person so much this is your strength keep you should be happy that you have the courage to love even in today’s scenario. Leaving you was his weakness and iam sure you dont want to stay with a weak man, you deserve much more. You deserve some one who can love you take care of you and is ready to be with you throughout your life, You need to let go off him to gain you. you are more important that anything in this world , try to re gain your connection with you soul again , your soul needs to be loved again and in future never ever leave your connection with your soul because thats the thing that will serve you for life. No man is more important than you are to yourself. I am also going through the same situation wherein my case i want to leave the guy because he is not sure about me for future he just loves me in the present , he doest respects me and iam not treated i love him with all my might but like you i have to make a strong decision. In this world there is no place for any weak person , i know right now you must be going through hell but trust me this phase is important in your life so that you can come out to be a stronger and a much better person

I would suggest that you start reading self help books , every day look in the mirror and feel proud about yourself , look at you , you are such a nice person who is full of love and a beautiful person. You need to love yourself the most and know your worth if you dont know your worth how do you expect other people to know your worth. He is not worth your love because he himself doesnt know what he wants in his life he is a confused person iam sure you dont want to stay with such man who cannot see the greatness in you

You are an independent smart women , you are strong enough to get up every day embrace your feelings and go to work, not every one can do that. Just focus on your work, if opportunity closes universe is making a way for another one be ready to welcome that. Make new friends, go out with them dont enclose yourself , develop a hobby distract your mind , do yoga and travel , go on a trip even if it means going alone stay in hostels you will meet different people with different stories , love whats around you find love in every thing that you see feel and touch it can include food , you , your dogs , nature. Start finding yourself again , you will come out to be the best version of you.

November 7, 2019 at 5:48 am #321947

Inky
Participant

Hi K,

Usually if we’re the one being dumped, we are totally blindsided. Keep in mind that the other person has been thinking about how BAD the relationship was for THEM for a long time, but never said anything. Then, one little argument or snafu comes along, they throw up their hands and say, “See ya!” and walk away. And we’re like, “What just happened here??”

Then WE feel bad (because they don’t!) and we internalize the crap that’s been dumped on us.

Do you really want to be with someone that doesn’t give us a clue? That gives the relationship a sudden Fail when we thought it was an A-? That unceremoniously throws us in cold water? NO!

I hope you get out of your depression and feel anger here. In fact, if you contact him, write, “How you ended the relationship was really crappy. Please don’t contact me again.” He will be all, “But I wasn’t going to!” Tough. Act as if he was.

Don’t be surprised if he does contact you to see how you “are”. Don’t be fooled, that is only to assuage his guilt.

Best,

Inky
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