well, i tried again about a week or so ago….  then the next day I caved again.  she really knows how to play the woe is me card.  I end up feeling horrible and try to make it work.  every time.   I hate it that I do this.  The fact that she is freakin broke and has no where to go…  UGH!…

I did tell her the other night that if we do separate, that i will still see her kids for awhile.  That I won’t just walk out of their lives.  They have gotten very attached to me.  Especially her daughter.

So here i am, in the same situation.    I hate that I can’t just be a jerk and tell her we are done and stand by my word.  When i tried last time she said she had no where to go and for me to leave.  So I said, “okay, i will be gone by the end of june”  and then she said “i can’t afford this place on my own”  Which she can’t.  My rent is more than 2/3 her monthly income.  let alone other household expenses.

So, i have a question for you all.  Since it seems her not having a place to go if we break up is the big block here.  Would it be wrong if I talked to her mother?  Just me and her one on one and explained to her that I am not happy anymore, that I just don’t see a future with my girlfriend and I anymore.  That things and feelings have changed within me and I honestly see myself happier alone.  And tell her that I have tried to end things on more that one occasion and it comes down to her not having anywhere to go, so we try again.   Then ask her if my girlfriend and her kids staying at her house for a while or the summer is an option until she can get back on her feet?  Or is that something I shouldn’t do?

I really do want to be alone, even just want to date again.  Nothing serious, just have some fun and meet new people.  Be able to enjoy my life again.  Do things on the weekends with and without my girls and during the weeks when I don’t have my girls.  Especially since summer is here.  In my area we only get a couple good months before the weather goes to crap again.  I feel like i’m going to spend my whole summer at home doing nothing, either because of her kids needing watched or if i go by myself or with my girls, then i feel guilty.

Man, I wish that she made a decent living.  Something that she could be able to leave.  It is getting close to the end of the school year and that was another big thing.  Not taking her kids out of that school till the end of the year.    I’m so lost.  I have too much heart to just tell her to be done and figure it out, but yet I know that her staying there is more hurtful in the long run.

thank you all so much for your input.

as of right now nothing has changed, except the night i was trying to end things (again and it was actually going well), her daughter broke her arm.. BAD.  so we spent most the night in the hospital and the next day she had emergency surgery cause it was still messed up.  The whole time here daughter only wanted me there.  Broke my heart.  Then not even two days later, her grandmother went to the hospital and they all thought she was going to day.  While she was in there, her grandfather had a heart attack and passed., then her grandmother got a little better, but has made it clear she is ready to go.  Then..  two days ago, her daughter(20years old and pregnant) called her from the emergency room bleeding.  So that was another half day at the emergency room.  Luckily everything is okay and the baby is okay.  When it rains it pours.  So, “ending it” kind of got put on hold.

Anita, I really listened to what you said.  That is what I need to do.  I can’t back down, and making that room, her room until she can leave makes total sense.  I’m going to  do this I really am.  I have to.  Like you’ve said, dragging it on is making things worse.  I will keep you all updated.  thanks again.

well, the crap storm never ends.  I feel like it’s  been one thing after another for her.  Now she is dealing with her oldest daughter (20 years old) I think stuff is finally settling down though.  I’ve decided that the best thing is for me to do like you have said.   I’m going to move my clothing and stuff into my RV and have a talk with her.  Tell her that I am done.  That this isn’t working and that we can’t give each other what we both need.  I can’t love her like she wants/needs and she can’t give me the freedom and life I need.  That I will sleep in the RV until she can find a place and I will do whatever I can to help her with that and her kids.  But we need to start on this road and stop all types of romantic relations.

She can get so petty and childish about things.  For example, she is working this weekend (no surprise there) so i’m watching her kids again.  It’s going to be beautiful on the coast and i don’t have my girls, so I wanted to go riding on the dunes.  I talked to her mother about watching her kids that day so i could go with my friend.  When I told her that it was all a go, she asked “is his wife going”, I told her that he said she might go.  She got all pissy and upset.  something about me wanting to do things with my buddies, but then their wives go.  Like it’s my choice if they bring their wives.  And it’s not my fault that she has to work.  It became this big thing.  She even asked if I just asked him or him and his wife.  Obviously I just asked him.  I’m so tired of this insecurity and pettiness.  She even said ” i’ll pick up my kids after work so you can just do whatever you want for the rest of the night without me” .  in a pissy tone of voice.

Why can’t she see how she is.  Well I know why.  I was this way once.  When i was so in love with my ex.  I was blinded and I was like this.  All I could see is “why doesn’t she want to be with me?”  I never saw that she wanted to have “her time” as well.  Something that I used to love for myself.  It really is amazing to me how much this experience has opened my eyes to how I was in my previous relationship and how much it does push someone away.

With my girlfriend now, she is constantly telling me how much she loves me and everything she would do for me.  Which i appreciate, but the more she says it, the more guilty I feel.  The more pressure i feel.  Again, it is absolutely mind blowing seeing this from the other side.  Seeing how someone pushing so hard to show love and feel loved can push the other one away.

I feel so bad for ever putting my girlfriend in this position, but I’m glad i have experienced this side of the spectrum.  It is something that I will take with me and learn from.

again, i will keep in touch.