sorry, didn’t meant to quote the last paragraph…

Last night was good and bad.  So i decided to make dinner with my daughter like my girlfriend suggested.  When my daughter got home, she came out to the shop with me and hung out for a bit until my girlfriend got home.  Then we went to the st0re for dinner food.  So, this is when it started….  My girlfriend likes to feed her kids at 5:30 and have them in bed by 7:00.  I’ve never done that with mine, the earliest we’ve ever ate is 6:30 and in bed by 8:00-9:00.  So….  My girlfriend didn’t get home until 4:30 or so because she had to take her daughter to the doctor.  So  my daughter and I didn’t leave the house until 4:45, then we didn’t make it home until almost 6:00 from the store.  We made dinner together which was fun, but didn’t have dinner on the table  until 7.  My girlfriend was a little irritated because it was so late, but she got over it.

after dinner, my girlfriend and I went out for a smoke, and she was telling me how she’s always been super anal about keeping the kitchen clean, especially right after dinner.  Well my daughter and i rinsed and put dishes in the dishwasher as we were cooking, then after we ate we all watched the end of a movie.  I had planned on cleaning the rest of the kitchen with my daughter when the movie was over.  Instead my girlfriend cleaned it all up instead of watching the rest of the movie with us, then she got all pissed off at us/me because we didn’t do it.  She was pissed because i was with my kids!  Her son was in there with us too!  She was the one that decided not to join us and go crazy in the kitchen.  She was livid pissed off too.  I almost told her last night, maybe we aren’t compatible, maybe we aren’t supposed to be together.  But I bit my tongue because I don’t want to rock the boat too bad until she starts working this new job.  OH, she even said this in spite “maybe on the weeks you have your girls, you can be with them and I will be with my kids, then on your off weeks you can be with us”  WTH!  She is behaving so irrationally and like a child, it is ridiculous.  She brought up my ex-wife and her partner again last night.   She definitely has some serious issues to deal with.

It sucks because i would love it if it would work out, but I can’t live like this.  Constant questioning, tip toeing around because I didn’t do this or that or my kids don’t act the way they should with her or what ever.   I’m definitely going to say something.  Timing is everything, i know that.  But I need to say something soon, because if not I am the type that will just loose my shit and tell her to leave.  I don’t want it to be like that.  I want her to understand and be able to work with her situation.

I feel so shitty an selfish.  At the same time, everything that went down with my ex and I is becoming more and more clearer.  If I was acting this way or similar when she was dealing with her kids…  WOW!  No wonder she left me.

Well, we took a day trip yesterday with all of the kids to go play in the snow.  We didn’t have boots that fit her daughter anymore, and could’t find any, of coarse her daughter didn’t want to were her moms boots, cause they were too big, and then there was glove issues.  no gloves fit right or she didn’t like them.  So basically, my 8 yr old daughter gave her 9 year old daughter her boots and gloves and my 8 yr old wore rubber rain boots and shitty gloves and was all good about it and didn’t complain, she just wanted to have fun.  She did get cold but she toughed it out.

Meanwhile her daughter was being a premadona princess the whole time.  Then once we got to the snow her son acted up,  I don’t know what triggered him this time, but he got very upset and violent.  A few times.  Her kids pretty much ruined the day.  I hate saying this and don’t feel comfortable, but it’s true.  She (my girlfriend) even said.  “next time, i will find a sitter for my kids, or me and them just wont go”  She was in tears before we even left the mountain and cried most of the way home and last night.  She had me stop at the liquor store for her cause she was out of booze.  She got a pint of fireball also.  when we got home she started swigging on that pretty good as well.

I really need to talk to her.  This sucks.  It would be so much easier if she had her shit together though.   I know I need to end this, because she brings up things about the future, and all i can think is that there is no future, that i don’t want this anymore.  What i need and want she can’t give me and what she needs and wants from me, i can’t give to her.  I think I’m going to talk to her sometime this week.  I really don’t know how to start this conversation and what exactly to say.

I’m thinking of just telling her we need to talk, then telling her that this just isn’t working for me anymore.  That I do love her, however I feel unhappy more than not, I feel like i have to watch what i do or say and that I have ruined her trust in me too much to be repaired.  That i can’t have her question me anytime i get a message or email, and have her bring up feeling like none of my friends or family want her in our lives or  her analyzing everything.  cut and dry, i’m not happy, and I really don’t thing she is either.  I feel like our families just don’t mesh well.  Our lifestyles are too different.   Or something…  I’m really bad at this sort of thing.

any help in a better way to say things would be greatly appreciated.

Well I’m hoping to get the courage up to talk to her this week.  Yesterday was a doosey.  Everything was good, had a snow day, kids were all playing and having fun.  I came home from work early and we all had a good day, then about 5:00, my 8 year old daughter came inside the house, she looked all sad and poopy.  We asked her whats wrong and she said she just wants to talk to me. We said she can talk to both of us.  She said she “liked it the way it used to be”.  Holy Cow! instant tears from my girlfriend and attitude.  Not towards my daughter, just in general.  I told her that my daughter was just tired, cause she was very tired from playing all day.  I honestly think she was just saying that to get attention.  I’m not dismissing it, i do think she feels some of that, cause she did tell me personally she is tired of all the fighting.  I think she means between my girlfriend and her kids, cause there is a lot of that everyday.

Well that all hit my girlfriend really hard, and again she started comparing us to others.  SO….  I’m thinking later this week when my girls aren’t home I talk with her.  Tell her that some families are compatible and maybe some aren’t.  That maybe too much damage has been done on my part and overall to come back from.  That we all do love her and her kids, however this is not working out.  Either my kids are upset, her kids are upset or either of us is upset.  That we need to figure out something and maybe she can move in with her mother for awhile, until she can figure out her situation.  That I’m not forcing her out right now or untying but we need a plan.  And most importantly that I will help her in any way and as much as I can to be able to get back on her feet.  This is going to be so hard.  She is so depressed already.  For me it’s almost easier for me to be “trapped” then to hurt her more.  I know that i need to do this.  It’s just so hard.  She loves me so much and I feel like i really have ruined her life… and her kids…  I really do.  I wish I would of never had her move in.

thanks again for the advice.  Yesterday was another off day. It’s officially my ex-wifes week with my girls, however i have had them since it’s been snowing and no school.  So after the previous night dilemma with what my youngest said, i told my girlfriend, when I get home from work, i will take the girls to their mothers…  Then, my landlord called me and his parents needed some work done at their house. (i’m an electrician).  So basically I got home, ate real quick, took the girls home, and went to his house.  I communicated with my girlfriend about what was going on.  I got finished within an hour, was an easy fix(or so I thought).. Got paid and was almost home when he called me and the problem came up again, so I called my g-friend and told her what happened and I had to go back.  I was gone for a total of 3-4 hours at the very most.  Before I was done, she started blowing up my phone.  “what’s going on”  “why are you being like this”  shit like that.  Then she called, i didn’t answer because I was holding live wires, she called again and I answered.  She was all ” i don’t see why people need you to do this this late with this kind of weather”  Still on a rant.  I told her I was on my way home.  I hauled ass to get home quickly and I stopped and got a six pack on the way home.  A beer sounded good (I only had one beer-just cause I like the taste, not getting drunk or even buzzed-just wanted you to know i’m not being a hypocrite).  So then she was all, you got beer huh?  “usually you call me when you are at the store”  again very suspicious and jealous.

She has been very depressed and upset lately.  It makes this very difficult.  I want so bad to tell her we need to go separate ways.  But I hate hurting her.  and her kids…  I really am struggling here.

Okay, let me ask you this…. what do you think it is that is making her depressed and upset? Is it the situation you two are in or something else?

I think she is depressed because she feels like it’s not working out.  She feels like “why am I cursed” or something like that.  Between her kids always being little shits, and then mine recently bringing up the fact that they are unhappy.  Then I don’t show her what I should as a boyfriend.  A big problem is her own doing.  She snooped on my phone a while back about a message I wrote to my sister, in confidence.  About how I was feeling and how i felt about my ex (how when we were together, every time she would call, text, or whatever i would get butterflies).  So now she compares her self to her and others for other reasons.  It’s her own fault there.  She shouldn’t of snooped on my phone and read my private thoughts.

Also, her jealousy is very clearly out of control at this point. Do you think it’s likely to get worse the more you continue the relationship or do you think talking to her would make her stop being so accusatory or suspicious? Because it definitely doesn’t seem to be getting any better yet.

I really don’t ever see it getting any better.  I think too much damage has been done on my part by still keeping in contact with my ex.  Any time my phone goes off or if I don’t check in or am gone longer than she thinks i should be.. there is questions.  I honestly think she is even jealous of my kids at times..

To me, this relationship as it is seems like it’s very toxic for both of you.

I agree about this.  I don’t see it getting any better.  I really need to sack up and just tell her how i feel.  That we have gone too far in the wrong direction and that I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.  That I feel like I will always be watching what I’m doing and she will always be jealous or suspicious.  And then there are our kids.  It feels like there is never a time when all of our kids are happy at the same time. Not even for a moment.  As much as I do love her and her kids, there is too much drama and I feel it’s best if we go our own ways before it gets worse and way out of control.  I’m thinking I will try to talk to her this weekend.  The problem is it will probably be a while before she can move out, and I don’t know how uncomfortable things will be until then. This is such a sour pickle it sucks.  She doesn’t even start her new job until march 18th.  And with it she will only get paid once a month.  Then there is her kids.  She will have to transfer them back to their old school.  I feel so bad about all of this.  The guilt is killing me.  Like I said before, it’s almost easier for me to suffer then to put her through this.  I think If we can figure something out for her to move out, I might see about having my kids stay with their mom for a few weeks, and I get them for a day here or there on the weekends until she can leave.  I don’t know though if that would be worse or what?  I’m so lost.  This is so hard with us both having children involved and it is compounded by 1000 with her employment situation.  At least if she was making decent money and could find a place right away it would be different.

You make very valid points here.  Yes she had to switch school districts.  One of the reasons she moved in was because of both of us having kids and living so far apart (20-25) minutes.  It was hard for us to see each other on the weeks I had my girls.  Yes, hindsight says we should of waited at least until we were a year in our relationship.  At the time, I really thought is was best.  I thought we all would benefit from it.  I was wrong.

So….  Yesterday, I got off work early (about the same time she did).  We decided to go have lunch and play video poker.  She loves video poker.  Watching her get excited about just winning a couple bucks, really does make me smile.  There are things about her that I love.  She gets very animated and excited about things.  Anyways…  So we had lunch, played at one bar.  I lost and I think she broke even.  Then we went to another bar to try different machines.  We both did good there.  Then we went to another one after that to try more machines.  She did really good.  She made about $400 there, and I made about $200.  So at that bar.  We were both talking to this other guy and his wife that were playing as well.  We were having a really good time.  It was nice.  But as always, it was short lived.  Sure enough, I said something (just being polite and friendly) to the female sitting next to me(which she was already talking to my girlfriend a lot).  My girlfriend immediately got jealous and quite.  Then i said something else.  I think it was something like, “I just one $10 ” or something like that and my girlfriend said, “why don’t you just share it with her?”.  So that was it. I was done.  We got up and left.  We fought all the way home and after we got home.  Then I had enough.  She wasn’t listening and I left the house for a little bit to calm down.  I ‘ve told her before, when i get to a certain point, i need to leave to calm down or I will say things I don’t mean.  I was gone for about 20 minutes or so.  She called me 24 times.  I didn’t answer.  24 TIMES!!!  Holy Cow!!  It was a blow out last night.  I told her that I don’t think she will ever get past this trust thing.  She told me I ruined her.  It was a mess.  We did make up.  everything was good, then she asked to see my phone so she could text her daughter, i said “no, use your own phone” jokingly, and then she lost her shit again.

I think last night is a good prelude to me being able to talk to her more about us.