fbpx
Menu

I feat ive wasted my life and dont value living

Homeā†’Forumsā†’Purposeā†’I feat ive wasted my life and dont value living

New Reply
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #211859
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I fear that my youth, they say, was wasted. That I dont know how to treasure and appreciate and make the most of all these moments ive been given. This js supposed to be the best time of my life and older people tell me to enjoy it but I do not know how. I wish i could pause my life right now and become wiser and return to my youth again and relive it with fullness. Sometimes I do bot want to continue living because I havent taken advantage and continue not to do so of my prime years. If i had the chance, id go back and relive my young years from the very start – from school age. I wouldnt give a damn about anyone elsea thoughts and do what I love best. I wouldnt waste a second pursueing my dreams. Id have the courage to build the life i want. Id dress well and laugh more at myself and make close friends and fall in love (and confess to) whoever I like. I would not be scared. Im scared ive wasted jt all

    #211869
    Mark
    Participant

    RedDress,

    Regret in life is something that is easy to fall into.Ā  I know.Ā  I’ve been aware of that since my 40s (I’m in my 60s now).Ā  With that knowledge, I work on focusing on my life NOW, i.e. living in the present moment.Ā  All I got is the here and now.Ā  All I got is this precious moment.

    Shall we focus on that?Ā  Shall we make conscious changes and live mindfully?Ā  What do I want now and in the future?Ā  How can I achieve that starting now?

    I remind myself that if I die tomorrow, will I have any regrets?Ā  What can I do right now to live fully and without regrets?Ā  What can I do to make my life better now?

    You need not to do it all, all at once, right now.Ā  Have a vision then some sort of direction in order to create the life you want.Ā  Small steps.

    Mark

    #211903
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear RedDress:

    I didn’t ask you before, but this feels like the right time to ask you, what do you care most about, in life, what matters to you most, what calls you? I ask you this question this very early morning as I type and listen to the loud calls of birds. Something is calling them to activity, this very morning and every morning.

    What is calling you?

    anita

    #211973
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    In the morning, I dream the day will be positve. That ill eat nourishing food, feel beautiful in my clothes, meet with someone close to me, find love, be appreciated for my efforts at work.

     

    instead something always goes wrong (im tired, i overeat, i meet someone i know and fear ive said the wrong things and scared them off, i dont get thanked at work for trying my best, the guy i like doesnt even notice me). I get discouraged and feel my day is wasted. I wish i could feel happiness and contentment during the day and feel like I have a purpose and goal that i am achieveing. Be less self concious of my mistakes

    #211987
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear RedDress:

    If in the morning you dream that the day will be positive, and then “something always goes wrong”, better not dream every morning that the day will be positive. There is disappointment and avoidable distress when we have an unrealistic expectation of the day to come.

    I think that when the birds are so lively with activity, starting sometime after 4 am where I live, they don’t dream of what food they will end up eating that day and what a sunny day they hope it will be. I think the birds are driven by their inborn instinct to look forward to the day, to look forward to looking for food, to experience life. They have a desire, not an expectation.

    What desire can you focus on first thing in the morning (a desire, not an expectation)?

    anita

     

    #212107
    Airene
    Participant

    Hello RedDress,

    Anita raises a good point – focusing on a desire, rather than an expectation. And Mark raises a good point too – focus on NOW.

    The things you describe –Ā im tired, i overeat, i meet someone i know and fear ive said the wrong things and scared them off, i dont get thanked at work for trying my best, the guy i like doesnt even notice me – what I hear when I read this is that you need to have confidence in just being you (you fear you’ve said the wrong things…say what you want to say, in the way that works for you…not everyone will like what you say or how you say it.Ā  That is okay.), and managing your expectations (you don’t get thanked at work for trying your best…if you know you did your best, give yourself a pat on the back.Ā  While it would be lovely for coworkers to thank you, it may be that your coworkers are waiting for someone to thank them!Ā  Be the change you wish to see…start thanking your coworkers and see if it catches on.) and you need courage (the guy you like doesn’t even notice you…if your goal is to meet this guy, then gather up your courage and approach him.Ā  Just talk to him.Ā  You may find out you don’t even like him!)

    You can’t control people or things around you, but you can control how you react to them.Ā  The other thing I hear in your post is the inner turmoil you feel – about regret and wasting your prime.Ā  Rather than view it as though you wasted all this time, consider viewing it as “that was then, this is now,” as Mark suggested. Change will come with each small step.Ā  And when something doesn’t go as you had hoped or planned, tell yourself, “That was disappointing.Ā  The rest of the day will be better.”Ā  Throwing away an entire day because one thing always goes wrong is a waste of all the things that went right that day.Ā  Focus on the good that happened.

    Airene

    #212119
    Sadhak
    Participant

    Every person has to find the solution for himself or herself. What works for one may not work for the other. What can change your situation is an intense desire to change it. In your present day life there may be moments where you feel full of life. Be aware of these moments to give you some direction how to move. A higher purpose always helps. Look to see how you can help others in some way or the other. Make the most of what is in front of you.

    #212647
    Tracy
    Participant

    I too, feel the way you do right now. It is a battle getting through the day at times. It varies though, some days are okay and some days are bad. Sometimes I long for the days when I was on antidepressants and felt hardly anything either side of the spectrum.Ā  I disconnect myself from others, because I find that they are deceptive and just want to be popular and liked and aren’t true of heart, then I regret my decisions because I feel lonely. I wish I could meet more genuine people to be friends with, maybe that would help but I don’t know. I put on the jokester to make everyone laugh, but find it hard to be real about my own pain.Ā  I am not young anymore (50ish), so I don’t know how to tell you that it will get better. Sometimes it’s better, sometimes its not.

    #212991
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Airene,

     

    thanks for your reply. Yes I truly feel inner turmoil. Like I always ask myself ā€œwhy me? Why is life going so badly for me and so good for others?!ā€. Like I know I achieved plenty of things that others would consider really monumental – but I donā€™t feel a sense of personal achievement. I feel as though I need to do one more thing to be good enough . Just lose some weight, just be a little more confident, just be a little more concious…and then I could achieve greatness. I often envy others that achieved things and wish I could do the same but I feel like I canā€™t! I know itā€™s a stupid feeling and I really should know that I am enough and I have achieved lots. But I canā€™t feel that.

    i just really want to FEEL. I want to FEEL that feeling that I see in other people when they do something great. I want to feel a rush of positive emotions through my brain and body. I want to feel that more than the disappointment I feel daily. And I just think thatā€™s why I feel like my days are wasted…because I donā€™t feel that wave of energy.

    #213021
    Airene
    Participant

    Hello RedDress,

    So glad you responded.Ā  You say you have achieved plenty of things that appear monumental, but don’t feel a sense of personal achievement.Ā  I am wondering…if one of your friends was describing you, what are three words they would use to describe you – not what you’ve achieved, but who you are?

    You describe your life as going badly, but seeing that it is so good for others.Ā  What are you seeing in others’ lives?Ā  I think comparisons are helpful only if it leads you to discovering what is within your power to change – either something in yourself or something in your life, or helps you put things in perspective.Ā  It’s easy to see the good in others’ lives…the material things, the achievements – because people don’t typically trot out their failures, disappointments and shortcomings.Ā  I’d be aware of that too when you see things as going so good for others.

    Airene

    #213155
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    If a friend was describing me, theyd say I was : really hilarious, can be brutally honest, supportive and there for you.

     

    well for one, im jealous of some girlfriends who always get to date guys they like. For me, if i like someone I never approach them or act really awkward around them. Im jealous of a girl who has a really great body and can wear really bold outfits and look amazing. Im jealous of people who have a job right now or a car because they have a bit more financial and overall freedom. Im jealous of people who are going after the things they want despite failure risk

    #213277
    Airene
    Participant

    Hello RedDress,

    You describe some really wonderful attributes.Ā  I wonder, though, if all of the stuff you describe – being hilarious, honest and supportive – sort of sits in the background because of the envy you feel for all the things you don’t currently have.Ā  I’d focus on the things that are within your power to change or accept.Ā  If you envy people who have a job, for example, are you able to look for a job?Ā  After you get the job, you can save money for a car.Ā  When you get the car, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and freedom.Ā  Sometimes having a goal is a path to happiness.

    What is it you feel you don’t go after because of a fear of failure?

    Airene

    #213479
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks Sadhak and Tracy for your comments as well.

     

    yes Airene, that makes sense. I should think that ā€œother peopleā€™s achievements should only motivate me to work harderā€.

     

    im scared of failure because Iā€™m scared Iā€™ll overwork myself and hav a mental breakdown/burnout. I have a hard time stopping and resting. Iā€™m scared that if I go off the path well travelled , Iā€™ll be gossiped about by family and friends and shunned like a black swan. I wonā€™t be accepted into my social circle.

    #214971
    Christy
    Participant

    Hi RedDress,

    I hear you saying things like “I’m afraid that I might offend someone. I’m afraid of failure” that’s your inner monologue and it can get distressing at times. For instance if you pass by someone you know and they don’t speak to you your inner monologue might say something like “I bet I angered them when I did or said such and such.” If you are having a good day only to come out of a store into the parking lot to find you have a flat tire your inner monologue might say “See everything was going great and now this! I’m not supposed to be happy!” The truth is however that you have no way of knowing why the person you passed by didn’t speak so there is no reason to make up a story in your mind about it. As for the flat, it’s an experience. Nothing more, nothing less. If you view it as negative then it is and if not then it is not.

    You say “Other people’s achievements should motivate me to work harder.” Why? Yes work is something we all must do but why should someone else’s achievements have an impact on your life? The next door neighbors may be millionaires. The people you pass on the street may be famous actors, who knows but why should any of this impact your life? Constantly comparing yourself to others will only make you miserable. Don’t worry about what others do, just live.

    Success and failure are nothing more than concepts. If you feel that you are a success then you are and if not then you aren’t. There are no ironclad values to define success and failure and those two words mean different things to different people. If you travel off the beaten path, yes others will probably gossip about you but that gossip can only have an affect on you if you let it. Living your life for others will only lead to regret. In the end the only one you can impress is you. Be gentle with yourself.

     

    #215189
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Christy,

    yes the inner monologue is always killer. It either makes or breaks my days sometimes. One bad thing and suddenly my day is ruined and I feel like I canā€™t make it better.

    however what you said about other peopleā€™s achievements having no effect on you – I donā€™t think I understand. I always thought that if someoneā€™s success or failure pulls a string inside you, it means something about that action is important to you. For example, if youā€™re always jealous of thin and fit people, maybe you secretly want to be fit (true in my case).

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.